Chapter 16
CHAPTER 16
Z ain shouldn’t be on a bed with her. Shouldn’t even be in the same goddamn hotel room, because nothing short of another IED would make him keep his hands off her.
Which was dangerous.
She was dangerous.
Her rounded, glassy eyes stared at him. Scared and hesitant. Fuck, she should be scared. He didn’t have the capacity to handle sex right now. But the last thing he wanted was for her to think that he didn’t want her.
The thickness pressing against his jogging pants confirmed his desire. If he was smart, he’d kiss her full, pink lips, get up, and walk away before he got in over his head.
“I’m sorry. Look, let’s just go to bed.” She hiked up one shoulder and gave a light laugh, as though they hadn’t just been talking about sex.
The front of the hotel robe gaped around her frame, making the smooth line of her shoulder visible beneath the terry cloth. He lifted his fingers and dragged them over the indent above her collarbone. “You do something to me, Dana.” He spoke carefully, evenly. Because if he let out every jumbled word that weighed down his tongue, she’d bolt.
She tilted her head slightly, listening raptly.
“I’ll do whatever you need to feel better right now. If that’s leave, I’ll leave. If it’s staying here, in this bed, I’ll stay here in this bed.” He let his hand move slowly to the belt around her waist. “But if we start this, you need to be damn sure.”
Her lips parted ever so slightly. She jutted out her small tongue, and something broke inside him. He leaned forward, but she surged to meet him, her mouth slanting over his.
He caught her around the waist, and she came down on top of him. Her mouth was so fucking soft and sweet. She moved to straddle him and placed her hands on either side of his face. Her warm, torturous scent invaded his nostrils, and he gripped her hips.
Fire channeled through his body, singeing his nerve endings with passion. Her tongue swept inside his mouth, making his cock throb ferociously.
The material surrounding her needed to be gone. He had to touch her. But if he didn’t operate with self-control, this whole thing would be over before it started and he’d embarrass himself .
Breaking contact, he stood, forcing Dana’s hands to fall away. He stalked away from the bed and threaded his hand through his hair. What the hell was he doing?
He couldn’t get involved with her. He was too unstable. Pretty fucking crazy that he couldn’t even trust himself.
“Zain, what’s wrong?” Dana’s soft question pulled at his heart.
He turned slowly, giving the window his back and facing her. She stood, combing her long, dark hair over her shoulder. Her face was pinched with concern, and self-consciousness rippled in her blue eyes. His chest tightened.
She kept a couple feet of distance between them, as if she worried getting too close would make him jump through the window.
“It’s not you, babe. I want to be with you, believe me.”
She tilted her head to the side. “Then why are you upset?” The housecoat swallowed her slight structure, and he had no doubt that if he peeled away the thick material, he’d find her naked beneath. The thought of her bare and so close was almost enough for him to say to hell with whatever anxiety was plaguing him and just do what they both wanted.
“I’m a mess, Dana.” Despite his words, his voice didn’t quake. He wouldn’t allow it. Admitting he was broken was one thing. Her watching him crumble was another.
She took a step forward.
He crossed his arms over his chest so he couldn’t touch her. If he did, it’d be game over.
“You’ve had a hard three years, Zain. Nerves are expected.” She shrugged as if she were speaking about someone who’d lost their job. A smile tipped up the corner of her lips. “You make me feel safe. No one’s ever done that.”
He swallowed. Her words wound around his heart, and hell if he didn’t cling to them like a drowning man to a life raft. “I want to protect you. Sleeping with you is the opposite of that.”
This time her smile turned into a guffaw. “How?”
He shook his head and looked away. She wouldn’t understand. He couldn’t even put his thoughts into words, let alone bear his fucking heart.
“Zain.” She was in front of him, her head tilted back to stare up at his face and her fingertips gripping his crossed arms. “I’m not asking you for anything. I just—” She wet her lips. “I don’t want you to be alone in this. You’ve spent a long time being disconnected. You’re the most dangerous man I’ve ever met. You’ve protected me, but I hope you know... you’re safe with me too.”
Violent images fermented deep in his mind. “I’ve killed a lot of fucking people, Dana. More than you can imagine. Some—” The thickness in his throat grew tenfold. Her fingers squeezed harder, urging him on. He locked his gaze on her, willing to expose the monster he was because if he didn’t, she’d continue with the lie in her head. “Some not guilty of anything but being human.”
Tears clouded her eyes. and the tip of her nose turned pink. She pressed her body closer to his, her abdomen against his groin. He wanted to hate himself for the arousal building inside him. Wanted to deny what was real and natural, but he was losing the battle... and fast.
“You’re human too.”
He scoffed. “Am I? I just told you I’m a murderer.”
She lowered her gaze, then brought her eyes back to meet his—and what was reflected in them stopped and restarted his heart. Raw emotion laced with compassion. “You’re a hero who had to do impossible things to survive, and I don’t blame you for that.”
“I blame myself.”
She drifted one hand from his bicep to cup the back of his neck. “There’s a lot of people who’ve prayed for your return. Me included. Don’t live in the past, where you can’t change anything. Live here,” she breathed, rising onto her tiptoes. “With me.”
He stared into her fervent, teary eyes, and relief spilled over in his heart. A cataclysm of trapped emotions were released .
He needed her.
He belted an arm behind her waist and lifted her. She swooped her legs around his hips, and he caught the neckline of her housecoat and shoved it off her shoulders.
The material parted to dangle at her waist, stuck beneath the arm that held her. He brought his free hand to her breast and closed it over the full, hard-nubbed globe. She dropped her head back, and he lowered his lips to her neck, kissing and sucking her soft skin.
Dana’s back arched in his hold, and she squirmed. “Take me to the bed,” she rasped.
He followed without hesitation. But instead of spilling her onto the mattress, he sat down before reclining with her on top.
She sat up, her legs straddling his waist, and the damned housecoat pooled around them. He drifted his hands over her narrow waist to her full hips. Her skin was like therapy for his hands, with their ruthless history.
“Is this okay?” She wiggled exceedingly close over his groin, and blood rushed to his demanding appendage.
His mouth wouldn’t form the words. He should be the one asking for consent and comfort, but that was the blasted thing about Dana. She seemed to know what he needed before he did. She never hesitated to put herself on the line, never broke away from being true to herself. He both admired and envied her for those qualities.
Catching her around her ribcage, he tilted her forward until her mouth touched his. No matter his inner turmoil, Dana’s mouth calmed him. “It’s more than okay,” he finally said.
As if his words were a shotgun at a race, she traced his bottom lip with her tongue. He closed his palms over her thighs, needing to anchor himself as desire pushed through him.
Her hands slipped between them, wiggling beneath his shirt. He sat up, and she dropped onto his lap while he tugged his T-shirt over his head.
She splayed her fingers over his abdomen and moaned. He yanked the housecoat from around her hips and tossed it to the ground. She sat on his thighs, glorious and naked.
Jesus Christ.
He ran his fingers everywhere he could reach, exploring each contour from her thighs to her spine. It was as if she’d been exquisitely sculpted for him by God himself. “I could touch you all day,” he murmured, meaning every word.
She smiled against his mouth, and her hands stroked his pecs. “Sounds good to me.” She rocked her hips over his junk, and he almost came in his fucking briefs.
As if understanding how close he was, she moved her hand to the waistband of his pants and tugged. He helped kick them off and managed to snag his wallet from his pocket before settling her back on top of him.
Eagerness thundered through him as he opened the leather flap and removed the condom he’d taken from his car earlier. After ripping the wrapper with his teeth, he rolled the rubber over his throbbing member. Dana braced her hands on his shoulders and nestled her slick heat over him.
She placed her hand on his cheek and her eyes blazed blue fire. “I need to hear you’re okay with this.”
His heart beat at a Herculean rate. He dragged his hands up the length of her legs to cup her ass. “Baby, I’m in heaven.” He swept his fingers between her cheeks, reaching around to slide two digits over her slit.
A moan soared through her lips as he gently swirled his fingers over her opening, getting her good and soaked. Then he rubbed her fluid on his knob, using it as lube.
Dana guided her opening to his head and sank down.
“Christ,” he choked. Her walls closed around him, squeezing him from every angle. Pleasure swarmed his senses as his nerve endings crackled.
He caught Dana’s waist and pulled her on top of him, burying his face in her neck. Every muscle in his body bunched, craving release. But there was no way he could surrender yet. Not when he savored every curve of Dana’s delicious body. Not when —
She raised her hips and then dropped low. He filled her to the hilt. She cried out against his jaw, and her hot breath only stirred the deprived animal inside him.
How was it possible that he could have every inch of her gorgeous body at his fingertips, his cock swallowed inside her, yet it still wasn’t enough? Catching her neck, he brought her mouth to land on his.
Yes, this was what he was lacking. As much as he needed to be inside her, he needed to be closer. To taste her. He swept his tongue around the cavern of her mouth, loving the feel of her smooth teeth and the slipperiness of her mouth.
She moaned again. Her tongue darted out of reach, then she nipped his bottom lip. Pinpricks of pleasure shot to his dick. His body convulsed. He needed to get on top, to drive into her, to take what he desperately wanted...
But he refrained. He gripped her hip bones to keep her on top. With her controlling the speed and pressure, there was less risk he’d lose his mind and accidentally hurt her.
She rode him deep and hard. Her breathing reaching a frantic level as she pumped her hips. He grabbed her ass, relishing how her smooth cheeks bounced in his hold. Then he brought his thumb between their bodies and touched her clit.
She jolted as if the sensation was too much. He circled the little nub, and she fucked him harder, grinding against his shaft. Her cry broke against his lips, and he let her mouth go to watch her face tense with ecstasy.
“Let me see your eyes, honey.”
Her lashes flickered open, and he watched her hazy blues focus on him. He lifted his hips with every thrust of hers, taking himself deeper and watching her come apart right on top of him. Her body shook and trembled.
“Zain, yes! Harder.”
He moved his attention from her clit to clamp his hand around her lower back, driving into her. Sweat coated his skin as he filled her. A maelstrom of pleasure shot through him, blotting out his vision and leaving only Dana. Her sweet cherry-blossom scent the only smell. Her damp, satiny skin all he could feel. Her body and his was a perfect combination.
His dick nearly exploded with pressure as he came. Dana rolled her hips in long strokes, bringing him over the cusp. He savored the foothills of his climax until his heart rate slowed.
Her moans became hoarse little sighs as she melted on his chest. He nuzzled her soft neck and the dark waves over his shoulder. All this time, he’d wanted to lose himself inside Dana... but Jesus, he’d done so much more.
He’d found himself.
** *
Zain blinked open his eyes. Bright, unfiltered sunlight swathed the room in a warm, yellowy glow. He hadn’t even remembered to shut the blinds last night before passing out.
Because he’d been consumed by Dana.
Scrubbing his face with his palm, he brought his other hand to the sleek arch of her spine. She lay snuggled against his side, her head pillowed on his shoulder, one knee bent over his thigh and her petite hand curling around his neck.
His heart strings twanged. Her brow had a cute little frown line, as if even in sleep she resisted being woken. Her pink lips were soft and full, making him want to kiss them. Her dark eyelashes rested on her creamy cheeks... Hell, she was incredible.
A few days ago, he wouldn’t have thought himself worthy of such beauty. But they were magic together. He couldn’t deny that now. After a short snooze, they’d made love a second time. This time while he spooned her. Her ass bouncing against his groin was something he intended to relive.
He dragged his fingers over her shoulder ever so gently. Maybe if he woke her up with his mouth between her legs, she’d be ready for round three—
Ring , ring , ring
He lifted his head. His cell phone was blaring in the other room. Carefully, he slid out from under Dana and stepped into his jogging pants. He glanced at the clock: 6:49 a.m. Who the hell was calling him so early? His call with Maxine and Roger wasn’t until 9:00 a.m.
Padding out of the room, he closed the bedroom door and then picked up his phone from the coffee table. He swiped the screen. “Hello?” he answered, groggy as shit.
“Zain. It’s Maxine. Roger and I need to speak with you right now. It’s urgent.”
“Okay.” His brain was nowhere near ready for this conversation. He hadn’t even had a cup of coffee yet, for Christ’s sake. But the uncompromising tone of Maxine’s voice made him swallow any argument.
“I sent you a secure link. Log in and we’ll chat on a video call.”
He disconnected and slipped into the bedroom to grab his shirt. Once he’d closed the bedroom door and the material was over his head, he followed Maxine’s directions.
The screen split into two windows. Maxine took up the left side of his screen and Roger the right. Maxine’s red hair was pulled back into a severe bun. Her face was rigid, and the pale skin around her eyes was like wrinkled tissue paper. Maxine wore the years of a hellish career even though she couldn’t be older than mid-forties.
Compared to Maxine’s strict stature, Roger looked almost relaxed, his shoulders slouched. His military-cut gray hair made his clear-blue eyes stand out. “Zain,” he said. “Nice to finally meet you. Thank you for your service.”
Zain returned the sentiment and then Maxine interjected to grill him with a series of questions about the deaths of Jaysh’s men. Maxine and Roger both listened, expressions stoic, as he described what he’d had to do. Roger’s face twisted with annoyance when Maxine clarified that he’d killed ten men.
“I assumed you didn’t get out clean and easy,” Maxine said, her tone chilly. “But the number of men you killed has thrown our plan completely off target. Jabar’s gone into deep hiding now. Our mission will have to start—”
“That’s enough,” Roger said. “Zain doesn’t have the clearance to hear details regarding CIA operations. All you need to know,” he said, focusing his stern expression on Zain, “is your actions spooked Jabar.”
Zain gave a solemn nod. If they had a better suggestion as to how Dana and him could have gotten out of there alive, he was all fucking ears. Pushing his tongue to the backs of his teeth, he kept the words inside.
“When we spoke yesterday, you told me about the woman, Dana,” Maxine said. “Is she with you now?”
Zain forced his jaw not to lock. He didn’t want to talk about Dana. Hated that he’d had to give them any information at all about her, but there was no help for it. She was a liability. “She is, yes. But she knows nothing about the details of our mission.” He’d already told Maxine that, but he’d make sure Roger knew it too.
“We might like to speak with her to ensure she understands the gravity of the situation.”
“I think she does,” he retorted.
“Maxine, let’s move on,” Roger urged, probably wanting to get to the bones of the mission before Zain got too pissed off and left the meeting.
“Of course.” Maxine straightened. If she got any fucking straighter her head would pop from all the pressure. “You told me that Isaad planned to introduce you to Jabar.”
“Correct.” He relayed the date, time, and what little travel plans he’d been given. Maxine and Roger listened, but their tension was so thick Zain thought his screen might crack.
They talked some more about Isaad and things he’d said prior to his demise. Zain also gave them information he’d obtained from Rakesh’s frequent rambling regarding other Jaysh compounds he’d visited. Maxine hadn’t been aware of one, so at least she’d learned something from him. He talked more about the business dealings Isaad had mentioned.
With Isaad dead, it was unlikely the CIA could infiltrate another undercover agent. Zain was the perfect candidate because of his military background and his coloring, which allowed him to blend more easily with locals .
The intel they’d received in recent months indicated Jabar had a major attack planned—something Zain could’ve prevented.
“Thank you for meeting with us today. We’ll talk soon.” Roger clicked off, but not without striking annoyance in Zain.
Maxine’s stern face dominated the screen. “Well, that had to be done. But I wish we had more information.”
Zain was over talking about Afghanistan. He had a more pressing matter now. “Did you find out anything about the intruder in Dana’s apartment last night?”
“Ah, yes. We had some agents check it out with local law enforcement. They’ve dusted for prints, and there’s an investigation. Sadly, he was long gone before they got there. But I think there’s a connection between the attack and your work overseas, so this is a high-priority case.”
He nodded slowly.
“If there’s anything useful that comes to mind regarding Jabar, call me.” She said goodbye and disconnected.
Zain tossed his phone to the couch cushion next to him and looked at the bedroom door.
Dana leaned against the doorjamb, her arms crossed in that damn robe he wanted to tear off her. “I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but that didn’t sound good.”
“It sucked.” He reclined on the couch and opened his arms. She glided across the bronze-colored carpet, and when she went to sit next to him, he pulled her onto his lap. “How’s your arm?” He pushed up her sleeve and carefully peeled back the bandage. A scab had formed, and there was no sign of infection. He sealed it back up.
“Sore but okay.” She sat across his thighs and leaned her shoulder into the crook of his arm. “I’m sorry about your phone call. They should have told you how incredible you are. Most people wouldn’t have survived as long as you did, let alone escape and rescue a civilian.”
He chortled. “I don’t think they give a shit about either of those things.”
Her palm cradled his face, and her ardent, glistening eyes shook him. “I do.” She brushed her lips over his, and he deepened the kiss.
Slowly, he pulled away and held her chin with the crook of his finger. “I’d do it all over again.” He dropped another kiss on her lips and pulled away before he got lost in her. “I told Rami I’d swing by the office today. Want to come? After I call my mom, of course. She’s probably worried after I left so abruptly last night.”
She smiled. “Sure.”