Chapter 19
ZANE
I have no idea what to think, what to do, how to act. I came looking for Sienna to take her life like she’d taken mine. To erase the mistake of loving her once and for all. So that maybe the rest of my life could be just a little more peaceful.
Instead, I found a woman who still stirs me more than anyone ever has.
A woman offering herself to me forever.
A woman still in love with me, still offering me all that fiery love that made me kill for her.
And I don’t know what to do with that.
Whenever I don’t know what to do, whenever I’m lost, I ride.
The rain hasn’t really let up.
But we’re riding anyway.
Something went out of her at that diner.
My harsh words killed it. And despite myself, I was sorry for that.
Because I much prefer the vivacious, vibrant version of Sienna to the hated liar I conjured her to be during the years we’ve been apart.
But she should already know I’m not much of a talker and all these years on the run haven’t improved the situation.
And above all, she should know that no words can ever erase the things holding us apart.
No, she didn’t ask me to kill that priest for her. That much is true. But I did it because she came to me in tears, bruised and bleeding and told me he hurt her. And despite everything that happened after, despite her betrayal and lies, I’d do the same thing all over again. I know that now.
We’re riding and the night is blacker than the road to hell. Just the way I like it. My headlights are the only thing breaking up the darkness and they’re not doing a good job.
She’s holding onto me tight, her arms wrapped around my waist, her body pressed against my back, the source of the only warmth of this wild nighttime ride. And it’s not just warmth, it’s heat.
The rain’s finally starting to let up and stars are starting to appear in the sky above us, amid the thick black clouds that could still soak us to the bone again any minute now, perhaps as soon as we turn the next corner.
I’m riding as fast as I dare on this wet, dark road.
But for what? It’s not like I’ll ever outrun Sienna.
She’s etched too deeply into my soul. And now she’s also so close to me that I can’t see a time without her on the back of my bike anymore.
A night and a day are all it took for her to suck me back in. A day and a night.
As though she’s reading my thoughts, as though she’s feeling the need to get even closer, she slides her hands into the pockets of my jacket, resting them against my abs.
They’re ice cold, I can feel that even through the lining of my jacket and the thick hoodie I’m wearing.
She’s freezing. I’m used to the wet and cold of the road, she’s barely wearing anything and her clothes were soaked even before I made us ride straight through two downpours. And for what? To outrun her? That’s never gonna happen anyway.
Lights are twinkling in the distance and I’m happy to realize it’s a small town.
And even happier to see a sign for a motel just as we enter it.
I used to know these roads a lot better back in the day, but the last decade of my life has been all about forgetting.
And riding dark empty roads alone featured a lot in that forgetting.
To my relief, a kid is sitting behind the counter at reception. I was afraid the place would be locked down for the night, seeing it’s closer to dawn than evening.
“You changed your mind,” she whispers as I turn off the engine.
The words hit way harder than they’re supposed to, since I do know she’s only talking about stopping somewhere warm for the night and not anything else. Not the last decade I spent hating her.
“I’ll get us a room, you stay here,” I say, dismount and stride away before she can say anything else that I could take the wrong way.
The kid is trying to act tough, but he flinched when I walked in and his hands are shaking as he hands me the room key and accepts the cash from my hands.
For some reason his fear pisses me off more than it should.
But then I catch a glance at myself in one of the windows and realize I’d be afraid of me too.
Tattoos on my neck and face, frown lines etched deep into my face, eyes deader than stone.
For some reason, being back with Sienna made me forget I look like a bad nightmare now, that I’m not as young as fresh as this kid with his whole life in front of him. A life he’s afraid he won’t get to live now that he’s met me.
I grab the keys, don’t say anything, just leave. If I stayed, I might just make his worst fear come true. Just because he looked at me with fear and I didn’t like it. That’s the man I’ve become in the ten years that the shivering but smiling woman on the back of my bike was out of my life.
“I sure hope the rooms are nice,” she says as I park in front of room 45, which is the one farthest from reception, I notice. And that pisses me off too.
“Do you really care?” I snap. “We’re not staying long. A hot shower, some sleep and then we’re back on the road to LA.”
I hold the door open for her and she struts in past me. She takes off her helmet, shaking out her long, soft hair and glances over her shoulder at me.
“As long as you’re taking that shower with me,” she says, smiles, then walks to the bathroom, not a doubt in her mind that I’ll follow.
And I do. Because she’s right not to doubt that I’ll follow. I’d follow her all the way to hell. Anytime, anywhere. Whether I want to or not.