CHAPTER FOUR
Pain… pain… pain…
There was no escaping it, and Zane couldn’t seem to pinpoint exactly where it was coming from. His torso hurt. His leg hurt. His whole body ached. But of it all, the pain in his head hurt the most. Like the worst headache he’d ever had.
Was this a nightmare?
It felt far too real to be a bad dream, though. But what had happened? It felt like he’d taken a tumble down the stairs and hit every single step with every part of his body. Twice.
He tried to shift, moaning as pain shot from the top of his head down to his toes.
“Zane? Son?” His dad’s voice broke through the cloud of pain in his mind. “Don’t move too much. Can you open your eyes?”
As he struggled to do as his dad had asked, Zane heard his mom say, “Wilder, go get Kelsey. I’ll let the nurses know.”
Slowly, Zane opened his eyes to a dimly lit room, though it still made him blink. He was very thankful for the lack of light, because he had a feeling that if the lights in the room had been fully on, the pain in his head would have felt like an explosion.
He blinked a couple more times and lifted his hand to touch his head.
“Careful, son,” his dad said. “You’re hooked up to a few things.”
“What—” He stopped talking when the word made his throat hurt.
“Here.” His dad lifted something to his mouth, wetting his lips and adding moisture to his dry mouth.
“Water.” The word still hurt, but he needed more than a wet sponge.
“The nurse will be here in a minute.”
Before he could say anything more, there was motion at the door, and three people came into the room.
“Zane!” A woman with blonde hair and a worried look approached the bed, leaning down to press her cheek to his. When she pulled back, there were tears in her blue-green eyes. “Finally! I’ve been so worried.”
Frowning, Zane stared at the woman for a long moment. “Who are you?”
The woman’s eyes widened as shock and then devastation crossed her face. Letting go of where she held onto his hand, she took a step back, away from the bed.
“Zane, darling.” This time it was his mom who spoke and approached him to give him a kiss.
“What happened?”
“You were in a car accident. You’re in a hospital in Tampa.”
“Was I down here for Spring Break?” He looked around the room. “Where’s Sarah?”
His mom frowned and glanced over at his dad before focusing on Zane again. “What’s the last thing you remember, darling?”
Before he could answer, the nurse, who had been checking the machines beside his bed, said, “The doctor should be here in a couple of minutes. How is your pain?”
“Terrible,” he managed. “I hurt everywhere.”
“Let me get something for you.”
Zane closed his eyes, struggling to take in everything. Clearly, he’d forgotten a few things. Like who the blonde woman was. And what he’d been doing in Tampa. And where was Sarah? The more he tried to think about all of it, the more his head hurt.
What was the last thing he remembered? Nothing immediately came to mind.
“Zane?” A deep voice broke into his thoughts. “Can you open your eyes?”
Zane opened his eyes to find a tall man with a white coat standing where the nurse had been. He had silver hair that was professionally styled, and his smile was warm as he asked Zane a series of questions.
The man’s expression didn’t change with Zane’s answers. However, he could hear whispered discussions in the room that told him the others weren’t happy with what he was saying.
“It would seem that we’re dealing with a case of amnesia here,” the doctor said.
“Amnesia?” Zane asked, words coming easier now that he’d had a bit of water from the nurse.
“Temporary?” his mom asked.
“For the moment, we don’t know,” the doctor replied. “We’ll have to do some additional scans.”
“What have I forgotten?” Zane asked. “What don’t I know?”
Looks were exchanged. Even in the dimness of the room, he could see that.
“Just tell me.”
“Perhaps we should wait until after we have a better idea of what’s going on,” his dad said, caution in his tone.
“Just tell me,” Zane demanded, then gritted his teeth as that brought on a pulse of pain in his head. He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment.
After a stretch of silence, his mom took his hand. “It appears that you’ve lost about four years.”
Four years!? How was that possible?
When he asked that question, it was the doctor who answered. “There’s never a set amount of memories that are lost in situations like this. The complete workings of the brain are still beyond our understanding. We know a lot, but not everything. I have no idea why your brain has lost four years and not six or two.”
“But I’ll get them back, right?” Zane desperately needed him to say yes. So much must have happened in four years’ time.
“I’m sorry, but I can’t give you that guarantee. There is a possibility as your brain heals from this injury that your memories will return. Maybe all of them. Maybe just some of them. I’m afraid there is no definitive answer I can offer you.”
“What did I miss?” Zane asked. “Why am I here in Tampa?”
He was desperate for answers. Desperate to know what had happened in the years since his last memory.
“You moved here about a month ago to work at a restaurant.”
Why had he done that? He’d been planning to stick around Chicago to work and save enough money to start up a restaurant of his own. Had he somehow abandoned those plans?
Suddenly, he recalled the woman who had approached him earlier. “Did I move here on my own?”
Another look was exchanged between his parents before his dad said, “No. You moved here with your wife.”
“My wife?” Zane asked. “Sarah and I got married?”
Someone in the room gasped, but Zane wasn’t sure who it was.
“You got married about six weeks ago, but not to Sarah.”
That news was shocking. He’d always hoped that he and Sarah would get married at some point in the future, and Sarah had felt the same way. The love they shared far exceeded anything he’d ever felt for a woman before. Why wasn’t she the one he’d married?
“Why not to Sarah? Did we breakup or something?” He shook his head, then winced from the pain. “I never would have broken up with Sarah. I love her so much.”
Movement caught his eye, and he saw the woman from earlier rush from the room.
“Who was that?” he asked.
His mom frowned at him. “That’s Kelsey. Your wife.”
He felt nothing at the revelation. Sarah was the woman he’d always assumed he would one day call his wife. “I don’t recognize her at all.”
“Hopefully you will after your brain has had a chance to recover more.”
He better remember, because he felt like they were talking about someone else. A stranger.
Zane couldn’t imagine having a wife that he had no memory of. No feelings for. But how could he have feelings for her if he couldn’t remember her or any part of their relationship?
“You need to get some rest,” the doctor said. “Real rest. Not the sedation you’ve been under for the past few days.”
As soon as the doctor suggested rest, Zane felt a wave of exhaustion sweep over him. “Yeah. I could probably use some.”
“We’re here to stay as long as you need us,” his dad said. “Though Gareth has to get back to Aria and the kids.”
“Kids?”
“Yes. Do you remember Timothy?” Zane considered his mom’s question before shaking his head. “Aria must have been pregnant with him around the time you last remember. They also have a daughter who is just a year old. Her name is Emily, but we call her Emmy.”
“Wow.” Obviously he was missing the details of more than just his life. He wanted to ask about all his siblings but decided not to. He was too tired to deal with more information.
“Don’t worry about anything more tonight,” his mom said. “Get some rest.”
“Do you want us to stay?”
Zane shook his head at his dad. “There’s no need. I’ll probably just be sleeping.”
“Okay. We’ll come back tomorrow.”
His mom bent over to kiss his forehead. “We’re so glad you’ve woken up. And we’re with you through all of this.”
“Don’t worry about anything that has happened.” His dad rested a hand on his arm. “We’ll be praying for you.”
“Thanks, Dad.”
“In fact, why don’t we pray before we leave?”
As he listened to his dad pray, Zane felt himself drift. Now that the pain in most of his body had been taken care of, courtesy of the nurse, he could feel sleep calling to him.
“We love you, darling. Sleep well,” his mom said as she pressed one more kiss to his forehead. “We’ll see you in the morning.”
He heard some murmured conversation and was briefly aware of the nurse at his bedside before he fell asleep, hoping and praying that the morning would bring less pain, more clarity, and the return of his missing memories.
~*~
Kelsey stared at herself in the mirror of the women’s bathroom. Her skin looked sallow under the bright fluorescent lights, and the dark circles under her eyes spoke to the sleepless nights she’d endured lately. But none of that matched the devastation in her heart.
She’d been so certain that once Zane woke up, everything would be okay. He’d still need healing, of course, but her worry over his physical state would have lessened a lot. No one had warned her that he might have memory issues.
Although maybe she should have realized it was a possibility.
Or that he’d think he was in love with another woman. One named Sarah… that Kelsey knew nothing about. The pain she’d felt as she’d heard him say he loved Sarah hadn’t lessened at all.
She wanted to believe that his memories would return in full, but she could no longer allow herself to be that hopeful. Hope was the reason she was hurting so badly right then.
She’d hoped that all would be well when Zane finally opened his eyes. She hadn’t realized that—for her—things would go from bad to worse.
Still, it had been good to see him awake and interacting. While he might not remember her or the love he once had for her, he was still the man she loved. So seeing him take this step forward in his recovery by waking up was still a good thing.
Bracing her hands on the counter, she took several deep breaths, wondering if there was any way she could leave the hospital without having to deal with the Halversons.
Hoping to keep her emotions under control, Kelsey took several deep breaths. She could do this. She’d stayed strong through these new developments, just like she’d stayed strong since the accident.
She had no choice.
Returning to the waiting room, she saw that all the family members currently in Tampa were gathered there. Wilder spotted her first and left the group to approach her.
“Are you doing okay?”
“I’m fine.” She could tell he didn’t believe her, but that was too bad. She wasn’t going to parade the hurt she was feeling out for them to see.
“I know it must have been difficult to hear that Zane had lost his memory,” Wilder said, glancing over at Lexi as she joined them. If Rori had been there, she would absolutely have wrapped Kelsey in a tight hug. “But we’re all very hopeful that it’s just temporary.”
“As am I,” she said.
The others had moved over to where they stood, and Cathy said, “Zane has fallen asleep.”
“I’m going to go see him, then I’m going home.”
“But he’s asleep,” Cathy repeated.
“Mom.” Gareth’s voice was firm as he spoke. “It’s probably easier for Kelsey to see him while he’s sleeping, and I doubt her intentions are to wake him. But regardless of all that, she’s his wife. She has the right to see him whenever she wants.”
Kelsey appreciated Gareth coming to her defense, especially when she hadn’t expected it.
“He’s right,” Dan said. “We need to be going as well.”
Once Lee and Rori had returned to Serenity, Kelsey had brought her own vehicle to the hospital, so she didn’t have to spend any time trapped in awkward silence with members of Zane’s family.
“We’ll see you tomorrow, Kelsey,” Gareth said. “We’ll be praying for you.”
Kelsey appreciated his words, since, given his defense of her, he might just be as sincere as Rori and Lee had been in their prayers for her. “Thank you.”
Turning, she headed for the doors that led to the ICU. A nurse was in Zane’s room when Kelsey stepped through the door. She looked up and gave her a smile.
“He’s just fallen asleep,” the woman said.
“That’s fine,” Kelsey said as she approached the bed. “Probably for the better, since he doesn’t remember me.”
The woman reached out to lay a hand on her arm. “I’m sure that must be difficult for you, but don’t give up hope.”
“I love him too much to do that,” Kelsey said.
“That’s the spirit.”
“Is everything else okay?”
Keeping her voice low, the nurse took a couple of minutes to review everything, giving updates on how his other injuries were, as well as his head. “He’s definitely in a better position than he was when he was first brought in. His body is healing.”
“Will he be leaving the hospital soon?” And if he did, where would he go?
“Since he’s awake and stable, they’ll probably move him to a regular unit tomorrow or the day after,” the nurse said. “And then his doctor will determine when he’s ready to leave from there.”
Kelsey thanked her for the information, then stepped closer to Zane’s bed. She wanted to take his hand, and to bend and give him a kiss, but she restrained herself. Though she’d been eager for him to open his eyes, she didn’t want to wake him right then. Not when her emotions were still so raw.
She didn’t plan to stay long with him, so after the nurse left them alone, Kelsey bent close. “I love you, Zane. You might not remember me or the love we share, but I do. And it’s worth fighting for. I will stay by your side until you tell me to walk away.”
Though she didn’t want that to ever happen, she was no longer going to delude herself into thinking that things couldn’t get worse.
“Goodnight, my love.” She gently brushed her fingers across the back of his hand, but he didn’t stir.
Finally, Kelsey tore herself away from his bedside and left the room. She waved at the nurse who’d been in his room earlier, then went through the doors leading out of the ICU. The waiting room was empty of the Halversons, so she was able to head right out of the building.
The air was muggy as she left the hospital, so she cranked the air conditioner in her car before she left the parking lot and headed home.
When she finally pulled into her parking spot at the apartment, Kelsey breathed a sigh of relief. That relief didn’t last long, however. As she stepped into the apartment, she was reminded that along with her, Zane didn’t remember the apartment and the home they’d been building together.
He wouldn’t remember the time they’d spent searching for an apartment that would suit their needs. He wouldn’t remember the things they’d purchased together to make the apartment their home. He wouldn’t remember the moments they’d captured, then had printed out and hung on the wall, including a couple of pictures from their wedding day.
Kelsey wanted to just wallow in her hurt and fear, but there were some practical issues to consider. Something told her that if Zane’s memory didn’t come back soon, the Halversons would want him to return to Serenity to continue his recovery.
In losing four years’ worth of memories, he’d lost the experience that had helped him gain his position at the restaurant there in Tampa. Which would mean he’d lose his job, and there was no way that she could afford to keep this apartment on her salary alone.
When they’d gotten married, Zane had said he’d take on three-quarters of the expenses, leaving just one-quarter for her, since his salary as a chef was about three times what hers was as a hostess. That plan had been working for them until the accident.
Now she needed to figure out what she was going to do.
If the Halversons did take Zane back to Serenity, should she follow him?
She wanted to. She’d meant what she’d told him in his room before she left earlier. He needed to tell her to leave him alone, not his family. So she’d empty her savings account to follow him to Serenity if she had to.
As it was, she needed to make a decision about returning to her job there in Tampa. They needed an income, especially since there were going to be some medical bills coming in. Even with good health insurance—which they had—they were still going to owe something for his hospitalization.
Focusing on the practical, even though it wasn’t encouraging, was easier than dwelling on what had happened with Zane earlier.
After making herself something to eat, Kelsey took a shower, then pulled on a T-shirt of Zane’s. It reached her mid-thigh and past her elbows, making her feel like she was wrapped in his arms.
The night after the accident, she’d taken one of his clean T-shirts and spritzed it with his cologne, since it made her feel like he was with her in their bed.
Before she crawled into bed, Kelsey went to her side of the walk-in closet and dug through a box of stuff she hadn’t unpacked yet. It held an assortment of stationery products, including a journal she’d bought but never used. Taking it and a gel pen from the box, she went back to the bed.
After the events of the day, there was even more in her heart and mind that she had no one to talk to about. Rori had told Kelsey she could call her if she needed to talk, but it felt like her disconnect with the Halversons had only increased over the past few hours.
This has become the second worst day of my life. The first was the day of the accident when I wasn’t sure if you would live. Now, I’m not sure you will ever remember me. Or remember the love we shared.
Her phone beeped with a message, and though she wished she could ignore it, Kelsey knew she shouldn’t be ignoring any messages these days.
Rori: We just heard what happened when Zane woke up today. I’m so, so sorry. You must feel heartbroken. Don’t give up hope, though. Lee and I are praying for you and Zane, and we’re here for anything you need. I know you don’t know us well, but we do care about you and Zane. He told Lee how much he loved you, so just hang in there.
Kelsey’s eyes pricked with tears. Maybe it wouldn’t be the worst thing if she had to go to Serenity. At least she’d have one friend there. Two, if she counted Lee.
Yes, it was a horrible day, but I’m doing my best to stay strong. Not sure where we go from here, but I appreciate your prayers.
She had no idea if those prayers were working or not. They’d been praying for Zane to regain consciousness and for healing. Both of those prayers had been answered, but not in the way they’d expected.
As much as she was upset about the memory loss, she was sure it was hard on all of Zane’s family, too. It wouldn’t be easy for them to accept that the memories they shared with him over the last four years were lost.
But at least he remembered his family.
It was more than she had at the moment.