CHAPTER NINETEEN
“Can’t you please just cut the cast off, let me itch my leg, then put it back on again?”
When Gareth rolled his eyes at him, Zane felt like he was five years old and fighting the urge to punch his older brother.
“You have a couple more weeks,” Gareth said. “Then we’ll see how it’s going.”
Zane frowned, hoping Gareth could read his displeasure with that response. He was in a constant state of agitation these days. If his leg wasn’t itching, his head was aching. And vice versa. He was also bored out of his mind.
It was so bad, he actually envied Kelsey going to her job stocking shelves. At least she got out of the house and had something to fill her time.
He had nothing, and it was driving him crazy. He’d started to do a bit of cooking at the house. But even then, he really had to be in the mood. Sometimes, being in the kitchen was just a reminder of what he’d lost. Both remembered and forgotten.
“What am I supposed to do with my time?” Zane asked. “I can’t read books or watch screens for very long because I get a headache, or my headache gets worse. I can’t do yard work because it’s nearly impossible to manage crutches and a rake. I’m at a complete loss as to how to fill my time.”
Gareth’s expression turned sympathetic as he leaned back in the chair at his desk. “I understand that you’re not used to sitting around doing nothing. But right now, the best thing you can do is just rest and let your brain continue to heal.”
“I don’t think I even care about getting my memory back anymore.”
“Well, healing is needed for more than just your memory. The fact that you’re dealing with headaches is a sign your brain still needs to recover from its injury.”
“Will I ever not have headaches?” Zane asked.
“Hopefully. But it will take some time. Even your hard head wasn’t enough to protect your brain from the knock around it got in that accident. It wasn’t just a light tap on the noggin.”
“It will help a lot to get this cast off, so I don’t feel so helpless and useless.”
“How are things with Kelsey?”
“As good as can be expected, given the circumstances.”
“Have you talked at all about how you see your future?”
Zane nodded. “We talked and made the decision that we are going to give things a shot, even though I don’t have my memory at the moment.”
“That’s good,” Gareth said. “I think that’s the best thing you can do. I know it’s not easy for you since you have no memory of her and your marriage.”
“Yeah. Talking to Sarah helped, not just because she could tell me why we broke up, but she also could share with me what I’d told her about Kelsey. Since the rest of you didn’t really know Kelsey, it was good that Sarah had some insight.”
“Is that why you decided to try to make it work?”
“Yeah. Partly. I felt like I owed it to Kelsey and to the man I was when I married her to stick it out and try.”
“That’s a good outlook,” Gareth said. “I admire you for getting to this point.”
“I just hope I’m not wasting our time, assuming I’ll come to feel for her the way I did prior to the accident.”
“You won’t know if you don’t try. We’re definitely praying for both of you,” Gareth assured him. “And if there’s anything we can do, be sure to let us know.”
There was a light knock on the door, then it swung open a crack and Janessa peeked her head through. “Your first afternoon patient is here.” She smiled at Zane. “Or maybe it’s your second.”
“I guess that’s my cue to head home,” Zane said. “And try to find something to entertain myself.”
“Are you bored?” Janessa asked as they walked toward the back of the clinic where he’d parked Kelsey’s car, which she’d offered him the use of when she didn’t need it. Currently, she was sleeping after working the night shift the previous night.
“A bit,” he admitted. “It would be a lot easier if I didn’t have this cast on my leg.”
“Patience, little bro,” Janessa said. “You need to give your body a chance to heal properly, or you’ll have problems for much longer.”
“I know.” Zane sighed. “I’m just not used to having nothing to do.”
“This will pass,” Janessa told him, reaching out to give him a hug.
Zane hoped that was true. But honestly, sometimes he had a very difficult time imagining the future. That wasn’t how it had previously been for him. He’d always had an idea of what his future would look like and the steps he needed to take to achieve his dreams.
Now, however, it seemed like he was staring into the distance, his vision obscured by the fog of memory loss.
After saying goodbye to Janessa, Zane left the clinic and climbed into Kelsey’s car. Her small car wasn’t the most comfortable or easy to get in and out of with his cast and crutches. Maybe he should spend his time doing some research for a new car since he would be receiving an insurance settlement for his other car, which had been totaled in the accident.
A glance at the dashboard showed him that the gas was just below a quarter tank. He thought he could pump gas, so instead of heading straight home, he went to a nearby gas station. There weren’t a lot of things he could do for Kelsey, but he thought he could manage to fill the tank of her car.
It took a minute, but he finally got situated and started the pump. As he waited for it to finish, he leaned on his crutches and looked around. This was a newer gas station, and its main building also sold pizza and other gas station type fare.
Once the pump had finished, he got back into the car. As he drove home, Zane wondered again about how they’d dealt with finances in their marriage. It felt odd to give someone access to his money, but he’d always assumed that once he was married, he and his wife would combine their money. Truly become one in every way.
But could he become one with a stranger? Especially since it didn’t appear that he’d given her access to his money, even when he had known her.
As he got back behind the wheel, Zane decided not to go home quite yet. Kelsey would probably sleep until around three, so there was no sense going home to an empty house.
Instead, he went for a bit of a drive. It had been awhile since he’d just toured around his hometown. There were some changes that had occurred over the years he’d been away. A new building for the library. New gas stations. A couple of new restaurants. An expansion of the high school.
He had good memories of his growing up years in Serenity.
At the time, he and his other adopted siblings had been part of a fairly small group of visible minorities. Thankfully, because they had many siblings around at school and their family was well known, they hadn’t had bad experiences as a result of that. Still, he hadn’t wanted to stick around in Serenity.
After he’d exhausted the town sights, Zane headed in the direction of the resort. He didn’t plan to stop in, since he wasn’t exactly dressed to visit a luxury resort.
He’d heard plenty about the new rink that Hudson’s father had built, so he decided to take a drive past that. After looping past the rink, he headed for the hotel and pulled into the parking lot of The Steakhouse. He’d worked at the restaurants one summer as a bus boy between his junior and senior year.
Zane had wanted to work in the kitchen, but they hadn’t had a spot for him there, though the chefs had been more than happy to answer any questions he had. And he’d been able to pick up a fair amount of information by just watching.
He wondered how they were staffed now. Perhaps he could get a job there until he had a better idea of where his life was going and what was happening with him and Kelsey.
Finally, he turned the car back towards the house. After parking at the curb, he made his way up the driveway and into the house. It was quiet, so he didn’t think Kelsey was up yet.
In the kitchen, he surveyed the contents of the fridge, wondering what he should make for dinner. He still wasn’t up for cooking more intricate dishes. The precise cutting and multiple ingredients required weren’t interesting to him at the moment. Hopefully, that would change soon.
After a few minutes, he decided he’d make a Bolognese sauce and some pasta. Not freshly made because he didn’t think Lee and Rori had a pasta maker.
Glancing at the clock, he figured Kelsey would be up soon, and having noticed that she liked a coffee when she got up, he started up the coffeemaker. Though his day was almost half over, hers was just beginning.
Zane had been working for a bit when he heard movement. Turning from the saucepan where he was browning some meat, he saw Kelsey walk into the kitchen. She wore a pair of loose shorts, an oversized T-shirt, and her hair was up in a messy bun.
“Good morning,” he said.
She lifted her phone to look at the screen, then arched a brow at him. “Morning?”
“Your morning,” he clarified. “Do you want some coffee?”
“Yes, but you don’t need to get it for me.”
“I think I can manage it.” He lifted a mug from the mug tree and moved over to the coffee maker. He poured the coffee, then scooted it along the counter to where Kelsey had set her phone while she went to the fridge to get the cream she liked in her coffee.
“Thank you,” she said as she poured a healthy dollop of cream into the mug, changing it from black to light brown.
Zane put a piece of sourdough bread in the toaster, then retrieved the butter from the fridge. Since committing himself to making an effort with Kelsey, he’d tried to pay close attention to the things she did and what she preferred.
It was why he now knew that she liked coffee and a piece of buttered toast when she woke up. He watched as she lifted her cup and took a sip of coffee, her eyes closing as she savored it.
Her slightly disheveled look appealed to him. He’d been taught young that he shouldn’t focus on a person’s outward appearance. But since Kelsey was technically his wife, he didn’t think it was wrong to allow himself to appreciate her physical appeal.
It was weird to think that he’d been intimate with her but had no memory of it. If he thought about how much knowledge she had of him versus what he had of her, it left him feeling a little strange. He didn’t dwell on that fact too much, but sometimes it was impossible to ignore.
“Here you go,” Zane said as he placed the plate with toast on it in front of her.
“Thanks.” The smile she gave him was warm, and, if he wasn’t mistaken, held a bit of affection. “You don’t need to do this for me, but I do appreciate it.”
“You’re welcome.” Feeding people had always been something he enjoyed, and it seemed even more important that he do that for Kelsey. Even if it was just toast and coffee. “Are you working again tonight?”
“Yep. Even though I’m only part-time, I asked if they could give me my shifts in a row. It’s difficult to keep going from working nights to being off. I know I could just keep the same schedule even when I’m off, but what am I going to do at night when everyone else is asleep? Thankfully, they were willing to make that adjustment for me.”
“Are you hoping they’ll give you full-time?”
She considered it for a moment, then said, “I don’t know if I’m hoping or not, but I won’t turn down extra shifts.”
“If you could work another job, what would it be?”
Again, she was quiet for a moment as she took a bite of her toast before answering. “I’ve had different jobs, mainly in restaurants. Most recently, I worked as a hostess.”
“And you enjoyed it?”
She nodded. “I did. And it was fun working in the same place you did.”
“Was that the case in Tampa, as well?”
“No. They didn’t need a hostess at your restaurant, so I got a job at a different one.”
“And you still enjoyed it?”
“For the most part. Honestly, I hadn’t worked there long before your accident. But the people there were nice, and the owners were so sympathetic when I let them know what had happened.”
“Was there no hostess position around here?”
“Not that I found,” she said. “And I wasn’t keen on driving an hour or more to and from work each day for a job in Coeur d’Alene. I don’t mind what I’m doing now. Keeps me physically active, and it doesn’t require too much concentration.”
Zane stirred the food in the pot on the stove. He wanted to ask her if she had any career aspirations beyond being a hostess, but he didn’t want to offend her when they were just starting to figure things out.
“What are you making?” Kelsey asked as she lifted her mug and took a sip. “It smells good.”
“Bolognese sauce and pasta.”
“Are you making the pasta?”
“No. I don’t have my pasta machine, and I don’t think they have one here.”
“You had one in Tampa. Did you want your things?” Kelsey asked, lowering her mug to the counter. “We could go to the storage unit and get what you want.”
“My knives and everything?”
“Yep. Everything is there.”
Though Zane wasn’t sure he was ready to go into cooking full on, the thought of having his tools of the trade close at hand was appealing. “I think I’d like that.”
“Tonight is my last shift for the next four days, so we could go whenever you want.”
He knew that on the days she was shifting from working nights to her days off, she usually only slept until around noon. “Maybe we could go tomorrow afternoon.”
“That works for me.”
“What was the first thing I cooked for you?”
“This.”
He glanced over at her. “Bolognese?”
“Yes. I told you that I liked spaghetti with a meat sauce, and you said that you could make something similar, but much better.”
“And did I?”
“Yep. I’d never seen anyone make pasta before, so that was fun. And it all tasted delicious.”
“So I made a good first impression?”
“Good first cooking impression,” she said.
“Did I make other impressions? What was your very first impression of me?”
“I was told, even before I met you, that though you were handsome and super nice, you were off limits for anything but friendship.”
Zane set the wooden spoon down and turned to face her. “Did they say why?”
“Just that you were very career focused, and every woman who’d tried to get your attention was rebuffed. I wouldn’t have pursued you, regardless. So when we did meet, I just viewed you through the lens of a co-worker. And later, a friend.”
“And your impression of me as a friend?”
“You were super nice, but also very intense when it came to cooking and your career. There were times you yelled at people, but everyone would say it was deserved. I don’t know how you were at your new restaurant, though, since I wasn’t there with you.”
“Sometimes the only way to get people to listen in a busy kitchen is to yell at them,” Zane said as he turned his attention to the sauce. “Hopefully, I never yelled at you.”
“Nope. You never did.”
“Did we argue?”
“Not really. Probably our most intense discussions came around our elopement and the move to Tampa. Not that we disagreed about either, but more along the lines of discussing how we were going to carry it all out.”
Zane wanted to know everything. To understand the dynamics they’d had between them. What they had now was still awkward and, at times, tense. This was never how he’d envisioned a relationship being.
He filled a large pot with water, then slid it along the counter to the stove, where he set it on a burner. Though he would have liked to have had some sort of garlic bread with the meal, he wasn’t much of a baker. Especially when it came to yeast products.
“Is there anything you want me to do?”
“You’re my sous-chef, right?” he asked.
“Sometimes. Are we having a salad? That’s my forte, after all.”
Zane chuckled. “Sure. I think we have the stuff for a garden salad.”
For the next little while, Kelsey cut up vegetables for the salad, then set the table. Shortly after five, Lee and Rori arrived home from the vet clinic.
“I have to say, I’m really seeing the appeal of having a personal chef,” Rori said when she walked into the kitchen. She took a deep breath, then exhaled with a satisfied look on her face. “It smells delicious.”
“It tastes delicious too,” Zane said with a smile.
“Well, let us go get cleaned up and changed,” Lee said. “We’ll be back in a few minutes.”
Once they’d left, with Elsa trailing after them, Zane put the pasta into the boiling water, to which he’d added some oil and salt. Kelsey got a pitcher of water from the fridge and set it on the table.
She ended up having to help him drain the pasta once it was done, since he couldn’t manage to lift the pot off the stove on his own. Sliding it along the counter when it was filled with hot water didn’t seem like the smartest move.
By the time Lee and Rori reappeared, everything was ready.
As the four of them ate dinner, Zane found himself enjoying the evening. He’d never spent any significant time in Serenity as an adult. Once he’d left to get his degree in Culinary Arts, he’d only been home for a few days around the holidays each year or if there was a wedding.
So being in Serenity—if he ignored how he’d ended up there—was actually enjoyable. He’d always been closest to Lee, and since they’d both spent time in Chicago, they’d also been roommates for awhile. Now they were roommates again, but this time, with wives.
He enjoyed hanging out with his whole family. But the quiet times when it was just the four of them, he enjoyed even more.
He’d never imagined living in Serenity as an adult—and he still wasn’t sure he could—but at least it wasn’t as bad as he’d thought it would be. Especially since he was living with Lee. If he’d continued to live with his parents and without Kelsey, he probably wouldn’t have enjoyed it as much.
He loved his parents and appreciated all they’d done for him. But now he needed to focus on Kelsey, and he couldn’t have done that very well if they’d still been living separately. And he was pretty sure that Kelsey wouldn’t have wanted to live with his parents, at least not initially.
Making the move to Lee’s seemed to have set him on the right path, especially where Kelsey was concerned. And now he was back to doing some cooking.
He still wasn’t sure what the future held, but at least he felt like he’d taken some proactive steps forward. He just prayed that God would give him clear guidance in the days and weeks ahead.