Chapter 3
The Worst Pep Talk I’ve Ever Given Myself
Violet
The drive home dissolves into headlights and wet pavement. By the time I pull into our lot, I don’t have an answer, just Ella’s future ricocheting in my skull.
I barely get the door open before her voice hits me.
“We have to talk about Langport.” She’s in the hallway, arms folded, chin up. Those dark eyes could cut stone.
Of course we do.
“Can I sit first?” I ask.
She follows me into the living room but doesn’t wait for me to get comfortable. “Sam’s going,” she blurts. “They told her this morning. Her family’s already looking for places in London. Do you get what that means, Vi? She’s leaving. Everyone always leaves.”
I open my mouth, but she barrels on.
“I can’t just stay here while she gets everything.
She’s my best friend. We planned this together—the dorms, the classes, and the stupid late-night cafés.
I helped her fill out her essay, and now she’s the one packing?
Do you know how messed up that feels?” Her voice cracks halfway through the rant, but she powers through it.
“She’s already talking about how she and her dad are touring the campus next month.
I should be going too. I got accepted first. I earned it.
But she gets to go because her parents can swipe a card. ”
There’s a silence that hums between us — heavy, electric.
“I hate it here,” she whispers. “I hate this town. Every time I walk past the hospital, I see them. Every time I hear sirens, I see the crash. Sam was the only thing that didn’t remind me of all that, and now she’s leaving too.”
My throat tightens. I don’t know if I want to hold her or punch the wall.
“Oh, Ella,” I manage, voice low. “I know this feels—”
“Feels?” she snaps. “This isn’t just feelings, Vi.
This is my life. Langport isn’t some fantasy school for me—it’s a way out.
You think I want to keep being the charity case at Greenview?
The girl whose parents died, so she goes for free?
Everyone already pities us. I’m tired of being the poor tragedy. ”
That one hits like a slap.
I bite back the hundred things I want to say—about how I’m doing everything I can, about how none of this was supposed to be my job, and about how I miss Mom and Dad too. But she’s not wrong. Not really.
“Ella,” I say carefully, “I’m proud of you. You worked your ass off for this. But…”
Her eyes harden. “But what?” You don’t think I deserve to go?” she snaps.
“Of course, Ella, you 100% deserve it,” I say quickly. “That’s not what this is about at all.”
“Then what?” she demands. “Is it because it’s too far away? Or because you don’t want me to go because you won't have a life without me?”
Her words land like a gut punch, leaving me raw and stunned.
My chest tightens at the sting of her accusation, and it sinks deeper than I ever expected.
A tangle of guilt and shame rises up in me.
I hate that my body is so honest. My face is calm, and everything under my skin is setting itself on fire.
I wish it were that simple and selfish, but I can’t lie to her to make it easier for me.
“It’s about money, Ella, Langport is expensive, and even with the grant, we just don’t have the money.” I say softly.
The words hang in the air heavy and suffocating between us.
Her shoulders sag, and for a moment, I get a glimpse of her as the little girl in the hospital after the crash, so vulnerable and hurt.
“This isn't fair! You always say we can figure things out, and now—” Her words cut off as the weight of the truth hits her. “Oh,” she says quietly, her anger evaporating. “I didn’t realize... I mean, I knew it was a lot, but I thought maybe...” Her voice trails off as she looks at her hands, shaking her head slightly.
“I’m so sorry,” My heart breaks as I watch her try to process the disappointment.
She shakes her head quickly. “It’s fine.
Really. I mean, I’ll just stay here and go to Greenview.
It’s not a bad school, and I can still be a doctor one day.
” She forces a smile, but there’s a crack in her voice, and tears welling in her eyes.
She is trying so hard to be strong and pretend she isn’t crushed, and it’s killing me.
Ella has faced so many letdowns in her sixteen years; this feels like one too many.
Cami’s offer crashes back into my mind: five thousand dollars for one party.
It's enough to cover the difference in tuition for the quarter. Maybe it's enough to get Ella on that plane to Langport without another word about money. Maybe... maybe I could do a few more parties to cover the first year, and by then, I could figure out a better plan.
Ella’s voice pulls me out of my thoughts. “Vi, it’s okay. Really. You don’t have to feel bad. I’ll be fine here.”
I nod, trying to swallow past the lump in my throat. But as I look at her, sitting there with all her dreams just out of reach, and something inside me snaps. I can't let this be another disappointment for her. Not if I can do anything about it.
“Ella, I’ll figure it out. You’re going to Langport,” I say, my voice sounding steady despite the storm raging inside me.
Her eyes widened in disbelief. “Wait, what? How? You just said we couldn’t.”
“Don’t worry about it,” I tell her, forcing a smile on my face. “It’s my job to make it happen.”
I see the way her face lights up and the hope sparking back to life, and I secretly pray I can make this happen without doing something we both might regret.
By midnight, I’ve opened every tab on my laptop. The budget spreadsheet mocks me with its unchanging total—tuition, housing, meals, travel, visa, deposit, and repeat. I scroll until the numbers blur, until the only thing that makes sense is how impossible this is.
I try everything. Job listings. Freelance boards. Late-night shifts that require hours I don’t have. I fill out an application so fast I barely read the fine print. “Submit.” Instant rejection. Not even a full minute.
“Cool,” I mutter, clicking another one. “Guess no one wants a part-time vet tech who knows animal CPR and human regret.”
The glow from the screen burns my eyes. 12:47 a.m.
Cami’s name lights my phone.
Of course.
I flip it and keep typing, pretending I’m not out of options. But the words on the screen stop making sense. My fingers ache, and my head feels heavy. I rest my forehead against my arm, just for a second—
Three sharp knocks sound around the room, making me jolt upright. I drag myself to the door, heart already racing. My landlord stands there with their clipboard in hand, wearing the polite expression people use right before they ruin your morning.
“I need the rest of this month’s rent by Friday.” His tone is clipped, all business. “You’re already two weeks late, and I can’t float you forever, Vi.” He pauses, and his expression softens. “You’re a good tenant, but I have bills too.”
I nod fast, pretending the walls aren't caving in. “I’ll get it for you.”
He doesn’t press me, simply nods and walks away, leaving me standing in the doorway, heart racing. The second the door shuts, I lean my forehead against it. My breath stutters. Everything in me goes still.
There’s no miracle coming.
The phone buzzes again. Cami.
Of course.
I stare at the screen until her name blurs. Her voice echoes in my head—five thousand for one night. Easy money. Easy mistake.
I don’t answer. Not yet.
Instead, I grab my jacket and keys. The bank opens at nine, and maybe—just maybe—I can talk someone into believing I’m still worth betting on.
I wait in line, rehearsing the words, palms damp, and heart beating like I already know the answer. Fifteen minutes later, I do. No co-signer. No collateral. Just a pitying smile and a printed rejection.
It’s raining by the time I step outside.
I don’t bother with the hood. By the time I get home, my clothes cling to my skin, cold and heavy.
I sink onto the couch, my limbs tired. The acceptance letter for Ella set on the coffee table.
I lift it, running my fingers over the embossed seal and the crisp edges.
It’s everything she deserves. Everything I can’t give her.
The phone buzzes again. Cami.
I stare at it, vibrating in my hand. I don’t have any options left—no extra jobs or loans. I only have one way to make enough money fast enough to make Ella's dreams come true.
I grab my phone. “Cami,” I murmur in a hollow tone. “Tell me about the party.”
Her smile is almost audible. “I knew you’d come around.”
I close my eyes. This is my only choice. I will just do one party, just one time, for Ella.