Chapter 19 #2
“No, she didn’t mention it.”
“You boys’ll have fun setting up,” Laura said with a playful grin. “I’d better get moving. Go on and grab yourself some breakfast.”
He gave her an awkward thumbs-up and headed straight for the kitchen.
This wasn’t his first rodeo. Decades of living next door made the Carters and the Bishops close friends, always quick to send their kids over whenever help was needed.
And if there was one thing Zach had learned from the many, many times he’d been volunteered, it was that Laura Carter didn’t skimp on breakfast.
After three servings of French toast, Zach was ready for another backbreaking day.
Miles’s dad was already outside giving orders to their small crew of farmhands, and Zach waited until he was done before coming up for his assignment.
“Morning, Mr. Carter. I’m helping out today?”
“Yes.” Anthony sized him up for a moment, making him self-conscious. “Can you take care of the animals?”
It didn’t escape Zach’s notice that it was phrased as a question rather than a command—a rarity for the tall, stern man who usually acted like a dictator.
Volunteering must have earned him special treatment.
The job itself was also a relief—Zach loved working with animals, and it definitely beat a dull day of sitting inside a combine.
“I’m on it.” He resisted the urge to salute and headed toward the barn.
When Zach was little, every farm in the area focused exclusively on wheat, but a few lean years forced everyone to find ways to diversify. The Bishops chose to switch some fields over to vegetables, while Miles’s parents decided to try their hand at husbandry.
It wasn’t always successful. Zach still remembered their failed attempt at keeping rabbits.
Miles and Mara were the right age to get attached to the cute, furry creatures, naming each one and constantly sneaking into the enclosure for cuddles.
Their absolute devastation after the first butchering threw the entire household into chaos.
Miles’s eyes were red-rimmed for a week, and Mara threw a tantrum of such epic proportions that their parents had no choice but to give up on the whole idea.
They sold most of the rabbits, though a couple stayed behind to live out their lives as full members of the Carter household.
These days, their farm was home to a dozen milk goats and a coop full of egg-laying hens.
The goats were his first stop. He hauled fresh water and refreshed the barn before leading them out to the pasture, where he stumbled upon Raymond, crouched by the fence with a hammer in his hand.
Given what Miles had shared about Max and Raymond’s secret relationship, and—more importantly—what Miles had shared with them about hooking up with Zach, striking up a conversation seemed a bad idea.
What would be the point? Exchanging notes on the best secret hookup spots and commiserating about small-town gay witch hunts?
That didn’t sound like his idea of a good time.
He tried to herd the goats in the opposite direction, but it was too late. Raymond had already seen him, squinting in Zach’s direction against the sun. Leaving now would be worse, so Zach sighed and walked over.
“Good morning, Raymond.” He didn’t care if everyone else called him Ray—there was no way they were on a nickname basis. In fact, Zach was one of Raymond’s famous scowls away from calling him Mr. Miller.
“Zach.” Raymond acknowledged him without a flicker of emotion.
They stared at each other in silence. This would have been a great opportunity to make an excuse and get out, but Zach was paralyzed by Raymond’s piercing gaze. He shifted from foot to foot and gestured at the fence with feigned interest. “Fixing the fence?”
“Yep.”
Ray certainly wasn’t making it any less awkward with his one-word replies.
“It’s good to see you, but I gotta—”
“Did Miles tell you?”
Zach barely kept the shock from showing on his face. He considered lying to escape the conversation but ended up settling on the truth and taking a cue from Raymond’s own conciseness. “Yep.”
Raymond narrowed his eyes, and Zach squirmed in discomfort. “Yes, he did. I won’t say anything, I promise.”
“I’m not worried about that.”
“Right. Because Miles told you about…the thing that happened.”
Raymond set down the hammer and unfolded to full height, then rolled his shoulders.
When he spoke again, his voice was lower, more subdued.
“I was out before I came to work here. Never made a secret of who I was. Not until I met Max.” He paused and scratched the stubble covering his chin.
“I understand why he’s scared. People around here don’t have much patience for anything that’s different, and his folks ain’t exactly progressive.
I get it, and I’ll stay with him in the closet for however long he wants because I love him. But trust me, it’s no life.”
His raw vulnerability threw Zach off-kilter. He hadn’t expected Raymond to reveal so much, to speak so frankly. Words dried up in his mouth, and he could only nod in response.
Raymond shook his head in frustration. “I couldn’t see him at the hospital.
Miles had to lie to get me into the room, did he tell you that?
And Laura keeps setting him up on dates, hoping he’ll get married to some nice girl and start having babies.
We have to sneak around like criminals just to spend time together.
I’ll never be able to walk up to the man I love and hold his hand or give him a hug.
This is the life I chose, but you… Don’t do this to yourself, Zach. ”
His breath hitched on the last sentence, and a wave of nausea passed through Zach.
Raymond and Max had clearly suffered, stuck in a nightmare they couldn’t escape with no end in sight.
They would forever skulk in the shadows, dodge Laura Carter’s attempts to marry Max off, and pretend they didn’t mean anything to each other in public.
They would live off scraps of affection, counting the hours until the next time they could sneak away and share a few minutes together.
They would never be truly happy.
But that wouldn’t happen to Zach and Miles. Their days were numbered. Literally.
“I’m sorry,” Zach whispered, the words catching in his throat, a pathetic attempt to convey the depth of his sympathy. “And thank you. I…I think I needed to hear that.”
The warning swirled around his head as he trudged over to the coop and fed the hens.
Raymond’s face haunted him—the tortured expression, the faraway look in his eyes.
Zach’s heart broke for him. He couldn’t help but draw the comparison between himself and Raymond—they were free to be themselves elsewhere, yet stifled by the constraints of this small town.
A shiver ran up his spine despite the warm, stagnant air.
Could he do this full-time? Could he live this lie for Miles’s sake?
He didn’t think he could. Not even for the love of his life.
It was bearable now only because this was temporary, but Raymond didn’t have his own Portland to escape to.
He didn’t have an end date. Unless Max changed his mind, the rest of Raymond’s life would be spent in hiding, unable to ever truly be himself.
Zach was gripping an egg so tightly it was a wonder it hadn’t broken.
He gently set it with the rest and flopped down on the straw-covered ground next to a flock of squawking hens pecking at their feed.
He watched them eat, occasionally throwing out another handful, until a familiar voice broke through his gloomy thoughts.
“Are we paying you to sit around and play with the chickens?”
Miles sauntered inside the coop and lowered himself next to Zach, leaving no space between them. Sweaty warmth radiated from his every pore, pouring into Zach like a magic elixir. He grinned despite himself and nudged Miles with an elbow.
“Paying me? I must have missed that part of the contract.”
“Good point.” Miles’s eyes crinkled at the corners. “Will you accept sexual favors as wages?”
Yes, please. Fuck, Zach loved how readily Miles could talk about things like that—no stuttering, no euphemisms, no shame in what he wanted. Everything with Miles was easy. Seamless. Like it was meant to be.
He cleared his throat and pretended to consider Miles’s suggestion. “I’m sure we can work out a payment plan.”
Instead of keeping the joke going, Miles leaned in and brushed his lips against Zach’s, slowly increasing the pressure until Zach had no choice but to melt into the aggressive kiss.
Suddenly, Miles lurched back and put a foot of space between them. Zach didn’t have time to wonder why before Anthony appeared in the doorway.
“Zach.” If he was surprised to see Miles sitting there, he didn’t show it. “There’s sandwiches in the kitchen.”
“Thank you, Mr. Carter.”
He gave a terse nod and left.
“Phew, that was close.” Miles laughed and sprang up. “Gotta get back to the field. Just wanted to come by and say hi.”
When he was alone, Zach squeezed his eyes shut to fight back tears.
Yes, it had been too close. For both of them.
It wasn’t just about Zach anymore. His secret had the potential to ruin Miles’s life as well, and, unlike him, Miles hadn’t spent the last few years preparing to leave his family behind.
For better or worse, Miles belonged here.
Zach wouldn’t ruin that.