Chapter 20 #2
“There’s something I have to tell you.” Miles paused. He had no idea what to say next.
Shit, he hadn’t thought this through. With Ray, it’d been easy enough to blurt the confession out by accident and let him come to his own conclusion.
It’d been even easier with Max, since Ray had filled him in without any involvement from Miles.
He could do the same thing now—say something simple—but it didn’t seem appropriate.
This was his first time officially coming out to someone. It had to be momentous.
“Go on,” Mara prodded. “My water’s getting warm.”
“Right. I wanted to tell you that I’m…” Dammit, he wasn’t even sure what he was. There were a lot of labels he’d come across, and he never decided which one fit him best. But he’d already started the sentence, and he had to finish it somehow. “Bisexual?”
Mara’s eyebrows shot up in amusement. “Are you asking me?”
“No,” Miles grumbled. “I didn’t exactly prepare a speech. Consider this a lesson learned. I definitely need to do some research before I do this again.”
“Thank you for telling me.” Mara surprised him with a quick hug. “Not that it’s a huge shock or anything.”
“What do you mean?”
Mara shook her head with a sigh. “Go have fun with your boyfriend.” She spun on her heels and walked back to the house, leaving him more confused than ever. Had she known he was in love with Zach before he did? Had he been that obvious?
If that picture on Zach’s computer was anything to go by, then yes, he’d been pretty obvious.
“I love you!” he shouted at Mara’s back, and she lifted her arm in acknowledgment without turning around.
He’d known she wouldn’t be judgmental, but it was still a relief to have another family member know his secret and accept him.
From here on out, it wouldn’t be as easy.
He couldn’t guess how Misty and Micah would react, since they were a closed book to anyone outside the twin bubble, and his parents definitely wouldn’t breeze past it the way Mara did.
He was lucky to have her as a sister.
Her outline disappeared behind the door, and Miles rushed in the opposite direction.
Zach was already at the fence, and all thoughts fled Miles’s head.
Zach couldn’t dress too provocatively at the farm, but he still managed to look sinful in his skinny jeans and tight T-shirt.
Worried about being seen, Miles couldn’t pounce on him the way he wanted, so he settled for a shoulder clap, his palm lingering on Zach’s tense upper back.
“You okay?” he asked with concern.
Zach nodded and started walking without saying a word, steering them toward the fields. Miles followed, wondering if he’d done something wrong. He was about to ask when Zach said, “My parents installed a new tool shed. It’s pretty big and still clean. Good place to hang out.”
Miles hummed in agreement, glad to hear the sarcastic edge back in his voice. He kept pace, occasionally stealing glances out of the corner of his eye. Zach must have just gotten out of the shower, his long hair damp and curling up at the ends, his skin radiating a fresh scent. Delicious.
Gravel crunched under their feet as they walked down the path that led to the small buildings in the distance.
They were definitely alone now, and Miles couldn’t restrain himself anymore.
He stopped and grabbed Zach by the waist, running his nose up Zach’s neck into his hair.
“You smell so good,” he murmured. “I can’t fucking help myself around you. ”
Zach shivered in his arms, then pushed away with a smile. “Behave. We’re not there yet.”
It was hard to behave when all Miles wanted to do was kiss him, lick him, confess his undying love, and worship at his feet. Unfortunately, there were other, less pleasant things Miles had to confess first.
“My mom asked me to stay,” he said as they resumed their walk. “Max won’t be back on his feet for weeks, and it’s the middle of busy season. They need me.”
His mom had sounded apologetic when she’d dropped that bomb at dinner, and while it was nice of her to acknowledge Miles’s feelings, it didn’t lessen the crushing disappointment of his summer with Zach being over.
Zach shrugged, his face blank, not nearly as upset as Miles had expected.
“I’m sorry, Zee. I really wanted to come back with you.”
“No, it makes sense. You should be here. With your family.” Zach’s words were clipped, but then he smiled, and Miles couldn’t understand whether he was angry or tired.
“When are you going back?” Miles asked.
“Tuesday morning. I promised I’d stay for the party.”
They reached the edge of the field and walked parallel to it.
The ocean of wheat had an eerie quality to it as night fell.
Vast and empty. Limitless. When Miles was a kid, the idea of being lost between the tall stalks in the dark had been terrifying, and even as he grew up, the uneasy feeling remained.
Zach stayed silent the rest of the way, his shoulders tense, and Miles could guess that it had nothing to do with the yawning chasm of wheat to their left.
He searched for something comforting to say, desperate to turn Zach’s mood around, but there was nothing.
Their time was depressingly limited. Tonight was probably the last chance they had to be together before Zach left, before they had to go back to texts and video chats.
Before they were separated by two state lines and ten hours of road.
The shed was a small structure that still had that brand-new wood smell to it.
Zach held the door open and slipped in after Miles, closing it firmly behind them.
Ambient light streamed through the small windows by the ceiling, but the sun had already set, and it wouldn’t be long before they’d be plunged into darkness without Zach’s small lantern flashlight, which he hung on the wall.
The inside was nice—not overflowing with tools yet, with a clean floor, and roomy enough for them to move around without bumping into equipment. It wasn’t the most romantic environment, but Miles didn’t think Zach would care where they were when Miles confessed his love. He wasn’t that kind of guy.
“Zee, I need to tell—”
“I want you to fuck me.”
Miles stopped short, words stuck in his throat.
A glint of challenge sparked in Zach’s eyes as he tossed a packet of lube at Miles, as if throwing out a dare.
There was more to his expression, something Miles couldn’t interpret—not in the dim light, and not while his brain was conjuring delicious images of what would come next.
“I’d love that.” He slowly approached Zach and cupped his face. “But I want to—”
“Miles,” Zach interrupted. “I need you. Now.”
The raw hunger in his voice flipped a switch inside Miles, and he crashed their mouths together, taking what he’d been craving all day.
He forced his tongue between Zach’s lips, groaning in pleasure when Zach sucked on it.
One hand still on Zach’s cheek, possessive fingers digging into smooth skin, he wrapped the other arm around his waist and pulled him closer, slamming them together.
With one thigh between Zach’s legs, pressing against his erection, he swallowed Zach’s moan as it vibrated through both of them.
The world could burn around them, and Miles wouldn’t care. All that mattered was the man in his arms. Whether they were fucking, kissing, breathing the same air, or just existing next to each other, his presence was all Miles ever wanted.
And Zach needed to know that.
Placing a final soft kiss on Zach’s puffy lips, Miles touched his forehead to Zach’s and opened his mouth, but Zach stepped back, breaking the contact. When Miles tried to follow, Zach steeled his expression and shook his head. “No, Miles. Tonight, I need you to be rough.”
A feral beast roared inside Miles. He could do that. He could definitely do that.
Confessions of love would have to wait.