Chapter 11 Damon
ELEVEN
Damon
I shut my laptop like it had all hell’s porn on the screen when he knocked on the door. For your information, that wasn’t it at all, but that was beside the point now. What mattered was that my heartbeat raced like a frightened rabbit.
Holding my breath, I walked over to the door and opened it. Seth stood alone in the hallway.
He had that confident expression on his face that concealed the fact that he was nervous.
I didn’t blame him. It had taken a lot of persuading before Seth was comfortable coming over to my place.
I’d had to speak to every single one of my teammates to make them swear on their sticks and blades that what they saw around here would remain inside the house.
Griffin had pledged his assistance, well aware of what it was like to have to sneak around. He offered to kick any ass necessary should one of our brothers spill the truth to the wrong people.
Blizzard Breakers wouldn’t find out about Seth’s visits; that much was certain.
“Come in,” I said, moving from the door.
“Do you ever wear a shirt?” Seth asked, hiding the excited flicker that sparkled in his eyes.
I shut the door after him and lifted a T-shirt off the back of my chair. “Should I?”
Seth pressed his lips and glared at me, nostrils flaring and gaze locking onto mine. He deflated in surrender. “No, don’t.”
I laughed and tossed the T-shirt aside, then stepped closer to him and put my hands on his hips. His clothes were cold from the outside, and his nose was adorably red. The heating in the room was meant to bring me to a boiling temperature. What could I say? I liked to be comfortable.
“Think it might snow?” Seth asked, glancing at the window.
“Are we at the ‘chatting about the weather’ stage?” I asked. “I always thought couples unlocked that after their tenth anniversary.”
Seth pinched my nipple with a very precise and practiced move of his hand. “We’re not a couple, Pierce. Rules don’t apply.”
“I like this lawlessness of ours,” I said, pulling him closer in as prickles rose along my torso from the cold touch of his fingers. “Gotta warm you up.”
Seth melted into my hold, rising to the tips of his toes and pressing his lips against mine. It was a sweetness overdose, shooting through my veins like a drug, and I closed my eyes, leaping off a cliff and discovering I could fly.
God, but it was good to kiss him. Couple or not, it didn’t matter. What could possibly matter when this was what we had?
Seth’s hands moved down the length of my bare back and rested on my ass, fingers sinking into the soft fabric of my sweatpants.
“Careful,” I murmured against his lips. “You’re dangerously close to making me horny.”
Seth chuckled. “You’ve been horny all day, admit it.”
“Not cancel-the-date-level horny,” I said.
“It’s cold outside anyway,” Seth replied, floating an idea I didn’t dislike at all.
“Oh, well, we can’t risk getting you sick,” I said. “Maybe we should just stay in.”
Seth kissed me, bit my lip, then pulled back with a furious look in his eyes. “That was a test, Damon, and you failed.”
I laughed and shook my head. “Let me get dressed.”
Seth’s gaze dropped down my torso as he stepped back, and he bit his lip as his gaze passed over my crotch. He was so predictable; I loved it.
We went out to a small cinema that played old films, probably without the proper licensing, inside an abandoned factory warehouse, and watched Bella Lugosi’s Dracula while sitting on uncomfortable plastic chairs.
Seth’s head rested on my shoulder throughout the film while I struggled to keep my eyes open.
It wasn’t that I didn’t appreciate the classics. I just had more contemporary interests.
The melodrama skyrocketed on the modest silver screen, and Seth tucked himself closer against me, making my heart peaceful and content.
It was such a strange thing to love another human being so thoroughly and in such detail.
It never ceased to surprise me, all these many weeks later, when I spotted something about him that I loved so completely.
Like the way a lock of his hair curled upward from above his left temple, because that was how he leaned his head on his fist when he took notes.
Or how sweet his lips were when he ate chocolate and didn’t wipe all the traces from the corners, and I had to lean in to lick them clean.
Or how he would sit at his desk and read over his notes, then let his gaze wander off the notebook and onto me, lying on his bed, and he would forget all about the rest of the world for a moment.
There were too many things I loved about him to make counting possible.
I tried to count, once, when we’d failed to secure the privacy of one of our rooms, and I lay awake that night, just finished texting him.
I thought about the way his gaze lingered on my eyes for a moment longer than anyone else looked at me.
I thought about his slender fingers and what he could do with them when he threaded them through my hair.
I thought about the small of his back and the faded tan line around his waist and how I wished I had been next to him when he’d last sunbathed.
The movie ended, and Seth wrapped his arms around me to hug me for a moment.
“You make a wonderful body pillow,” he said as if he didn’t feel any kind of pull between us.
As if he hadn’t fallen into the same trap I’d fallen into.
The more time I spent with him, the more certain I was that he had.
How could he not? Could I be the only fool between the two of us?
“I make quite a few wonderful things,” I said, voice low and for his ears only. “As do you.”
“Mm. A flashlight?” He poked my rib cage with one finger and grinned.
I kissed the top of his head, and we slowly got up from our seats, muscles stiff and backs hurting. The cinema was slowly dismantled, and the lights above the bar were on again.
We stayed for a round of drinks, going for a Bloody Mary as a tribute to the film, and I watched the Christmas lights play across Seth’s face.
“Come with me,” I said, leaning back in my chair and watching him hopefully. “During the break. Let’s run away.”
The muscles on his face tensed. “I…can’t.”
“Sure you can,” I said. “Say you want to ace the exam. Or get ahead. Or that you have friends staying on campus. Nick’s going home, I bet.”
Even though he tried to remain expressionless, I could see the cogs turning inside his head. I could also see the questions rising to the surface. If he stayed, did it mean something? I could see him turn that over and toss it aside. “That’s definitely an incentive to stay.”
I laughed. “So stay. And we’ll just go away.”
Seth laughed softly and shook his head. “I already said I’d go home.”
“Me too,” I said. “But I don’t feel like it anymore.”
“We could see each other there,” Seth said. So, we were negotiating. I rubbed my hands together and leaned in.
“Our field is covered in snow,” I told him. “Won’t be very comfortable.”
Seth scoffed as he leaned in, too, conspiring with me reluctantly. He fucking loved it. “I’d have to lie again.”
I raised my eyebrows. Was it that big of a deal?
“Shut up,” he whispered.
We shared a laugh.
“Nick’s gonna figure out that we’re both missing,” Seth said.
I shook my head. “My sister can lie and say I was home to someone Nick knows. Doesn’t matter. He can’t prove anything.”
“It’s risky. Where would we even go?” he asked.
“I’ll show you when we’re in my room,” I said. My laptop screen was flooded with options. I’d already planned it out.
I watched Seth’s expression shift, temptation flickering across his features before doubt smothered it again. His fingers traced the rim of his glass, around and around.
“You’ve already looked at places,” he said quietly. It wasn’t a question.
“Maybe.” I tried to keep my voice casual, but I could hear the hope bleeding through. “Just browsing.”
“Just browsing,” Seth repeated, and there was something in his tone, amusement mixed with something softer that made my chest tighten. “How many tabs do you have open?”
“Irrelevant.”
“Damon.”
“Seventeen,” I admitted. “But some of them are duplicates.”
Seth laughed, pressing his hand over his mouth like he was trying to contain it. The sound made me feel invincible and pathetic all at once. I wanted to give him everything, wanted to plan trips and steal time and build a world where we didn’t have to pretend we were just a passing fling.
“This is insane,” he said, but he was still smiling.
“It’s a few days,” I said, leaning forward until our faces were close enough that I could count his eyelashes. “A few days where we don’t have to worry about who sees us or what they think. Where we can just…” I stopped myself before I said something that would earn me a pinch.
“Just what?” His lips stretched into a naughty smile.
“Sleep past noon,” I said. “Watch terrible movies. Make breakfast at three in the afternoon.”
Seth’s smile faded into something more contemplative. “My parents are expecting me.”
“Tell them you got a research project. Something academic and impressive that they can brag about to their friends.”
“You’ve thought about this.”
“I think about a lot of things.” I think about you constantly. I think about what it would mean if you said yes. I think about what it means that I want you to say yes so badly.
Seth was quiet for a long moment, his gaze dropping to where our knees were almost touching under the small table. “What if this is a mistake?”
The question hung between us, sharp and dangerous. I knew what he meant; not the trip itself, but what it represented. The line we’d been toeing for months, pretending we could keep this casual and undefined.
“Then it’s a mistake we make together,” I said. My voice came out rougher than I intended. “But I don’t think it is.”
“You don’t think a lot of things are mistakes,” Seth said, but there was no bite to it.
I reached under the table and found his hand, lacing our fingers together where no one could see.
“I’m not trying to pressure you,” I said, even though we both knew I absolutely was. “I just…I want more time. With you. Away from all the bullshit. Just for the fun of it, eh?”
Seth squeezed my hand. “I know.”
“So?”
He pulled his hand back, and my stomach dropped. But then he was standing up, pulling on his coat with deliberate movements. “Show me the seventeen tabs.”
I was on my feet before he finished the sentence, probably looking too eager but unable to care. We walked back through the cold streets, and I kept stealing glances at him, trying to read his expression in the glow of streetlights and storefront windows.
Back in my room, I opened my laptop and pulled up the browser. Seth stood behind my chair, one hand resting on my shoulder as he leaned in to look at the screen.
“This one’s a cabin,” I said, clicking through. “Two hours north. There’s a fireplace and absolutely nothing around for miles.”
“Romantic,” Seth murmured, and I couldn’t tell if he was mocking me or not.
“This one’s a beach house. Off-season rates.”
“In December?”
“Some people like cold beaches.” I scrolled down. “And this one’s…”
“Damon.” Seth’s fingers tightened on my shoulder. “Stop.”
I stopped, my heart hammering. This was it, the rejection I’d been bracing for.
“I need to think about it,” Seth said. His voice was gentle, which somehow made it worse. “Really think about it. Not just…not with you looking at me like that.”
“Like what?”
He cocked his head as if I should know already. I did. I was getting too damn hopeful, and it was showing.
“Okay,” I said instead. “Take your time.”
Seth moved around the chair and sat on the edge of my bed, running his hands through his hair. “I’m not saying no.”
“But you’re not saying yes.”
“I’m saying maybe.” He looked up at me, and there was something vulnerable in his expression that made me want to cross the room and kiss him until he forgot why he was hesitating. “I’m saying I need to figure out if I can lie that convincingly.”
I nodded. “That’s fair.”
“Is it?” Seth asked. “Or are you going to spend the next three days trying to convince me?”
“Probably both.”
He laughed, soft and tired. “At least you’re honest.”
I wanted to argue, to push harder, to make him see that this could be perfect. But I could also see the exhaustion in the set of his shoulders, the weight of all the hiding and careful planning and constant vigilance.
“Think about it,” I said quietly. “Really think about it. And whatever you decide, it’s okay.”
Seth stood up and crossed to me, cupping my face in both hands and kissing me slow and deep. When he pulled back, his eyes were bright.
“I’ll let you know,” he said. “Soon.”
It wasn’t a yes. But it wasn’t a no either.
“And Damon…” He tilted his head to one side. “You really are gonna be the death of me.”