Chapter 4
CHAPTER
FOUR
KENNEDY
Ineed … something. Work isn’t doing its usual job of distracting me this morning, and even with Hudson and Hart here, I’m jittery.
Part of me wants to drive back into Wayward and make sure Caroline is okay, while the other part of me knows that I’m being dramatic.
She’s a near stranger, and as of right now, I have nothing to offer her.
That reminder doesn’t help shake the fact that I feel personally responsible for her feelings.
Fuck, I hate the way I cling to people.
Maybe Hudson’s right and I am a loser? How many other grown-ass men obsess the way I do?
“You okay?” Hart asks, words flat and drawn out like he’s doing it under duress.
“Fine.”
“You’re not singing. Normally, I have to put my earplugs in by now.”
“I’m thinking.”
“About?”
I’m honest, even though I know they’ll tease me, because I’m still hoping there’s a chance we’ll bond and get as close as we used to be. “Caroline.”
Hart’s echoed laugh catches Hudson’s attention. “You wish you didn’t give back her number, don’t you?”
“Wait,” Hudson says, drifting closer. “Caroline, as in the waitress?”
Here we go. “Yep.”
He spreads his hands like he’s confused. “Why didn’t you call her?”
“Really?”
“She’s pretty. Objectively.”
I’m staring at him, trying to figure out if he’s teasing me. “You told me I need to give dating a break.”
“I fell for a man who hates me, so what do I know about relationships?”
“Umm …” Hart and I share a worried glance. “Fell for?”
Hudson waves our concern away. “Maybe. Probably. We’ll see.”
We’ll see?
Right.
I’m suddenly thinking Ziggy might have been right about their relationship.
Hudson has never been great at picking men because they all end up treating him like trash.
But I’ve never been great at picking men or women because the second I show interest, they ghost me, so maybe Hudson’s had the right idea all along.
His partners might be repulsive, but at least they’re never repulsed by him.
Based on my past experiences, his interest should turn Wilde off, but considering the man drove four hours out of his way to drag Hudson back here, I’m getting the creeping suspicion that isn’t happening.
That Hudson and Wilde are … an actual couple.
The only thing I can hope for is that Wilde took our talk to heart and is actually treating my brother right.
Meanwhile, there’s a small, bitter seed in my chest that I wasn’t the one who came out here and miraculously found a mountain man to love me. Surely there’s an attention-starved recluse who’d find my brand of love sweet rather than suffocating.
I groan at the pathetic thoughts.
“Is Ziggy coming today?” Hudson asks, getting us back on track with work. “We really need this wiring done before we can do anything else to house two.”
“Dunno.” Then, I jokingly add, “Didn’t say.”
“Funny,” Hart says dryly. “I wonder why he’s like that.”
“You? Actually interested in something?” Hudson throws back.
“I never said I was interested, but it’s normal to question why. The guy can talk. He just … won’t.”
“That’s his business,” I remind them before they can get mean.
I’d like to think the conversation wouldn’t lead to that, but you never can tell.
Hudson can be a real asshole when he’s feeling hurt, and Hart mostly says shit for shock value and reactions, like he has zero attachment to the words coming out of his mouth.
Whether this is natural curiosity or them mocking him, I want to end it before it can get started.
Ziggy is willingly helping us out, and we owe him big-time for that.
“Of course it’s his business,” Hartwell says like it’s obvious. “But it’s not normal.”
“Hey—”
“Shut up, I don’t mean that in a bad way. I’m pointing out that there has to be a reason why he doesn’t speak.”
I grunt, not comfortable talking about him when he’s not here. “Why would he talk when you’re proof that most of what people say is fucked-up?”
“Why are you so protective of him?” Hudson asks through a laugh. “You have been since the day he showed up here.”
“It’s called being nice. I realize you need that pointed out to you.” Which really isn’t nice of me to say, but I want them to let it drop before the teasing starts.
“Maybe you’re in luuuurve.”
And there it is. It’s ridiculous that I can’t even be friends with someone without them resorting to this, but considering my history with people, I can’t blame them either. “No. I’m not.”
“Sure about that?”
Considering Ziggy is maybe the first and only person I’ve met where I didn’t immediately check them out and test for interest, I’m sure. Ever since we met, this deep need to protect him has taken over me. “I barely know anything about him.”
“And how much did you know about Ryan after one date and a night of sex, when you texted us to clear our schedules so we could meet him?”
“Maybe if you’d cleared your schedules, we would have worked out.”
“Or maybe you still would have gone over the next day to find him screwing someone else.”
It’s hard to be angry about that anymore. After a week of heartache and working myself to exhaustion, then a weekend of drinking with them both, I was able to set aside some of the hurt.
For me, dating means giving things a real go and focusing on the one person you’re seeing. If you have split focus, how can you ever know if you’re meant to be?
Unfortunately, the other ninety-nine percent of the population aren’t clingy men with the yearning for a rom-com of their own.
It amuses me to imagine telling someone that.
To sit down on a date and confess that I’d love nothing more than to be swept off my feet.
For us to be exclusive from the get-go. Things don’t work like that anymore.
And after my constant strikeouts, and Hudson settling for being treated like dirt, and Hartwell never talking about any relationships he may or may not have, it’s getting really hard to keep believing in love.
I don’t want to be a bitter person.
I like being a romantic.
But little by little, that part of me is shrinking.
“You don’t have to worry about me anymore,” I tell them. “I’m not dating for the whole time we’re here. I’m taking a break from all of that so that once we’re home, I’ll know exactly what I’m after.”
The problem is that I really, really like it here. Staying in Wilde’s End is where my head is currently at, but I won’t find my person here.
Could I really spend the rest of my life alone? If it came to that, if I actually decided to stay, would I be able to live by myself … forever? No romance. No partner. No one to share all my thoughts and feelings with.
As much as I’d like to dream that someone who buys one of our houses would fall in love with the town and me, I know that realistically, it’s likely to be a wealthy couple.
Who will shove their happy love in my face.
So as much as I love it here, I can’t stay. I need to know what it feels like to be loved.
There’s a soft knock on the door, and I glance around Hudson to see Ziggy lingering there. I have no idea when he showed up since the man drifts in like a ghost, but a smile splits my face at the sight of him.
No matter what Hart and Hudson say about him, I enjoy his company. He’s the kind of calm I’ve never had in my life, and something about that is really goddamn appealing. I can be myself with him in a way I can’t with anyone else.
Not even my brothers.
I feel the shift almost immediately though. Ziggy’s guard is up with Hudson here, and my brothers still aren’t sure they trust anyone in this town. Even with Hudson dating Wilde, I have no clue what they really think about each other.
Hudson isn’t a talk-about-your-feelings guy.
It only takes one glance between the three of them before I make up my mind.
“I’m taking the rest of the day off.”
Ziggy’s eyes widen with alarm, and Hudson’s expression morphs into concern.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong.”
“But …” He glances at Hart, who ignores us both. “You never take the day off.”
“All the more reason to do it today.”
“I’m not arguing with you, just surprised.”
I pat his shoulder on the way past. “We’ll be fine.”
“We?”
“Yeah, I’m taking Ziggy with me.”
That gets Hart involved. “But we need him.”
“And you’ll still need him tomorrow.” I turn to Ziggy. “Wanna play hooky with me?”
His warm, brown gaze slowly moves from me to my brothers and back again. Then he turns on his heel and walks away.
“I guess that’s a yes.”
I hurry to catch up, but Ziggy doesn’t slow until he reaches the road out the front.
It’s the only paved road in and out of Wilde’s End and leads to a dirt one that runs through the trees to …
who the fuck knows where. I’ve been so busy working that I haven’t explored anywhere outside of the one-street town, even though our land extends for miles.
Land that Ziggy, Wilde, and who the hell else live on.
“Can you show me around?” I call after him.
He tilts his head, chunks of longish black hair slipping from his headband to fall over his sweet face.
He’s pale, with big eyes and the prettiest pink lips I’ve ever seen.
Underneath the bottom one, he has snakebite piercings, which are two of the six facial piercings he has.
I’ve counted them a few times just to make sure I’m remembering correctly, and I know why Hart’s curious about him.
Because Ziggy makes me so, so curious as well.
I wish I could break him open and sift through everything about him, but I have to trust that if he ever wants to share with me, he will.
For an oversharer like me, patience makes me want to scratch off my skin.
Ziggy leaves me to walk along the side of the house, and when he’s back a moment later, he’s no longer carrying his toolbox. He motions for me to follow him.
“This is cool,” I say, adding extra excitement into my voice so he knows I mean it. “I love exploring, and I’ve wanted to do this for a while now, but I had no idea where to start. At least if I’m with you, I won’t get lost.”
He gives me a sly smile from the corner of his eye.
“Ooh, that looked evil. Don’t you dare run off and leave me.”
His shrug doesn’t fill me with confidence.
“I’m serious!”
He actually laughs, and the sound sweeps over me and strikes me dumb. Just like every time I hear his voice, it’s like I’ve witnessed something special.
And I use every moment I have to try and make it happen again.