Chapter 10
CHAPTER
TEN
KENNEDY
Ziggy’s eyes are squashed closed, but those whispered words pull at something in my gut. I’m smiling hard behind his hand, and I have so many things I want to say back, but I’ve sort of blinked offline.
His eyes peek open as he slowly releases my mouth.
“If you like hanging out with me so much,” I start, throat strangled with something I can’t place, “why the hell did you disappear for three whole days?”
I’m expecting him to shrug me off, but he doesn’t. He doesn’t answer either. I sit up to see him closer, and I’m about to rephrase the question into a yes or no one for him, when his hand slaps over my mouth again.
He’s breathing deeply, eyes locked on the rock under us this time, and I study him, trying to figure out what’s going on.
“I was busy,” he murmurs, lips barely moving, like he’s scared to open his mouth too much.
Wait … like he’s scared?
It suddenly clicks what’s happening here. Keeping me quiet, the steady breathing, the slight tremor in his arm … he’s working really hard at this.
“You don’t need to talk if it’s too much for you,” I reassure him. “I like spending time with you too. Whether you talk or not, it’s fun.” Because as much as I want to push him to talk more, I don’t want him to be uncomfortable.
It’s the wrong thing to say, though, because Ziggy scowls at me.
“I’m sorry,” I quickly add, shifting closer. “Don’t get grumpy with me. I don’t know what I’m supposed to say.” But after that reaction, and the way he got cranky with me for not letting him try the swing first, plus how he acted when I spoke for him with Lynx …
“Should try being me.” His lips twitch, and it takes me a second.
“Wait. That was a joke.”
He stares at me.
“You just made a joke.”
Ziggy’s trying to look annoyed with me, but there’s amusement in his big, brown eyes.
His hair has dried the way I fixed it, and I’m able to make out all of his features for once.
The little nose, his expressive eyes, those deep red lips that hold so many secrets.
His piercings somehow enhance all of his best features as well.
The piercings at the end of each eyebrow, with a bar through the top of his nose, draw my attention to his eyes.
The two under his bottom lip and the septum piercing all frame out his lips.
I’ve always known Ziggy was cute, but after seeing that long, lean body, his perky butt, and the way he’s watching me now … attraction kicks up in my gut.
Attraction that I absolutely will not be acting on.
“Do you want to keep talking?” I ask, voice lower than normal.
He’s about to nod when he catches himself. “Yes.”
Happiness floods me. He doesn’t give me more than that, and I figure I’ll have to be the one to lead the conversation, but I don’t have an issue with that.
“How old are you?” I ask, starting easy.
If this is my chance to get to know him, I’m going to get as many of the important, quick things out of the way as I can.
When he doesn’t answer, I’m about to fill in the silence on impulse, but then I remember him covering my mouth, like he was asking for time.
So I swallow the words and give it to him.
“Twenty-eight.”
I probably could have guessed that, now that I can actually see his face. “I’m thirty. I think I look way older than you though.”
He studies me for a second. “You have happy lines.” Every word sounds like it’s costing him energy, and the way he pauses after he speaks to check my reaction has curiosity at what he’s looking for gnawing at me. He reaches for me, and his thumb brushes softly beside my eye. “Here.”
Goose bumps chase each other over my skin, spreading outward from his touch. “Did you call me wrinkly? How dare you.”
He snatches his hand back, like he thinks I’m being serious.
“I’m joking, Ziggy.”
The tension leaves his shoulders, and I get a small smile. “Asshole.”
It’s an insult, I know that, but my body reacts to the word in a completely different way. To distract myself, I ask, “How long have you been here?”
“Eight years.”
“Then … you were twenty. Where did you live before here?”
“Lincoln. Near Sacramento.”
“I’m from Lancaster. Grew up near LA, but the three of us got out of there as soon as we could. Too busy. Too many bad memories.”
“Like?”
“Our parents were mostly absent. Hudson had issues. It was a lot, but we got through it. Can I ask … about the talking? It’s like you’re scared of it. Did something happen?”
He pulls his bottom lip between his teeth, and when he releases it, it’s puffier than usual. I pull my gaze away as Ziggy shakes his head roughly.
Okay, new topic.
Something lighter.
“How do you date out here? I’m assuming you don’t have a girlfriend … boyfriend?” I’m fishing, and I’m not subtle about it. “Considering you spend a lot of time with me.”
He turns his attention to his fingers. “I don’t.”
“You don’t date? What a tragedy to keep yourself away from all those girls … boys?”
He flicks me with the back of his hand, and his smile tells me he’s picked up on what I’m asking. “I’m … umm … gay.”
Ooof, hello, nerves. They swim happily in my gut, and I shift closer again. “But no boyfriend?”
His smile widens until it lights up his eyes. “No. Never.”
“Never? Lies!”
He almost laughs, and I’m just gaping, wondering how the hell all the queer men ever let him get away from Lincoln.
Then he whispers, “I’m not easy to get to know.”
I can’t argue about that, but I do know that every minute of the last month or so that I’ve known him has been worth it to get to this point. It’s not coming easily to him, but he doesn’t feel like he’s fighting every word now either.
“Anyone who doesn’t take the time is missing out.” My words don’t give him the boost I’m hoping for though.
“Sweet, but … doesn’t help … the loneliness.”
Loneliness? Ziggy’s lonely? While I know he’s quiet and doesn’t leave Wilde’s End much, I never would have guessed. I assumed everyone who lives out here likes their solitude.
Was that his real reason for helping us? He wanted to be around people?
Thankfully, I’m already dry, and I sling an arm around Ziggy’s shoulders. “No more being lonely. You have me. Which is lucky because I really need you. I love my brothers, but they’re such pains in the ass, and I need you to keep me sane out here.”
“Sane?”
“Yes. Because I am also not dating anyone. I’ve been banned.”
“Banned?”
I tilt my head side to side. “Well, I’ve banned myself.
Dating only gets you into trouble, and I have a lot of issues with being clingy, so I’ve sworn off it.
We’ll be two best bachelors, living the bachelor life together and keeping each other company.
Doesn’t that sound awesome?” Because while I don’t want Ziggy to feel lonely, I also don’t want to feel that way either.
I like being around people, and I really, really like being around him.
He slowly shifts around so my arm falls away, and I lie back, smooth rock hot against my back. “You should date.”
“Why?” I ask, but it’s rhetorical. “So that I can smother my date with affection, make them hate me, and then walk away brokenhearted? Been there, done that too many times.”
“Smother?”
I wave a hand like I don’t care, but I do care.
I want to be able to show someone how much I love them without having to hold back.
“I come on strong. Nothing creepy, but I like to show people what they mean to me, and apparently, buying lots of gifts or showing up for a spontaneous weekend away or calling to make sure they got home from the date safely is too much, Kenny.” I put on a joking tone that matches how much of a joke some people think I am.
Normally, it doesn’t get to me, but talking to Ziggy is easy.
He’s never given the impression he’s judging me, and I’ve never met someone who feels like they’re hanging off my every word.
“That … actually sounds nice,” he says.
“What? Being too much?”
He dips his head, and for a second, I worry that’s all I’m going to get. “Having someone care like that.”
I meet his gaze, and this heavy moment of understanding passes between us. It’s a lingering thing, like every fresh hurt we’ve ever experienced is laid out between us, and Ziggy makes a whole lot more sense to me. He craves connection as deeply as I do.
“You know what … I’ve got you.”
He studies me like he’s trying to pull the meaning from my face. And maybe he doesn’t have words for what he wants to ask, or maybe I talk too soon, but I want to make sure he’s following.
“We’re friends. Bachelor bros. I get lonely too. Even with my brothers around, sometimes it makes it worse. I want someone who understands me, you know.”
His lips clamp together before he turns away. Ziggy’s small nod is his only answer, and I vow, silently and to myself, that I am going to make sure he knows how much his friendship means to me. I’m going to care about him so damn hard he won’t know what’s hit him.
But he’s closed himself off to the conversation, so it’s time to move on. Take advantage of his words while I have them.
“Hey, what about this action for me?” I ask, wrapping my arms tightly around myself. “Because I’m clingy. Get it?”
He immediately rejects the idea.
“I didn’t realize you were so picky about these names.”
“I’m not.”
“Well, you can’t tell me that doesn’t work. It’s like a clingy koala. That’s me. I’m the koala.”
The dry look I get back reminds me so much of Hart.
“Fine, but we’re going to find something. I want a name. I feel left out.”
Something brightens his face, but he keeps it to himself.
“You going to share whatever made you happy just now?”
His expression turns sly, and he still doesn’t say anything.
“Fine. Keep your secrets.” I tuck my hands behind my head and close my eyes against the sun.
Our conversation might be over, but his soft voice still consumes me.
Our conversation has given my whole self a boost, and I’m in one of those rare moods where I can’t stress or worry about anything when I’m this happy.
I turn his way, but when I open my eyes, he’s not looking at me.
Well, he’s not looking at my face.
Ziggy’s gaze is running over my body, and either he’s gotten sunburned really quickly, or his face is red from something else. Something else that is slowly making my blood warm as well.
I quickly close my eyes before he realizes he’s been caught because I think I want him to keep looking. I want to give him the freedom to check me out and appreciate me, the same way I was subtly doing to him earlier.
We’re just two men, appreciating the view that Mother Nature has gifted us with.
And I’ve thankfully sworn off dating at the right time.
Making a move on Ziggy would only end in disaster, like every person I’ve tried to date before him, and I have a suspicion that losing my new friend would be worse than any heartbreak I’ve had so far.
We’ll both have to stay content with looking. Friends picture each other naked all the time.
Absolutely nothing wrong with it.