Chapter 22
CHAPTER
TWENTY-TWO
KENNEDY
Ireally, really don’t like this. I’m walking along with Caroline, but everything inside of me is screaming to go back to the house. I should have checked in with Ziggy. I should have told him I wouldn’t be long.
But my brothers were pushing me to go with her, and Caroline was looking at me with all this expectation after driving two hours to get here. Two hours.
I’m still spinning over the complete one-eighty the day has done so quickly. How was I supposed to tell her that I already had plans—which I didn’t—after she made the effort to come all this way?
At least I told my brothers to apologize to Ziggy for me. As long as he knows that I’m not blowing him off, that’s the main thing.
Now I have to figure out how to blow off Caroline without being rude.
“I can’t believe you’re restoring this entire town. That must be so much work.”
“It is.” I glance back at the towering houses, happy with the progress we’ve made. “We’re at the stage now where nothing feels like it’s progressing forward, and it’s hard work but a lot of patience too.”
“I could imagine.” She reaches over, playfully giving my shoulder a squeeze. “Feel how tense you are. That can’t be good for your body.”
I subtly step out of her hold and don’t have the heart to tell her that I’m tense because she caught me off guard. It’s mean to tell someone who’s obviously interested in you that you’d rather be with someone else.
Maybe her coming here was the distraction I needed though.
All week, Ziggy’s been within arm’s reach, and it’s only going to take so long before I cross those invisible lines between us. The time I thought I needed still hasn’t come, and the longer I deny myself, the more I want him.
Ziggy knows it too.
At least, I think he does. If I’m reading him right, he can see the way I’m struggling, but he hasn’t made a move to put me out of my misery. Which only cements he’s as serious about this friendship as I am.
I glance back down at Caroline, and the interest is clear in her blue eyes. In the way she made an effort to come here. How she’s putting herself out there again, even though the last time didn’t work out so well for her.
She’s really pretty. I can’t deny that. Sexual attraction isn’t the issue, but it’s not her personality either. We’ve never had a problem holding a conversation, and I genuinely do like her.
So where’s that spark?
The spark that I get for literally any other person who’ll give me the time of day?
It’s not here. It wasn’t there when the bartender flirted with me the other night either.
I’d like to think I’m maturing and finally kicking the habit of emotional patheticness, but after thirty years, there’s no way. It’s who I am. I’m stuck with me.
And I have a sneaky feeling I know where that spark has gone.
Ziggy stole it.
It would be so much easier if Caroline pulled all those feelings from me.
Trying a relationship with her would be zero risk.
Sure, it’d be awkward at the diner, but losing her from my life would be a nonevent.
Ziggy though? It’s just my luck that the one person outside of my family who I want to keep has the biggest risk attached to him.
If I lost Ziggy, I don’t think I could breathe.
“Why are you here?” I ask suddenly, and it’s only after the words are out that I realize how rude they sounded. “Not that I don’t appreciate the visit, of course, but it’s out of the blue.”
I’ve knocked her off guard, and she pauses, almost at the tree line, and offers me a hesitant smile. “Thought you might like a friendly face and an excuse for a few hours off work.”
“I don’t need an excuse though. No one’s forcing me to do anything.”
Her light brown eyebrows curve downward, and I immediately feel like a dick.
“Sorry, I’m … feeling a bit off today. It’s nothing personal, but … you remember what I said last time, don’t you?”
“I remember you giving me some story about the distance and having to work.”
“It wasn’t a story. You made the drive; you know how far it is.”
“Two hours.” She shrugs, shoulders tan from the sun, with the thin straps of her dress holding on for dear life. “It was nice and scenic.”
“I have nothing to offer a relationship right now—”
“And I’m not asking for one.” She plants her hands on her hips. “I thought we could get to know each other better. Away from the diner. Maybe become friends and see if there’s anything here.”
Friends, I can do. It’s not like you can ever have too many of them. “Friends?”
She nods quickly. “Exactly.”
“As long as you know that I’m not looking for anything romantic. That’s not on the table.”
“You’ve said. It’s fine. I get it.”
“Okay …”
Do friends drive two hours to see other friends on a whim?
I have no idea. Apparently, I’ve never been a great friend to people, which checks out when I’ve always been so focused on that dream of getting married and settling down.
Maybe learning how to be friends with Caroline will help me when it comes to Ziggy?
Even I can admit that sounds like grasping at straws, but I’m up for anything.
“So …” She sways side to side, making her dress go all swishy around her. “Want to show me around this place? Hart said you guys own the whole thing. That’s impressive.”
Ownership is a loose term, given all the headaches we went through with Wilde. “Sure. Follow me.”
I’m cautious of it getting late when I put Caroline in her car and warn her to drive safely. She should make it back to Wayward before dark, but up here, surrounded by hills and trees, nighttime sets in fast.
I watch as the brake lights disappear into the trees, feeling thrown by the last few hours.
For someone who’s always sucked at romance, there’s no doubt in my mind that Caroline was flirting with me, after the agreed friends thing, and it’s not sitting right.
I’d hate to think I’m leading her on, but I was up-front about where I’m at.
I don’t know what else to do.
My brothers are sitting in the camping chairs outside the main house we’ve been using to sleep in. It’s the only one we haven’t started pulling apart, but once one of the others is livable, this one will be going too. Until then, it’s almost starting to feel like home.
“Surprised she didn’t stick around for dinner,” Hart calls as I get closer.
“Didn’t want her driving in the dark.”
“She could have stayed the night. We wouldn’t care.”
I bristle at how easily he throws that out there. “Why would I want her to stay?”
Hart’s cynical gaze slides to Hudson. “Ah … because that’s sort of your thing? Smother them in attention, wear their skin …”
“Gross.”
“He’s got a point,” Hudson unhelpfully adds. “Normally when you start seeing someone, you don’t let them out of your sight.”
“The difference is,” I say, trying to keep my tone even, “I’m not seeing Caroline.”
He waves my comment away. “Dating. Wanting to date. Same thing.”
“Did it occur to either of you that I don’t want to date her at all?” My tone gets louder with each word, but I’m met by silence. “Hartwell? I told you I didn’t want to date her.”
“Yeah, because of the stupid deal you made with Hudson.”
Before I can answer, Hudson cuts in. “Which I’m not holding you to, by the way. I know that getting together with Wilde sort of negated—”
“It doesn’t negate anything. And you don’t need to hold me to it.” I turn to the cooktop and act invested in getting it as clean as possible before I start dinner. “I brought up the idea because I wanted to do it. I’m sick of having my heart stomped on.”
“If it helps, I don’t think she’s planning to do any stomping.” Hart scowls. “I bumped into her in Wayward, and to get her to shut up about you and stop talking to me, I offered for her to follow me up here.”
“Yeah, well, thanks for that,” I throw back sarcastically. “Next time, don’t offer. I was busy and then had to spend the afternoon playing tour guide.”
“Tour guide to a pretty girl who’s interested in you?” Hudson mocks. “The pain.”
“Shut the fuck up.” It’s not like me to snap, and I know I’m making them uncomfortable, but the longer I have to think about it, the more I don’t like that no one is listening to me. Is it really that unbelievable that I’m not interested in someone?
“Wait …” Hart drags out the word. “Are you … mad at me?”
Am I? Hudson and I lock horns about the important stuff, but Hartwell never gives anything enough attention for me to bother getting mad at him. Right now though? I actually think I am.
“All I’m saying is that it would have been nice if you called first.”
“With her in my face? You wanted me to call and see if I was allowed to bring her over for a playdate?”
“I had plans.”
“Doing what?”
Nothing, actually, and I’m too slow to think up a lie.
“What’s really going on here? Any other time and you’d be high-fiving me for setting you up.”
“I don’t want to be set up.”
He makes a sound like he’s blowing me off.
“Fine, we get it,” Hudson says, taking over. “No more setting up. We’ll let you do your own thing.”
“Thank you.”
I ignore the way Hart sneers at us both.
Then, because I don’t want to draw more attention to myself, I pull out the utensils and check them over as I casually ask, “Did you pass on my message to Ziggy?”
“Yep.”
“What did he say?”
Hudson’s laugh is bitter. “Since when does he ever say anything?”
“He says a lot. You just have to pay attention.”
“Uh-huh. Right. Well, we told him you wouldn’t be back, and then he just awkwardly walked off. I assume he’ll be here tomorrow.”
I freeze. “You told him what?”
“That you had a visitor.”
I slowly turn to Hudson, anger rolling in my gut. “That’s not what I said.”
“It’s close enough.”
“How is he has a visitor anything like what I told you?” My blood is bubbling hotter as it occurs to me that Ziggy didn’t get my message. Not the one that was meant for him. That I very specifically worded for him.
This is not how I wanted my day to go. I’ll make it up to you.
“Why does it matter?” Hart snaps. “You guys got everything you needed done, and he had an early mark.”
“Keys.”
He blinks up at me.
“Give me the goddamn keys.”
I could kick them. Or myself. All I know is that while I was out here with Caroline, Ziggy probably thought I was blowing him off. With any luck, I’ll get to his place and he’ll be fine and think I’m ridiculous for worrying.
Worst case, he’ll think I did what I swore I’d never do.
Forget about him.
No one who knows Ziggy could ever do that.
Sunset is close to kicking in as I snatch the keys from Hartwell and storm toward the car.
My gut is twisted tight, and every minute it takes to get to him feels like forever.