Elle
Hiding in the restroom was a loser move. No doubt about it. I rode with a solid club full of powerful women. Yet, I was afraid to leave the ladies’ room and face my baby daddy.
Zodiac made me bonkers. I couldn’t chill around him. He wasn’t a dude like the men I grew up around. There was no shooting the shit in a casual manner with him.
Instead, Zodiac felt like a predator, always plotting to pin his prey in a corner where I couldn’t escape.
The sex was a blur. I was too wasted to be sure of anything except that Zodiac was a special kind of hot, and I wanted to rub that heat against my pussy.
Now, I had a bun in the oven, and the predator was back on my tail.
Eventually, Clint knocked and entered the restroom. I emerged from the stall and stared sadly at him.
“That could have gone better,” I admitted.
“Oh, I don’t know,” my brother responded softly. “Zodiac didn’t lose his shit like I expected.”
“Lose his shit, how?”
“Like, claim it wasn’t his. Or say you trapped him.”
“I knew he wouldn’t do that. He’s had my number all along. Now, he gets to rub it in my face.”
Clint cocked an eyebrow and asked, “Your number?”
“I’ve had a thing for him from the beginning. He knew and kept tempting me until I was too weak and drunk to be smart.”
“He knew that how?”
“I was pretty obvious.”
Clint crossed his arms and frowned. “I was there when you met. Wait, did you meet him before our clubs got together?”
“No. It was during that meeting. He had me hooked immediately, but I thought I could keep my pants on. When that didn’t happen, I wanted to pretend it didn’t happen. Yeah,” I said and gesturing at my baby bump, “that didn’t work out so well, did it?”
As Clint frowned harder, I felt him replaying the day our two clubs met at a neutral location to create an alliance. I’d been at my brother’s side. Clint hadn’t picked up on my not-so-subtle horniness, but Zodiac sure did.
“Well, I didn’t notice anything.”
“You’re blinded by your brotherly love.”
“Uh-huh,” Clint grumbled, struggling to hide his irritation. “What about when I mentioned Zodiac’s possible interest in you? Rather than admit you liked him, you made the whole thing into a big joke.”
“I’m a stoic woman who hides her emotions.”
“Bullshit.”
“I was embarrassed, okay?” I cried and then covered my mouth. “It’s echoey in here.”
“So, you like him?”
“I admit I find him insanely hot and want to hump his leg. No, no, I would prefer penetration. Anyway, I know what kind of man he is, so I’ve kept my feelings in a deep, dark hole inside me where my shame goes to fester.”
Clint stared at me in the hard way he did with his enemies. “You’ve been pregnant for months.”
“You’re doing that thing where you point out the obvious.”
“You never said anything about having a crush on Zodiac.”
“It’s worse than a crush. It’s something primal,” I said and rubbed my belly. “Like a heroin addiction, maybe. There’s no sense behind it. I want to avoid him. You should help me with that.”
“I invited him to dinner at our parents’ place.”
“Our parents’ place? Dude, I live there!”
“Yeah, and I thought he should see what domestication looks like, so he’ll stop trying to screw you.”
My outrage deflated, replaced by wild nodding. “That’s a good idea.”
Clint reached for the door handle. “Zodiac left the bar, and I don’t want to have this conversation in here. Let’s go home and talk out the situation with our parents.”
“We’ve discussed it plenty.”
“That was just related to your pregnancy. If you have feelings for Zodiac, this might get complicated.”
“I’ll avoid him.”
“That won’t work if he doesn’t want to avoid you.”
“But he might not really want me. You said he’s acting like this to get a rise out of you.”
“I was just guessing. But Exile once said he thought Zodiac’s interest in you was related to his respect for our dad. Ford was one of the few people to beat Zodiac in a fight.”
“So, it’s not about me at all?” I cried, flipping my mood and storming past him out of the restroom. “That’s a bunch of bullshit.”
“I don’t know what’s happening,” Clint said, hurrying after me. “I feel like you’ve been keeping secrets.”
“I don’t talk about when I masturbate or have horny dreams,” I announced, winning a grin from Boone. “Some things don’t need to be shared, but that doesn’t mean I’m keeping secrets.”
“Zodiac is the father of your kid.”
“Stop rubbing it in,” I said and rested my hands on my brother’s chest. “I don’t like wanting him. It makes me feel weak and stupid, but I can’t shake these feelings. That’s why I want to avoid him.”
“Elle, you need to face these feelings now before the baby is born. You were so emotional after Sutter’s birth. Why postpone confronting Zodiac until you’re more vulnerable?”
“That’s easy for you to say. You went cuckoo over an awesome fox like Ivy. She was able to fit into your life, and you sacrificed nearly nothing.”
“That’s not fair.”
“Are you really comparing your interest in sweet as sugar Ivy to my feelings for possibly evil Zodiac?”
Boone jumped to my aid by saying, “Elle has a point. Zodiac is an odd guy. He didn’t seem bothered at all by her announcement.”
Nodding, I pointed at Boone. “He gets it.”
Clint sighed and shook his head. “A part of you wanted Zodiac to know the truth. I wouldn’t have been able to talk you into doing this today if you weren’t on board.”
Hugging him, I admitted, “I like seeing Zodiac. But it also makes me feel bad.”
“Why?”
“Because he’s not a man willing to be loved.”
“You never know. Exile seemed like a royal fucking grump when I met him. But he warmed up real fast once he got a chance with Lula. People change.”
Nodding, I hugged him tighter. “I’m sorry I said you didn’t give up anything for Ivy. I know it was difficult for you to share your space with that itty-bitty woman.”
“It really was,” Clint murmured, holding on as if he’d been more worried about Zodiac’s reaction than he let on. “But it worked out. I want to believe things will work out with Zodiac, the baby, and you. It just might not work out like we expect. We need to stay flexible.”
“At least, you know this baby’s daddy isn’t a dog,” Boone said helpfully. “Remember how much you worried about Sutter being born goofy?”
Frowning at Boone, I told Clint, “I don’t want Zodiac to hang out around Sutter.”
“Because he’ll say something gross, and you’ll never like him again?”
“No, because he’ll say something gross, and I’ll still like him.
But I’ll feel extra bad about my feelings because he grossed out my boy,” I said and stepped back.
Tears pooled in my eyes. “Sutter is my everything. I know I’ll make room in my heart for this new baby.
And maybe I’m capable of loving Zodiac, even if he can’t love me. But Sutter must be protected.”
“No one is messing with him. He’s also used to people saying gross things. Just yesterday, you talked with Vanessa about waxing her lady region while he was sitting nearby.”
“It’s called a pussy, Clint,” I said and patted his cheek. “Grow up and use your big boy words.”
Grinning now, Clint realized our heart-to-heart was over.
I was tired after getting wound up over Zodiac’s reaction.
I was also a little disappointed when he didn’t flip out and call me a lying whore.
What kind of self-respecting biker president didn’t accuse a one-night stand of lying about him being her baby daddy?
Zodiac might be a punk ass, willing to take my shit. Or he might realize I’m frigid and figure I’d never spread for anyone else. I wished I could better remember the quickie we shared. Mostly, I wished I knew why I told him yes when I said no so many other times.