Chapter 3
THREE
NATE
JANUARY
“I thought I was going to lose you there for a minute.”
I looked up from staring at the floor where I’d been cradling my head, taking deep breaths. Amber was pale, her voice sleepy, yet the biggest grin I’d ever seen her wear stretched wide on her young face.
“I love you, Amber, but never again.” I chuckled lightly, struggling to get to grips with the mixture of horror I’d witnessed, along with the absolute awe and beauty of the moment.
“Thank you.”
I frowned at the catch in her voice.
“For being here, for everything.”
“Hey.” I stood quickly and returned to her side, stroking the hair off her sweaty forehead before smiling softly at the incredible baby in her arms. “You can count on me, always. You’re amazing.
” She seriously was. How she’d got through this—pushed Ivy out of her like that—was as mind-blowing as it was harrowing.
Amber sniffed and wiped a tear from her cheek. “I promise you’ll never have to get close to my vagina again, okay?”
I laughed loudly before cringing when Ivy made a squeaky sound in her mum’s arms. “That would be great. She’s worth it all, though, right?”
Amber looked down at her sleeping daughter, affection in her eyes that squeezed at my heart. “She really is.”
“I just can’t believe how perfect she is.” I really couldn’t. She was pink and squishy and had a mass of brown hair. I was sure that meant she should have looked weird and more like the alien I’d declared her to be, but bloody hell, she was beautiful.
“I keep just staring at her.”
I chuckled softly. “Right.” On cue, my gaze drifted back to Ivy.
Jesus, this kid wasn’t even mine, but already I loved her.
“I’m worried we’re not going to be able to stop.
You know, when she’s fifteen, and we’re still finding it difficult to not look away, she’s going to want to leave home, right? ”
Amber gave a tired snort. “I think maybe our fascination will wear off.”
I scrunched my nose, not convinced. “Maybe it’s her smell. Don’t people go on about baby smells or something?” I went to lean in, but Amber’s words stopped me.
“You know she smells beautifully of my vagina and amniotic fluid, right? And I think I may have shit myself too.”
I stared in wide-eyed horror at Amber. The nightmare woman that she was, she quickly clamped a hand over her mouth. I expected so her loud-arse laugh wouldn’t wake her baby.
“The hell you say that for?” I complained.
She shrugged and finally seemed to calm herself enough to speak. “Will you collect Gran and call Ryan and let him know?” Her gaze locked on mine, and I was sure she was waiting for a grimace or something. While my stomach flipped at reaching out to her brother, I’d do so for Amber.
“Sure thing. You need anything from home?”
“Nah. I think I have everything I need in my bag.”
“Text me if you change your mind.”
“Thanks,” she said as I dotted a kiss on her forehead and brushed a finger tenderly over Ivy’s supersoft hair.
It didn’t take long before I was in the car and heading to pick up Gran.
Amber had already laid down the law about her gran not being with her during the delivery, worried about Gran’s health and the dizzy spells that hadn’t improved.
Gran had been miffed for sure, but she’d taken her granddaughter’s request in her stride and had sat this one out.
I’d already called Patrick, asking him to open up the store, and Dad said he’d head on in during the busier hours to cover me. With those bases covered, there was just Ryan to deal with.
While I’d yet to speak to him again after his first call, he’d made an effort with Amber and his gran, calling them regularly, even though the game season had officially started.
While I hated taking sneaky looks to check how his team was doing and if his name was mentioned in gameplay write-ups, I actively avoided any game footage.
Seeing him would be too hard. Moving on was difficult enough, and I couldn’t lie to myself; I’d spent too much time over the years fantasizing about what could have been with Ryan Broadwater.
I hit Bluetooth, asking Siri to call Ryan B. A quick glance at the time, and I figured it was late afternoon in the US, and he didn’t have a game today—or yesterday, since he lived in the past. I snorted at the irony, sure I was still stuck firmly there with him.
“Nate, everything okay?”
That he’d answered immediately was a start. Ignoring the way my heart picked up speed, I replied, “Yeah, all good. Amber’s good; so is Ivy.”
“Holy shit, she’s a mum? I’m an uncle?”
“Yeah.” I huffed out a laugh as I hit the indicator and turned right. “They’re both great. Took a few hours, and Ivy was born about an hour ago. I’ve just left to pick up Gran. The midwife said she can go home tomorrow if she wants.”
“Already?”
“Yeah, apparently she can. Though she can stay longer if she wants. She seems keen to get home, though.”
“Can you send me a pic?”
My smile was automatic at the softness evident in his request. “Will do as soon as I pull over, sure.”
Ryan cleared his throat. “Were you there?”
“Sure was.”
“Oh, wow, and uh, how was it?”
“Gross and strangely amazing. Made me kinda relieved there’s no chance of me ever getting a woman pregnant.” I snorted, only becoming aware of the strange quietness that met my words.
“You won’t?” Curiosity colored his response, and I held my breath, realizing what I’d said. Ryan had no idea I was gay. I supposed it made sense Amber wouldn’t have told him. Why would she, considering their distance?
“I’m just pulling up now,” I answered, avoiding his question. “I’ll text you a photo. I expect Amber will give you a call when she has the energy. Bye, Ryan.”
There was a moment of hesitation before a quiet “Yeah, okay, thanks, Nate. Bye,” followed.
With a heavy breath, I exited my vehicle and rubbed a hand over my face.
I was bone-weary, so I couldn’t even begin to imagine how Amber must have been feeling.
I pushed my tiredness aside, which honestly seemed to be my new state of being of late, and headed up to the doorway.
As soon as I entered, Gran called out to me, “About time!”
I grinned, hearing her shuffle around. I picked up my pace to get to her, not trusting she wouldn’t hurt herself in her rush.
“I got here as soon as I could.” I held back my smirk at the stink eye she shot my way. “I don’t suppose you’re going to give me ten minutes to grab a shower?” Her snort was my answer. “I guess not. Come on, then. It’s time you met your great-granddaughter.”
A flash of warmth appeared in her eyes, gone but a moment later as she bobbed her head. “Let’s get a move on.”
I helped Gran into the car, then shot off a cute photo I’d taken of a smiling Amber and Ivy, who’d been midyawn, to Ryan. We headed to the hospital, picking up some chocolates and a balloon en route.
Amber smiled when she spotted us both, and I hesitated when I realized she was breastfeeding. “Don’t even think about running, Nate. It’s okay you’re here. I’m sure you’ll get used to seeing my boob out.”
I grinned and stepped fully into the room, looking on as Amber inhaled two chocolates and chatted quietly to Gran.
After a couple of winces from Amber, Gran called me over to help her stand so she could help her granddaughter latch Ivy on.
I did so immediately, not overthinking the weirdness of this situation, but through it all, I smiled, amazed at this whole feeding thing, this baby actually being born, and I’d been lucky enough to have witnessed the entire thing.
“I just can’t get over how she just knows how to do that.” I shook my head once I retook my seat, Ivy seeming to be feeding a little easier.
“Amazing, right?” Amber glanced at me, the darkness under her eyes not dampening her happiness.
“Sure is.”
“Did you talk to Ryan?”
“Yeah. He asked for a photo.” Amber’s teary smile told me it was the right thing to share with her.
I tugged my phone out and opened up my messages, having heard the notification alert on the drive back.
I read the message over once before smiling, saying, “Ryan thinks Ivy is beautiful, and he can’t wait to meet her. He also said how proud he is of you.”
I glanced over at Amber, who was gazing down at her suckling child.
She was a picture of contentment, and I was relieved Ryan had changed his tune from the call we’d had a few weeks back.
While I knew he’d made an effort, considering the mass of baby gifts he sent over for Christmas, letting his sister know she mattered and he cared for her was important.
This was good for them, reconnecting. Envy fluttered to life, and my heart panged.
What I wouldn’t give for things to be different.
I just didn’t know if that would ever be possible for the two of us.
Twice Ryan had broken my heart—the first time when he’d left, the second two years later when he’d distanced himself.
I’d be a fool to allow it to happen a third time.
FEbrUARY
Broken sleep. Inhaling coffee. Stained shirts. My life in a nutshell, but the smiles made it all worthwhile. While Ivy was still far too young to be smiling, her farts made it look that way, which was super cute, and every time I heard her gurgle, my grin came fast.
Amber was incredible. She was knackered and grumbled like the rest of us but quickly reined herself in and got on the best she could.
She also stopped being a dick after the first three days of being home and accepted our help more readily when we reminded her she didn’t have to go this alone.
As far as I was concerned, I was this kid’s uncle, and I’d do my best to make sure she and her mum were happy and well cared for.
But those smiles weren’t all about Ivy.
Ryan Broadwater was doing a hell of a job at worming his way back into my life. This morning was no exception. I glanced down at the text.
Ryan:
Did you catch the result?