Chapter 9 #2
I assumed the shake of his head meant he wasn’t convinced. “I mean, the last couple of weeks have been intense. Like, crazy intense. When we left the States, it was clearly without Sutton, and don’t even bullshit me by saying nothing weird was going on between you.”
I lifted a brow at his choice of words.
He snorted. “Not that thing between you. I mean, whenever I spoke to you or Sutton, you were never together.”
Trying to control my expression, I held back my wince. “You know, codependency is unhealthy.” Somehow I contained my smile as I channeled Sutton’s words. “Not spending all your time with someone can be a sign of a healthy relationship.”
When his mouth gaped, I couldn’t hold back my grin. His stink eye simply made me chuckle.
“You’re an asshole. You’re telling me everything was fine between you and Sutton?”
I reminded myself to stay as close to the truth as possible.
“Secrets are hard. You know that,” I said pointedly.
He acknowledged my words with a slight nod.
“Working together, being in each other’s space while having secrets, is not easy.
But you know Sutton is the one person in the world who gets me.
” The truth of those last words rang loud and clear.
“I’m not saying last season wasn’t difficult and that things were always okay between Gale and me, because they weren’t.
But it’s different now.” A genuine smile lifted my lips.
Everything was so very different.
While I wouldn’t forget the reason for the decision Sutton and I had made, I couldn’t regret it. I had my friend back, and what was more, I liked our version of dating. A lot. Like, a hell of a lot.
Every night before I turned the lamp off, because of course we were sharing a bed since being back, I couldn’t resist dotting that same brief kiss on his lips.
It was a moment, an exchange I’d come to crave.
The touch sent a flurry of butterflies to wake and take flight in my stomach every time I did so.
How on earth could I regret something that felt so right?
“You really love him, don’t you?”
“Yes,” I said immediately. Maybe it wasn’t the full-on romantic love he was referring to, but without a doubt, I loved Sutton. “So, my questions?” I pushed.
For a beat, Ryan stared at me, wonder still evident in his expression before he told me his story.
I listened, my heart feeling lighter the more he explained.
That he hadn’t figured out his sexuality until he was at college had made my heart flip over.
A strange relief formed in my chest knowing there wasn’t a single rule that meant if you didn’t realize at puberty or simply forever or something, it meant there was something funky going on.
It’s stuff I always thought I’d known, just from watching movies and TV, but it had never been a conversation I’d had.
“So falling for a guy later on, even though I’ve never been attracted to another man before, that’s, I don’t know, okay?” I asked honestly.
Ryan’s smile was gentle when he said, “I’m not the font of all knowledge to everything gay-related.
Struth, I’ve been publicly out for what, a year?
Sexuality doesn’t come with a rule book.
That much I know. You know the term love is love?
” He didn’t wait for an answer, saying, “You ever think about what that means? How love simply is love. It comes in so many shapes and forms, and no one size fits all. You falling in love with your best friend?” A huge grin lit his face.
“You know I’m all about best-friend love. ”
I grinned and put aside the empty beer bottle.
“You think about it. How many straight single guys have straight single female friends and it simply stays that way?” He shrugged.
“Sure, I know there’s plenty of exceptions, but I think falling for your friend is natural.
Here’s this person you care for, share all your time with, and it’s normal for romantic feelings to get involved.
I don’t know, maybe millions of people with platonic friendships would call bullshit.
Maybe we’re the anomaly. I just know that loving Nate is as natural and easy for me as breathing. ”
Latching on to his words, I absorbed them and considered them carefully. He stood and indicated if I wanted another beer. “Yeah. Thanks.” Alone with my thoughts, I thought about everything I knew and felt.
I loved Sutton.
I wasn’t sure about romantic love yet, but the idea was far from horrifying. And that sounded really shitty, but that I wasn’t as freaked by the possibility warped my mind.
I supposed the question was, did I want to be open for more with Sutton, really explore something with him? Make our “real” relationship really real?
Hearing footsteps returning to the outside patio area, I called out, “So tell me more about anal sex. Is it really as good as the porn I’ve watched?
” I was mildly aware that an engaged bi man wouldn’t ask these questions.
But hell, I needed inside information. I could totally argue the case that Sutton and I were saving ourselves till our wedding night.
When my dick perked up, I looked down at my lap in surprise. I huffed out a laugh. “Huh, you like the idea of some anal penetration, right, big guy?”
A strangled sound came from behind me. I turned quickly to peer over my shoulder. In the doorway stood Sutton, a bag of takeout in his hand and a heat in his eyes that had me freezing.
And as easy as that, my cock hardened, thick and fast, and totally on board with whatever was happening right now.
Ignoring the tremble in my hands, I gave him a chin lift, an easy smile on my face. “Smells good,” I said, completely ignoring the tension. I was 99.9 percent sure he’d overheard at least part of what I said.
Movement behind him drew my attention. Nate appeared. “We good to eat out here? I can put the patio heater on.”
Sutton jerked at the sound of Nate’s voice and stepped forward, clearing the doorway. His gaze shifted away from me as he reached the outside table and placed the bag down. “I’m just going to wash up.” And then he moved quickly back inside. My focus remained on him until he was out of sight.
Doubt sprang to life. Heat had been in his eyes when he’d looked at me. I was sure of it. But with how hastily he’d hightailed it out of here, maybe whatever it was I was feeling—my growing interest—was one-sided.
I hoped not.
“Everything okay?” Nate asked as he turned on the patio heater, taking our lack of responses about where to eat as a yes. While the temperature was dropping, the view of the pitch-black sky and the abundance of stars was spectacular. I was more than happy to stay outdoors for longer.
“Yeah.” I shook off the sliver of anxiety and smiled. “All good. Food smells great.”
He side-eyed me for a second but gave me a reprieve by switching topics. Launching into a story about something that had happened at work, he didn’t seem to notice I only half-listened, my attention drifting to Sutton.
He seemed on form by the time he returned, alongside Ryan with the plates and cutlery, offering his usual smiles, grunts, and nuggets of conversation.
More relaxed, it was easy to enjoy the good food and even better company.
When Sutton’s gaze caught on mine, some silent question in his stare, I’d offer him a wink or a smirk.
Each time, his lips twitched and he glanced away, refocusing on the conversation at hand.
The moments were small but somehow significant. With each brief eye contact, awareness flickered to life. The growth warm and comforting and surrounded by curiosity.
When the plates were cleared away and a dodgy action movie played, I could barely concentrate. The need to do something, reach out and touch Sutton, was a steady thrum in my veins.
Every time he moved slightly, my hair stood on end. With each huff of laughter at something ridiculous on the screen, my stomach tightened. My body, mind, and emotions were on high alert, attuned to him in every possible way.
When he shifted his leg at my side, his thigh brushing mine before casually moving away, I couldn’t stand it anymore. Ignoring the spike in my pulse, I leaned into him, pressing myself to his side.
Every muscle in his body seemed to contract at my touch. I ignored it, instead reaching out for his arm and maneuvering it to over my shoulder. When I positioned his hand where I wanted it, I snuggled in deeper, my palm landing on his stomach.
His abs flexed once, twice, and it wasn’t until I squeezed lightly and rested my head against part of his shoulder and his chest that the tension seeped out of his body. Relief spread through me, and when his arm pulled me in tighter to him, his hand clasping my arm to keep me in place, I smiled.
This was perfect. My comfort fix was engaged, but more than that, in Sutton’s arms, I’d never felt so at peace. Not needing to question it, I exhaled slowly, a wisp of happiness in my breath.
We stayed like that for about fifteen minutes before I repositioned my head on his lap so I could stretch out on the sofa. By the time the movie ended, my eyes were bleary, and I knew getting up would be an effort.
“Work for me tomorrow, so I need to hit the hay.” Nate stood, clasping Ryan’s hand and tugging him up with him. “You guys staying up?”
Yawning, I shook my head against Sutton’s lap, earning me a grunt. “I’m beat.” I turned to peer up at Sutton. His gaze was already on me, his irises looking black in the soft lighting of the room. “You ready for bed?”
He simply nodded.
I sighed. “I suppose I best get up then.” His stare didn’t shift. I became aware of two things. The first was my head was positioned right over his groin, which was firm under my head. The second was the shuddery breaths escaping him.
I gulped before the sound of shuffling reminded me we weren’t alone. Reluctantly I sat up and dragged my focus away from Sutton. “Night,” I offered to Nate and Ryan, who held hands and were glancing over at us, both with soft smiles.
Aware this was the first time we’d shown couple-y affection in front of them, my skin heated under their scrutiny.
“Sleep well. We’ll lock up,” Nate said.
At my side, Sutton stood. I angled to watch his movements, surprise making my heart stutter when he reached for my hand, much like Nate had done to Ryan. I clasped it, and we headed silently to our bedroom.
With each step we took, my thoughts ran rampant.
I need to brush my teeth. Will his cock feel the same as mine? How will he react if tonight’s kiss lingers and I go for it? Do I want to? My brain nodded frantically, my heart agreeing 100 percent.
I excused myself as soon as we hit the room so I could wash up. Before I closed the door, Sutton spoke, “Let me grab my wash kit, and I’ll use the other bathroom.”
With a nod, I held my breath as he walked past me, his arm brushing across my chest. Pulling my gaze away was impossible as I tracked his movements. When he finally left, I closed the door and gulped in air.
The man staring at me in the reflection was wide-eyed and pink-cheeked. Fuck, I looked on edge. My dick throbbed in my jeans, having been not so slowly growing hard over the past few moments. Holding on to myself, I squeezed lightly and shuddered.
“Get control of yourself,” I said to my cock. “If not, you’re going to embarrass the fuck out of yourself.”
My cock didn’t listen as I washed up, brushed my teeth, and stripped down to my tight-fitting boxers. The fit left very little to the imagination, the outline of my erection proudly on display. Unless I wanted to hide out in the bathroom and jack off, there wasn’t a thing I could do about it.
All of that shit about thinking gross thoughts or whatever never did the job for me. Hearing Sutton enter the room, I took a shaky breath. It was now or never.