Chapter 18 #2
“Fuck.” He backed up and sat, elbows on his knees, my cell in his hands. “Who showed you it?”
“Eddie.”
“So what, everyone’s seen this and thinks I cheated on you?” The pink in his cheeks bled to red. Panic flashed over his features.
Knowing exactly how he felt, my heart stuttered, and I reached out for him, stepping into his space. He stood immediately, his gaze unwavering. “I don’t like how this implies that I cheated on you.” His jaw tensed. “I’d never do that.”
I did know that. Jayden was a lot of things, but in all the years we’d known each other, a cheater was never one of them. “I know. I just don’t know what to do about it.”
“We put everyone straight. Tell them we weren’t together then. So what the media ran with the fiancé story. We’ve never confirmed it.”
“But we haven’t denied it either. It’ll just come across that we were lying, which we were. It doesn’t matter the reason. Plus there’s the academy. This year was the trial year for the LGBTQ+ focus group. How’s that going to be impacted when everyone discovers we lied?”
“But we’re together. We are in a relationship.” The fierceness of Jayden’s tone took me by surprise.
“I know.” I reached out and swept my thumb over his cheekbone. My heart beat loudly, making it difficult to think my way through this. Trying to decide what was for the best.
All I could think about was how it would likely make a mockery of Montview’s summer program. Plus our team was involved at the highest level with our manager’s backing of the new program.
Then there was Pearce.
He’d trusted us with his secret because of the lie we’d let him believe.
“I just don’t know how we make it clear you weren’t cheating on me without destroying all of the good we’ve done. Plus, there’s the Youth Pride program visiting tomorrow. We’re meant to be role models, for fuck’s sake.”
Jayden winced. “Shit. I’d forgotten that.”
I cracked my neck, trying to relieve some of the tension.
The preliminary program put into action this year at Montview was incredible.
Sure, it was the usual focus of offering elite training.
Add in the additional outreach work they were incorporating with LGBTQ+ organizations, and we couldn’t mess up.
Our deception could discredit what Harry and the team were working toward.
What they were doing here mattered. It would have mattered two years ago, but now, with my own letter somewhere in the long list in the Pride alphabet, it mattered so much more.
“Maybe we should just say—”
“No fucking way am I saying I cheated on you.” Jayden’s voice was firm, resolute.
A flare of guilt ignited in my chest.
“You’d prefer me to be a fucking pariah rather than us simply telling the truth?” Hurt bled through every word, making his voice shake. “Screw you, man.”
I winced. “I know it’s shitty, but if we don’t find a way out of this, work out how we’re going to handle it, it could screw up the LGBTQ+ inclusion.
No way will there be a chance of growth…
of other programs following the same model if we mess this up for them.
” A burst of determination pushed me to continue.
“Then there’s Pearce and everyone else here. They’ll fucking hate us and—”
“Yet it’s okay if they hate me because I’m the fucker who cheated on you?
” He shook his head, his hurt morphing into something more.
Disgust maybe? Anger? “We wouldn’t want that, would we?
Gale fucking Sutton, the genius star player who can do no fucking wrong.
” He backed away completely, shaking his head.
Exasperated, my hands shook. Frustrated at Jayden, this situation, and most of all at myself. But then there was the unmitigated spite to his words, ones that had me pursing my lips, holding back my desire to simply tell him to fuck off. “That’s not what this is about.”
“If you say so.”
I threw my hands up in the air and shook my head. “Jay.” The word came out harder than intended. I huffed out a breath, attempting to control my irritation. Taking the edge from my words, I said, “You know that’s not what this is about. This isn’t about me or you.”
He scoffed. “If the roles were reversed, I wonder if you’d be saying that.”
Jaw clenched, I ground my molars together, words spiraling around my brain, a flash of words he’d told me a few weeks ago rising to the surface.
“If you hadn’t bullshitted me in the first place, saying I was the last person you kissed, then this is something we could have prepared for.
Tried to cut it off before anything like this happened.
” The more I thought about it, remembered his sweet lie about me being his last kiss, it made me wonder if that moment had meant as much to him as it did to me.
Fuck, I was an idiot.
“So much for not partying and getting laid.” My hurt surged forth, transforming into anger.
Not once had we ever argued. Not once had I ever raised my voice at him.
Not like this. But fuck, he’d lied to me, and for what?
Why keep it a damn secret? It wouldn’t have mattered. It wouldn’t have changed anything.
Jayden’s mouth opened and closed a couple of times. As he shook his head, he said, “I didn’t. Haven’t.”
My brows shot up, and whatever he could read on my face hardened his own expression.
“You know what? Fuck you, Gale. You fucking started this. What, you couldn’t handle me kissing you a year back, so freaked the fuck out and decided to treat me like shit, and all because I got your dick hard?
” He sneered and shook his head. “All the fucking time since the day we met you’ve talked about integrity and honesty.
As soon as it doesn’t suit you, you’re so fucking quick to judge and turn the other cheek. This, all this… is on you.”
As if the wind had been completely knocked out of his sails after sharing his cutting words, sadness shadowed his expression. His shoulders slumped, his eyes became watery, and he swallowed hard.
“How about you do whatever you want? Deal with this how you decide. This past year’s already been a shit show because you chose to handle things by yourself rather than opening up to me. I don’t see how this is any different, not if you’re asking me to lie.”
He strode toward the door while I stood rooted at the spot, gut churning and heart aching. Before he pulled the door open, he glanced at me. Sorrow and hurt contorted his features. Pain slammed into me at the look he shot my way.
“Whatever you decide, I’ll do. You need me to take one for the team? I will.” He shrugged, raking his watery gaze over me one last time before he turned his back on me and left.
The silence in the room was deafening. Thick with anger and sadness, the air seemed too thick to inhale.
What the fuck had I done?