Chapter 9
NINE
CASSIUS
“Done.” My response was immediate, the galloping of my heart easy to ignore.
“Wh-What?”
I peered at Dylan just as he snapped his head in my direction.
“What do you mean, ‘what’?” I shrugged, nonplussed by his question and the way his features blanched.
“What do you mean by ‘done’?” he fired back. Wide-eyed, Dylan’s reaction appeared more than simply confused. Something else twitched in his gaze that I couldn’t get a read on.
“I mean, let’s get the paperwork needed, marriage license or whatever. Get this done today. That means we can get the adoption application sorted immediately after.”
I shrugged again and looked at Granger, the epitome of collected. Remaining quiet, the man studied us.
“You can do that, right? Get this ball rolling?” At his nod, I angled back to Dylan, grateful he couldn’t hear the frantic beating of my heart. “I’ve got a game tomorrow, so it can’t be then, but the sooner we get this done, the better, yeah?”
Once more, I focused on Granger, looking for confirmation. He offered it with the barest of nods, but his gaze darted to Dylan.
Dylan’s “Don’t you think we need to stop and talk about this?” grabbed my attention.
I took him in, the pink crawling up his neck snagging my focus. Shit. The pink combined with his still-wide eyes was a tell if ever I saw one, and since I knew this man almost as well as I knew myself, I reached out and squeezed his shoulder.
“This isn’t me railroading you.”
At my words, his lips twitched. The panic also began to disappear out of his eyes.
“It’s not, but—” I smirked. “—I reckon I’m quite a catch.”
The teasing earned me a snort, and I relaxed into the sound.
Granger cleared his throat. “How about I give you guys the room? Just hit the buzzer on the side panel when you’re ready for me.” Standing, he smiled over at us. “This isn’t time sensitive, and as your lawyer, I wouldn’t recommend you rushing into anything.” A pointed look was sent my way.
“Me, rash?” I quirked my brow.
“Uh-huh.” Granger shook his head, only stopping and offering a kind smile before he said, “From everything I know and have seen, you two have an excellent relationship and have been friends for seemingly forever.”
Damn straight we did.
“You both want what’s best for Mikey, so every decision you make, he needs to be at the center of it.”
I nodded, in complete agreement, but once again, the pointed look he shot my way didn’t go unnoticed. This time, there was so much more behind it. The implication made me shift uncomfortably.
Not that he officially knew anything. But considering I’d changed my will to include significant assets to be left to Mikey, it was obvious he suspected.
Beyond Paula and the clinic, no one else knew my full involvement with Paula’s journey to become a mom. That my best friend remained in the dark never sat right. An understatement if anything, since the secret between us hurt my heart. But I took every promise I made seriously.
That included the one I made Paula.
Once alone, I angled my chair, my knees brushing against Dylan’s thigh. “What are you thinking?” I studied his pink cheeks, trying to figure out why he wasn’t jumping all over this and trying to get us before a judge.
“I could ask you the same question.” A hitch of emotion, quite possibly panic, pitched his voice high.
“I’m thinking about Mikey and what’s best for him.”
His gaze softened at the mention of his son. “And what do you think is best for him?”
“That he never has to be in breathing distance of your parents. That I’ve witnessed up close the sort of hatred they can spout, and if there’s anything I can do to make sure that never touches Mikey, I’ll do it in a heartbeat.”
His pink was back, as was the widening of his eyes as he studied my expression intently. “Even marriage?”
I nodded quickly. “Especially marriage.” At the pursing of his lips, I took a breath. “I know you said you never wanted to get married.” It was a conversation we’d had countless times over the years. “But this is different, right?”
“Because it’s you?”
My grin was immediate. I arched a brow, throwing some extra cockiness in that one move. “Hell yes because it’s me.”
His snort loosened something tight in my chest.
I sobered a little before saying, “But yes, because it’s me. You’re the person I trust most in the world.”
“I trust you the most too.”
I reached out and took his hand. “Getting married makes so much sense if it helps stop any petition your parents make.”
Two lines appeared between his brows. “So say that we do. We make it legal.”
My heart jumped a little at his words.
“What do we tell Mikey? Sure, he won’t quite understand yet, but give it time and he will. And how long do we stay married for? Do we change anything? Live together?” He shook his head, something close to panic appearing on his face. “What about Mama T and Pop?”
My jumping heart did a little stutter. “Hell, my parents will be over the moon. They already think of you as theirs and Mikey as their grandkid.”
“Exactly.” His “exactly” sounded more rattled rather than happy confirmation.
“So what’s the issue?” This whole arrangement made so much sense to me. Sure, Dylan’s questions bounced around my brain, but every single one wasn’t insurmountable.
Dylan’s brows shot high, and his breathing seemed to cut off.
Surprise slammed into me, his reaction not making any sense.
This was legit the perfect solution. I loved and trusted him.
Loved Mikey. Hell, the more I thought about it, if I was going to get married to anyone, Dylan was the perfect and obvious choice.
One, he wasn’t a gold digger. Heck, I wouldn’t even have to worry about a prenup or such shit, as I trusted the man more than I trusted myself. Two, hanging out with the guy, even living with him… there was zero problem with that. As my best friend, every chance I got to spend with him was a win.
“The issue?” He shook his head, and the gleam in his eyes told me exactly what he was thinking.
Admittedly, I sometimes acted without thought to the consequences, but that wasn’t now.
Okay, maybe it was a little, but I’d already rationalized two solid reasons on top of doing this for Mikey.
“Marriage is one thing, but Granger said adoption.”
My pulse thundered. I’d heard every word Granger had said. Making Mikey mine and in a way that wouldn’t destroy my relationship with Dylan…. I swallowed hard. It was something I’d never dared contemplate.
My promise to Paula to not tell Dylan festered in my gut. But fuck if she hadn’t made one hell of an argument four years back when she’d first asked me to be the donor.
And that was what I’d always intended to be. The silent donor. I’d made peace with that.
Had I wobbled when Mikey was born and Dylan became his dad?
Only in the unease of keeping a secret from Dylan. Because fuck if he wasn’t an amazing dad. Even from day one, I’d known he’d be incredible, and he’d loved Mikey like he was his own.
I just hadn’t been ready—too unprepared to deal with any possible “claiming.” Jesus, even the thought that Dylan would think I was trying to take Mikey away from him made me want to crumple.
It still did.
“I know.”
“Marriage can be fixed with a quickie divorce. Adoption….” Emotion filled his eyes. “That’s not something you can sign away. It’ll be it, for life. He’ll be yours.”
My stomach swooped, fear and excitement battling it out in my gut. Taking a deep breath, I squeezed his hand and palmed the back of his neck. “I would never do anything to hurt Mikey. I love him. That will never change.”
How could I tell him that Mikey was my biological kid now? Jesus, everywhere I turned I felt like I was an inch away from manipulating him. This situation.
I didn’t want that. But fuck, was that what I was doing?
Unable to bear the thought of hurting Dylan and losing him, I shoved my secret away. Banished it as best as I could.
It took two heartbeats before the tension drained from him, a softness replacing his features. “I know you love him. It’s never something I’ll ever worry about.”
The conviction in his voice was a hell of a thing.
“So what is it you are worried about?” I trapped the teasing words I wanted to add to make him smile and cut through the tension. While this wasn’t how I expected any of today to go down, I could commit. I also knew this was some serious shit we were talking about.
“Everything.” Honesty rang through that one word and vibrated in my brain.
“All the questions already said. Your folks, our friends. Fuck… the media.” He winced at that.
“You want to drag Mikey into that? Him getting his photo taken? People commenting on our lives? Then, when you find someone who you actually want to marry for real, the fallout from that?”
Stopping his spiral with a soft “Hey,” I shook my head. “Who’s to say I want a divorce or want to marry someone else?” At the roll of his eyes, I continued, “No, I’m serious. You know how I am.” He was the only person who knew the real me.
Hookups with guys had always been brief. While they were fun, I’d never done more than exchange hot bjs and hand jobs. Not for a lack of wanting more but because of that damn fear that had never disappeared.
There hadn’t been a man I’d hooked up with who I trusted enough to even contemplate going further. Not since Dylan. And that wasn’t a memory I allowed myself to think about often.
It was too dangerous to recall all the ways he’d made me come undone.
The only times I had no control were in the brief moments of waking from a dream when I’d remember all too clearly the touch and feel of him.
Shaking the thoughts aside, I tried to get back on track.
Sure, there were women. But fuck if the horror stories of jersey-chasers hadn’t left their mark.
I didn’t have time for that level of bullshit.
Since Dylan still hadn’t responded, I continued, “Hell, you’ve got a better chance of meeting a guy who you want to get serious with.” I ignored the bitter taste the words left in my mouth. It was always there whenever we talked about him hooking up.
Add in the thought of another man coming into his life and being around Mikey and a flash of pain barreled into me. I wrangled that beast, shoving it deep into my gut. Focusing on Dylan rather than Mikey was easier.
Of course my friend needed cock in his life, but I was nothing if not a needy fucker filled with double standards.
At his snort, I raised my brows. “What?”
“That’s not likely.”
Rather than pressing, I sighed. “Either way, I’m not worried about that. But you’re right about Mikey.”
Perplexed, his eyebrows dipped. “In what way?”
“That he’ll get confused. Sure, I come and go all the time now, but I suppose this is all about real stability, right?”
Genuine shock registered on his expression, making me tut.
“No, no,” Dylan said immediately, no doubt reading my unspoken reaction.
“I’m not surprised you feel this way about Mikey.
I suppose I just….” He huffed out a breath.
“I suppose I’m just wondering what you’re thinking and what that means to you.
‘Mikey’s stability.’ If we go ahead—” At my huge grin, he narrowed his eyes at me.
“That’s not me agreeing. I’m just asking what Mikey’s stability means to you.
I know that ridiculous brain of yours is working overtime. ”
I held back my laugh, but only because I didn’t want him freaking out or punching me in the arm. The fact that he asked the question meant he was taking my words seriously. Holy shit. And they were serious. I was totally on board with marrying him.
But he was also right—as was Granger—that I had to think logistics.
“So, we tell my family the truth. No chance I can lie to my folks about this.”
“Agreed.”
My lips twitched at his acknowledgment, earning me a stink eye. “As for the media, they can have an announcement, and we’ll make sure Mikey is protected. Hell, his dad being a police sergeant has to come in handy for that, right?”
“And,” he started, looking decidedly uncomfortable—something I wasn’t used to seeing from Dylan. “Fuck, I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but what happens when photos of your latest conquest appear online?”
“I’m not that bad.” When his eyebrows darted high, I amended, “Anymore. I’m more discreet.
Plus, it’s been fucking ages since I hooked up.
These days, during the season especially, you know I’m usually hanging out at my apartment or with one of the guys.
If not them, I’m with you and Mikey.” Truth was, partying didn’t have the same excitement or pull it once had. Nor did casual hookups.
And since I had hang-ups about dating, it meant most action tended to be with my hand or my Fleshlight.
Dylan’s searching gaze compelled me to say, “I promise not to do anything that fucks things up for you or Mikey. That includes me humiliating you by ‘stepping out on you.’” Even as I said the words, meaning every syllable, I wondered where my head was at.
The fuck was I saying? That I was going to be celibate?
But looking at Dylan’s worried expression, the concern easy for me to read in his gaze, I couldn’t take it back. Just like I wouldn’t let him down.
There was little doubt in my mind that I wasn’t truly thinking about the ramifications of this, but the alternative of messing this up for my best friend and for Mikey would be worth it all. If there was anyone in this world I’d sacrifice for, hands down it was Dylan.
Mikey went without saying.
“I promise you we’ve got this and will figure everything out.”
“Okay.”
A flutter of relief tickled my chest. “So what do y—”
“I said okay.”
“Okay as in…?”
“Fuck it. Let’s get married.”