Chapter 25
Zoey
Zoey blinked. For some delightful reason she was on top of Nick, who was lying supine beneath her. They were outside, somewhere damp and tree-filled and with a high preponderance of moss, even for Portland.
And she was so thirsty. Not to mention that she could really go for a grilled cheese. (She’d really come around to grilled-cheese sandwiches since Reba’s arrival.)
Also, why was her wrist stinging like that? Were there mosquitoes? Had that weird bite from June become infected?
She didn’t have time to think about it, for suddenly Alice came barrelling in, all but drowning her in doggy kisses.
‘Alice!’ she giggled, rolling off Nick so that she could give her favourite girl a hug. Today Alice wore a cute branded Zombie Shuffle bandana, and the biggest smile she’d seen on the sweet dog in a while. ‘Alice, you’re going to scare away Romero!’
At that, Romero yowled. No wait, it wasn’t at that – it was because Nick had grabbed him. Weird, Romero was being suddenly … docile.
‘Zoey?’ The way Nick said it made it sound like he’d just emerged from a cryogenic sleep pod and was seeing the world again for the first time. ‘You’re all right?’
Zoey laughed as Romero jumped from Nick’s arms and started headbutting her leg.
‘Why wouldn’t I be all right? I’m at Laurelhurst Park with my favourite guy and my favourite girl and my favourite likely cat-mayor-elect.
Although I’m in a terrible outfit. Was I sleepwalking?
I haven’t done that since I was eight and peed in the laundry basket. ’
Nick sucked in a breath. ‘You don’t remember the whole zombie-transformation thing?’
Zoey’s eyes widened, and she lifted her pyjama cuff to her tongue to wipe off the suddenly foul aftertaste that was growing there.
‘Oh my God. The bite from June! And then … your sisters!’ Zoey’s eyes widened as flashes of memory came to her. ‘They must have thought I was a complete deviant. An inebriate! A lush! A sartorial disaster.’
‘Good to see the vocabulary is making a quick comeback. Bodes well for the spelling bee I’ve signed us up for at the Kennedy School Hotel.’ Nick’s tone was light, but she could see the relief in his eyes. He kissed her gently on the forehead, tucking her hair back the way she loved.
‘I’m so glad you’re all right. You wouldn’t believe how worried I was. How worried we all were.’
Zoey flushed.
‘And also, my sisters will love you, Zoey. When they get to know you properly. The real you. Not the zombie you. Although she did have her charms. And very strong opinions about brains.’
Zoey groaned. ‘I really did the whole brains thing, huh?’
Nick winced.
‘Too soon?’
He nodded. After a moment he gently ran a hand over her hair, coaxing the rattiest parts of it back into something somewhat socially acceptable.
‘There’s always a beanie,’ he said eventually. He touched her face softly, as though trying to convince himself that she was truly there. ‘I was so scared I’d lost you. And not just because you’d escaped the house.’
‘I had Find my iPhone turned on,’ she said helpfully. ‘You could’ve used my laptop. If you needed a thumbprint, Romero’s paw also works.’
She waggled said paw, and Romero mrowed grumpily.
‘So, what’s with the sharps container?’ she said momentarily. ‘Although judging by the tie-dye strap, I’m guessing it’s something to do with Reba. Does she have you injecting hard drugs? Because I was only zombified for, what, twelve hours?’
‘She tried,’ said Nick, with a grin, ‘but I remembered my D.A.R.E. training.’
He explained the vegan-tattoo-ink antidote, and the fact that a small posse of women was presently roaming about the city stabbing zombies with ink-filled syringes.
‘Wow,’ said Zoey. ‘I did not have that on my bingo card. Although I probably should have.’
She reached for Nick’s wrist, rubbing her thumb over the small Toad tattoo he’d got at InkWell. ‘Frog and Toad really saved the day, huh?’
He grinned. ‘Are you really so surprised?’
‘Never. Although now I’m regretting my reticence.’
‘We’ll have Joaquin hook you up when this is all over. I have discount cards and everything.’
Zoey stiffened. ‘Wait, Nick …’
Something was lurching through the cemetery. Two somethings. One tall and bony, the other taller and bonier. It was like being stalked by twin grim reapers, if one of those grim reapers was clad in head-to-toe Lululemon.
‘Braaaains,’ they moaned. The smaller one said it with a touch of self-loathing, while the taller one said it with a touch of general loathing.
‘Is that … June? And Nate the Hater?’ whispered Zoey, scooting behind Nick, who produced an ink-filled needle from a patch-covered backpack slung over one shoulder. Holding it between his teeth, he pulled out another one and passed it to Zoey.
‘Here,’ he said. ‘The logistics are a pain, but we’re not reusing sharps. How are you with needles, by the way?’
Zoey gulped. ‘I once watched someone at a fancy restaurant use one to add some foam to my dessert. But that’s about it.’
Nick nodded. ‘Just jab and depress. It’s all about that thumb action. I believe in you.’
June and Nate were closer now, shuffling between colourful bushes and around ornamental rocks.
‘Braaains,’ they muttered, in sync. They wobbled slightly, which unnerved Zoey: June was always banging on about her excellent proprioception. She had better balance than a spirit level.
Then the zombies halted. They turned towards Nick and Zoey, lurched slightly, then started hustling forward at, well, not at speed. But at something faster than the lumbering pace they’d managed until now.
‘Oh shit. They’ve spotted us,’ whispered Nick.
June and Nate shambled towards them. Zoey reached for Nick’s free hand, knotting her fingers with his. He squeezed gently, and the heat of his touch raced through her, steeling her. They could do this. Together.
As the zombified couple staggered over, Nate grunting in disapproval at a pink rhododendron that snagged at his jeans (zombies were apparently still capable of being haters), Nick and Zoey pulled back the plungers on their needles.
‘On the count of …’
But Zoey had already lunged, leaping towards June with the springiness of Alice chasing a squirrel up a tree. With a Xena: Warrior Princess trill, she jabbed June in the leg, depressing the syringe with vim.
June shrank bank in horror. But then … the green tinge of her skin retreated, returning her to her regular wan shades. She blinked as though she’d just emerged from watching a particularly long Charlie Kaufman film at a particularly dark theatre.
‘Oh my goddess, Zoey. You know I’m anti-vaxx. And Nate … ew, Nate, stop dragging your feet. It’s unbecoming.’ She squinted at Zoey. ‘Hang on, did I bite you? I feel like I bit you. Maybe I was lucid dreaming, because I’ve been working on that.’
Zoey held up a finger. ‘Give me a second, June.’
She stuck out a foot, which Nate shuffled over, stumbling forward into a sprawl. Nick reacted with preternatural speed, jabbing Nate in the arm with the ink-filled syringe.
‘What the fuck, man? Now I’m going to have to get that covered up,’ moaned Nate. ‘Which means an even bigger tattoo, which means being even more mainstream. Ugh, why are we in the park, babe? Laurelhurst is so overhyped. They do silent discos here. Silent. Discos.’
‘And Oingo Boingo cover bands,’ added Nick, helpfully.
Nate moaned again. But in a hater way, not a zombie way.
‘Well, he’s feeling better,’ whispered Zoey to Nick.
Nick wrapped an arm around her, giving her an affectionate kiss on the forehead.
‘Jesus, you need a bath,’ he said. ‘Did you sleep in the sewer or something?’
Zoey had a sudden flashback of Nestor’s polka-dot shoes behind the dumpster. Oh no, she hadn’t followed in those red-and-white footsteps, had she?
‘Or something,’ she replied, grimacing.
‘I have some unfluoridated mouthwash, babe.’ June pulled a container from her vegan leather (i.e. plastic) purse and passed it to Zoey. ‘It’s basically just chilled mint tea.’
Zoey pretended to take a sip and passed it back. Post-zombie backwash wasn’t really on her ‘let’s eat’ list.
‘I like your sharps case, dude,’ said Nate gruffly, jerking his head towards Nick’s waist.
‘Thanks, man,’ said Nick awkwardly.
‘C’mon, June. There’s a shitty band playing at my friend’s place in Ladd’s Addition. They suck, but …’ Nate shrugged. ‘But let’s go anyway,’ he said at last.
‘Huh,’ said Zoey, as the ungainly couple made a beeline south towards Hawthorne. ‘A near-death experience was all it took to get a compliment out of Nate the Hater.’
‘He’ll come back to normal soon enough,’ said Nick. ‘It’s the antidote talking. Like how people get that fight-or-flight response from an EpiPen.’
Zoey pulled a fistful of syringes from Nick’s quiver and jammed them in her pocket. ‘Tattoo syringes are way more Portland.’
‘And cheaper.’
Zoey swallowed. ‘So, how many more zombies do we need to cull before life is back to normal again?’
‘So many,’ said Nick. ‘Although I’m sure there’s a baseline number where we’d be fairly safe. Just so long as tattoos stay in vogue. Sort of like a vaccine herd-immunity thing.’
‘Well,’ said Zoey. ‘It’s always good for a couple to have a shared hobby.’
‘Babe, I am absolutely here to hunt zombies with you.’