14. Adam
ADAM
It is so fucking surreal to be sitting at the desk Kate Pogue usually sits at when she’s ranting about me on The Net Zeroes.
On those episodes I hate-watched multiple times.
And now, if things go as planned, she’ll watch the recording of this live episode over and over again. With me by her side. While she points out my flaws.
That’s the dream.
“Okay, here we go,” Rhys says into his mic.
“Ladies and gentlemen and hopefully my sister, Kate—we are honored to have the captain of the Icebreakers himself joining us on the pod for this special live episode. You know him, you love to watch our sister hate on him: Adam ‘I Fucked Up, Can I Come On Your Show Tomorrow?’ Foley. Side note—our first answer was ‘Dude, it’s not that kind of show.’”
I just stare at him, stone-faced.
“So anyway,” Lance says. “Long story short, Adam Foley has something he’d like to say to our sister, and she won’t take his calls. He wanted to make a grand gesture by reading a poem aloud, so obviously he thought of The Net Zeroes. You’re a brave man, Foley. Take it away.”
“Thanks, guys.” I look into the camera and say, “Red, if you’re watching, I’ll make this quick. You were right. I was an asshole.
“I have never seen a teen romantic comedy, but I’d like to thank Ms. Percy for giving me the idea to do this.
However, I’d like to point out that I did write this poem myself, so if you like it—this was all me.
If you don’t, you can blame Ms. P. Here goes.
” I clear my throat and read from my Notes app. “I call this ‘10 Things.’”
“I hate the way you troll me,
And your beautiful red hair.
I hate the way you give me shit
And act like you don’t care.
I hate the way you call me names,
Especially The Brooding Buckaroo.
I hate that you never realized
I’ve been broody because of you.
I hate to see you at the rink.
I hate seeing you in my dreams.
I hate it when you come to games
To cheer on my rival teams.
I hate that you have every right
To never take my calls.
But mostly I hate that we don’t hate each other.
Not even close, not even a little, not at all.”
I slide my phone into my back pocket and look at the camera again.
“To the woman I hurt. You know who you are. I am so sorry. And I think I’m in love with you.
Ms. Percy told me to say this, but it happens to be true.
All of it. I’m sorry about taking the bet.
I’m sorry I didn’t try harder to stop you from walking off when you found out about it.
“And so, I propose this… I, Adam ‘Never Been Not Pissed At Me’ Foley, will be at the rink at Waterfront Park at one o’clock today.
Tina checked your shared calendar and said you don’t have any appointments this afternoon, and Eunice said that would give you enough time to get your shit together.
Her words, not mine. If you accept my apology, I ask you to come to the rink so we can experience our first public kiss.
Not so I can win a bet. So I can win your heart.
“You’re probably laughing at me right now if you’re watching, so I’ll leave you with those two glorious sentences.
Oh, and Ms. Percy wanted me to say that even though I’m referencing two totally different iconic high school rom-coms that it will all make sense if you show up to the rink. And bring your skates!”
I look over at Rhys and Lance, who are both pretending to weep while shaking with laughter.
Assholes.