Chapter 20 #2
I had to escape into the pantry so Griffin couldn’t see my smile and was able to get myself together before I walked back into the kitchen with two boxes of crackers and a bag of pretzels.
Griffin’s eyes lit up, but Warren shook his head before he said, “Nothing for you until you find some manners that will keep everyone from thinking you’re a complete asshole. ”
Raven sputtered out a laugh and then slapped her hand over her mouth when Griffin and Warren both looked at her with blank stares. It was uncanny how much Griffin resembled Warren, not only in looks and coloring, but in their facial expressions and attitude.
“Darcy, may I have something to snack on now since I’m too hungry to wait for dinner?”
“Please!” Warren hissed.
“Please,” Griffin said with a put upon sigh. He glared at Warren before he said, “I’m supposed to be training her, not the other way around!”
“I’d love to help you find a snack, Griff,” I announced as I set the crackers on the counter and then moved over in front of Griffin so I could punch in the code on the padlock that kept the knives and other too sharp for children utensils secure.
When I had first noticed the drawer, it shocked me to think that Crow needed to lock away the knives as if Griffin was a criminal looking for a weapon, but then I learned that he loved to cook and would use them without supervision any chance he got.
So, instead of giving him access to knives, Crow and Brighten had kid-friendly cooking utensils in a drawer he could easily access, which was where he found the bright green knife he was holding now.
“If you choose the fruit, I’ll get it ready to eat,” Griffin offered as he set the knife on the counter. He walked over to the pantry and came back with the stool he used when he was helping Crow cook a meal, and then sighed before he said, “This didn’t go how I planned it at all.”
“You understand that Darcy isn’t really your stepmother, don’t you, Griff?” Raven asked.
“But I need a stepmother,” Griffin whined. “All the really good protagonists in books and movies have one.”
“They do?”
“Yes! That’s what helps them become strong in the face of adversity. A stepmother is a . . . um . . . I can’t think of the word I want to use . . .” He frowned and thought about it for a second before he exclaimed, “A pivotal part of the character building plotline!”
I burst out laughing and explained, “I have an evil stepmother, Griffin, and the only thing she helped me build was resentment and self-confidence issues that require weekly sessions with my therapist!”
“But you’re stronger for having had one,” Griffin said slowly, as if I’d just made his point for him.
I looked at Warren and then Raven with my mouth open in shock before I admitted, “I don’t know how to argue that. I’m outgunned by a . . . how old are you again?”
“I’m eight years old.”
“Oh, my God. Does this happen often?” I asked Raven.
“All the time. Welcome to the club, Darcy.”
I ignored her laughter and asked Griffin, “So, you think that by forgetting your manners, which I’ve seen you use time and time again, that I’ll become the horrid stepmother like you’ve read about in . . .”
“‘Hansel and Gretel,’ Cinderella, The Parent Trap, A Series of Unfortunate Events . . . They all have evil stepmothers.”
“You’re right,” I agreed as I considered it. “Most of the major characters have something like that. There was even one in Harry Potter. Granted, she was his aunt, but still.”
“Crow is my duncle! If I can get him to start being bad, too, then maybe I can learn . . . This is great!”
“I didn’t mean to . . . That wasn’t a suggestion.”
Warren’s face showed his disgust at my lapse. “It’s too late now, Darcy.”
“Oh, no.”
◆◆◆
I heard Crow come into the bedroom and smiled when he was careful shutting the bathroom door so it didn’t make any noise before he turned the light on so as not to disturb my sleep. I had been sleeping, but not well, and I had a good idea why.
I was terrified that Rev would call out and I wouldn’t hear her - so worried, in fact, that I had considered sleeping in her room to make sure I didn’t miss her cries if she woke up.
I managed to stop myself from going that far, although I had checked the baby monitor at least five times since I had gotten into bed, worried that it had stopped working since I’d last checked it.
And then, while I lay there wondering if I was even capable of parenting when I could barely remember my own mother and had nothing to measure my abilities against, I started to doubt my place in Crow’s life.
He had a close friendship with Brighten, and he and Hawk were like two peas in a pod.
Together, they were raising Griffin to be an incredible, albeit terrifying, little boy.
I knew that they would do anything to help with Rev, too, and wondered what part I would play in that equation.
The only thing I had learned from my stepmother about integrating into a family was how not to do it.
She’d also taught me not to trust women in general, but luckily my relationship with my sisters had tempered that.
But what if living with her for years had fundamentally changed me in some way and I was going to start acting like her?
I knew that couldn’t happen - mostly because I refused to let myself be a horrible, botoxed swamp monster bitch like she was, but also because there was no way in hell that Crow or anyone else in his family would let me go that direction.
Since those doubts were already swirling in my mind, tonight’s struggle to settle Rev only made them louder.
She was cranky and irritated - mostly, I knew, because she was overtired and still learning how to manage her emotions after a lifetime of turmoil and chaos.
Still, I couldn’t shake the worry that some of her frustration was because of me.
What if I wasn’t good enough to be a parent to Rev?
I knew I wasn’t smart enough to be anything other than a snack-bitch for Griffin, even though he’d never really treated me that way before this evening.
How long would it take for Crow to figure out that I wasn’t worthy to live here in his house and help him raise the kids? And when he realized how . . .
“I could hear your mind whirring all the way in the bathroom,” Crow said quietly as he crawled into bed behind me. He wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me flush against his body before he said, “I didn’t mean to wake you up, Sleeping Beauty.”
“I wasn’t sleeping very well anyway,” I assured him.
“Let’s talk through whatever’s bothering you,” Crow suggested. “Start at the top of the list.”
“I’m sure you’re tired after working all evening.”
“My work consists of dealing with people who consider watching women who care nothing about them dance as if they’re the only one in the room, and throwing out the occasional asshole who thinks that just because they are who they are he can paw at them like an animal.
Throw in some bartending and a whole lot of paperwork and I’m tired from boredom not exhaustion. ”
“Is that what it’s like every night?”
“No. Some nights are comedic relief, other nights I get to wade into the middle of a catfight between grown women who should know better than to borrow shit from the others, and some nights I sit in my office watching The Office series for the fifteenth time.”
“You might get to look at beautiful women, but I get to snuggle sweet dogs and even the occasional cat. My job is much better.”
“You end up smelling like a wet dog by the end of the day, and I’m covered in glitter,” Crow added. “Not sure which is worse.”
I laughed before I asked, “If you don’t ever touch the dancers, how does that happen?”
“When I figure it out, I’ll be sure to let you know,” Crow assured me. “Now talk to me. What’s on your mind?”
“What if I’m not a good parent? What if I turn out like my stepmother and everyone starts to hate me?”
“Does this have something to do with the message I got from Griffin asking if we can cut open the space under the stairs and make him a bedroom?”
I smiled softly before I said, “Maybe.”
“I also got a message from Ruf letting me know that the book on dog training that we got Griff has made its way around the kids. They’re trying to use it to train the women in their lives.
He figured that out when he watched Koda convince Jovi to get up from the couch and get him a bottle of water.
He actually tried to stuff an M&M into her mouth as a reward. ”
“Holy shit,” I sputtered out through my laughter.
“I haven’t talked to Rip yet, but I’d imagine Scoot’s doing the same kind of thing, which he’ll nip in the bud just like we will.”
“I think your mom was right. We may not be outnumbered like she was, but we’re definitely outgunned.”
“Is that what you were worrying about?”
“I’m afraid that I won’t be enough for . . . everyone. You, Rev, Griff . . . Everyone.”
“Darcy, I love you because you’re you, not because you’re perfect, but because you’ve got flaws like the rest of us.
I was never the perfect dad and I’m not even the perfect uncle now.
Sometimes I wasn’t a great partner to Brighten when she needed me, and unfortunately I’ll probably fuck up sometimes and not be a great partner to you either.
But the thing is that I’m gonna try, and even after I fuck up I’m gonna try even harder.
As long as you do the same I think we’ll get through this parenting adventure relatively unscathed. ”
“You think?”
“One thing we haven’t really discussed is having children.” Crow laughed softly before he added, “More children.”
“Right.”
“And you’ve gotta be up in a few hours to go to work and I’ve gotta be up in a few hours to take care of Rev, so now probably isn’t the time to . . .”
“I’d like to have four kids, close in age.”
“Okay, does that number include Rev?”
“Yes, but I didn’t count Griff in the number because he’s a shared asset and he won’t need a bedroom since he insists that he wants to live under the stairs.”
Crow laughed again before he asked, “How close in age?”
“There are three years between me and Clancy, but not much more than one between me and Tansy, so let’s say that there should be two between each of them.”
“Well, honey, Rev will be two in four months, so if we’re going to stick to that idea, we’ll need a time machine.”
“Approximately two years between each child.”
“Why four?” Crow asked.
“When I was a kid, I wanted three girls and three boys, but the more I got to know your mom, the more I understood that number is dangerous to a person’s mental health.”
This time Crow laughed outright, shaking me and the bed, until he was finally able to choke out, “Mom’s not crazy, she’s just . . .”
“Done with your shit, and ready for some peace and quiet?” I asked.
“Very much so!”
“Rev is going to need a little time to adjust, and we have no idea what else is in store as far as her development, so I think we should wait until she’s at least three before we try for another child.”
“That right there is very much a mom thing to do - you put her needs in front of your own wants without even thinking about it.”
“Well, it only makes sense . . .”
“You’re gonna be a great mom to Rev, Darcy. You’re strong, capable, powerful, and just stubborn enough to never settle for anything less than the best. That’s how you hooked me, after all.”
I turned in his arms so I could face him before I said, “You’re the best, huh?”
“Quite possibly, but in my eyes you are the best. The best thing that’s ever happened to me, and the best thing that could have ever happened for Rev and the rest of my . . . soon to be our . . . family.”
“I love you so much, Crow.”
“Love you too, Sleeping Beauty. Now, it’s time for you to live up to your name. We’ve only got a few hours left before the day starts, which puts us one day closer to the wedding, which means that’s one day closer to us only sleeping in bits and spurts between wild bouts of hot as hell sex.”
“You really do think you’re the best, huh?”
“Absolutely.”
“I guess we’ll see.”