Chapter 25
twenty-five
Holiday lights twinkled along Main Street, their soft glow reflecting off the crisp snow that had started to fall.
I tucked my hands into my coat pockets, my breath puffing out in little clouds in front of me as I walked beside Brenden, my childhood best friend turned high-school boyfriend turned … well, not quite a stranger, but something in that general vicinity.
It had been years since we’d seen each other. We were no longer teenagers, but still with a history between us, and that history was heavy with memories of first love and first heartbreaks.
Or something like that.
Brenden, always the easygoing type, cracked jokes like he used to. His deep laugh was infectious in the quiet winter night as we walked.
I smiled, glancing at him from the corner of my eye.
“I swear, this town has never changed,” I said, keeping my voice light. Though there was still hesitancy as I looked around as we walked.
The town was just about the same as I remembered it, and it wasn’t as if I’d never visited home with Gina when we were on school breaks, but now it felt different. I felt different.
“I mean, look at this. Snow is falling on the same slightly run-down shops.”
Brenden grinned. “It’s strange to think, but I think I missed this place a little.”
“You haven’t been back recently?”
He shook his head as his hand reached down and brushed against mine. “Busy. But this year I promised my mom that I’d be home for the holidays.”
“That’s nice of you to find the time,” I said.
“Come on,” he said. “This is your first time back here in a while, isn’t it?”
I shrugged, looking down at our feet and back up to Brenden’s face. He sniffed, jostling the bridge of his glasses that tipped slightly to the side. It was as if I was back in high school walking outside when we had no money and nowhere really to go.
It was easy to fall into our old rhythm. Almost carefree.
Or maybe, lately, I had just gotten too used to struggling all the time.
“I’m probably going to be around more often though for my mom, so don’t go feeling bad for her,” said Brenden. “I’m actually planning to move into the city soon.”
I whipped to look at him. “You are?”
“Yeah, I got a job offer. Seemed like a good option. When I get there you’ll have to show me all the cool places around.” He nudged me playfully with his shoulder.
It was impossible not to feel the chemistry. Maybe the young, vibrant attraction we had between us in high school could never go away. Did that kind of thing just disappear? Even buried under all the years of other friends and relationships and distance?
There were moments—when our hands brushed, when our familiar gazes lingered for just a second too long—that made me question whether I could just slip back into the past and pick up where we’d left off, probably just like Gina had thought.
But could I? Could we?
Did I want to?
I caught Brenden glancing at me as we passed the old school bell tower on the edge of town. His eyes softened as he took a deep breath.
“Do you ever miss it?” he asked, his voice quieter now. “Us, I mean. Back when things were simpler?”
Another pang of nostalgia hit me in the chest, sharp and sudden.
“I wouldn’t call high school simpler. But sometimes,” I admitted, stopping in my tracks and looking up at the tower. “But I don’t know if I miss us or if I miss who we were then.”
Brenden’s brow furrowed slightly, and he turned to face me, hands jammed into the pockets of his coat. “I get that. I think I’ve changed a lot since then.”
“You think?” I raised an eyebrow at him.
“Okay, I’ve definitely changed. I’m not the same guy you dated in high school, Bri.
But …” He paused, as if trying to find the right words.
“But that doesn’t mean the old parts of me are completely gone.
The ones you liked, I mean. The ones you …
” His voice trailed off, leaving the space between us heavier than before.
Tightness coiled in my chest. I was glad I still had my hot chocolate cup to hold in my hands as my thumb scraped against the side of the plastic lid.
“Just like I’m sure you’ve changed too. For the better.
We’re adults now.” He smiled. “Though I can see that you’re still the cute, funny, smart, creative girl I knew.
At least from what Gina was telling me. It surprised me when she reached out, but I couldn’t help but feel like it was right, you know? ”
“I know,” I whispered. “I just … I’m not sure I’m the same person I was either in a lot of ways even though it may seem like it.”
“I get that. Trust me, I get that.”
“Maybe that’s what makes this feel so strange. I’m sure Gina had good intentions.”
Brenden reached out and tucked on my hand to stop. He stepped a little closer, his eyes locking on to mine with an intensity that made my heart race.
“Maybe,” he said softly. “But maybe that’s not such a bad thing. Maybe it means we can learn about who we are now and if we still fit. I mean, I think we do, more or less. It feels like we would.”
I took a deep breath.
This was sort of what I had hoped would happen, wasn’t it? That someone would fall into my life? Sure, I hadn’t expected it to be someone I already knew, but …
I looked at Brenden and smiled.
Could we really figure this out after so long? We were kids. Or breakup was natural in a way when we were going in different directions. I didn’t have hard feelings towards Brenden. I wouldn’t be walking out in the cold with him if I did.
I shook my head slightly, the cold air biting at my cheeks. “I don’t know, Brenden. I don’t want to mess things up. This is nice.”
“I agree.”
“Really nice to see you, honestly. But …”
He smiled gently, his thumb brushing against my cold knuckles. “We don’t have to decide anything out tonight. This is a carefree, casual date! We’ll take it one step at a time.”
There was another part of Brenden I had known from high school.
He always had a plan. He was so straightforward and logical at all times.
It was easy to let him take the lead.
“Because I’d really like to see you again. Sounds cheesy, but it’s really been too long. I know you’re not ready to jump back into anything. At least, that’s the vibe I’m getting, aside from, ya know, the dozen dates you’ve been on lately.”
I covered my face with my hands.
He laughed again, not deterred. “But I keep thinking that this feels a little too good to be true—that Gina reached out to me and we are both single at the same time. I’d like to see where this goes. If you’re willing.”
I hesitated, the weight of the decision pressing down. I wasn’t sure, couldn’t be sure, but the thought of walking away now felt just as wrong as letting things slip back to the way they used to be.
“I’m willing,” I answered at last, drawing out each word. My voice was somehow steady despite the flurry of emotions constantly coursing through my body. “I’m just not sure where it’ll lead.”
Brenden reached out, his fingers brushing mine again. “Neither am I. But I think it’ll be worth finding out.”
A smile tugged at the corners of my lips. God, how I wanted to believe him. It would be easy. Maybe the easiest thing ever.
It sounded like a stupid holiday movie. Girl struggles to find job in the city. Girl goes home for Christmas. Girl falls in love with her high-school sweetheart, who has become a maturer version of his previous self with all the good looks still.
Why did I want to turn him down?
Because … because clearly, I was insane.
“Okay,” I finally said, looking down at my hand, still held in his. “Let’s see where it goes.”
He grinned, the familiar spark in his eyes lighting up once more. “Good. Awesome. Good. I’ll see you at the holiday party at the Huttons’ tomorrow?”
I glanced up at the snow falling gently around us. “Yeah. I’ll be there.”
“I can’t wait.”
There could be a chance for something more again. Right?
I wanted to believe that.
That would be good. Easy. I had always liked Brenden.
I should like him more than I liked Josh.
Back in high school, I’d even entertained the thought of us growing up and getting married and everything, like anyone else might’ve with their semi-serious boyfriend, before we ended up moving in separate directions for college.
But if he was coming to the city for work? It almost seemed like it was meant to be.
That was what this kind of thing was one of those meant to be signs, wasn’t it?
I just … needed to see if I could make my heart stop beating so hard in my chest and lips stop tingling whenever I thought of Josh.