Chapter 23 – Rule #10 Repeat callers are profitable. Make them feel special, and “remember” them.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
KAITLIN
“Kaitlin, are you off the phone?” Jessica yells from her bedroom to mine.
“Yes,” I say at a normal volume. “No need to yell. Do you want to know what Jackson Kennelly said to me?”
“No.” Jessica Hunter is nothing if not honest.
“That pompous douche nozzle said, ‘Just as Columbus staked his claim in the new world, I shall shove a dildo in your ass to stake mine.’ I bet he jerked off for days to come up with that.”
“He’s… ick,” she says, shaking her head as she leans against my doorway. “Have you watched Marin’s girlfriend experience thing? You didn’t make it to the watch party last night.”
“No, you took the night off, and we had two call offs—flu—and by the time I left, the party was over. I’ve been beat the last two nights, so I didn’t want to stay up and watch it. I’ll watch it tomorrow.”
“I was thinking about making some tacos and watching it tonight.”
“Tonight wins as long as Henry doesn’t call. I haven’t talked to him in days—he’s traveling in Eastern Europe and working a ton of hours on some merger thing. More importantly, will there be guacamole?”
“Fine. Tacos and guac.” She takes a seat on our secondhand couch and smiles.
“I can’t believe it’s officially happening.
May twenty-seventh, the phones will roll over to the California Girls service.
” She says it, but she looks completely comfortable with it all.
I’m about to jump out of my skin. My entire life will be changing, and she seems fine, and not passive-aggressive female fine—legitimately at peace with everything.
“I’m waiting for the lady with the generous curves to sing,” I say, but I don’t know how to feel. I never considered selling our business until the California people reached out.
“When will we tell everyone?” she asks.
“Four days.” I take a dainty sip of my too-hot tea. “Ana says we’re supposed to tell the staff when the deal is finalized Friday. We tell them once everything is signed and the California people take ownership. At least they can keep their jobs and work from home if they want.”
“I’m shocked that the three of us are able to keep this a secret.”
“Me too,” I say. “I keep waiting for someone to ask what I’m hiding. I’m super wound up about it.”
“I can appreciate that,” she says. “Who would have thought your 13 Rules would actually be valuable corporate secrets.”
“It’s our long call times that they found appealing.
They don’t even know about the rules.” I flop into my chair and pick every little individual piece of lint off one arm.
I’ve been having trouble making eye contact because I’m a giant traitor to the phone ho way of life, which is not getting off with callers.
Sigh. No laws were broken, and I’m the first to admit I have thoroughly and completely enjoyed every second of getting off with Henry.
“Will you miss being Hunter?”
“Meh, when I got off the phones, I missed feeling powerful, wrapping men around my finger and messing with their heads, but surely that’s what a boyfriend is for?”
I laugh. She’s not wrong.
“I don’t miss fucking zombies or pretending to gag during phone blowjobs. I’ll miss our friends here, but I’m ready for the next great adventure,” she says, shaking her head. “Will you miss being Kait?”
Thoughts of Henry, his voice, and the laughter we’ve shared.
“I won’t be anyone’s Kait anymore. That’s the only thing I’ll miss.
” I stop for a moment before I confess the thing that’s been eating me up.
“I’ve crossed lines being Kait that make me question who Kaitlin is.
I’m also really afraid things will change, and that can’t be undone. If it goes badly, it will be painful.”
“Kaitlin, what does that mean? It’s not like there are phone sex police. Your rules are all self-imposed.”
“It’s worse than that. I broke the rule. The most ruliest rule, so ruley it doesn’t need to be a rule. And not just once.” I turn away, my cheeks and ears and even my neck hot like they’re going to combust. I fan myself with my hands and wait for Jess to scold me.
“The rule? What does that mean?” she asks, perplexed, but she starts to grin as she gets it.
With a laugh, she asks, “Are you saying you had actual phone sex, like getting off? How was it? I’ve never had real phone sex.
Was it good? I mean, there’s so much fuss about it.
How was it really?” She stares at me like I’m going to answer that incredibly personal question.
“Uh…” Even the tips of my ears are hot, but I refuse to hide my face in my hands, until I do exactly that. “It was okay,” I say, the words muffled in my palms.
“You’re embarrassed because you had really good phone sex? You let go and let God?”
I flinch and nod, waiting for a rebuke.
“I’m so fucking proud of you! Jesus, take the wheel, Kaitlin, and by let go and let God, I mean oh god, oh god! Yes! Yes! Yes, oh my god, yes!”
Jessica. Is. An. Asshole.
“It was stupid to get off with a caller,” I say, flat and quiet. “Even if he is the amazing Professor Jackson Kennelly.”
Jessica throws a pillow at the side of my head, and I dodge, but it still hits me.
“It was amazing.” I let out a boisterous fake moan. “Zombie Paul is magnificent. Turns out zombies can last and last, being dead and all.”
She looks around for something else to throw, but she’s exhausted her supply of soft objects. “First, to categorize Henry as a caller is unfair. He’s more than that. Unless it was Zombie Paul? It wasn’t Zombie Paul, was it?”
“No, it wasn’t Paul, and it was mind-blowing.”
“Good. You chose the right person for the job. Enjoy it. Revel in it. Do it again. Then do it again. Call his ass up right now. Call him in the middle of the night and tell him you need his big cock. Drive to Chicago on Friday and get you some the minute after we close this deal. It’s not about the business or the promise we made Ana as of 5:01 Friday afternoon.
She’s my second-bestest best friend. I don’t want to lose that, and I know that’s true for you too, but we will all be free to do whatever the hell we want in four days. ”
I let out a big, pained sigh. “I want to meet him, but I’m scared it will ruin everything. We could keep talking after the business closes and keep what we have now. Why risk this awesome thing we have to meet, and it’s a whole bunch of nothing?”
“Because it just might be so much more?” she asks, but I don’t answer her rhetorical question.
“We promised Ana that all instances of outside contact would lead to termination. That’s an industry-wide standard.
But more importantly, she could have died, Jess.
I gave my word five years ago, and I intend to keep it.
It’s less than a week. I can wait.” It’s simple—if you let the honeybee have outside contact with a caller, he can follow her back to the hive, whether she’s a partner or an operator.
It’s basic safety 101 for an adult service like ours.
“Are you telling me Buttercup and Westley don’t have a meetup day and time in place? As if you won’t have your car packed and your gas tank full to drive to Chicago when we go to sign the documents.”
“I thought we would have a little party after the phones roll.”
“Yes, we should, although since we’re not supposed to say a word until we sign. I’m not sure how we’re going to plan it, but what about Chicago?”
“I need to go sooner than later and start looking for an apartment. I start mid-August. Julian recommended an area called Hyde Park that’s safe and near school.”
“You’re missing my point. I’m not asking about Chicago, per se; I’m asking about your little love dumpling sugar plum, Henry.”
“I, well.” I shrug and stop making eye contact. My shoelaces could use a tighter knot, so I kneel to untie and retie them both.
Jessica sees my reluctance and, completely out of character, moves on. “Julian, Henry’s assistant, is helping you find a place?”
“No, I asked about neighborhoods in a vague fashion, and he said Hyde Park.”
“I see. Hell, even Ana sees how bad you have it for Henry, and she lives in the back office.” Jess didn’t move on; she just circled back.
“Ana’s asked us for exactly one thing: a zero-tolerance policy for outside contact,” I say, flustered.
“I would never ask her to treat me like I’m special and make that one rule impossible to enforce.
Henry’s never had as much as a free minute from me, and he’s never been charged a cent for the time when I talk to Julian.
I’ve done nothing wrong. He doesn’t even know my full name.
She has nothing to complain about.” I kept my word.
I promised no outside contact, and I meant it. But lord, do I want it.
“Kaitlin, it’s not like that. Don’t be defensive. We know you’ve been a very good girl.” She punctuates “good girl” with a wink. “I don’t think she’s bothered at all, more fascinated since it’s so unlike you to be attached to a caller. What’s going on with you?”
“Henry’s birthday is the day after the phones roll to California Girls.
The phones roll Friday, his birthday is Saturday, and the weekend is blocked out for travel with his brothers.
Julian and I decided that we would have a quiet surprise meet for coffee and cookies Monday.
He probably won’t even notice the phones switch to California because he doesn’t call the office. ”
“Does Henry know about your acceptance to Chicago?”
“No. He knows I’ve been accepted to multiple programs. He doesn’t know where or my course of study.
” I started to tell him, but I chickened out.
Thankfully, he didn’t pester me about it, but I know his feelings were hurt.
My course of study is so small that I may as well tell him my full name and address if I tell him I’m going to UIC for medical illustration.
“So, next Monday?” She’s oddly pleased by this.