Chapter 30
Millie stood on the porch, clutching the hem of her dress as she waited.
The sun was beginning to set, spilling gold across the horizon.
All around her were signs of new life. She longed for a new life.
She used to think it was impossible, but lately she had started to think that just maybe it wasn’t such a ridiculous notion.
She hadn’t gone out in years. She was either at home or in her garden.
That was it, and she used to think it was for the best. The idea of going into town, where she would be surrounded by people, terrified her.
She was still scared and wasn’t sure what to expect, but as Jace’s buggy rolled up, something fluttered in her chest. Hope.
Jace tipped his hat at her. “Evening, Millie.”
She smiled softly, feeling her cheeks warm as she gave him a quick wave.
“I cooked. It might not be as good as your food, but I haven’t died from it yet,” Jace joked, causing her to laugh silently.
He reached a hand down toward her from the seat of the buggy.
Millie didn’t touch people, but Jace wasn’t just anyone.
Jace was different. Hesitantly, she extended her arm and slid her hand into his.
His palm was rough and warm. He felt safe.
Millie allowed him to help her up. She sat down beside him, their hands staying interlocked for a second longer before he pulled away and took the reins.
Jace spoke as they rode. Millie listened contentedly.
She had gotten used to the fact that he simply couldn’t keep quiet.
He told her stories about patients, which he made clear wasn’t actually allowed, but he continued anyway.
He spoke about Dr. Masterson and how he burned the food and had to throw it away and start over.
Millie didn’t say anything, but she laughed a lot.
Jace kept glancing at her, and Millie couldn’t help but hope it was because he thought she was pretty and not because he was worried about her. She didn’t mind him worrying about her; she just didn’t want it to be the only thing he felt for her.
Millie had expected to feel nervous leaving the house, but instead, she felt safe. It was strange but very welcome.
Jace’s cabin was tucked between pine trees, and she could see the river running beyond it. The wood looked weathered, but it was neat and felt welcoming. Jace tied the horses to a hitching post and held his hand out to her again. This time, she took it immediately, and he helped her down.
Once she was steady, he let go, and she missed the warmth of his touch.
It was so strange, but instead of feeling anxious about it, she welcomed it.
Millie wasn’t sure what it was about Jace, but she felt comfortable being around him.
The only other person who had ever made her feel safe like that was Blade.
Millie missed her brother and worried about him, but there was nothing she could do. She had no idea where he was and could only hope that he was safe and on his way home.
“I made stew,” Jace informed her as they headed inside.
Millie knew that what they were doing wasn’t customary. Women didn’t usually go to visit men at their houses. It didn’t matter that nothing about this situation was normal anyway.
The cabin was small but inviting. The moment she stepped inside, she felt at home.
“I’m not much of a decorator,” Jace said as he led her through the living area.
Millie looked around, feeling confused. The place seemed perfectly decorated to her. She wanted to say this to Jace, but she couldn’t.
“I’ll heat the food,” he continued. “It’ll only take a minute. Why don’t you sit down?” He pulled out a chair for her and gestured to it.
Millie sat down, happy to simply watch Jace moving around the kitchen. He was an attractive man but looked particularly handsome at that moment.
Jace hadn’t lied. Within minutes, he had dished up, made coffee, and sat down across from her.
“I hope you like it,” he said. “I don’t cook for people often.”
Thank you, Millie signed, touching her heart.
It didn’t feel like enough. There were so many things she wanted to say to Jace.
He had suggested that she write to him so that they could communicate better, but it just wasn’t the same.
She didn’t want to constantly interrupt him while he was talking to write something down.
All through supper, Jace kept talking, making her laugh and blush. And throughout dinner, she really wanted to talk to him. She almost felt desperate to say something, anything.
When they were done eating, Jace took Millie back home. She didn’t want the night to end. She was having so much fun. She had forgotten what it felt like to be happy, but Jace had reminded her.
“I had a wonderful time,” Jace said as he stepped away from her. “Thank you for the company.” He took another step back.
“Don’t go!” Millie blurted out, the words rolling off her tongue. Her voice sounded strange to her ears.
For a moment, both of them just stood there, stunned.
“You spoke,” Jace said, sounding amazed.
Millie took a deep breath. She really wanted to say something again. “I can speak.”
Jace’s eyes grew big with excitement. “You can speak!”
Millie laughed at his excitement and was amazed when sound came out. “I have so much I want to tell you.”
Jace took a step forward. “And I want to hear it all.”
“Do you want to come in?”
Jace nodded. “Yes, but you might not get me to leave anytime soon.”
Millie was okay with that. If it were up to her, he would never leave. “Come on,” she said, unlocking the door. Her hands felt shaky, and her heart beat erratically. She couldn’t believe that she was talking.
Jace and Millie sat down on the couch in the living room. Although fully clothed, she felt a little exposed. Needing something to hold on to, Millie pulled the blanket she kept on the couch closer, wrapping it over her legs.
“Are you cold?” Jace asked, standing up. “I’ll make a fire.”
She wasn’t exactly cold, but she also wasn’t hot, so she didn’t stop him. Instead, she watched him as she tried to make sense of what was happening.
Once the fire was going, Jace turned to her, looking concerned. “Your throat might get sore from talking. Tea could help.”
“I’ll make some,” Millie offered.
“No, you stay right there,” Jace instructed, stopping her before she could get up. “I’ll make it.”
“I can make tea,” she pointed out.
“I know, and after tonight, I’m convinced that you can do anything.”
Millie laughed, shaking her head. “I don’t know about that.”
The kettle took a while to boil, but soon enough, Jace joined her on the couch again, this time with two cups of hot tea.
“So what are all these things you want to tell me?” he asked.
Millie wasn’t sure where to begin. “I guess I want to say thank you.”
Jace looked confused. “For what?”
“Everything you’ve done for me.” Millie took a sip of her tea. “You were asked to be my doctor, but you chose to be my friend. I never knew how much I needed that until you came along.”
“It was impossible not to want to be your friend.”
“I doubt that. Befriending the mute girl who doesn’t leave her house doesn’t sound like something any sane person would want to do.”
Before the attack, Millie had lots of friends, but afterward, they all disappeared.
She had always thought it was her fault that they didn’t want to be friends with her anymore.
She was broken, and nobody wanted to play with something that was broken.
During all that time, she only had Blade, Dakota, and Margaret.
Jace frowned as he put his cup on the coffee table and turned toward her. He held out his hand. “I like to believe that I’m sane,” he stated, dead serious. “And I’m honored to be your friend.”
Millie eyed his hand. “I don’t think friends hold hands at our age anymore.”
Jace smiled and reached out, taking her hand in his. A shiver ran up her arm as a flutter of butterflies was released in her stomach. She had never felt anything quite like it before.
“I like being your friend,” Jace stated. “But I’d like to be more than your friend if that is okay with you.”
Millie wasn’t sure what to say or do. She had dreamed about this moment but thought it was impossible. Maybe Dr. Masterson hadn’t told Jace the details of what had happened to her.
“Oh, I don’t think you want that,” Millie breathed, hating how the words tasted on her tongue.
“Of course I do,” Jace argued. “Why wouldn’t I?”
“I’m broken,” Millie replied, looking away.
“Everybody’s a little broken,” Jace pointed out. “It’s part of being human.”
Millie shook her head. “I’m not a little broken, Jace. I was smashed into a million pieces, and I’m still trying to put them back together.”
Jace tightened his grip on her hand. “Let me help.”
“You shouldn’t have to do that. You should be with somebody who can give you all the things you want and deserve. That isn’t me.”
Jace let out a deep breath. “Look,” he said. “If you don’t want to be with me, I’ll respect that. We can still be friends or even just doctor and patient. Whatever you want. But if you want to be with me, please don’t push me away because you think I can’t handle your past.”
His words stunned her. Jace was usually so comical, but he was dead serious.
“I do want to be with you,” she admitted. “But I feel like you have the right to know what you’re getting yourself into.”
“Dr. Masterson told me what happened.”
“I’ve never spoken to anybody about it, but if we are going to be together, I need you to hear it from me.”
“Millie, you don’t have to. I know enough.”
She shook her head. “I want to. Everything that Dr. Masterson knows came from my brother, and even he doesn’t know the full extent of it.” She took another sip of her tea. Jace was right. Her throat was starting to burn from all the talking.
“All right,” Jace agreed. “You can tell me what you want me to know, but please don’t feel like you have to speak about anything you don’t want to.”
Millie took one more sip, placed her cup on the coffee table, and turned toward Jace. “I was eleven,” she said. “I didn’t even know how sex worked.”
Jace flinched but said nothing, waiting for her to continue.
“The men who attacked the ranch were evil monsters. I was inside the house with my mother. Blade and Annie were outside. Blade was helping my father, and Annie was caring for her chickens. I could hear the men scream all the way from outside as they were slaughtered. The bandits killed them all except for Blade and my father. They hurt them really badly and then brought them into the house so that they had to watch.”
Jace closed his eyes for a second. When he opened them, Millie could see that they were shinier than before.
“I’m listening,” he said, squeezing her hand.
“The bandits—they assaulted my mother and our maid. I saw what they were doing, but I didn’t understand why.
I just knew they were hurting them. I tried to escape, but that angered them.
One of the bandits grabbed me and dragged me into my parents’ room.
He threw me onto the bed and then . . .” Millie trailed off, her voice cracking as her heart sped up.
She could remember it so vividly. She could smell the man and feel his hands on her when she closed her eyes.
“Millie,” Jace breathed. “I’m so sorry.”
Millie could hear the pain in his voice. His words were sincere, and it touched her heart, making her fall even more in love with him.
“He took my innocence,” she continued. Now that she had started her story, she wanted to finish it.
She never knew how much she needed to tell what had happened to somebody, but with every word spoken, it felt like a weight was being lifted from her shoulders.
“When he was done, he just left me there on the bed, crying. I thought that it was over, but then more and more men came.”
Jace shook his head, tears now visible in his eyes. “You know none of that was your fault, right?”
“I do,” Millie replied. For a long time, she had wondered if there was something she could have done to avoid it, but over the years, she had come to accept the truth.
She was an innocent victim. That fact didn’t make any of it easier to deal with.
“Eventually, after they were all done, the first bandit returned. He told me he wasn’t going to shoot me because it would be too easy and that he wanted me to suffer a little more.
He cut my arms and legs open, leaving me to bleed out.
I was supposed to die, but somehow, Dr. Masterson had saved me.
I didn’t see them kill my father, my mother, or Annie.
That’s something I’m grateful for. They had shot all of them, Blade too, but like me, he had survived. ”
“Well, I’m really glad that you did,” Jace whispered. “And I know I’m not supposed to say this because I’m training to be a doctor, but I really hope those men die horrible, painful deaths.”
“They will,” Millie replied before she could stop herself.
Confusion washed over his face, and then a look of realization. “Blade?”
Millie opened her mouth to say something, but then reconsidered. She wasn’t supposed to tell anybody about Blade’s plan.
“It’s okay,” Jace assured her. “If he is out there killing them, I won’t tell anybody. Hell, if I had known, I probably would have helped him.”
“Are you serious?” Millie asked, shocked.
“Sure am. I’d kill anybody that hurts you.”
“That’s really sweet,” Millie stated. “But aren’t you supposed to be saving people, not killing them?”
“Technically, yes, but still, if anybody so much as lays a hand on you . . .”
Millie laughed. “You sound like Blade.”
“I always knew I liked him,” Jace joked. “But seriously, don’t worry about it. I won’t tell anybody.”
“Thank you,” Millie whispered, feeling so much lighter. There was one thing she still had to tell Jace, though, and she was scared that it might be the thing that scared him away.
“So, will you agree to be with me now?” Jace asked, serious again.
Millie nodded. “Yes, but there is one last thing you need to know.”
Jace frowned, clearly wondering what else there could be. “Tell me.”
“The bandits hurt me so badly that Dr. Masterson had to operate to fix me. I’ll never be able to have children.”
For once, Jace was rendered speechless.
Millie pulled her hand away from his, her heart breaking. “I get it,” she said. “It’s too much. Every man wants a child.”
“Don’t do that,” Jace complained as he shifted forward and pulled her into his arms.
Instead of pulling away like she usually did if somebody touched her, she leaned into the hug, wrapping her arms around him.
“I don’t care about any of that,” he whispered into her ear. “Maybe we won’t have children and travel the world. Maybe we’ll adopt ten children. Whatever my future holds, I want to share it with you.”
Millie broke down a little at that, but Jace just held her tighter, whispering sweet nothings to her until she fell asleep.