1.
I predict that Jewel will move to a small country, start a revolution over some imagined slight, and then overthrow the government before she turns her new domain into a global superpower. Not a lot scares me in life, but the thought of Jewel with an army at her disposal is terrifying.
Fain Tempest
ZIGGY
“Are you okay?” my brother asked, pulling his helmet off and setting it on the bench beside me. Someone out on the paintball field shouted a string of profanities, and Rico glanced that way before turning his attention back to me. “You don’t look okay.”
I rolled my head to loosen the tension in my neck. “I just need to catch my breath.”
“Are you sure that’s all that’s wrong?” Black dots filled my vision as I squeezed my eyes shut and opened them again and tried to steady myself. “What the fuck, Zig?”
“Can’t breathe. This happens sometimes.”
“It hasn’t happened in years,” Rico argued.
“It’s been doing it again,” I said, trying to pull in a deep breath. I tried it a few more times before I assured him, “I’ll be okay. Just give me a minute.”
“Fuck that.” Rico scanned the room. Martha–a woman we’d met earlier after Bella put her in charge–was talking to Zach, Luca, and Matteo. “Martha, have you seen my sister Frankie? She’s observing from somewhere around here.”
“What’s wrong, honey?” Martha hurried toward us. When she saw me gasping for air with my hand on my chest, she asked, “Is it a heart attack?”
“I don’t think so. This used to happen when we were younger. He just needs to calm down,” Rico explained. “But just in case, can you find my sister? She’s a doctor.”
“Sure thing,” Martha said, lifting her phone to her ear. Suddenly, a loud whistle blew outside. She started waving and spoke into the phone. “Honey, I need you down here, please.”
“I’m good,” I wheezed. “It’s all good.”
I knew better than that, and so did Rico.
I’d dealt with panic attacks since I was a kid.
They got worse as time went on and hit hardest in high school when the pressure ramped up to be the best athlete, the best student, the best son, expectations our father set that I never managed to meet, at least not in his eyes.
My teachers said I hit every mark, but nothing satisfied him, and he didn’t just feel that way about me.
Rico, Relio, and Frankie felt his ire, too, but he saved the worse of his insults and disappointment for me.
When I was younger, high-pressure situations triggered my panic attacks.
In fact, the day I had my heart event, I thought it was a panic attack and ignored it until I couldn’t anymore.
Now, every time one started, I wondered if I should clutch my chest and yell, “Oh, it’s the big one!
” before I passed out. It wouldn’t help me at all, other than to give me one last chuckle before my final breath, but it would definitely be memorable.
Better that than “Ziggy was weak and couldn’t control his emotions,” like my father always said.
“It will be better when Frankie gets here, right? It always is.” Rico rested his hand on my shoulder, wishing he could do more. I nodded.
“Zig! I thought these stopped!” Frankie said as she squatted in front of me.
The woman with her gripped my wrist with one hand while studying her watch. She frowned as she watched me struggle to breathe.
“Remember what we used to do when we were kids?” Frankie asked. She slowly raised her head, inhaling through her nose, and let her body relax as she slowly exhaled through her mouth. “Do it with me.”
I sucked in air through my nose and blew it out, trying to follow her example.
After what felt like an eternity, Frankie turned to Rico. “We should get him out of here.”
“If you don’t take a deep breath, you’re gonna pass out,” the other woman said with a scowl.
“She’s right,” Frankie agreed. “Breathe with me, Ziggy. Come on.”
I scanned the room, hoping no one else was close enough to witness my weakness.
It was bad enough to have a beautiful woman frowning down at me like I was some pitiful joke.
I always tried to keep this from happening in public, but today’s episode of bullshit hit too fast for me to slip away and hide.
Our father had ingrained it in all of us since childhood: never show weakness to anyone. That information could get back to our enemies, and they would find a way to exploit it. Now strangers surrounded me, and my worry multiplied.
“It’s okay, Zig, sweetie. Take a breath.”
The other woman lacked Frankie’s understanding. She leaned down until her face was right in front of mine. “Breathe!”
When I frantically shook my head, she pressed her hand to my chest. I thought she’d give me the same gentle encouragement Frankie always did. I even felt it–briefly.
Then, she slid her hand across my chest, pinched the shit out of my nipple, and twisted it all the way around.
I sucked in a deep breath and roared, “What the fuck?”
“Took a breath, didn’t ya?” the woman asked.
Frankie lost it. I scowled as she said, “Wow. That worked!”
“Now take another one while you think of all the ways you want to kill me.” With the pressure in my chest gone, I inhaled through my nose and blew it out again, never taking my eyes off her.
I was just about to thank her when she smiled, and I forgot how to form words.
I knew without a doubt I couldn’t form a coherent sentence in the face of such beauty.
She ruined the moment anyway, turning to leave and calling over her shoulder, “You’re welcome! ”
My tension and panic vanished under the shock of such blatant . . . fuck, I didn’t even know what to call it other than sarcastic disrespect.
I stared at Rico in horror. “What the fuck is wrong with these people?”
“Nothing!” Frankie snickered. “They’re fantastic!”
The rest of the afternoon passed uneventfully, and I didn’t think about the paintball fiasco again until someone knocked on my hotel suite door while I was getting ready for bed.
The second I opened it and saw all three of my siblings standing there, I knew they’d come to rehash the day’s events–just like we always did when something big happened while we were growing up.
“Unless you’re here with an entire cheesecake or a willing woman you’re going to drop off for the night, I bid you good night,” I said, trying to shut the door in my sister’s face.
“Shut up and let us in,” Frankie said, slapping her hand against the wood. “You’re not too big for me to put you in a headlock until you admit something’s wrong and we need to figure out how to fix it.”
“Nothing’s wrong, but everything would be better with cheesecake or a hot woman who never complains.” As my siblings filed past me, I added, “Better yet, life would be fantastic if I had both at the same time.”
“You’re a pig.”
Relio and Rico claimed either end of the couch in the small sitting area of my suite.
It was a far cry from the hotel experiences we were used to, considering we owned one of the most exclusive hotels in New York City and a couple of five-star casino hotels in Las Vegas.
Rojo didn’t have the same luxury, but that was fine for now.
If anything, it made me realize just how good I had it at our other locations, and it gave me an idea for a new business venture I was excited to pitch to the four families at our next meeting.
Frankie sat in one of the chairs and tucked her feet up. She took a sip of her iced coffee and motioned for me to sit opposite her.
“I call the meeting to order and take the floor first,” Frankie announced as I sat down.
“Are we really doing this?” I asked petulantly. “Can’t we talk about something else like normal people?”
“Since when have any of us claimed to be normal?” Relio asked.
“We’ve seen some pretty fucked-up families, and sometimes they make us seem normal-ish,” Rico said. Then, with mock authority, he added, “Frankie, you have the floor.”
“I’m worried about you, Zig. No, we’re worried about you.”
“No reason to be. I’m fine.”
“Bullshit,” Relio argued. “I wasn’t there, but Rico told me you damn near passed out. You would have if that lady hadn’t found a way to drag you back from the edge.”
“She damn near ripped off my nipple!” I shouted.
Frankie grinned. “But it worked, didn’t it?”
“Don’t you dare try that on me next time.”
“And there will be a next time, won’t there?” Rico asked calmly.
“It’s happening more and more often,” I admitted in defeat. “Sometimes it’s just a few seconds of panic, but other times I have to sneak off to a quiet spot and deal with it for what feels like hours.”
“Have you talked to anyone about it?” Frankie asked.
“Who, Frank? This isn’t that television show where the head of the family starts seeing a shrink, and she doesn’t run straight to the authorities when he gets honest with her.”
“I never watched that show, but I know what he’s talking about,” Relio said quietly. “Zig is right. He can’t just make an appointment with the nearest psychologist and tell them what’s going on and why he is the way he is.”
“The FBI would love that,” Rico muttered.
“You have to tell them,” Relio whispered earnestly. “Come on, Zig.”
“Tell us what?” Frankie asked. “What’s going on? Are you sick in some other way? What are your symptoms? Who have you spoken to?”
“The stress of life in general is starting to affect my heart again, and the panic attacks aren’t helping,” I admitted.
“I’ve been seeing my cardiologist, and while he insists my heart is in good shape for my age and that it’s not a repeat of my old diagnosis, he wants me to change my diet and exercise routine. ”
“And? Come on, Zig,” Relio chided.
“And make some lifestyle changes if I can.”
“It’s not just if you can, Zig. You have to do it.”
“I can’t, Frankie. It’s not possible.”
“What can we do to help?” Rico asked.
“Tell them, Ziggy. You tell them or I will,” Relio threatened.
Frankie and Rico stared at me until I shifted in my seat.
Their gazes matched my own–the kind of look that intimidated most people–but I knew them well enough to recognize concern instead of anger.
Still, I couldn’t just blurt out what I wanted, even if I’d dreamed about it since childhood.
But if I didn’t say it, Relio would, and he wouldn’t bother with diplomacy.
We’d spent our entire lives serving the family, doing whatever it took in both business and our personal lives to protect those we loved and those loyal to us. If I told them what I wanted, they’d do everything in their power to make it happen, even though it went against everything we stood for.
“You want out,” Rico said quietly. He nodded slowly, his expression turning wistful. “Not that any of us wanted this life in the first place, but what else were we gonna do, right?”
“Right,” Relio agreed.
“I got out,” Frankie reminded us. When I frowned at her, she added, “I know my situation is completely different because I’m a woman, but you can do it, too, Zig. This isn’t Dad’s organization anymore.”
“You’ve talked to Relio about this?” Rico asked. When I nodded, he said, “Why haven’t you talked to me, Zig? No matter what position I hold in the family, I’m your brother too.”
“I know, but you’ve got so much on your plate that I just felt like . . .”
“That you needed to bottle it up and risk your health instead of talking to us like a family,” Rico said, his voice sharp.
“You didn’t want this in the first place, and I should have taken that into account when we removed our father from the head of the family and took over, but you worked so hard alongside me that I thought . . .”
“Surely the transition won’t be as difficult as you’re making it out to be,” Frankie chided. “Zig gets out and lives his life, Relio steps up in his place, and Vino takes over the consigliere duties alone, like most other families do it.”
“She has a point,” Rico agreed.
“I can’t abandon you guys or the family. What the hell would I do with my life?” I asked bitterly. “It’s not like I have job experience that . . .”
“Shut the hell up,” Rico barked. “Don’t try to bullshit us when we all know you’ve got a better head for business than the rest of us put together.”
“And you’ve got the money to start something of your own,” Relio added.
“Even if you didn’t, you might not be part of the day-to-day operations, but we’ll still have your back, Ziggy.
You have to understand that walking away, although it doesn’t happen often, can happen because of what we’ve built together. ”
“Is this really what you want?” Frankie asked.
I took a deep breath. “Yes. I want out.”
“Then let’s make that happen,” Relio suggested. “We haven’t found Frank, and I’m not sure we ever will. Things are going well for the entire Four Families organization, so now is the perfect time.”
I thought about all the stress and danger we’d triumphed over in the last few years, including wiping out part of the biggest threat to our family–our two previously unacknowledged half brothers, the product of our father’s affairs.
Even though one of them was still out there, we’d worked hard to cut off every connection he had, at least in the States, and hopefully stripped away any bargaining power he might have with our enemies.
It had been so long since we’d heard from him or his associates that the silence itself worried us.
That threat wouldn’t go away until we handled him the same way we handled Geno.
If he showed up tomorrow or ten years from now, I’d do whatever I needed to help my family eliminate the danger, whether I was still part of the organization or not.
That thought made me realize there might be a light at the end of the tunnel after all. Something I’d dreamed about since I first understood what this life expected of me might actually come to pass. My heart started to race with something other than the panic I was used to.
This was hope. Even though the feeling was foreign, I welcomed it, grateful to my family for giving me a glimmer of it. Knowing them, that glimmer would soon grow into something much bigger.
My biggest wish was about to become my reality.