9. #2
“Max!” the man yelled, teetering on the edge of homicide or total insanity from this conversation alone. I couldn’t imagine how often this had happened during their marriage, and suddenly I realized I must be a masochist because I was looking forward to a lifetime of sparring with her like this.
“Well, first he went to daycare, then it was elementary school. When he was . . .”
“I hate it when you do this, Jewel!”
“You hate it when I’m smarter than you? That’s a lot of hate, Robert. I hope you have plenty of pockets.”
The man growled in frustration. “If he’s gone out of state, whoever took him is facing multiple felony counts. Not just for kidnapping, but for crossing state lines.”
“I’ve been all over the United States, and I’ve never seen an actual line. Have you?”
He ignored her and said, “I know better than to call the Rojo Police Department about this.”
“If you do, could you ask Uncle Nick to make an appointment with me? The last time I saw him, he had an irregularly shaped freckle near his ear I’d really like to take a look at.”
“Shut up!” Robert yelled. Even louder, he screamed, “Where is my son?” There was a long pause before he asked, “Jewel? Are you there?” He repeated himself a few times before he started cursing and ended the call.
Jewel looked over her shoulder at me and grinned. “He did tell me to shut up.”
“What did you ever see in him?” I asked as I moved up to lean against the headboard.
Jewel sat on the ottoman in front of the couch and answered, “I saw the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. But things changed, and I realized he wasn’t a real man. He was a chameleon who could change everything about himself to fit whatever situation was going on at the time.”
“What about Micah?”
“With Micah, I saw every one of my childhood hopes and dreams. I was going to marry the Viking with the great hair who sat in the rocking chair telling mythology stories laced with local lore about shape-shifters and mind readers. I imagined him telling our children the same things and then repeating them for our grandchildren.”
“He’ll probably still do that,” I said, remembering the man I’d met at the wedding a few months back.
“He will. But I won’t be wearing his ring on my finger when he does.” Jewel laughed softly, holding up her right hand. “Well, I guess I probably will. Micah gave me this one when we started dating, and I still love it so much I wear it almost every day.”
“Most people wouldn’t keep something like that after a breakup.”
“We stopped living together, but we didn’t stop loving each other. I’ll admit it took us some time to get back to the peaceful friendship that started it all, but when we finally did, it was like a puzzle piece locked into place, and nothing would ever shake it.”
“Including asshole ex-husbands?"
“And new relationships,” Jewel said, holding my gaze with a pointed look.
“It took time after each divorce, but I managed to patch things up with both of my ex-wives. At first, it was just for the kids, but eventually, it turned into a working partnership. I wouldn’t call us friends, though.”
“How would you describe it?”
I thought about it for a minute. “Coworkers?”
“That’s a strange description.”
“Not really. In my scenario, the kids are the company. They don’t pay the bills, that’s for damn sure, but they inspire loyalty because of how much we love them.
My exes and I see each other when necessary, but we don’t go out of our way to talk unless it’s about the kids.
And we’re in it for the long haul, regardless of what other opportunities come along. ”
“That’s the most business-minded description of co-parenting I’ve ever heard.”
“I’m a businessman at heart, I guess.”
Jewel was fully dressed now and wearing her shoes, ready to walk out the door the moment my niece called. When her phone finally buzzed, she looked down at the screen and sighed. “He’s going to blow this completely out of proportion again.”
“Again?”
“I’m not going to force my boys to have a relationship with him. It’s his responsibility to build one, but he treats it like an obligation. I don’t talk shit about him to the kids–I don’t need to. He’s digging his own grave.”
“I thought you said he was a doting father.”
“He was. Technically, he still is, but he doesn’t realize his relationship with them needs to evolve as they do.
Sometimes, he still treats them like children who need constant direction, and as a parent, you know that pushing your kids is the quickest way to get them to do the exact opposite of what you want. ”
I hummed, nodding in agreement, but pointed out, “My daughters are much more apt to do that than my sons.”
“Do you make sweeping declarations . . .” Jewel used air quotes as she finished, “. . . for their own good?”
“Not unless I want them to lose their shit.”
“Exactly!”
“I take it your parents didn’t do that with you.”
“What makes you say that?”
“Well, they allowed you to have some–let’s just say–unconventional experiences as a kid.”
“Mom embraced ‘fuck around and find out’ before it was really a thing, and that’s how I parent my kids now.”
“Explain.”
“Have you seen that video of the mom who is handing a pot to her kid, saying, ‘Watch out, it’s hot on the bottom,’ but the kid doesn’t pay attention?”
“It’s hot on the motherfuckin’ bottom!” I yelled.