20. #3
I hit the button to end the call and spun around, walking closer to Robert.
“Do you understand now why I won’t kill you?
She doesn’t want me to. You’re lucky I care about her, or I’d say fuck it and put a bullet in your head just because you’re a sniveling little weasel who can’t control his urges . . .”
“Or his bladder,” Clem chimed in.
“And fucked your life over. First by losing the best thing that ever happened to you, and then by making decisions that could ruin not just your life, but your sons’ lives too. Do you have any idea what it would do to Jewel to lose one of her boys because you’re such a fuckup?”
“I know what she’d do, and it would be horrible,” Robert wailed. I couldn’t even look at him. His eyes were red and watery, tears were streaming down his cheeks, and now there was snot beneath his nose. “I’m so sorry.”
“See my conundrum? I want to kill him. I could do it just like that . . .” I snapped my fingers and then sighed. “But she doesn’t want him dead by my hand, or hers, because then she’d be the reason her boys have a broken heart.”
“One morning when they were over for breakfast, he insulted my wife’s cooking, and I tried to stab him with a butter knife,” Smokey admitted.
“I found out he couldn’t swim and accidentally knocked him into the pool,” Clem announced. He didn’t look apologetic at all when he added, “Four different times.”
“That last time didn’t even remotely look like an accident.”
Clem frowned at Bird. “It did too!”
“You picked him up by the throat and threw him over a lawn chair into the deep end.”
“Pop, come on. You know that was an accident. I was just stretching my arms and he got in the . . .” Clem cackled. “I can’t even lie. The look of terror on his face was priceless.”
“Does the fact that the woman whose life you’ve tried, over and over again, to ruin and make absolutely miserable is the only reason you’ve stayed alive for years mean anything to you?”
“I didn’t know I . . . I just thought . . . “
“You really are a sniveling idiot, and I swear on my mother’s grave that if you speak a fucking word of what went on today to anyone, I will ignore Jewel’s edict and ruin your fucking life.
I know people in Vegas who can do much worse things than harvest organs, and people in New York who can make you beg for death for years before they let you die. ”
“I won’t tell a soul. I swear.”
“You’re going to pack your shit and get the fuck out of my new house within the next week, make peace with your children, and never again speak an unkind word to the woman I love, Robert.
If you don’t do those three things, I will tie you up and let every single one of the men who’ve tolerated your existence since Jewel brought you into their lives have ten minutes with you before I ship you off somewhere to live in hell.
Are we on the same page here? Are you taking notes? ”
“Yes! I’ll keep my mouth shut, get out, be a good father, and I’ll never do anything or say anything to upset Jewel ever again. I swear!”
“And what will happen if you do?” I asked.
“You’ll end me,” Robert whispered through a fresh round of tears. “I know you’re serious. I know.”
“Is it horrible that I want him to fuck up just so I can get my ten minutes?” Bird asked.
“I think the seniors should get extra time. Me, Grunt, Hank, and Tink should get at least twenty, don’t you think?”
Out of genuine curiosity, I asked, “Do you really think he would survive twenty minutes with any of you?”
“It’s not likely,” Smokey said, “but I’m willing to risk it. He’d probably not, but I don’t give a shit.”
“Robert, do you grasp just how hated you are in this town? Does that give you any ideas?”
“That I should find a job somewhere out of town but close enough to stay in contact with my kids so they can see me whenever they want.”
“Holy shit! The man can rub two brain cells together and form a coherent thought without being a total dick about it. Color me almost impressed!”
I laughed along with Bird and Smokey, because Clem seemed truly astonished at the change in Robert.
I knew it was a facade. The man wasn’t smart enough to be scared at the level he should be, but he’d figure it out in time.
All I had to do was unleash Jersey and Tino, and they’d make it their mission in life to terrorize him until his dying day.
I could only imagine what those two might come up with, and it was terrifying even though I’d never be on the receiving end of it.
“I’ll be watching you, Robert. So will they. And so will other people you’ve never met and will never even see, but they’ll tell me what you’re up to, and I’ll act accordingly. Understood?”
“Yes, Mr. Romano.”
I looked up at Bird. “Now, I have to figure out how to distract Jewel and everyone else in the fucking neighborhood while I get this asshole’s piece-of-shit truck out of my garage.”
“Keep him here, go to Jewel’s house and entertain her while your guys drive his truck over here. We’ll stick around and reiterate what you’ve told him until they get back with his truck.”
“You don’t mind?”
Smokey shook his head and grinned. “It’d be our pleasure.”