Chapter 13 Aiden
Chapter 13 AIDEN
W ith Nora gone for a few moments, Aiden couldn’t ignore the guilt nagging at him. He was sure she didn’t know who he was. He was so enjoying this unique opportunity to be just a regular man getting to know a woman; it was tempting to keep up the facade. But was it fair? Nora had offered nothing but her hospitality and her sincerity, and he repaid her with deception. He should come clean. He should have told her the full truth when he answered that early question, regardless of her opinion on famous people.
His internal debate was cut short as Nora returned, her hips swaying gently as she walked towards him and set two glasses of water on the table. Nora stripped off her cardigan, the sheer white fabric of her t-shirt stretching over her chest. Then her elegant fingers removed the elastic band from her now messy and skewed ponytail, and she tilted her head backwards, shaking the wavy strands. “Shall we continue the questions?”
Aiden replied without thinking. “‘We can do anything you want as long as you’re—’”
When he paused, Nora said, “As long as I’m what?”
Naked . That’s what he almost said. Had he lost his mind? “Happy.”
“We can do about anything I want as long as I’m happy?”
“Yes. Of course.” He tried a smile. Perhaps, with it, she wouldn’t notice he was changing a tiny detail about the quote? “It’s a quote from a film.”
Nora rolled her eyes. “Of course it is. Which one, this time?”
Aiden cleared his throat. “From, uh...” He hesitated, but he had to answer. And, even if misquoted, he wouldn’t lie about the source. “ Striptease .”
He closed his eyes, expecting a well-deserved slap on the face. Instead, Nora gasped and started laughing.
“I’m not doing a striptease, Aiden!” She wadded her cardigan into a ball and threw it at his face.
The floral, warm perfume wafting from the sweater put his brain into overdrive. It was a good thing the deep red fabric covered his head—otherwise, he would have never been able to hide the deliciously improper reaction her scent evoked.
As Aiden awkwardly disentangled himself from Nora’s cardigan, she laughed without restraint, and it relaxed him. Maybe she wasn’t offended that his stupid brain had connected her taking her cardigan off and letting her hair down with a bloody sexy movie. But, God, he wished she was actually undressing for him.
Again: was it fair? Was it fair that he was fantasizing about her hoping she felt something for him too when he had deliberately hidden his identity—even after he knew she valued honesty over all else?
“Shall we move on with the questions?” Nora said and licked her lips as she grabbed the magazine. He had to avert his eyes again, hoping the next one would ask what they liked about each other. Or perhaps he shouldn’t hope for that. It could be dangerous territory. “Ugh, this is why I don’t like rollercoasters.”
“What do you mean?”
“Look at question eighteen... ‘What is your most terrible memory?’ This quiz is full of highs and lows. Like a freaking rollercoaster. Just wait for the loop. That’s the worst.” Nora shook her head.
Bloody hell. Aiden ran a hand through his hair, exhaling sharply.
Nora saw his unease, and offered a way out. “You don’t have to answer if you’re not comfortable.”
He gave her a pained look but shook his head. “Thanks, but this questionnaire thing was my idea. I will see this through.” Yet Aiden couldn’t bring himself to answer the question. And he wouldn’t lie to Nora any more than he already had.
“How about I go first?” she offered.
He nodded. Though he felt like a coward.
Nora sighed, pursing her lips. “I think I was around five. My parents were arguing, but I was so used to it that I was peacefully sleeping in my room. My grandmother was in the bedroom next door to mine. I woke up with Mom running down the corridor, calling for Granny’s help, because my father had hit her. I was so frightened that I couldn’t get out of bed. I wanted to run to her, to be with her, but I was afraid Dad would hit me, too, so I stayed put. I heard my mother sobbing, Granny comforting her. Eventually, I fell asleep again. The funny thing is, I don’t know whether she had bruises. Maybe she did, and my brain erased the memory so I wouldn’t remember her swollen face or something.”
He wanted to take her hand, yet he didn’t move. It wasn’t the right time.
“I’m so sorry, Nora.” She’d seen something no child should ever witness, no woman should ever suffer, and no man should ever perpetrate. Then again, considering his own most terrible memory, was he so different from her father? Not all violence was physical.
“I don’t think I ever told anyone about this before and, surprisingly, it feels... good.” Nora looked into his eyes. “How funny. So... we can skip to the next question. Or do you want to share your memory?”
No. “Yes, of course. If you are to know me, I’ll show you my best and my worst. Fair warning: The worst is low, so low.” He took a deep breath. “Your most terrible memory is something that happened to you. My most terrible memory is something I did to someone else. You may hate me for it, though not as much as I hate myself.”
The words wouldn’t come. Nora quietly rose and rearranged her position, sitting with her back to him. “Now just pretend I’m not here. It might help.”
Aiden grabbed the back of his neck with both hands and stared at the ceiling. Was he ready to talk about it? No. And he would probably never be. Yet Nora’s presence had a calming effect, and Aiden’s heart—heavy with what he was about to reveal—urged him to go ahead.
He sighed. “I once had this girlfriend... I was living in California back then—I moved there on a whim, and it didn’t go well. But I’d just moved there when I met Kate.” Aiden was just starting out then; he’d been “discovered” by a scout, who insisted that being in Los Angeles would be good for his career. “We quickly moved in together. Looking back, I see it was more out of practicality, to cut costs, than out of love.” He paused, trying to find the right words. “Shortly after we moved in together, she fell pregnant. She wanted to be a mother so badly, and I’ve always wanted children, too. We were so happy and excited to be parents. It happened sooner than I’d expected, but that’s life, right? And life does that to you. Sometimes it gives you something good, and sometimes it kicks you in the teeth. It was a high-risk pregnancy, and—two months before the due date—my little girl...”
His voice broke with a sob.
Still with her back against Aiden’s, Nora groped for his hand and took it between hers. It grounded him somewhat. “I blamed her. Kate, that is. I was in such an awful place, I completely ignored how she was in pain, too. A pain I would never fully understand. It was ugly.” He paused. “No, ugly doesn’t even begin to describe it. While Kate was still in the hospital—dealing alone with the loss of our stillborn daughter—I went back to our flat, moved all my things out, and flew back to England. If I could go back in time and beat the shit out of the tosser I was... I wasn’t man enough to be there for her, to apologize for being an utter idiot—” He let go of her and buried his face in his hands, falling into a sob with abandon. The pain he had kept locked away, entombed, unaddressed, came back full force. His throat was raw, as was his heart. The grief he thought long forgotten was still there.
He only noticed she had moved when he felt her arms tenderly encircle him. “Shh, it’s all right. Let it all out.” She gently stroked his back, holding him until his cries became soft sniffs. His arms, on their own accord, held her tight like his life depended on it. Now that he’d started, he couldn’t stop.
“Later I heard she almost died because of the stillbirth. All alone in a cold hospital room. I am the shittiest of the shitty tossers for abandoning her like that. It’s a guilt I will carry forever. Not even my family knows the full story. I didn’t have the decency to tell them. I only said we’d lost the baby, and that we’d parted afterwards.” He rested his chin on her shoulder and took a deep breath. “I think I need a break. Sorry.”
Suddenly, silence. The rain stopped. And then it fell full-force again, as if the skies were also crying for Aiden’s loss.