Chapter 32 Nora
Chapter 32 NORA
M ittwoch . Meaning literally, the middle of the week.
The days, the hours—hell, the whole week—passed in slow motion, as if time was mocking her. Adding torture to a tormented week, Nora hadn’t yet told her team they were probably getting fired.
After waking up with that in mind, she decided the sooner she told them, the better. If she was going to remove that Band-Aid, it was better to rip it off all at once.
On her way to work, she passed by a random bakery and bought a cake—if the news were bitter, maybe some sugar would help cushion its impact. Chocolate cake with peanut butter and caramel filling had seemed like an excellent idea at the time, but now it made her wonder: what if someone was allergic to peanuts? What if someone didn’t like... No. Everyone liked chocolate. Everyone except for Aiden.
One by one, the members of her team entered the conference room. She had called the meeting just minutes earlier, but none of them seemed to be concerned about what she had to say, which only made the sinking feeling in her stomach worse.
When Shondra entered the room, she stared at the cake on the table and covered her mouth with her hands. “Oh my God, you guys! I can’t believe you remembered my birthday!”
“Of course we did,” Bettany said. “You’re always so loud about it. But the party is on Nora.”
Blood rushed to Nora’s cheeks. Yes, Shondra loved her own birthday more than anything, and made sure everyone knew when it was. But with her mind floating above the real world lately, Nora hadn’t realized it was today. For some reason, the situation made her think of Aiden’s Emilia–Paola fiasco, and she shook her head to dismiss the thoughts.
Shondra rushed to her and hugged her so tightly Nora could barely breathe. Until Shondra let her go, all of a sudden, and yelled, “Bettany. Hughes. What. Is. That. In your hand?”
Smiling from ear to ear, Bettany flashed her left hand around the room. A huge diamond decorated her fourth finger, and a commotion followed. Apparently, her boyfriend of six years had finally proposed, and Bettany was elated.
Nora observed the scene in shock. How on Earth was she supposed to tell these people they were losing their jobs?
Dave approached her shyly. “I don’t know how these things work. Do we all tell personal stuff now? Wondering if it’s a good time to announce my wife’s pregnant again.”
Dave tried to keep his voice down, but it was done. Someone had heard him, and what was supposed to be a you-are-being-laid-off meeting became a birthday-engagement-pregnancy celebration.
Nora was light-headed. For as much as not telling them the truth frustrated her, she was also glad to see her team so happy. People chatted, greeted each other, hugged, smiled. It was rare to have them all together like this, and it seemed incredibly fortuitous to have so many good events happening at once. Nora couldn’t ruin the moment. She would have to find another time to share the bad news.
After they sang “Happy Birthday”—of course, Shondra wanted the whole experience—they cut the cake. Nora helped pass the plates around until she got one for herself and sat close to José, who ate his slice with a pensive expression.
“Adulting sucks,” he mumbled. “Look at these people: getting married, having babies... I bought a hammock for my cat. That was the highlight of my weekend.”
Nora chuckled. She didn’t want to think about the highlight of her weekend. “At least you have a cat.”
José lit up and talked about how his cat’s habit of sneaking through the back door had inspired him for a side-project, a new firewall he was now passionately working on. Nora listened with attention. The idea was brilliant. Nora thought about what a privilege it was to work with such ingenious people... even if that was to come to an end. Her heart sank.
While José talked, Nora took the last bite of her cake, and realized it was completely unremarkable. The cake itself was dry and the filling was passable, if that much. That’s why Nora didn’t like to buy anything outside Dipa’s cake shop.
“We should go out tonight,” Dipa said, curled on Nora’s living room couch, flipping through the latest issue of Them .
She had already interrupted a very interesting chapter of Pride and Prejudice twice, trying to show Nora articles —or photos, or something—about Aiden. Twice, Nora had refused to look and called her friend a traitor.
Why is he everywhere now? Or was he always everywhere, and I never noticed?
“I’m going to pee, and by the time I come back I expect an answer. And I expect this answer to be ‘yes, my dear Dipa, I couldn’t be more excited for a night out.’”
Ignoring her friend, Nora went back to her book. She was lost in Mr. Darcy’s adorable awkwardness when Dipa stormed back into the living room, yelling.
“I never thought I’d be defending a cis male, but, girl, is this sweet.”
“What’s sweet?”
Dipa handed her a small object—a folded piece of paper—and Nora was about to unfold it until she realized it was origami in the shape of a diamond. Then Dipa handed her a note in a handwriting Nora recognized immediately.
MIGHT NOT BE THE REAL DEAL, BUT IT WAS (HAND) MADE WITH LOVE. AIDEN
“Where did you find this?”
“In the restroom. I think he left it there as a surprise for you. Can you believe it?”
It was a good thing she hadn’t entered the powder room the last few days—finding this note in a moment of vulnerability could have been the perfect trigger to another meltdown. She remembered Aiden telling her of his love for handmade gifts after she declared her preference for expensive ones. Such a lovely, considerate gesture. But he was out of her life for good, and it was probably better to get rid of all evidence.
Nora threw the diamond origami and note towards the fireplace. She wished she could do the same to the memories of him.
“What’s wrong with you?” Dipa yelled, grabbing the papers from the floor. “If you don’t want these, at least let me keep them. Gosh, he’s so romantic!”
Nora rolled her eyes.
Dipa pointed a finger at her. “Now, go get ready. Vanessa will pick us up in twenty minutes, and Jay’s already there.”
Broadway was alive with its blinking neon and people out looking for a good time. Nora wasn’t the best company but, nevertheless, her friends kept trying to cheer her up.
She felt bad for feeling so bad. Having a broken heart wasn’t a life-and-death situation. She wasn’t starving. She didn’t live amid civil war. Her family members were healthy. At the same time, she felt no person would judge her for being so miserable. Who in the world hadn’t had their heart broken and wouldn’t understand how she felt?
When Nora looked around, she realized they were at The Stage. How had they gotten there? The last thing she remembered was eating a fried bologna sandwich at Robert’s. Clearly, her mind was elsewhere entirely. “Isn’t that your Aiden Elliott?” Jay said, pointing over Nora’s shoulder.
Her heart stopped. She looked where Jay pointed, at once both thrilled and petrified at the prospect of seeing Aiden. And yes, she saw him. Staring at another woman. On the TV screen over the bar. “ Indigo Eyes . November, in every major theater,” a deep voice intoned.
“Don’t be ridiculous. My Aiden,” Nora said with a scoff.
“I can’t wait to see that movie,” Dipa said.
“I can’t wait for it to be the biggest flop of all time,” Nora said with a scowl.
As if on cue, the band started to play a country version of Myra Flay’s “Baby, Look.”
Why don’t you just disappear from the world, Aiden? Why don’t you go to another galaxy far, far away, and let me live my very invisible life in peace?
“You know, he left her a diamond. As a surprise gift,” Dipa said, clapping her hands in excitement.
Jay raised his eyebrows in admiration. “You hooked up with the guy once and he gave you a diamond? Man, I really need to step up my game.”
Nora growled, “We didn’t hook up. And it’s a stupid paper diamond. An origami diamond.”
Jay tapped his temple in a sign that he still believed this a smart move on Aiden’s part.
“Aw, that’s so sweet.” Vanessa said.
“It’s not sweet. Nothing about this is sweet. By the way, if anyone mentions his name just one more time, I’m taking the next cab home.” Nora thumped her hands on the table. Fuck you, Aiden Elliott.
Jay nudged Dipa. “Did she react like this when we . . . ?”
Dipa shook her head. “Not even close, dude. I mean, there was the eating a whole cake situation—”
“Dipa!”
“You ate a whole cake because of me?” Jay looked at Nora with loving eyes. “I drank half a bottle of Tennessee Whiskey and threw up for two hours straight after we broke up.”
“Oh,” Nora said, “how flattering.”
“But I’m good now. Living my best single life.” Jay smiled proudly. “By the way, I invited Noah. He’ll meet us here.”
Dipa rested her elbows on the table and raised her eyebrows. “Rossi?”
“Who?” Nora and Jay said at the same time.
“My God, you two,” Vanessa intervened. “Noah Rossi? The guy who’s been starring in every teen movie for the past, I don’t know, five years?”
Dipa rolled her eyes. “Come on, you need to improve your celeb game or this will be no fun.”
“Don’t know anything about—what’s his name, Noah Posse? It’s Noah Black, lead singer of The Black Flyers,” Jay explained.
“Great, another celebrity. That’s all I need.” Nora picked fries from Jay’s plate. He gave her a crooked look.
Vanessa—the always kind and sweet Vanessa—touched her hand. “How about we don’t mention any celebrities tonight, eh?”
“I think that’s a great idea,” Jay said. “Aiden Elliott is not all that. And maybe since Nora won’t have him, he can go back to letting Marcie Jameson warm up his bed.”
Marcie Jameson. Nora remembered him saying, “Yes, Marcie Jameson was my girlfriend.” Was he trying to tell her then that he was famous, and she didn’t pick up on the clues?
Dipa gasped and punched Jay’s arm. “Why don’t you just shut up, idiot?”
“I’m only being honest! I don’t know what y’all see in him.”
“I also don’t think he’s all that,” Vanessa said and gave Nora a brief smile, and Nora couldn’t tell if she was being honest or just trying to make her feel better.
“Well, I think he—” Dipa started, then stopped.
“I think we should change the damn fucking subject,” Nora uttered in a low, determined tone.
“All right, all right, chill out,” Jay said. “Nora, did you hear Sir Paul is going to play in New York next month?”
“I bought my ticket months ago. Do you think he’d be a good dinner guest?” she asked. Her friends stared at her like she’d just said the most absurd thing. “Who would you guys have as a dinner guest, if you could choose anyone in the world?”
“Here comes the philosopher,” Jay quipped as usual.
“Aiden Elliott,” Dipa said with a sly smile. Clearly, she was trying to provoke Nora.
“I was going to say my wonderful wife Dipa,” Vanessa said. “But since she chose a man over me, I’ll have Scary Spice, just because I can.”
“Spice Girls? That brunette was the hottest of them,” Jay said. “The one who’s married to the soccer player.”
Of fucking course it had to be Posh Spice. Aiden’s favorite.
Every subject seemed to point back to Aiden, and each time his image came to her mind, Nora’s anger melted a little and gave way to exhaustion, and she found herself bleary and blathering about him.
But how could she not, when her feelings seemed to be overflowing her heart?
“He knew I hadn’t recognized him, and he didn’t tell me. Why did he do that? Why didn’t he just tell me, ‘hey, I’m Aiden Elliott, you know? I’m an actor. Maybe you don’t recognize me, but I’m famous, bloody hell.’”
Dipa laughed. “Nora, do you hear yourself? Do you really think a gentleman like Aiden would ever say something like that?”
He was indeed a gentleman. However, a gentleman should be honest. He shouldn’t have left her in the dark.
“And we’re back to Aiden Elliott,” Jay mumbled. “I’ll get us another round and when I come back, I hope you’re talking about something else. If I ever see this dude, I’ll just punch him in the face, okay?”
“Oh, please don’t ruin that beautif—never mind,” Dipa said, stopping when Vanessa glared at her.
With Jay gone, Vanessa turned to Nora. “Okay, let’s talk about it.”
“Yeah! Is he as shy as people say?” Dipa said. “Oh, don’t we all love a cute shy guy!”
Vanessa nudged Dipa and shushed her. Then she turned to Nora. “What happened once you found out who he was, I mean, once the paparazzi appeared?”
“We fought. I just wanted to disappear and never see his face again, but he ran after me, trying to explain himself.” Dipa and Vanessa’s eyes were glued on Nora. “Then I lost it and I ended up throwing back in his face some things he had told me. Some... very personal stuff.”
Vanessa raised her eyebrows, as if waiting for more, but Nora remembered vividly how Aiden said he had never told that story to anyone. Throwing his deepest regret in his face had been bad enough; sharing his secret so carelessly would be downright unforgivable. So she decided to focus on her feelings instead.
“I felt so betrayed. I thought that throughout the night we had shared everything there was to know about each other, but it turns out that he was hiding the most important thing about himself. He blindsided me, you know? And the way things happened... I couldn’t think straight because of the pain, and unfortunately kind of lost control over my actions and words.”
Vanessa steepled her manicured hands together. “Did you have one of those crises?”
Nora nodded. All the people Nora loved the most had been, at one point or another, victims of her pain-induced meltdowns, and it made her heart bleed.
“I’m so sorry, Nora. Are you feeling better now?”
Tears pricked the corner of her eyes. She was not feeling better. In any sense.
“Things could have gone so differently... He could have kept his shit together. He could have brought me to my senses. Waited for me to calm down so we could talk. But he just walked away!”
Dipa almost jumped in her seat. “Didn’t you ask him to leave?”
“Well, I . . .”
“Listen,” Vanessa said, “I don’t know shit about Aiden Elliott, but if him not reacting well when you didn’t react well in the first place is what you’re holding against him...”
The need to defend herself took over, and before she could think, Nora said, “No, what I hold against him is how he hid his being a fucking celebrity.”
“Would you prefer that he had flaunted his fame instead?” Vanessa pointed out.
The words came as a blow. It was true: no, she wouldn’t prefer that. At the same time, it occurred to her that she wasn’t entirely innocent herself—she was also guilty of hiding things. Her team’s situation came to her mind. How could she judge Aiden so harshly, when she was still hiding the truth from them because she didn’t know how to address the issue?
“Touché.” Dipa kissed her wife’s cheek and turned to Nora. “Anyway, I’m sure you didn’t mean to hurt him.”
“That’s the problem. I did mean to hurt him.” Nora shook her head; her eyes fell to the floor. “I was hurt because he hadn’t told me he was famous, and I wanted to hurt him back. I’m a horrible person.”
Nora recalled the look on Aiden’s face when he confided in her about the loss of his child. And then his tears, his sobs, his shaking body as she tried to calm him. She realized how rooted and strong that guilt was within him. How could she have been so insensitive? Aiden had told her his deepest and darkest secret, and at the first opportunity she used it to hurt him. His wrongdoing did not justify hers.
“Hey,” Vanessa said, “we all make mistakes.”
Jay was approaching the table again, two beers in each hand, one arm wrapped around a shaggy-haired guy. “Here are your drinks, ladies.”
No, she was not a lady. She was a monster. Someone who acted in anger, not caring how much she hurt another.
“Nora, Vanessa, Dipa, this is Noah,” Jay said.
There wasn’t a single thing about Noah that attracted her. His hair was brown, but not quite like Aiden’s. His eyes had a nice, deep-brown color, but they weren’t beautifully shaped like Aiden’s. His nose was small and delicate, but she preferred Aiden’s sharper nose. Aiden’s face shape. His beard. His hands.
“So, how’s the evening going?” Noah asked, taking the seat next to her.
“Fine.”
“It’s about to get better.” He smirked. “I promise you.”
For as much as Nora wanted to run away that moment, she owed it to Jay to play nice to his friend. “So, I hear you have a band.”
Noah grinned. His white teeth were perfectly aligned, yet Nora found no beauty in his smile.
“Ha, of course you have. We’re getting pretty big.”
“Jay told me. I don’t remember hearing about you before.”
“No need to play coy around a celeb.” Noah’s cocky smile made Nora want to slap his arm. No. His face. “Are you sure you’ve never been to one of our gigs? We’ve played pretty much in every single place around town. Or... maybe no... I would have remembered you.” He winked.
And I would have made it a point to banish you from my mind , she silently fumed. “I really don’t recall seeing you play. Anyway, congrats.”
“Thank you. Here, have a flyer for The Black Flyers,” Noah said, handing Nora a leaflet advertising a concert the following weekend.
He was the only one pictured. “Is it a solo project?”
“No, we’re five dudes. But they’re really shy and, anyway, I’m the lead singer, you know? I’m the face of the band. The showman.”
“I can see that. I wonder what the band would be without you.”
Noah sucked his teeth. “That’s the spirit, gorgeous.” He produced a pen and scribbled on the flyer. He seemed flattered by Nora’s thinly veiled insult. What a douche . “Here’s my autograph. Keep this, it’ll be worth a lot in no time. And here’s my number, in case you wanna hang out sometime. Noah and Nora, I like how that sounds. It would be good press for both of us, ha.”
“Dude, are you still giving unrequested autographs?” Jay said in a playful tone. “You need to stop that. Wait until you actually have chicks chasing you.”
“I do have chicks chasing me. All the time,” Noah replied.
Dipa glanced at Nora, and they had one of those wordless conversations only years of friendship allowed.
Vergonha alheia . Fremdsch?men . Both Portuguese and German had specific words for what she felt for Noah— an embarrassment, not for herself but for him. In English, however, the closest would be “cringe.”
“Quick drinker, eh?” Noah said, shaking Nora’s empty beer bottle. “Don’t worry, I’ll get you another one. I might even get it for free. Not that I can’t pay for it. It’s just that I get free stuff all the time from fans. Perks of being famous.”
Noah took himself so seriously he was already advertising a fame he didn’t even have yet, and probably never would. Aiden, on the other hand, kept his status to himself. And it wasn’t just local fame; his was global.
“If you need a mindless distraction tonight, here’s your chance,” Vanessa said after Noah left. “He’s so into you.”
Dipa grimaced. “Hell no! Jay, could you have found a more disgusting friend to introduce to your ex-girlfriend?”
Jay made a quizzical face. “I never meant for them to hook up. By the way,” he lowered his voice, “I don’t suggest any of you get involved with him. He’s a total player. Hits on anything that wears a skirt, if you know what I mean. No offense, Nora.”
All of Nora’s frustration, anger, despair, and anxiety turned into a loud guffaw. Jay had always had the habit of stating the obvious. “A fuckboy, no shit! I’d have never imagined it.”
Jay nodded emphatically, not picking up on her sarcasm.
“Here’s your drink, beautiful. I figured a classy girl like yourself would appreciate some wine,” Noah said, placing a glass of white in front of her. At least Aiden would know I prefer red . And he’d probably have noticed that her beer was non-alcoholic, because she didn’t want to risk having to deal with another flare just yet. “What’d I miss? What were you guys laughing about?”
Vanessa glanced at Nora, struggling not to laugh.
“Nothing, Jay is just so funny. Aren’t you, babe?” Nora said and rested a hand on Jay’s forearm.
The confused look on her ex-boyfriend’s face made Nora want to burst into laughter again. “I... I guess I am?” Jay said.
“Man, I had no idea you two were back together! I’m so sorry. I never meant to... dude, I’m sorry,” Noah said to Jay, his eyes shifting from him back to Nora.
“Oh, you know,” Nora said. “When you love someone for real, you can’t stay apart for long, right?”
“Yeah, I know. I had this girlfriend. She also played in a band. They’re touring in Europe now...”
Nora tuned him out.
The more Noah prattled on, the more her chest compressed, missing Aiden’s kind eyes, the soft touch of the “paws he couldn’t keep to himself,” his posh accent.
Noah finally wrapped up his story and told them he had to meet up with some other fans. Before he left the table, he whispered in Nora’s ear, “If you ever decide to dump this dumbass for good, you have my number.”
As he walked away, she crumpled the flyer into a ball.
“You want to get back together?” Jay asked. “I thought we had agreed we don’t—”
Dipa and Vanessa cackled, drawing looks from the nearby tables.
“Jesus Christ, Jay! She just wanted to get rid of that dipshit!” Dipa exclaimed. “Girl, that was the best stunt I’ve ever seen. It seems like you’ve learned something from Aiden Elliott after all.”
Aiden. Everything kept pointing to him.
Aiden feared his fame would make things awkward between the two of them. All he wanted was to be seen for who he really was.
How could she blame him for that?
He was wrong. But so was I.
On impulse, Nora took the phone from her purse and scrolled through her contacts. “Aiden on the storm.” The Doors—yes, The Doors. Jim Morrison—that’s the singer on Aiden’s T-shirt that Nora couldn’t identify! Her fingers hit the buttons in a frenzy as she typed a hurried message.
Aiden, I’m so sorry. Please, let’s talk. Call me. Sarah on the storm offering an olive branch (yuck, look what I’m doing for you). P.S: thanks for the diamond
She sent it before she could change her mind, not even checking for typos. Would he remember that he mock-called her Sarah, after the Emilia–Paola story? Would he even read the text, or would someone intercept it and delete it?
It was done. Regardless of the outcome, she had tried.