12. Dean
DEAN
I’ve given Soleil Barrett twenty-six skating lessons, and I remember every single grin on her face, every time she’s realized she can do a hockey stop.
In both directions. Her progress on the ice has surpassed my expectations.
Her forward skating is automatic now, not just functional.
It’s pretty. That’s something I noticed around lesson ten and haven’t stopped noticing.
There’s something in the way she moves on the ice.
Some people just take to it, and she’s one of those people.
She has grace. She can skate backward while having a conversation.
She doesn’t have to think about it anymore.
On top of all that, her glutes and quads have gotten so toned.
We stretch together before and after the lessons now.
I pick her up at her house. Every morning, she still needs to be reminded who I am and that she’s been learning to skate before I get there, but she doesn’t need constant instruction on the ice anymore.
Most of the time it feels like we’re skating together.
I still coach her and make corrections, but there will be stretches where we’re on the ice and we’re just moving and it doesn’t feel like work for either of us.
Jessie’s emailed me a lot of footage, and one day I’ll have a feature-length documentary to remind her of everything she’s accomplished.
But I haven’t stopped believing that one day her cognitive memory’s going to catch up with her muscle memory.
That she’ll wake up one morning after a good night’s sleep and remember me.
More importantly, I still wake up every morning excited to see her.
The plan is for me to spend the night at her place tonight, for the first time. We’ll be getting home late.
Because we’re out here watching the Lyrid meteor shower.
Soleil had suggested we drive out somewhere private so we could make out in the back of my truck, but I just happened to find out about this annual meteor shower that peaks right around now.
The earth is passing through debris left by a comet.
Is it blowing my fucking mind that I’m assistant coach for the Comets and I’m in the back of a truck with my head coach’s daughter watching the debris from a comet as a poetic excuse to get into her pants?
It is. Soleil blows my mind every day, but tonight is out of this world.
We can see about ten to twenty meteors per hour.
The skies are clear, and she just happened to know of this perfect spot for us to park, in the middle of nowhere.
The drive up here was awe-inspiring, but this spot she’s brought me to takes my breath away.
The highway follows the lake for miles east of Kenton.
It’s quiet, dark, with almost no traffic at night.
We’ve got the lake on one side and mountains on the other.
She directed me to pull off the road at some point, and the sky is genuinely dark enough for real stargazing.
Light pollution in this area is minimal.
I can see more stars right now than I’ve probably ever seen in my life.
It’s a specific kind of beautiful that I have no reference point for. No words.
I’ve seen the prairies at night. Expansive skies, a lot of stars, but it’s flat and exposed.
This combination of the dark water, the mountains, the stars reflecting on the lake—it’s overwhelming in a good way.
Like falling in love with Soleil. The mountains are dark shapes all around us, the stars are between the mountain peaks, the lake is below.
It’s enclosed and infinite at the same time.
Also like falling in love with Soleil. It feels like I’m a part of the landscape and the cosmos.
I truly don’t have words for it, and I don’t try to find them. She doesn’t force me too either.
It’s after midnight, and it’s cold. I put flannel sheets over the inflatable double mattress and brought a comforter, an unzipped sleeping bag, and a throw blanket.
We’re both wearing coats and Henleys, but the pants are coming off at some point.
We’ve been lying side by side, on our backs, heads on pillows, my arm around her shoulder, for around half an hour.
My arm is tingling and about to fall asleep, but I feel wide awake.
She gasps, like she has every time she’s seen a meteor or a shooting star as she calls them, ever since our eyes adjusted. “Ooh! Did you see that one?!”
“I did.”
“That one is what’s known as a photobomber.”
“Ahh, yes. The one that streaked through that constellation that looks like tangled earbuds.”
“It’s actually called the Disappointed Goose. See the long neck?”
“Right. He’s frowning.”
She points to the sky and says, “See that cluster with one star off to the right, alone? That’s called the Unanswered Text.”
“That’s poignant.” God, I love her. I love her so fucking much. I spot another meteor, and we both twitch and gasp and then laugh at ourselves.
After a quiet moment—and I mean the deep silence of a clear night in the wilderness—she says, “I want to hear the rest of your interview.”
“Not now, though, right?”
I finally did an interview on The Net Zeroes podcast, and we listened to half of it while we drove up here.
At a certain point, I had to turn those assholes off because it was ruining my enjoyment of the beautiful scenery.
They’re funny, but they gave me so much shit about not taking the Comets to the playoffs and dating Coach’s daughter.
It’s not something I’m ready to joke about yet.
The loss or Soleil. They also asked about my long-term plans as a coach. That’s when I turned it off.
“So, what are your plans?” she asks.
“To make you come with my mouth and fingers before I fuck you under the stars.”
“Hah. Good luck with that. I’m going to make you come in my mouth before you get it up again to fuck me under the stars.”
“Bold. And also fine with me.”
She reaches inside my sweatpants, under my boxer briefs, and starts stroking my shaft. Long, slow strokes. Delicate and devious. So her. “But tell me. Career-wise. What’s the plan? You take over as head coach for the Comets?”
I do not like talking about her father while her hand is on my cock, but here goes. “After your dad retires, yeah.”
“Then what? There’s no way you thought of the junior hockey team in Kenton as anything more than a stepping stone.”
“It’s a really great stepping stone. I like this stepping stone a lot more than I thought I would.”
“But what was your ultimate goal? When you decided to be a coach?”
I pause a little too long before telling her—partly because she’s giving me a slow-burn hand job and partly because I don’t want to have this conversation right now. “New York.” I don’t know why it makes me uncomfortable to tell her or even to think about it.
“NHL?”
“Yup.”
She’s quiet. Too quiet. And she’s stopped moving her hand.
“Hey,” I say.
“Hmm?”
“That was the plan long before I met you.”
“Is it still your ultimate goal, though?” she asks.
“Right now, my ultimate goal is to take your shoes off so I can get your pants off.”
“But really, Dean. Do you still want to move to New York? Eventually?”
“I don’t know anymore.”
“Because I don’t think it would be a good idea for me to live in a big city if…if I’m like this.”
“I know. I don’t think it would be a good idea either.
And I like it here.” I pull her hand out and roll over on top of her.
Kiss her cheek. Her mouth. Her neck. “I like the Comets.” I grip the waistband of her sweats and tug on them.
She wiggles around, lifting up her ass to make it easier for me.
“I like you more than I like the idea of coaching in New York.” Before dipping down under the blankets, I say, “So don’t even try to tell me you don’t want to hold me back, okay?
You don’t hold me back. You’re the ultimate goal. ”
Her hands are in my hair, and she’s pushing me down.
I like that. I fucking love it. It’s so warm under the blankets, but it’s hot between my girl’s thighs.
I tug her pants down to her ankles so she can bend her knees and spread her legs more.
That feeling I had of being enclosed and infinite at the same time before?
That was nothing compared to this. This is the landscape that truly takes my breath away.
The hills and valleys that I want to explore in the dark and broad daylight.
The pool of heavenly essence that silences me and makes me want to beat my chest and growl, because this is for me. This is mine. I did this to her.
I lick and bite up her wet inner thigh. She’s wriggling around and anxious in anticipation already.
Shivering, and it’s not from the cold air.
I blow warm breath over her clit and then suck it into my mouth, humming to create vibrations.
She cries out and pushes down on my shoulders, freezing and then shuddering, rocking her hips when I swirl and flick my tongue.
So wet and ready for me already, but I’m going to make her come with my tongue first. Hard and fast, before she has a chance to go down on me.
I consume and savor her. I spell out her name with the tip of my tongue on her pussy. The S and the O are almost enough to put her over the edge.
I’ve been down here before, but it crosses my mind that it’s new for her.
I should probably take it slow, but she’s read me some of her journal entries.
She knows what we’ve done. But it still blows my mind that in a way this is the first time I’m bringing her to orgasm.
It turns me on so fucking much too, to be honest.
I’ve teased and tormented her. I’ve been sweet, and I’ve been rough and dirty with her. She is always, always a filthy angel.
I kiss gently, trace kisses all around, and then kiss her more passionately.
I can feel and hear her losing her mind, and her sweet elixir is driving me insane.
It’s time for me to grip her ass and fuck her relentlessly with my tongue.
She writhes around, bucking her hips, and I ride it out until she goes tense and still.
That’s my girl.
I come up for air, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand, savoring her scent, before she clumsily grabs the back of my neck to pull me down for a kiss.
“I don’t think I can wait to make you come before you fuck me—sorry,” she says sweetly.
“Sweetheart, that is the best apology I have ever heard.” I lower my head and push her shirt up so I can pay my respects to her tits first. The right one, she’s sassy, but the left one—I capture that left nipple between my teeth and then suck it into my mouth—the left one is a gorgeous little brat.
I feel her fingers in my hair again. Twirling and then tugging.
She’s impatient, and I don’t plan to edge her tonight.
Reaching into my coat pocket, I find and tear open a condom packet in the dark.
I don’t need this coat and it’s starting to piss me off, but I don’t even have the patience to take it off now.
Rolling the condom on, I say, “Fuck, I wish I had the patience to get out our phones so I could do a video telling you that you’re gonna feel me between your legs in the morning, sweetheart. But I’m telling you now, and I hope it doesn’t scare you. I’m gonna fluice you senseless.”
She laughs at that, but she can hardly speak. “Bring it.”
I position the head of my cock at her soaking-wet entrance and ask, “You ready?”
She makes a muffled high-pitch sound, and I push in. Slow as she exhales and then hard enough for her to yelp. I forgot again that this is the first time she remembers taking my cock, but I’m in now.
“You okay, baby?”
“Yeah. Go hard,” she says, looping her arms around my back.
Placing my hands flat on either side of her neck, I do. I go hard. I thrust my hips with all the vigor I promised her I was capable of the first time we met.
The air mattress is bringing a fun kind of extra movement, and the new tires have great shock absorption.
This truck is rocking, and there’s no one around to knock.
Our wild animal grunts and moans echo around the terrain.
Somewhere above us, tiny bits of comet debris are burning up as they hit this planet’s atmosphere at high speed.
But there is no way there’s anything on this earth that’s creating more heat than the two of us fucking our brains out right now.
I can barely register that my girl is going out of her mind beneath me because my face feels like it’s melting.
I might create a sonic boom when I come, and I am definitely about to explode.
Soleil’s orgasm is milking my cock, and that’s it—a hurricane of intense pleasure tears through me.
I am a fireball, blazing through the darkness, vaporizing into the void, emptying out.
And then reassembling myself for Soleil.
The center of my universe. Somehow filled up again with more love than before.
Her skin, her blonde hair, her eyes. They’re radiant, even in the dark. My glowing goddess. This is her realm, and I don’t ever want to leave it.
When I finally catch my breath, I tell her, “You are so fucking beautiful. You’re beautiful in the daylight, pretty under arena lights, you’re a vision in candlelight, but in starlight?
Baby, I see you, and you are the most stunning thing I have ever laid eyes on. I will never get tired of your face.”
“I love you, Dean,” she says quietly.
“I love you, Soleil Barrett. I love you so damn much. I can’t imagine life without you, and I’m not going to.”
She nods slowly, her eyelids heavy.
Suddenly, my heart is gripped with fear. “Don’t fall asleep.” I shake her. “Baby, don’t fall asleep yet, okay?”
“’Kay,” she says.
I kiss her. I kiss her hard to wake her up. She snakes her arms around my neck, kissing me back.
I’m not ready for this night to be over yet, and I want her to remember who I am long enough to get into bed with me like we planned.
“You’re not done fucking me yet,” she says in between kisses.
“Beauty,” I say. Beauty.