Chapter 11 #2
Together for so many years, I felt weird to feel so totally on edge.
But that’s how I felt as I paused and then played back all the thoughts I’d had.
About the changed behavior with Thomas, about all the micro-pauses in her speech and smiles, and the way I sensed something different and a little more distant in her eyes.
Sasha’s pause was longer this time.
Much longer.
And this time she didn’t try and disguise the fact she was deep in thought.
And then, just like that, she opened up. No longer challenging me to explain why I was thinking this way. But opening up fully. (Or, as far as I could tell.)
“Jase, baby… I’m sorry I wasn’t more open with you…
and it’s not what you might think… I’m still as on board as ever I was that we start a family…
but I guess these last few weeks, it’s really hit home how much things are gonna change for me…
and that’s kinda scared me… which was why I was so up for what Thomas arranged last weekend…
why I made all those comments about Kool Aid…
why I wanted to go to Necto, our ‘wanna feel young place’…
“Sorry, baby… sorry I wasn’t more open with you about this…”
This was the old Sasha back. Holding my hand in hers, looking deep into my soul, her own eyes almost watery with emotion. Watery with a need for me to understand and forgive her.
Of course I forgave her.
And we made wonderful, tender, passionate love.
It was only as we lay together in that special afterglow that another, troubling and painful thought occurred to me.
“Sash, honey… did Thomas arrange all of that—the boys, the club—just on a random whim… or did he do all of that because you and he had talked about how you were feeling…”
Snuggled with her head on my chest, I immediately felt her body tense at my question.
There it was.
That pause again.
As she tried to work out what to say and what not to say.
I immediately knew this was another watershed moment.
The moment we started hiding things from each other…
That was a sentence and a thought I didn’t want to finish.
As gently as I could—I wanted her to sense love not anger, although there was anger—I turned her head so she was looking into my eyes.
“Sash, honey… when did we start hiding things from each other? That’s the road to ruin… however hard, however difficult, we always have to be honest with each other… honest and trusting in the love we have for each other…
Her nearly watery eyes turned into actual watery eyes.
“You know, Mr. Jason Spencer, I don’t deserve a man like you…”
She moved up and kissed me softly. A kiss that ended with the pair of us looking deep into each others eyes as she started explaining.
“Yes, I did talk to Thomas about it… you’ve hardly been around at home since this new job… Thomas and me, we’re nearly always together… so it just kinda happened… I didn’t plan it that way…
“Besides which, baby, I was worried me telling you about my anxieties might worry you… make you think I didn’t want to start a family…
“And nothing could be further from the truth… this is just a silly bout of last minute jitters because of the enormity… it’ll soon pass when I’m pregnant and feel those little feet kicking inside and see him or her grow into a beautiful little baby bump…
like a little human molehill, waiting to pop out and join our little family… ”
Hearing her talk like this—so excited about our future—made me feel all happy and warm inside. It really damped down my fears.
And what she’d said about my absence and all the time she and Thomas had been spending together was also true. What a lawyer would call mitigating circumstances…
I kissed her softly.
Everything suddenly felt brighter and happier in the world.
“So that was it? That was the only reason you kept pausing and seemed a little remote this last week…”
Sash just pursed her lips and gave me the most beautiful of smiles.
“Promise me?”
“I promise,” she beamed, kissing me.
“Good,” I sighed emphatically, “because after what happened with Benson, I was starting to convince myself you’d caught another of feelings for your hunky and rich young pilot boyfriend…”
And there it was again. That same pause I’d seen during all our calls.
Only this time it was a longer, more obvious pause. And thankfully she was honest about it before she slowly started a second explanation.
“Jase, you were right when you said we always have to be honest with each other, no matter how hard that might be…”
Fuck, what was she about to lay on me… fuck, they’d only been lovers for a few months, surely we didn’t have another Benson situation on our hands… Thomas no longer willing to share, wanting Sasha all for himself…
She saw my panic and jumped right in…
“It’s nothing like that, honey… I don’t love Jason, and I don’t think he loves me… mostly we’re just good friends and fuck buddies…
“But like you said, we have to be honest… we do have feelings for each other… I’ll not lie and say I don’t care about Thomas… I love him, but only as a friend… it’s nothing like when things got out of hand with Benson…”
She paused-- what she was about to say would be painful.
“Jase, honey, I hate to dredge up old pain… I did love Benson… I chose you and us… but I did love him, and I’ve never lied to you about that…
“Which is why you can trust me now when I say that it’s totally different with Thomas…
I was honest with you then, and I’m honest with you now…
I do have feelings for Thomas… like I said, I love him as a friend…
but it’s nothing for you to worry about…
yes, he’s hunky and charismatic, and fucks me amazingly well…
but it’s you not him I love… it’s you not him I want to raise a family with… spend the rest of my life with…
That heart-to-heart put things right between Sasha and me. We had a wonderful Saturday together. In bed all day before treating ourselves to a ‘Kool-Aid’ trip to the movies, as I playfully labeled it to Sasha…
Things were so good that Sunday we even invited Thomas around for dinner and the customary dessert he and Sasha enjoyed so much. Sasha having explained earlier that after everything with the boys, she’d been nervous to involve him in our nightly calls.
Reassured by her explanation, I was happy to play my customary third-wheel role as after dinner they retired upstairs to fuck each other to a standstill.
In fact, and I think Sasha and Thomas deliberately planned it this way, it was eerily like that kinky night three weeks ago just before Thomas flew off to his friend’s wedding.
Once again Sasha got me to kneel next to her so I’d be right close up to Thomas’s huge cock as she encouraged me to hold it.
This time she didn’t tease me to give his plum-sized cockhead a kiss, but she did get me to not just hold his massive veined shaft—she got me not only to feel its weight and heat, but to squeeze him tight and stroke him up and down a few times before I helped insert him into her pussy.
Now the three of us were back in a happy place, there was plenty of trash talking from both of them.
And bizarrely enough, after all my fears and worries over the last week about words said last weekend—being right there as Thomas and Sasha trash-talked me to my face was weirdly cathartic and reassuring.
All three of us knew how the evening was going to end.
Last time Sasha had used the fact it was there last night together for two weeks to request I leave our master bedroom and shut the door behind me.
This time she didn’t even bother with coming up with even any kind of pretense or justification. She just called me over for a kiss, touched my cheek softly and whispered to me.
“Love you, babe… but now that you’ve enjoyed the show… you wouldn’t mind me and my boyfriend having a little private time would you?
“Thanks, babe, you wouldn’t mind shutting the door behind you, would you,” she teased.
The next two weeks—my last two weeks of the Meet-and-Greet, Monday-to-Friday absence from home—followed the same pattern as those first weeks back in April and early May.
I’d phone home every evening—have my vanilla conversation about day-to-day stuff with Sasha, then get to watch their first fuck of the evening before they waved goodnight and left me in no doubt as to who’d be sleeping on my side of the bed that night.
To a normal husband—totally weird and grounds for divorce. But to me—knowing Sasha was all mine for the weekends and from the early July onwards—this kinky way of living was perfect.
The perfect swansong before we settled down to monogamy and starting our family.
Even the fears I’d had after that Friday night when Thomas had told me monogamy was now impossible for Sasha—her need for black cock to great—didn’t trouble me any more.
Even though she loved him, she’d resisted Benson’s demand to leave me so she could enjoy continued access to his big cock.
After our heart-to-heart, I knew she had feelings for Thomas but didn’t love him—so my logical brain told me there was nothing to fear when our Fourth of July deadline arrived.
When we’d finally turn off our kinky lifestyle, Sash would come off the pill and we’d start trying for kiddo number one.