Chapter Twelve #2
“Want to come outside for a walk? There’s some things I’d like to discuss with you.”
Dylan sounded serious. Jake studied his face for a clue about what was going on, but his cousin’s expression was inscrutable.
“Sure.” He shot a last, regretful look at Maureen’s back as she left the room. He’d been hoping to snag a moment alone with her. He had things to say that were beginning to really weigh on him.
Outside Dylan headed for the path that bordered the river. Kip trotted ahead of them, stopping now and then to check out interesting smells.
“What’s up?” Jake asked, hoping he wasn’t going to get a dressing down for the way he’d treated Maureen.
“It’s the ranch,” Dylan said. “Like I said earlier, I’m stretched real thin. Cathleen and I would like to start a family but I’m worried where I’d find the time to help raise a kid.”
“It’d be great to have some new young ones running around. I’m sure you’ll somehow find the time.”
Dylan shook his head. “I don’t know how my dad did it. Of course when he started out, he had his father. And after Grandpa died, he had your dad.”
“Those were good years.” Jake kicked at a rock on the path. “I’m sorry I haven’t been much help to you this summer.”
“I know what Grizzly Peaks means to you,” Dylan said. “But I’m hoping the Thunder Bar M means something to you as well.”
“What are you getting at?”
“Your mom sold her share of the ranch. But it’s still part of your heritage, Jake. Have you ever thought of buying back in? We could run it together. Equal partners.”
The offer stopped Jake in his tracks. He stared at his cousin, dumbfounded.
Dylan laughed. “I guess you haven’t thought of it. But you should.”
“How could I buy back in?” Jake asked. Then he realized the obvious solution. “I’d have to sell Grizzly Peaks.”
“I know it’s asking a lot. But if you wanted to set down some roots, build yourself a home, is there a better place than the ranch?”
Was Dylan suggesting it was time for him to settle down…with Maureen? The pull of living on the ranch again was strong. But this wasn’t where he’d thought his life was headed.
“Why make this offer now?”
“I need a partner. I’d like that partner to be you.”
“You make it sound so simple.”
“I know it isn’t. Just think about it is all I ask.”
“I will.” In fact, already the idea wasn’t sounding as crazy as it had at first. “But I need to know something up front. Cathleen’s made no secret that she’s trying to matchmake me and Maureen. Is that what this offer is about? Me making a stable home for her and Holly?”
Dylan looked stricken. “Absolutely not. You’re my cousin. I’ve always felt this ranch ought to be as much yours as mine.”
Jake sighed. “Okay. Good.”
“As for Cathleen…I warned my darlin’ wife to stay out of your love life. But you know what she’s like when she sets her mind on something.”
Jake laughed, but it sounded bitter to even his ears. He supposed it was too late now to admit that Cathleen’s instincts had been bang-on.
*
Cathleen and Maureen ended up alone in the kitchen, washing things that wouldn’t go in the dishwasher.
“There’s something I’ve been meaning to ask you,” Maureen said. “Even when things were at their blackest, when the police found the gun and Dylan was arrested and almost charged…you never lost your belief that Dylan was innocent.”
Cathleen washed the carving knife carefully then passed it to her sister to dry. “That’s true.”
“But… Didn’t you ever wonder if Dylan might actually be guilty?”
“Maybe for a split second.”
“How could you be so sure?”
“Because I knew Dylan.” Cathleen eyed her sister. “Why are you asking me this?”
“Rod and I never had that. The sort of connection that you and Dylan have.”
Cathleen’s eyes softened. “I know. Rod had his good points. And I’ll always love him for giving our family Holly. But you deserved better, sis.”
No one in her family had ever said a word against Rod before. Maureen realized she’d never given them the opening. Her pride had kept her from admitting her marriage was less than perfect. “Before he left for Argentina Rod told me he wanted a divorce.”
“What? That idiot. I can’t believe he didn’t appreciate how lucky he was.”
“He shouldn’t get all the blame. I wasn’t the perfect wife by a long shot.”
“No one expects perfect,” Cathleen countered. “But you were all in, doing your best for your family, while Rod took every opportunity to go on trips without you. Worse, he used to undermine you with Holly.”
“You saw him do that? I used to think I just had sour grapes because our daughter always preferred him over me.”
“Rod cultivated that. I saw it. Kelly saw it. We would have said something, but we weren’t sure you’d appreciate your younger sisters butting into your life.”
Maureen felt like she could cry. “I’ve been a mess since Rod died. Blaming myself for failing the marriage. For not being a good enough mother.”
Her sister gave her a big hug. “That’s a load of bull, sis.
You did your best as a wife. You’re doing your best as a mom.
The Maureen I grew up with always believed in herself.
You need to be that woman again. Trust your instincts with Holly.
And stop telling yourself you’re a bad mother. Because you’re not.”
“Oh gosh. You have no idea what a relief it is to hear you say that.”
“I’m only speaking the truth.”
Maureen felt as if a huge burden had been removed from her heart. She was about to thank Cathleen, when Jake and Dylan returned from their walk. Both men seemed unusually solemn. Dylan went straight to his wife and suggested it was time to head home.
“Let’s go say goodbye to the others,” Cathleen said. She turned back to Maureen. “You okay?”
“I think I am. Finally.”
Once they’d left the room Jake stepped up to the sink, rolling up his shirt sleeves. “I see you saved the roasting pan for me.”
Maureen started putting away the wine glasses she’d dried earlier. “I don’t know when I’ve seen Dylan look so serious. What were you two talking about?”
“Ranch business, mostly.”
“Everything okay?”
“Everything is never okay in the ranching business. But that’s not what I want to talk about.”
“Sounds mysterious.”
“Not really. Just want a chance to tell you I’m sorry. Since my apology muffins didn’t work.”
“I thought they were housewarming muffins.”
“No. They were definitely apology muffins. I should have attached a card.”
She couldn’t help smiling. “What is it you’re apologizing for, exactly?”
“You lowered your guard and shared your true feelings about your marriage with me—something that must have been extremely difficult for you—and instead of supporting that, I pulled back. I’m not proud of myself—I think it was the fight-or-flight reaction of a confirmed bachelor.”
“Understandable. I laid a lot on you. You don’t know how I regret doing that.”
“I’m the one who should have regrets, not you. It’s embarrassing for a thirty-eight-year-old man to admit he acted like a scared kid.”
“Maybe your instinct to pull away was right. Relationships are tricky under the best circumstances. Why choose a woman with a kid and a lot of messy baggage left over from her first marriage?”
Exactly what he kept asking himself. To no avail. “Because I can’t get her out of my mind?”
Something deep inside Maureen shifted, like a weight lifting and the springing of hope in its place.
“I don’t deserve a second chance, Maureen. But I’m still asking for one.”
“Second chance at what? Being a partner? A friend?” Or something more than that, she wanted to add, but didn’t dare.
“Can we avoid labels for the time being?” Jake asked. “Maybe just start by playing tennis together again?”
She hadn’t expected such a simple request. But in a way it was the perfect test to see how it felt to spend time together again. “Sure.”
He rinsed the roasting pan and passed it to her for drying. She supposed it was as good a metaphor as any for a clean start.