23
“Saving…and we’re done!” Jasper announced cheerfully after finally finishing the research paper they had to submit that week.
“Working hard to beat Jude, huh?” Czyra teased as she walked into the room, hefting two seven-hundred-milliliter tubs of ice cream.
Jasper furrowed his brows in confusion when realization struck him.
“How did you know?”
She shrugged.
“Well, aside from the fact that I’m not blind, I also used to do the same thing you’re doing, Jas. The difference is, I had to compete against both you and Jude. But my brain just can’t keep up. Ugh, whatever.” She rolled her eyes before handing Jasper a tub of ice cream along with a spoon.
“But that was before, Czy. I already gave up the moment I realized I never really had a chance of taking his place,” Jasper admitted.
“Yeah, but that realization came pretty late, huh?” Czyra pointed out.
Jasper only gave a sheepish smile as he scratched his head.
“Anyway, same here. No one can surpass the gifted Jude Finn,” she said as she sat across from him. Holding the spoon beneath her chin, still stuck in the ice cream, she added, “I really like him, though. Not in a sexual way, but I admire how capable he is. You know…he’s just so kind.”
“Hell yeah. He’s always putting himself down, but he doesn’t realize how many people envy what he’s capable of,” Jasper stated a fact.
“Exactly…” she replied, scooping a spoonful of ice cream. “I’m just glad we became friends, though. At least when we graduate, I’ll have people I can actually call friends.” She crossed her legs and rested her elbow on her knee as she looked down at Jasper.
“So, you only became friends with us so you’d have people to call your friends?” Jasper teased, raising a brow.
“Exactly,” she said seriously.
“Wait…seriously?” Jasper asked, almost believing her.
“Why do intelligent people always take jokes seriously?” Czyra asked.
“Because intelligent people suck at jokes. It’s like true, half-meant, or whatever.” Jasper waved his spoon at her.
“Of course not. I actually like being friends with you idiots,” she said, rolling her eyes again, something she seemed to love doing.
Jasper let out a soft laugh.
“You know, people with the same mind get along pretty well together.”
“Exactly. Plus, you and Jude are way cuter and more genuine than those fake bitches at school,” she said, rolling her eyes once more before shoving a spoonful of rocky road into her mouth.
Jasper opened his favorite chocolate flavor as well.
“How about you print two hard copies of our research paper, and then we binge-watch something on Netflix?” she suggested.
“But Miss Leizel still has to check it first in a soft copy,” Jasper said, resting his elbow on the couch while sitting on the carpeted floor.
“I’m pretty sure there aren’t any errors left, Jas. And don’t worry about the bond paper or printer ink. I’ve got plenty of those,” she said proudly, though not in a way that made others feel small.
She was simply stating a fact.
“Come on, Jas, print it already so we can watch Heartstopper.”
Jasper’s mouth fell open in surprise.
“Wait…what? How did you know I like BL?”
“I did not say you like BL, but you confirmed it literally just now,” she said, and Jasper felt stupid.
“And duh!” she paused, rolling her eyes once again.
“As you said, people with the same mind get along pretty well. I could tell because I’m gay too.
I’m a lesbian, didn’t you notice?” she asked, brows furrowing.
“I mean, I kind of figured you were a lesbian, but I wasn’t completely sure,” Jasper admitted awkwardly. “But how did you know about my sexuality? So…you already knew I was gay this whole time?” he asked stupidly, just wanting confirmation.
“Yup!” she chirped in a high-pitched tone, pressing her lips together before making a popping sound as she pulled them apart.
“How?”
“Gay instincts,” she answered simply.
“When did you know?”
“A long time ago…eighth grade?” she guessed.
That was too long.
“Was I really that obvious?”
“Nope. Students at school don’t even know. I’m just having this special ability of being so observant, you know?” she said proudly, like she was the greatest detective in the world.
Jasper let out a relieved sigh. He still was not ready to come out, still terrified of people finding out he was gay or bisexual. At least with Czyra, even though her confrontation made him feel as if a bucket of ice had been dumped over him, he still felt a sense of security in her.
“Good thing you didn’t tell anyone at school about it.”
“About what?” she asked, her forehead wrinkling in confusion.
“That I’m gay,” Jasper said, lowering his voice.
The sound of it still disgusted him.
“Why would I? It’s not my place to tell the whole school you’re gay. And besides, so what if you are? Is that really such a big deal?”
“I mean, a lot of people have crushes on me, and everyone at school sees me as a campus heartthrob. I don’t even like that image.
Then one day, they’d suddenly find out I’m gay?
Wouldn’t that be a disaster? Especially since my brother is Sky, and everyone sees him as buff and super masculine,” Jasper said, shaking the horrible thought off his head.
“People’s opinions don’t matter, Jas. As long as you’re happy, there’s nothing to be ashamed of,” she said gently, her voice calm and reassuring. “And if people truly care about you, they’ll accept you for who you are.”
Jasper looked at her and gave a small, half-smile.
“Thanks, Czyra…but I’m not ready to come out yet.”
“It’s okay, Jas. No pressure,” she replied with a comforting smile.
Jasper returned the smile and stuffed a spoonful of chocolate ice cream into his mouth.
Later that evening, Czyra drove Jasper home after they spent a long time talking, planning their upcoming research tasks, and watching Netflix, specifically Heartstopper.
They were still halfway through the series, at the part where Nick struggled with coming out, something that closely mirrored Jasper’s current situation.
Czyra was not the type of person who talked a lot, at least from what Jasper had observed before. Nevertheless, he was grateful that she did not hesitate to speak with him and even took the initiative to start their conversations.
It almost felt as if she had been deprived of attention from the world.
She once told him that her parents had always been abroad for business since she was young, and even now they remained overseas, leaving just the two of them in the house.
As an only child, she often stayed alone.
Jasper could relate to that in some way, knowing his own mother was away and his father was deceased.
It was hard growing up without parents around.
“Thanks, Czy,” Jasper said with a genuine smile as they came to a stop in front of his abandoned house.
“You’re very much welcome,” she replied, giving him a wink and a smile. “We should plan a day to finish the series.”
“Yeah, sure,” Jasper responded.
“I’ll invite Jude to come over with us. Is that okay?”
“Why are you asking me? You’re the owner of the house. And besides, being with Jude isn’t a problem for me. It’s actually fun having him around,” Jasper said.
“Great. So, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow then,” she replied and smiled.
“See you tomorrow,” Jasper responded as he stepped out of her black Mercedes.
She waved at him, and he briefly waved back.
Jasper stood there for a moment, watching her drive away until her car disappeared from view. Then he turned on his heel and looked at the building before his eyes. The house was quiet as it always was, lonely, and haunted.
Jasper searched for his brother in his room, but he was not there.
He tried calling his number, but the phone only rang inside the empty room.
With a sigh, Jasper returned to his own room and took a long, much-needed shower.
Afterward, he slipped into his pajamas, put on a sleeveless sando and a pair of white socks.
He went back to his brother’s room, lay down on Sky’s bed, and stared at the ceiling.
Lost in thought, he let his mind wander as he waited for his brother to come home.
No matter how hard Jasper tried to push him out of his mind, he remained there, occupying his every thought.
The famous, effortlessly attractive hockey player from Lindaville University refused to fade from his thoughts.
With a smile he could not quite control, Jasper imagined a world where it was just the two of them, completely alone, like the only people left on earth, like Adam and Adam.
Before Jasper knew it, exhaustion pulled him into sleep, him, still occupying his mind. In his dream, the image of him returned vividly, twisting into something buoyant and intimate, until Mitch suddenly interrupted their supposed sex scene, turning it into an abrupt nightmare instead.
***
Jasper woke up feeling grumpier than usual. He was a grumpy person, especially in the morning, but today it was worse. Nothing new. Typical Granger.
Sitting up on the bed, he realized he was still in his brother’s room. He still had not gone home. Although it was not the first time, it barely surprised him anymore.
Jasper got ready for school the same way he always did—made breakfast, took a shower, blow-dried his hair, and put on his uniform. It was the same routine every weekday, and at times, he could not help but think how boring everything felt.
Jasper had always chased academic excellence since he was young, up until now, and somewhere along the way, he lacked the idea of how to unwind and enjoy his bachelor’s life.
He became so focused on medals, awards, and competitions that he failed to realize there was more to life than achievements alone.
He found himself longing to experience the same things the other students at their school already had.