2. Two
Irefuse to sit next to Atlas, taking the seat beside Nyx, which seems to irritate him, but he doesn”t say a word as he settles into the leather cushioned seat directly across from his brother. Tapping the ceiling of the carriage, he signals to our driver that we are ready to depart and stares out the window to my left. I can feel Nyx”s arm tense against mine during the quiet ride, but I don”t meet his line of sight. Instead, I glance out the window to my right, and silently take in more of the city as we head back home.
Home.
It seems Tronovia will be my new home for the unforeseeable future which doesn”t bother me. I”m not in a rush to go back to Midori, especially with Vesper under Bastian”s command. King Soren promised he would send a ship with a messenger to visit my parents and inform them of my decision to stay in Tronovia for a visit. If they want me to come home, I”m sure we”ll receive word back and then I”ll have to make harder choices. For now, I”ll soak up all the knowledge I can and hopefully get some answers to all my burning questions.
Nyx fidgets beside me spurring me to chuckle internally. I don”t mind Nyx being my watchdog. He”s fun to be around and I know he”ll do whatever he has to do to keep me safe without irritating me. Though, my treacherous heart wishes Atlas had been instructed to guard me instead.
The closer we get to the house, the more anxious I am for Atlas to break down and apologize for his comments, so we can go back to working on our friendship. Is that even what I want? Part of me wants to apologize for how I spoke to him, but the other part of me is determined to double down and refrain from looking in his general direction for the next week.
”So,” Nyx clears his throat, drawing my gaze, and breaking the intense silence. ”It seems like we”ll be spending a lot more time together, Kitarni.”
”There are worse fates.” I nudge him playfully with my elbow.
”Do tell, Princess.” Atlas lazily leans against the corner of the carriage. His posture indicates that he has the utmost disinterest in my answer, but those green eyes of his say otherwise. ”What would be worse than being attached at the hip with Nyx from morning to night?”
”Being stuck with you all day and all night,” I retort, feeling just as childish as I sound.
He scoffs and shakes his head as a smirk snakes across his tan face. ”How clever, Strenlys.”
His nickname for me shouldn”t send a shiver down my spine, but now that I know what it means, I can”t help the flutters in my belly. By the tilt of his head, he”s noticed the change in my demeanor. I cannot allow him to have such power over me.
”You don”t even want me here,” I cross my arms over my chest. ”You said it yourself in the castle. Maybe I should have taken your uncle up on his offer to return to Midori.”
A flash of anger flares in his eyes but as quick as it comes, it vanishes. ”It was a stupid thing to say.”
”But it was probably the truth,” I sigh. ”Maybe I should go back.”
”You would rather risk Bastian getting his hands on you than – ”
”Than be trapped here with you breathing down my neck?” I spit back, silencing him. ”I”ve already lived that life, Atlas. My parents, Bastian, my people – watching my every move, disapproving of my choices, forbidding me from leavingthe prison that was my palace…” I stop, because arguing with him about this seems almost pointless.
”Do you think I am trying to control you?” His question comes out so softly that it almost sounds broken.
”Do you think making a deal with your king was a mistake?” When he just stares at me, I rub the heels of my palms against my eyes and sigh. ”What was I supposed to do, Atlas?”
”Promising to fight at the frontlines in a war when you aren”t remotely close to mastering your magic, nor trained in battle combat, is a serious error.” His answer feels like a punch to the gut. ”I”ve trained my entire life for war, and even I could still fall in battle.” He leans forward, his elbows rooted to his knees, hands hanging between his knees. ”You”ve known about your magic all of two weeks and you”re expected to be the one to bring Drogon to his knees?”
”You don”t need to worry about me.” I clear my throat and shift in my seat when I remember this isn”t a private conversation; that Nyx is beside me listening, watching, and waiting patiently for this interaction to be over with. ”If your professors are as knowledgeable as I”ve been led to believe, then I should be able to wield myself as a weapon if called upon.”
Atlas drops his head and rubs his hands against his face. A groan escapes him before he wearily looks up at me, a twinkle in his eyes. ”Do you like arguing with me?”
”What?” His question catches me off guard. Even Nyx sputters a choked laugh.
”You might be the most infuriating woman I”ve ever met, but for some reason, I would rather argue with you than let you stew in silence.”
I can see the grin stretch across Nyx”s face in my peripheral vision, but I keep my focus on Atlas. Words betray me once again when I fail to think of a witty retort. He said something similar to me in Bava after he”d kissed me in the Brothel District, and I”d refused to talk to him the entire walk back to Hotel Zulmara.
”Normally, I”d be overjoyed that you weren”t talking to me, but I don”t want to part ways with tension between us.”
I fold my arms over my chest, popping my hip to the side. ”What exactly do you want me to say?”
”You can say anything you want as long as you talk to me.” He steps closer. ”I”ve come to appreciate the sound of your voice and the last hour of your silence has been maddening.”
We pull up in front of the Harland House before I have a chance to respond, and when we come to a stop, Atlas swings the carriage door open and hops out in one swift motion. Nyx gestures for me to exit first and I”m surprised to find Atlas extending a hand to me, confirming he waited for me. I wonder how angry he would be, if I slapped his hand away and marched up the steps without him. But when I meet his gaze, there”s a longing that spurs my heart into racing. The way he looks at me, as if I”m the light to his darkness, has me rethinking my plan to ignore him for the rest of the evening.
”Everything alright, Kitarni?” Nyx asks from behind, startling me into breaking eye contact with his brother.
Quickly, I slip my hand into Atlas” and allow him to help me from the carriage. The second my feet hit the cobblestone street, he lets my hand go. If I had blinked, I would”ve missed it, but for a quick second I swear I notice him flex his hand before reaching into his pocket to retrieve his keys. He unlocks the front door and opens it for me to walk through first. Despite our argument and the vicious words I spewed at him, he”s remained a gentleman, and I hate him for it.
”You”re back!” Eris exclaims with a wide smile as she sets the table for dinner.
The second I step inside, the heavenly scent of roasted vegetables and smoked meat fills my nose and washes all the stress of the day away. My shoulders, which I didn”t even realize I was holding so tightly, loosen and I stand a little straighter as I make my way toward the Sea Elf.
”How did it go?” she asks, her smile fading a smidge when I don”t answer immediately.
”It went as well as I could have expected.” I flash her the best grin I can muster, before taking the forks from her grasp, and helping her finish her task.
”So, what happened?” she presses when I don”t offer more information.
I shrug. ”I met Soren, we talked –”
”Wait a minute,” Nyx interrupts, resting his elbows on the back of his favored chair. ”Did you just call him… Soren?”
”What else should I call him?”
”I don”t know,” Nyx guffaws. ”King Soren, Your Highness, Your Lordship, something other than his birthname?”
”That”s what he told me to call him.”
The way Nyx”s mouth drops has me wrestling a giggle. ”He allowed you to address him as Soren?”
”Yes,” I nod. ”And I told him to call me Shaye.”
”I don”t even think his wife is allowed to address him as Soren,” Nyx scratches his face and I can no longer hold in my laughter. ”What?” He meets my gaze and shrugs. ”What”d I say?”
”Perhaps your uncle likes Shaye more than the rest of you,” Eris teases, gently elbowing my arm.
”Well of course he does,” Finn chimes in as he pushes the swinging door to the kitchen open, holding a platter filled with tonight”s dinner. ”She”s not only easier on the eyes than the rest of us, but she”s probably the only person who would willingly stand up to him.”
”How do you know I stood up to him?”
”I would expect nothing less from you,” Finn sets the tray in the center of the table and motions for us to take our seats. ”Besides Uncle Soren, most Tronovians won”t risk a confrontation with Atlas, but I”ve seen the two of you in action and know you won”t willingly back down from a fight.”
I risk a glance at Atlas, who takes his seat at the head of the table to my right. He”s staring at his plate and empty glass, deep in thought. I was harsh with him on the ride home. I know he wants to help me, but the thought of him possibly wishing I would have just left and returned to Midori wounded me. I never want to feel like a burden, and I certainly don”t want to feel like I”m overstaying my welcome. Maybe Atlas just needs space, and I can give him that.
”I was thinking of taking your uncle up on his offer of staying in the castle as his guest.” All of them stop serving food and pouring drinks to stare at me. Atlas breaks his silent stare off with his cutlery to eye me. ”I know I can be quite the handful and we”ve spent a lot of time together and will continue spending a lot of time together with my schooling, so I figured it might be better for all of us if I – ”
”You aren”t a burden,” Atlas interrupts me, earning my teary-eyed attention. ”If you want to stay with our uncle, you are free to do so, but don”t feel obligated to because you think it”s what we want. I can assure you,” his voice is low and speaks to my very soul, ”we want you to stay.”
”Atlas is right, Shaye.” Finn scoops roasted vegetables onto each plate. ”We want you to stay with us. We enjoy your company and if I might be so bold and speak for us as a group, you belong here. You are not a burden.”
I swallow the lump in my throat and fight the stinging tears begging to slip down my cheeks. There will be no crying at the dinner table tonight. I clear my throat and once I”m sure my voice won”t waver and my lip won”t quiver, I smile and say, ”Then I think I will stay.”
”Thank the Stars!” Eris croaks. ”I love you boys, but it”s been so nice to have another female around.”
I laugh when everyone else does, and feel the tension leave my body. In Midori, I never questioned if people wanted me to be around. I assumed they did because of my titles and honestly, even if they didn”t want me to join their conversation or dance the night away at a party, I didn”t care. It”s funny how a couple of weeks away from a toxic environment will change one”s perspective on everything, including one”s own self-worth. I thought I had to be perfect to earn my parents” love and to keep Bastian”s affection, but it turns out, they didn”t love me the way they should have. They loved me on their terms and if I go back now, I”m sure they won”t be welcoming me with open arms. They will keep me at an arm”s length, making sure I earn their favor again. I”m beginning to see their love for me was unhealthy and all they actually wanted was control. They”ve lied, manipulated and suppressed me, and I”ve allowed it to happen because at the end of the day, I just wanted them to be proud of me.
I feel like the blindfold was ripped off my eyes, the invisible shackles tying me down have been shattered and I”m finally free. As much as I miss my parents, and even Bastian, I have this sense of peace; like a burden I didn”t even know I bore upon my shoulders has been tossed to the side and I can finally stand up straight.
I will always love them, but they will never control me again.
I glance around the table at this group of people, once my enemies, who have embraced me for everything I have to offer. All the good, bad and rotten, they have welcomed me and given me a place. They”ve given me a home, despite my shortcomings, and they”ve helped me see my true worth. I owe them a debt I know they will never expect me to pay.
I will not cry. I will not cry.I repeat it over and over again in my head.
I absentmindedly push my food around with my fork when Bastian”s face pops into my head. His sweet, boyish smile flashes but there”s blood splattered across his skin that causes my heart to jump. I forcefully shake his image from my thoughts. There”s a possibility that everyone is wrong, and Bastian won”t unleash Drogon and start another war. For starters, he would have to find where the portal used to be and then go through the painstaking task of putting the shattered pieces back together. Then again, I”m not sure it”s even feasible to do. So, even though Atlas thinks I offered my life up on a silver platter to his uncle, I don”t agree. I weighed the risks and I”m positive I came out on top.
”Are you not hungry tonight, Shaye?” Eris” sweet voice reaches across the table to me, and I quickly snap my head up.
I glance at my plate and she”s right; I”ve barely touched any of it and it looks absolutely drool-worthy. ”I”m sorry,” I meet her concerned gaze and smile reassuringly. ”I think I”m just tired from today.”
Her face softens and she nods. ”Of course. You”ve been through a lot.”
”And just think, you start school tomorrow.” Nyx lifts his wine glass to his lips. ”I can”t wait to go back,” he says sarcastically, and while I wasn”t nervous before, I am now.
”Why did you say it like that?” I ask, but before the hazy-eyed brother can explain himself, Atlas pushes his seat away from the table, his plate still full.
”I”ll be back,” is all he says as he stands and makes it to the front door in five long strides.
”Where are you going?” Nyx cries out, but Atlas doesn”t answer.
Once the click of the lock echoes through the house, it”s as if a signal is given and the rest of the table gives up on the rest of dinner.
”Did you want me to make you something else?” Finn extends his hand for my plate. I shake my head.
”I”m sorry, Finn.”
”Why are you apologizing?” He quirks an eyebrow as he and Eris begin to clear the dishes.
”I didn”t eat much and I”m sure you went through a lot of trouble to make such a beautiful spread.”
”No need to apologize,” he waves off my concern and throws a thumb where Atlas was sitting. ”I”m used to it. Sometimes you”ve got a lot on your mind and lose your appetite.” Finn snags my plate when I offer it to him. ”If you get hungry later tonight, let me know and I”ll make you a plate.”
”Thank you,” I smile.
”You”re welcome.” He returns my grin before he follows Eris into the kitchen.
”Well, Kitarni,” Nyx stretches and stands to his feet. ”I”m headed to bed. Get some rest, we have a bright and early morning – ”
”Why did you say you couldn”t wait to go back to school tomorrow? But in a sarcastic way?” My question draws his full attention. ”Should I be worried about something?”
He pauses to think through his answer before saying, ”I never liked school, and let”s just say school didn”t really like me either.”
And just like that, I”m sitting at the dinner table alone. Despite everything that was said throughout the day, all I can think about now is where Atlas crept off to. My mind immediately jumps to him leaving to see a woman. I never considered he might be seeing someone in Tronovia. He does have a life here that I have no knowledge of, so it”s quite possible that I”ve been shelved into the work category of his life. He was just as quiet as I was at dinner tonight, and even though I have no inkling of what was distracting him, I selfishly hope it wasn”t thoughts about another woman.