19. Nineteen
We”re late.
I made the mistake of asking Professor Riggs one last question and his answer was more in-depth than I needed or expected. So, even though Nyx and I hustle upstairs, the bell tolled minutes ago and I”m sure Atlas is going to be his typical self and give me shit about my tardiness.
The moment we enter Atlas” classroom, Nyx beelines for the bleachers and takes his seat, clearly gearing up for another explosive session. Atlas, however, isn”t at his desk passive aggressively scribbling away on some piece of paper pretending to be busy but is laying on the floor in the center of the room. His legs are stretched out in front of him, crossed at his ankles, and he is reclining on his elbows, allowing the sunlight pouring through the dome glass ceiling to beam down on him. He reminds me of a lazy, lounging cat and I can”t help but tease him for it.
”Don”t let me interrupt your sunbathing, Professor.” I fold my arms over my chest, popping my hip to the side.
”I was considering whether or not I should take a nap, since you”re so late.”
Rolling my eyes, I scoff, ”By a few minutes. Calm down.”
He pops his head to look at me and after scanning me head to toe, he moves to stand to his feet. ”Well, now that you”re here, I”ve got – ”
”What do you know about Oryn and Naya?” I”ve avoided broaching this topic with him for weeks, but I can”t hold my tongue any longer. There”s a possibility as the other half of this Tethering situation, he might actually have information or insight I need to figure out what”s going on between us.
If he”s taken aback, he doesn”t hint at it. He just smirks and shakes his head as he stands to his full height, towering over me. ”What you really want to ask is what do I know about Tethering?”
I quirk an eyebrow, my interest piqued. ”What do you know about Tethering?”
He plants his hands on his hips. ”I know that Professor Riggs has been obsessed with the possibility of seeing it happen in his lifetime from the moment he learned of my shadow magic.”
”Because of Naya”s shadow magic.”
He shrugs, completely disinterested in the topic. ”I may not care for school, but it”s not lost on me that I”m the first shadow wielder in several hundred years.”
”A thousand years, actually.”
”Even more astounding.” His voice is dripping in sarcasm as he heads for the man-sized wooden target and drags it toward the farthest ring.
”You aren”t scared by it?” I follow him, continuing to fire questions at him before he shuts me out.
”My magic?”
”No,” I hop in front of him, forcing him to meet my gaze. ”Tethering.”
He perches his elbow on the wooden figure”s shoulder and asks, ”Why should I be scared? Because a thousand years ago a Celestial”s light magic and a human”s dark magic were drawn to one other?”
”They were lovers.” My cheeks heat when his eyes scan me head-to-toe.
”Oh,” he chuckles darkly, ”is that what”s got you all worked up? Don”t be. Tethering has to do with a magical connection and isn”t dependent on romance. Theoretically siblings could be Tethered. It has no bearing on sex between wielders.”
”Right,” I nod my head in agreement, ”but Oryn and Naya are the only recorded case of Tethering, and they were lovers.”
He leans closer and whispers, ”Do you want us to be lovers, Strenlys?”
”Absolutely not,” I crinkle my nose in disgust, but internally, I”m flustered. ”How can you be so calm about this?” I quickly change the line of questioning as to not give my true feelings away. ”We”re the first light and shadow wielders in an age. They defeated a demon king who was determined to conquer the mortal realm. It seems oddly specific to be coincidence that this is happening again.”
He shrugs. ”I believe it was Professor Riggs who said, ”history loves to repeat itself”. I”m not worried about it. Neither should you.” With an air of finality in his tone, Atlas backpedals across the rings and points at the target. ”Now, today”s lesson – ”
”Professor Riggs told me about Nox.” That stops him dead in his tracks and it feels like all the air in the room has been sucked out. Even Nyx gasps at my forwardness.
Irritated is an understatement. Atlas” eyes are filled with rage, but his tone is even-tempered when he says, ”He talks too much for my liking.”
”Don”t be angry with him,” I reach for him, but retract my hand before I touch him. He tracks my movements in curiosity, but his glare still holds animosity. ”He thought I already knew,” I whisper, and his gaze softens.
His shoulders dip. ”There”s a good reason I don”t use Nox or talk about it.”
”I know the only time you used it – ”
”Three people killed themselves,” he interrupts with a hiss. ”All the more reason not to bring it up.” He turns on his heel and stomps in the direction of his desk.
”I want you to use it on me.”
”What!?” He whips around like I struck him. His bewildered glare slides from me to Nyx. ”Has she lost her mind?”
Nyx smacks a hand to his chest. ”Why are you asking me? As if I encouraged this?”
His attention is once again fixed on me when he curls his lip, furrows his eyebrows, and approaches me. ”I”m not using -”
”I have a lot of fears, ” I interrupt, snatching his wrist the moment he is close enough, and see the trepidation in his eyes. ”Fears I need to conquer.”
”Not like this.” His voice is broken, almost pleading.
”For weeks now you and your king have been telling me that war is inevitable, that Bastian will find a way to reopen the portal to the underworld and release Drogon. For weeks you have demanded I push myself and learn the extents of my magic. We don”t know what kind of army Drogon has at his command. What if he has a shadow wielder like you who has mastered Nox?”
”You don”t know what you”re asking of me,” he whispers.
”I know you”re scared.” I slide my hand in his and squeeze. ”I am too. But if Oryn and Naya had the same affinities that we do and used them to save the realm a thousand years ago, shouldn”t we at least try to prepare ourselves to do the same?”
”Do you know how their story ended?” he asks softly.
”Oryn sacrificed himself…” I hate thinking of what happened to a grief-stricken Naya, but Atlas presses onward, answering for me when I trail off.
”And Naya went mad with grief and drowned herself.”
”We”re not them, Atlas.” I say it with the utmost confidence, but an unease deep in the pit of my stomach cries out that I”m wrong.
”No, we”re not,” he growls, ”but for some reason you want us to be.”
”You said it before, we aren”t lovers.” I snatch my hand from his, matching his tone. ”Naya”s grief over losing Oryn was what propelled her to take her life. We have no such compunction.”
He rakes his hand through his hair and shakes his head. ”I can”t.”
”Please. Whether we want to admit it or not, it seems we need one another.”
He rolls his eyes. ”Don”t sound too excited.”
”I”m serious.” I plant my hands on my hips, sending him the non-verbal message that I will not budge on this. ”We owe it to the people of Dalerin who may be in need of our power to master our magic. And if not for them, then for ourselves. Don”t you want to be free of your own fear?”
Atlas silently walks toward his desk and for a brief moment, I don”t think he”s going to answer me.
Suddenly, he spins to face me. ”If we do this,” a seriousness washes over him, ”I need you to promise me that if it becomes too difficult for you to handle, that you will tell me.”
”Fine.” I nod my head and take up my fighting stance at the far end of the rings. ”Let”s do this.”
He scoffs, folding his arms over his chest. ”I won”t be unleashing Nox in the middle of the city.”
”Then what do you propose?”
Atlas insists we pick Ronan up from Starnborough before we take a short boat ride out of Crescent Bay. Once we”re out of direct view of the city, Ronan motions towards a small islet I would have overlooked had he not pointed it out. Not much longer than a city block, it is packed with ancient pine trees stretching toward the grey skies, except for the small clearing we”re headed to.
”What is this place?” I ask as we reach the weather worn dock.
”This is Kazamere. Deeper inland there is a crypt belonging to Krystos, the first king of Tronovia, and his fire dragon, Brexis,” Ronan explains as Nyx and Atlas hop over the side and secure our boat.
Ronan”s boots thud against the rickety dock and he extends his hand to help me do the same, but I shake my head. The trees sway slightly and the wind whistling around us sounds almost ominous, like a warning to be wary of treading on these sacred burial grounds.
”What”s wrong, Kitarni?” Nyx teases as he grabs his small pack. ”Spooked by ghost stories?”
”One does not disturb or mock the dead,” I say firmly.
”Tell that to the thousands of couples sneaking here for a stolen kiss over the last hundred years,” Ronan adds with a devilish smirk.
”What are you talking about?” I furrow my brow.
”This is where Tronovian teens come to uh… have some privacy,” Atlas explains. He looks pale, like he might throw up.
Knowing he”d be irritated if I point that out, I hold my tongue, and ask, ”They aren”t afraid of what might happen to them should they disturb the dead?”
Atlas shrugs, ”Nothing has happened yet.”
”And he”s dead,” Nyx so delicately points out. ”Why would he care?”
They have solid points, but still, I feel weird coming to practice magic where a mighty man and his beast were laid to rest.
Atlas makes his way back to the boat and leans so close I can smell the peppermint on his breath. ”We don”t have to do this, if you”re uncomfortable being here, Princess,” he whispers so the others don”t hear, ”but I won”t use Nox in the city or anywhere an innocent person might get hurt.”
If he thinks I”m backing down, he”s sorely mistaken. With fresh determination fueling me, I plop my bottom on the railing of the boat, sweep my feet over to the other side, and slam my boots against the rickety dock. ”I”m fine. Let”s do this.”
A sadness flashes in Atlas” eyes, but as quick as it comes, it goes. He jerks his head toward the clearing, and I follow him. There”s an eerie feeling, like something ancient lays dormant, not fully dead. Paying attention to my surroundings, I don”t notice Atlas has stopped until I slam into him.
”This is where we”ll practice for now,” he says as I take a step back.
”What will Headmistress Radcliffe think of that?” I quirk an eyebrow, hoping to bring a little levity to this very tense situation, but it falls flat.
”As you can tell from me kidnapping you, I”m not known for following rules.”
”I believe I”m on record for volunteering to come to Tronovia.” I smile up at him, but he doesn”t reciprocate.
”You head that way,” he points to his left, ”and I”ll head this way.”
”Shouldn”t we be closer?”
Atlas shakes his head. ”My magic has great range. I”d rather not be too close just in case you attack.”
Or if he attacks me, is what he doesn”t say. ”Right.”
”We can still turn back. No shame in that.”
”I want to do this.” I say with a confidence I don”t feel. ”Unless you”ve changed your mind?”
He looks like he wants to throw me over his shoulder and force me back to the boat, but instead, he shakes his head, his gaze dipping down from my eyes to my lips. ”Remember your promise.”
”Temnos.” I remember the word Atlas would use with Finn when he lost control of his power during his school days. Ironic, I”d be forced to use it on Atlas, if he was the one who lost control.
With a reluctant nod, he stomps to the right, Ronan hot on his heels.
”Does that mean you”re walking with me?” I flick my eyes up toward Nyx.
”Always,” he smiles, though it”s not his typical grin.
We walk in the opposite direction of Atlas and Ronan to the far end where the clearing meets the pines. I turn around and see Atlas talking to Ronan and the concern on his face is hard to miss. For a moment, I consider calling this off. It”s far too dangerous, especially if three people killed themselves the last time he used his Transcendent state. But when I take another look across the distance and drink Atlas in, I see someone who is just as afraid as I am. Someone who bears guilt and shame and blames himself for what happened all those years ago. If there is to be war, I will need him to be at his best, even if it is terrifying. He said he wants me to survive the war, and that”s exactly what I expect him to do, too.
”Are you sure about this, Kitarni?” Nyx says so softly I almost don”t hear him.
I swallow before clearing my throat, ”I”ll be fine, Nyx.”
”If you think you need to do this to prove how tough you are – ”
”It”s not like that.” I shake my head, once again eyeing Atlas and Ronan exchange words. ”I think he needs this just as much as I do.”
He looks in the direction I am, then meets my nervous gaze. ”You really do care about him.”
There”s no teasing in Nyx”s voice, just a plain statement and as terrifying as that thought is – he”s right. I have feelings, strong feelings, for Atlas. I know he cares about me, and he”s made it very clear that he”s attracted to me, but that doesn”t mean we will end up together in the end. This could all be one tragic love story in the making, but if there is one thing I am fully confident in, it”s that I can help Atlas overcome his fear and in doing so, prepare myself for whatever Drogon and Bastian might throw my way. If I can master my greatest fears, they won”t be able to control me, and maybe then, I can ensure his safety.
”Kitarni?”
I look up at Nyx, my thoughts disappearing.
”What do you think you”ll see?” he asks.
”A lot of monstrous things.” But what I don”t say is I”m hoping I don”t see Atlas as one of those horrific things. Nyx sucks in a breath, giving away his nerves, so I pat his shoulder and offer a reassuring smile. ”I”ll be alright, Nyx. Get on the boat and under no circumstances are you to return until Atlas” Transcendent state is over.”
Nyx seems reluctant but finally nods in agreement, tucking me to his chest for a much-needed hug. ”Don”t let him hurt you,” he whispers in my ear. ”My uncle will have my ass, if anything bad happens to you.”
Even though I know he”s teasing to lighten the mood, his concern for me is well warranted. Hell, I”m even worried about my safety, but Atlas needs this. I need this. I might not have first-hand knowledge and experience of what a battlefield looks and feels like, but I know I won”t be nearly prepared by running from my fear and taking the easy way route in training. Training is preparation for war. It”s time I start embracing the pain and hardship, if I am to survive in the end.
Ronan pats Atlas” chest twice before whispering something in his ear and strutting back toward the dock where the boat is tied. Once the prince and Nyx are safely aboard, I watch them row further than I expect them to. My stomach is in knots when I turn my focus back to Atlas who is staring at me from the other side of the clearing.
As discussed before our arrival, I nod my head, giving him the signal that I”m ready. My knees tremble and my lip quivers as a frigid breeze whips through, chilling me to my bones. I scan the trees lining the clearing and they sway, groaning in agony, and the fear that I”ve been quietly battling is now a full-blown war inside my chest.
A guttural grunt from across the way nabs my attention. Atlas closes his eyes, takes a deep breath, and grits his teeth through screams, as if something is being torn from within. He falls to one knee as two black-feathered wings rip out of his back and shroud his body. Another agonizing scream reaches me before he flips his head up and meets my awaiting gaze. Those green eyes I”ve come to adore are now pitch black. Only when he stands to his full height do I realize there are poisonous, black veins snaking up his arms, rounding his neck, and streaking across his cheeks. Now I see why he was so averse to taking this form. It”s truly horrifying.
”Atlas?” There”s no possible way he can hear me whisper at this distance, but his head snaps to the side in bird-like fashion. His soulless eyes dart to meet mine and the menacing grin he flashes nearly makes my heart stop beating.
His throaty laugh echoes in my head and with one flick of his wrist, shadows spew from him and stretch toward me. Within seconds, I am enveloped in a shroud of darkness and my childhood fear of the dark creeps through me. I can no longer see Atlas, or Nox, I should say, but I can sense him. He”s swimming in my head, crawling underneath my skin, scraping like fingernails up and down my spine. He”s everywhere and nowhere at the same time and though I was hoping I wouldn”t be afraid of him, I hate to admit I am. Nox is far more terrifying than I ever imagined or expected. I want so badly to scream, to put an end to this, to speak the Tronovian safe word Atlas made me promise to use, if I thought this was too much for me to handle, but I grit my teeth and dig my nails into the palms of my hands and force myself to endure the torture.
”I can feel your fear.” A manic whisper brushes past me. ”And it smells delicious.”
”Atlas?” I whimper, hoping in vain that the fear squeezing my heart will dissipate.
”So much frightens you.”
My stomach flips as an icy chill hovers above me. I force myself to open my eyes, to look at what may or may not be lurking, but just as before, it”s pitch black. It”s then I remember that I am light. I can defeat my fear of darkness by combating it with what flows through me.
I think of Atlas, knowing just the thought of his smile, the tone of his voice, the mischievous gleam in his green eyes will strengthen my magic. It hums beneath my fingertips and slowly my hands begin to glow, streaking through the black shroud.
”I am not afraid of the dark,” I say aloud, more to convince myself than anyone else. ”I am not afraid of the dark.” I repeat those seven words over and over again until I start to believe it.
”You are not afraid of the dark, because you possess light.” The creepy voice oozes around me and I wish I could swat it away like a bothersome fly, but there”s no one there to shoo away. ”Dim your light and tell me you do not fear me.”
Goosebumps ripple across my skin and I shiver at the thought of willingly allowing the darkness to take me once more, but he”s right. I do not fear the dark because I have light. I take a deep breath, fighting the tears that sting my eyes, and snuff the light out.
”I am not afraid of the dark,” I repeat louder. ”Do you hear me? I am not afraid of you!”
A wicked purr sounds behind me, but instead of jumping in fright or attempting to run, I stand my ground, allowing Nox to serpentine in front of me.
”I am not afraid of you,” I say again with more conviction. ”I. Am. Not. Afraid. Of. You!”
”You should be.”
Atlas loses control of Nox, and he attacks me, throwing me to the ground, hovering above me with his dark wings outstretched. I blink and see Vesper staring down at me, a wicked glint in her red rimmed eyes. I blink again and see Bastian above me, the sweet boy I grew up with long gone, replaced by a beast with malice in his heart. I blink once more and hear Nox before I see him.
”Oh, Ilaria.” His sharp fingernails scrape down my cheek. ”Sweet, naive, Ilaria. You don”t stand a chance against me.”
”I am not afraid of you,” I grunt and blast him off of me with my light magic, immediately putting a shield around myself.
He”s speedy, faster than a human should be, and pounds at the force field like a wild beast, hissing and exposing his fangs.
”You are nothing!” he screeches. ”You are no one! You are alone!”
”Atlas, I know you”re in there! Control him. Control your fear!” I ignore Nox”s threats and reach for the man buried within.
He laughs, the sound serenading me like death”s kiss. ”Your Atlas is just as afraid of me as you are.”
”Atlas, you are greater than your fear! You can do this!” There”s a flicker of recognition in the monster”s gaze. I press my palm against the golden bubble where his hand is, drawing his soulless glare. ”I know you”re in there, Atlas Harland. Come back to me. I need you to fight. Do you hear me!? I need you, Atlas!”
Nox groans in pain, fighting something within him. He shakes his head, ”No! No! He”s mine! You can”t have him!”
Proof that Atlas is fighting, I fill my head with thoughts of him. Us running through Bava together, our training sessions, us dancing on the river cruiser, kissing in his room. My hands begin to glow brighter until I notice the light spreading up my arms and down my legs. I”ve never felt this type of power before. When I feel as if my power is going to rip through my skin, I throw my arms wide and scream. Light explodes from me and drives out the darkness. With the exertion of the blast, I fall to my knees and lower my waning shield. I take a few deep breaths before I glance up, expecting to see Nox, but he”s gone. Atlas is laying a few feet from me, eyes closed.
Although my body aches, I crawl to him, fearing I hurt him. When I reach him and slip my hands on either side of his face, the black veins dissipate.
”Come back to me, Atlas,” I whisper as a tear slips down my cheek. ”I”m not afraid of you.”
His eyes flutter open; the black soulless eyes are gone, and his natural green ones are back. As I cradle his head while he slowly comes to, I can”t help but stare at his black feathered wings and the darkness staining his hands.
My own hands are still glowing and the image of burning Vesper pops into my head. If I have the ability to maim with my touch, maybe I have the power to heal? Putting my theory to the test, I drag my hand down Atlas” neck, past his shoulder, until I reach the tips of his fingers, and wait. Nothing happens. I suppose I don”t have –
Suddenly, the black veins streaking up his arms and hands begin to clear. I whip my head to his other arm but it”s still dark, so I repeat the motion, dragging my hand down from his neck to his fingers and watch in awe as he begins to heal.
”You”re glowing.” His labored voice draws my attention. He scoops strands of my hair and lifts it so I can see.
”I”ve never felt this strong before,” I admit.
He squints under my light, ”You drove out my darkness.”
”Lumos!” Professor Riggs screams from a second boat floating next to the one Ronan and Nyx occupy. ”You”ve achieved the first stage of Lumos!”
When we look out across the bay, there are dozens of ships with faces, both curious and horrified, staring at us. Nyx and Ronan row back quickly as I help Atlas sit up so he can retract his wings and return to his normal appearance.
”How long were we in the darkness?” I ask, feeling like it”s only been a couple of minutes, not nearly enough time for all those people to be alerted to our activities and come watch.
”It”s been over two hours,” Nyx says when he reaches us, and I gasp.
”Two hours?” I look at Atlas who has sweat dripping down his brow. It”s only then I realize, I too, am wet with perspiration. ”How is that possible?”
He shrugs. ”It”s the second time I”ve utilized Nox. I”m not entirely sure how it all works.”
The second ship carrying Professor Riggs and Headmistress Radcliffe comes up on the other side of the dock.
”Professor Harland,” Philomena growls, ”what is the meaning of this? Magic of this magnitude is to be practiced in the confines of the school-”
”Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I would witness power of that magnitude.” Riggs interrupts, rattling the words out so fast, I nearly miss what he says. ”It”s been over a thousand years, but Lumos and Nox have been reunited.”
”You talk about them like they”re people.” I feel my power waning and when I look at my hands they”re no longer glowing.
”They aren”t people per say,” he continues, rolling toward us, ”but they are entities apart from yourself. If you can master your Transcendent state, you will bask in that power. If you can”t control it,” his eyes dart to Atlas before returning back to me, ”then it controls you, seeking to eradicate you and take over fully.”
”Back to what I was saying, Professor Harland,” Headmistress Radcliffe steps closer, her shoulders held back, and her chin tilted upward, looking down the bridge of her nose at us. ”You know the rules. What would have happened if you couldn”t control your Transcendent state?”
”I do believe that”s why we”re practicing out here, Philomena.” Atlas rolls his shoulders back and cracks his neck. ”Would you rather I cover the entire city in darkness and spark a panic?”
Her nostrils flare but she remains stoic as she says, ”The King will hear about this reckless display of power.”
”I ordered him to bring me here,” I step between her and Atlas. ”Whatever punishment is doled out, will be directed to me, and me alone.”
”You cannot be serious,” the Headmistress balks. ”Your Majesty, Professor Harland should have persuaded you -”
”As you can probably tell, Headmistress,” I interrupt her with a sweetness in my tone but hardness in my stare, ”I am far too stubborn to accept no for an answer. Professor Harland followed my direct order. If you want to inform His Majesty that his nephew obeyed my request, then so be it, but I will be present when you tell him. I”m sure the three of us will have a very nice chat, since you seem to love giving him updates on my progress.”
Philomena”s eyes narrow and her mouth tightens. Until this moment, I hadn”t realized how tall she is and how menacing she appears glaring down her spectacles at me. I suspect she”s not normally challenged or questioned. Well, perhaps not by anyone other than the Harland brothers, since rebellion seems to be a family trait.
Her shoulders dip in defeat. Releasing me from her sights, she glances behind me at Atlas and says, ”If anything happens to her, let it be known that I warned you. I wash my hands of this.” She turns and storms back to her boat. ”Are you coming, Professor Riggs?”
”We”ll talk soon, Your Highness.” Professor Riggs winks at me before following her.
”It appears you”ve made an enemy,” Atlas says.
I slowly turn around to face him, and stare up into his familiar green eyes, all trace of Nox gone. ”It would seem I have a lot of enemies these days.”
”It also seems that you”ve made it a habit to come to my rescue when I”m facing disciplinary action.” He tilts his head to the side. ”Why is that?”
I shrug. ”I suppose that”s what friends do.”