22. Twenty-Two
Streetlamps light the paved sidewalks and illuminate the glass windows of shops, restaurants, and residential row houses as we walk through the city. The further down the street we trek, we pass fewer houses and soon all we hear is the boisterous laughter of smiling Tronovians snaking in and out of eateries, pubs, and hotels. With the canal disappearing behind a row of buildings, I”m reminded of how tiny I am in comparison to the two, three, and four level structures.
Atlas has been pointing places out to me as we walk – restaurants, art galleries, dressmakers, shoemakers, jewelry stores, bookstores – and we even duck inside a clockmaker”s shop so I can watch in wonder as they tinker with miniscule mechanical pieces, until the clock hums back to life.
Most of our excursion to find something to eat is a quiet one, but unlike when lapses in conversation happened during events in Midori, I don”t feel the need to chat. I find peace in our silence. But when my stomach growls loudly, I”m tempted to ask how much further he intends to take me before we settle on an eatery, when he suddenly stops and stares across the street.
”We”re here.”
When I turn to look, I notice a wooden sign with the word, Prue”s, scrawled across. Nothing fancy, much like the sight I”m beholding. In the midst of beautiful rowhouses, the tavern appears to be an old-world building that was gutted and transformed into the nighttime hotspot.
Atlas holds the creaky wooden door open as we walk inside, and I”m immediately struck by how beautiful the arched cathedral ceiling is. Dangling three stories above us are four rustic chandeliers fashioned from deer antlers. The pine floors are scuffed from wear and tear and appear to be original to the structure, but it gives the space a cozy and inviting feel. As if to say, nothing here is fancy, kick up your feet and have fun.
To my right there is a glossy wooden bar that runs the length of the building with circular stools tucked underneath the counter. Behind the bar is a wall filled with glass bottles varying in design and color. On my left are tables, booths and further in the tavern are two billiard tables.
My gaze follows the wooden railing of the questionably sound staircase up to the second floor where a banister encloses the tables and booths located on that level and offers those guests some privacy.
Everyone in here seems happy; joking with their companions, dancing on the humble, scuffed up dance floor as the band plays off in a corner.
I”ve never been in a place like this before and I am eager to have the full bar experience.
The moment one of the waitresses sees Atlas, she drops off some drinks at a nearby table and quickly comes to greet us. ”The usual table?”
But before Atlas can say yes or no, I point at the bar and blurt, ”Can we sit there?” The woman glances up at Atlas, looking for permission. I forget sometimes that he”s royalty here and would probably prefer not to be seen in public with me. I backpedal and say, ”Or we can sit – ”
”The bar will be fine, Tessa,” he says to her, but his eyes are glued to mine.
”Certainly! Take whatever seat suits you.” And with that, the perky blonde disappears into the sea of laughing faces.
”I”m sorry,” I stammer. ”If you would rather sit somewhere more private, so people don”t see you with me – ”
”And why would I not want to be seen with you?” He quirks an eyebrow and slips his hand around my elbow to usher me toward the lively bar.
”Well, I forget you are royalty,” I whisper when we claim two empty stools and wait for the bartender to make his way to us. ”And I”m not sure if you”re seeing anyone in the city.”
His body stiffens and his eyes widen.
”Oh,” I gasp, my throat constricting. ”Oh, you are seeing someone. I – ”
”I”m not seeing anyone,” he says, tilting his face to meet my embarrassed gaze. ”Not here and not in any other kingdom.”
His forwardness excites me, and I”m lost for words. Although I am well aware that he teaches art classes some evenings, for weeks I”ve shooed the heartbreaking thought that he could be out with another woman when he”s not at the rowhouse. Now that I know he”s not, my stomach flips. His eyes haven”t left mine, as if he”s wishing, hoping I will say something to reassure him, but before I do, the bartender slides in front of us with a cheery grin.
”Well, if this isn”t a sight.” He smacks his hands on the counter, drawing Atlas” attention. ”The shadow wielder himself, sitting at my bar. To what do I owe this unexpected pleasure?”
I crinkle my nose when I detect sarcasm in the bartender”s tone. Is he making fun of Atlas? My gaze bounces between them, attempting to gauge if their interaction is a friendly one.
”Well, perhaps if you weren”t so cheerful, I”d be more inclined to sit here,” Atlas fires back and the bartender barks out a hearty laugh.
”Excuse me for loving my job.” He scratches a finger through his well-manicured beard. ”Not all of us are meant to be broody and mysterious.”
Atlas chuckles. ”It”s good to see you.”
”Don”t get all sappy on me, Atlas.” He turns his focus to me and extends his hand. ”Forgive my manners. I”m Baelyn.”
I flash Atlas a side-eyed glance before I slip my hand in the bartender”s. ”Shaye.”
”It”s nice to meet you, Shaye.” He retrieves his cold hand and busies himself preparing a drink. ”You must be the white-haired Midorian Nyx and Ronan were telling me about.”
I quirk an eyebrow. ”You seem to be very well informed.”
”I”m a bartender,” he shrugs. ”People tend to overshare once they”ve gotten a few drinks in them.”
”Noted,” I smile.
”So, what can I get you?” Baelyn asks me as he sets a dark lager in front of Atlas.
I stare at the white foam floating atop Atlas” frozen mug and point at it. ”I guess I”ll have what he”s having.”
Baelyn smiles and nods in approval. ”Good choice. It”s not my best seller, but Atlas likes it, and he pays well, so I keep it on tap.” He pours me a matching stein and slides it in front of me. ”If you don”t like it, let me know and I”ll get you something different.”
”Thank you,” I grab the handle and lift the mug to my lips.
”We will be eating tonight as well, Baelyn,” Atlas says.
”Two house specials coming right up.”
He walks to the far end of the bar when another patron flags him for help, so I”m not able to ask what the house special is, but Atlas, who always seems to be in tune with what I”m thinking or feeling, explains, ”The only food served here is the house special.”
”Which is?”
”Beef stew and a side of bread.”
Suddenly, the hunger pangs in my stomach increase and my mouth waters. Just the thought of sinking my teeth into a piece of slow-roasted meat has me ready to devour it the second Baelyn sets it before me.
”I hope that”s alright.”
I nod, putting Atlas at ease, before bringing the mug to my lips and taking a sip. The foam tickles my upper lip, while the smooth amber liquid coats my throat. Although I detect bitterness, a hint of caramel punches through and dances on my tongue. I sense Atlas watching me, so I take another sip before wiping my mouth with the back of my hand and setting the cold mug down.
”Thoughts?” he asks.
”I like it.” A loud crash steals my attention and when I glance toward the back of the tavern, I catch sight of a man at one of the billiard tables pumping his fist as a red ball falls into a corner pocket. ”This isn”t where I expected you to bring me.”
The corners of his mouth tick upward, but he doesn”t meet my gaze. ”And where exactly did you think I”d bring you?”
I shrug, resituating in my seat. ”I don”t know. Somewhere…fancy?”
He side-eyes me, curiosity playing across his face. ”Is that what you would have preferred?”
I think on it quickly and shake my head. ”No, actually.”
He chuckles into his mug. ”Thank the Stars I know you better than that.”
I cross my arms over my chest. ”Oh, you think you know me that well?”
”I”ve had plenty of time to observe you,” he swivels in his seat, squaring his body to mine, ”but I can always learn more. So, tell me something no one knows about you.” He plants the bottom of his boot on the footrest of my stool and that small, intimate gesture has the hair on my arms standing at attention.
”Why?” I clear my throat, fighting the urge to lean closer to him. ”So, you can blackmail me with that information later?”
”So, I can understand you better.” I feel the full weight of his attention when he says, ”Not everyone wants to harm you, Princess.”
”And you don”t intend to hurt me?” I ask softly, the brokenness of my own voice catching me off guard.
”Most people don”t consume my thoughts the way you do. You intrigue me.”
”Here we are,” Baelyn startles me when he suddenly appears with two steaming servings of stew. Unceremoniously plopping the wooden bowls down in front of us, he double-checks to see if we need anything else before taking off to help other demanding customers.
I snatch the wooden spoon bobbing in my bowl and take a deep whiff of the hearty meal I”m about to devour. The beef melts the moment it touches my tongue, and the perfectly balanced seasonings and spices explode in my mouth. The potatoes are delicious and the carrots, which I”m normally not particularly fond of, are so flavorful that they just might convert me to being a fan of the vegetable. My belly warms with each spoonful and the pangs I”ve been fighting all evening are finally satisfied.
I suddenly remember I”m not alone when I see Atlas move in my peripheral. I twist my head and catch his line of sight. It”s in this moment I process what he said right before Baelyn brought our food. Most people don”t consume my thoughts the way you do. You intrigue me. I stare at him, watching him take another bite of his food. I”m sure he”s uncomfortable by my scrutinizing glare but I”m contemplating what to say in response.
Tell me something no one knows about you.
”I”m afraid of the dark,” I admit, feeling a bit foolish. He tenses but doesn”t attempt to meet my gaze. ”You wanted to know what no one else really knows about me,” I shrug, turning my focus back to the stew before me. ”My parents always said I had a wild imagination, that no true ruler feared something as silly as the dark but…” I”m not sure what else to say. Nox, Atlas” Transcendent state, flashes in my mind and I inadvertently shiver. Embarrassment heats my cheeks and I chuckle softly to keep from tearing up.
”But…?” he encourages.
”I suppose it”s ironic that the girl with the crippling fear of what lurks in the darkness has the power of light humming beneath her fingertips.”
”Yet you”re more afraid of the dark now than you were before.” I can hear the strain, the pain, in his voice and wish I could throw my arms around his neck and comfort him – to tell him I”m not afraid of him – but I keep my comments and hands to myself.
I flick my eyes to meet his. How can he do that? See right through me as if I”m just words on a page he can flip through at his leisure. ”I”ve seen firsthand the evils that lurk in the dark, what creatures stir in the night and yet it doesn”t do much to ease my mind knowing I possibly have the very power those monsters need to unleash their master.”
He nods, quiet for a moment, mulling over his next words carefully. ”You”re allowed to be afraid, Princess. It doesn”t make you any less powerful.”
”You aren”t scared of – ”
”I may not fear the dark the way you do,” he interrupts with a firm gentleness, ”but I assure you there are things that torment me to the point I lie awake all night without finding relief.”
His admission is unexpected but makes me feel better. I”m not alone in being fearful and he”s not thrown one judgmental glance or word my way for admitting my truth.
”To fear is mortal.”
”But we”re anomalies.” I run my fingers through my hair, wondering aloud. ”Should we not be fearless, if we are meant to be at the frontlines to defend and protect the people of Dalerin?”
”We are meant to be courageous in the face of adversity,” he counters, taking another sip of his beer. ”The man who fears nothing has not truly known love.”
”I don”t understand.”
He sets his mug down before turning his full attention and body toward me. ”I love my country. I love my people. I love my family – my parents, my brothers, my cousins – and even my grumpy uncle. I love my students, my friends, my row house, my boat you inconveniently burned at sea –”
I grimace, but before I can apologize, he continues, ”I have not only loved, but I have also been loved in return. Sadly, I also know what it feels like to lose someone I love.”
My mind jumps to Atlas losing his friends when Vesper and her crew killed them. I have no idea what it feels like to lose someone I love, and I pray to the stars, seas, and celestials above that I never know such grief.
”So, you see, Princess,” Atlas” voice sucks me back. ”I also have fears I battle daily. I fear losing those I love. I fear losing my home to a demon king hellbent on conquering our mortal realm. I fear losing my brothers in battle. I fear losing Eris and Ronan to Soul Eaters who hunt magic wielders. I fear losing…”
”What else?” I press when he trails off, his gaze fixated on what remains of his stew. ”What else do you fear losing?” I whisper.
The corner of his mouth tugs upward slightly, ”I think this beer has loosened my tongue. I”ve given you far more damning information about me than you have of yourself.”
To hell with who might see us, I snatch his hand and squeeze reassuringly, drawing his sorrowful gaze. ”Who do you fear losing?”
Those green eyes of his soften as he circles the back of my hand with his thumb. ”Do you really not know, Shaye?”
With just six words, Atlas simultaneously surprises and scares me. It”s the first time he”s used my name, and hearing my name come from his lips sends a shiver down my spine. My belly heats and my breathing is labored. ”You… you just used my name.”
He doesn”t say anything. He just stares at me as if he, too, is shocked he allowed himself to address me so informally. ”If you would rather I didn”t – ”
I shake my head, cutting him off from finishing that thought. ”I like the way it sounds.”
He leans closer and raises his hand to wipe loose strands of hair from my face, tucking them behind my ear. The gentleness of his touch, the intimacy of the gesture, has my heart racing. ”Shaye,” he says like it”s the most wondrous thing he”s ever heard.
”Atlas.”
”Atlas!”
We twist toward the front door where Nyx and Ronan barrel inside with bright smiles and knowing looks on their faces.
”Well, well, well,” Nyx coos, eyeing our close proximity. ”Funny seeing you two here.”
”Is it funny?” Atlas huffs, retrieving his hand from mine and returning to the last sip of his drink. ”Or is it just wildly inconvenient?”
Nyx slips his arm across my shoulders and Ronan slaps his hand down on Atlas” back, claiming the empty stool next to him.
”We just had a wonderful dinner with father,” Ronan chuckles, clearly already tipsy. ”Baelyn! Baelyn, where are you? Your future king is dying of thirst!”
Baelyn strolls up, wiping his hands with a towel. ”I”m surprised, knowing how impatient you are, you didn”t hop over the counter and pour your own drink like last week.”
Nyx howls in laughter as Ronan tries, and fails, to frown, but ends up laughing alongside his cousin. He taps his fingers on the bar top. ”Forgive me, Baelyn. I promise I will sit here and wait patiently for you to pour my drinks tonight.”
Baelyn scoffs before grabbing a stein to fill. ”The usual?”
Ronan claps his hands together. ”Please!” Turning the full weight of his curiosity to me, he asks, ”So, what are you two doing? Is this…” Ronan”s mouth drops and he slaps a hand to his cheek. ”Are you two on a date?”
Nyx stares at me, his eyes sparkling, as if he”s expecting me to confirm Ronan”s suspicions, but the truth is, we”re not on a date. We”re two friends grabbing dinner. Like Finn and Eris. I scoff internally at the thought that Finn and Eris are just friends, but I don”t linger on the couple long. I have three sets of eyes pinned on me, waiting for my response.
”I tried baking Finn a birthday cake and made a bit of a mess in the kitchen,” I quickly explain, bringing my cup to my lips. ”Atlas offered to take me out for dinner, since neither of us cooks.”
Ronan and Nyx exchange a knowing look, grins spreading across their rosy-cheeked faces. ”Interesting choice for a first date, Atlas,” the prince teases.
”I think she has enjoyed herself.” Atlas answers him, though his eyes are fixed on mine.
”I have,” I nod and smile at him. ”I think I need another one of these,” I tap my empty beer glass when the sudden silence stretches too long.
”That”s the spirit, Kitarni!” Nyx pats my back like a proud father, before waving Baelyn over. ”A round for all four of us. Put it on my tab.”
The bartender nods his head and scurries to fill the order. Music I hadn”t been paying attention to earlier speeds up and I glance at the patrons dancing. It reminds me of the type of dancing Nyx taught me in Bava and I have the sudden urge to join them. The second Baelyn sets my second beer in front of me, I chug half of it before abandoning it. I stand up, a little wobbly, and declare, ”I want to dance.”
Ronan jumps up, just as wobbly as me and offers me his arm. ”Let”s go, Princess.”
I turn toward Atlas, ”Do you want to dance?”
His molten eyes want something from me, but dancing isn”t it. ”I”ll watch.”
Before I can protest, Nyx and Ronan drag me to the scuffed-up dance floor. More people are joining the small space, loving the upbeat music the three-man band is playing. The tempo, the rhythm, the sensuality of it, reminds me so much of Bava. Atlas watched me then, too. Leaning against a building with his eyes fixated on me. I made sure to give him a good show then, and I plan to do the same thing tonight. The thought of us pawing at one another, kissing, teasing, touching in his bedroom weeks ago bubbles within me. I want him to pin me against one of the walls in here and claim me for himself.
I know when I used to drink wine in Midori, if I had too much, my inhibitions would be lowered, and I”d sometimes do or say something that had my parents glaring daggers my way. But they aren”t here. And the beer has given me enough liquid courage to spin, so I can meet Atlas” ever watchful gaze and swivel my hips, roll my belly and give him a tantalizing show. I want him and I know he wants me, too. I don”t know what”s holding him back from just taking me. From his own mouth he confessed he wasn”t seeing anyone in any kingdom and before the other two showed up I could have sworn he was going to tell me how he felt about me.
Maybe I”m way off, but I don”t think I am.
Those green eyes I”ve come to find great comfort in, slowly fade to violet, but I don”t see his shadows anywhere. He must be fighting with great difficulty to keep the shadowy tendrils hidden, but I”ve come to realize that whenever he”s trying to restrain himself from touching me, his shadows unleash to do the touching for him. I flash him a sultry smile and let my hands drag up and down my body. Slowly, I rotate my hips as I lower myself to the floor before I rise just as unhurried. His grip on his stein tightens to the point I think he”s going to break the glass handle off.
Beside me, Nyx and Ronan are moving their bodies in rhythm with the beat, but they aren”t alone anymore. Two women have slipped into their grasps and my desire for Atlas to hold me the way they”re holding those women consumes me.
Suddenly, I feel lightheaded, and I close my eyes to regain my bearings. When I open my eyes again, Atlas is in front of me, slipping his arms around my waist and drawing me close. He drops his mouth to my ear and instead of saying something sensual that would make my toes curl, he whispers, ”I think I should get you back to the house.”
I stare up at him, brow furrowed. ”Why?”
”You look like you”re about to pass out. You might have had too much to drink.”
I know he”s probably right. Until tonight, I”d never had a beer, and I certainly hadn”t chugged one before. The dizziness intensifies and I stumble a step, but I don”t fall because Atlas” firm grip on me keeps me upright.
”Let”s get you home. I”ll draw you a warm bath.”
I nod in agreement. A nice warm bath sounds perfect, and I really don”t need to make a fool of myself in front of all of these people.
Atlas says something to the other two about us leaving, before helping me to the back door of the bar. ”We”ll avoid everyone by going out the back way.”
I welcome the blast of cold air that consumes me the second we step outside. I hadn”t realized how humid it was inside, but breathing in some fresh air is just what I needed for the nausea I was feeling to go away.
Slipping his hand in mine, Atlas tugs me down the dark alley toward the main street. ”Let”s get you home, Prin – ”
Without thinking, I push him against the bricks of the rowhouse beside the bar and press my body against his. I kiss his neck and slip my hand lower, lower, lower but I”m stopped short of my intended target when he grabs my wrists. Twisting us, I”m now the one pinned against the wall with my wrists held above my head, but instead of his lips crashing against mine, he just stares at me.
”Why won”t you kiss me?” I whine.
”Believe me, I want to, but you”ve had too much to drink, and your inhibitions are lowered. You”ll do things you”ll regret tomorrow.”
”I won”t regret this,” I try pushing against him, but he has me firmly pinned.
”We should get you home, so you can sleep this off.” He releases my wrists and retreats a step.
I slide down the wall, embarrassed and angry and horny. Rubbing the heels of my palms against my reddening face, I shake my head in frustration. ”I”m obviously making a fool of myself,” I scoff. ”I don”t know why I thought you were attracted to me in the first place. We”ve kissed a couple times but that doesn”t mean anything –”
Atlas crouches in front of me and snatches my hands from my face, forcing me to meet his eyes. ”Of course I want you, woman. I find you so attractive it”s maddening.”
”Then why won”t you kiss me now?”
Like he always does before saying something of importance, he takes a second to choose his words. With an almost defeated sigh, he admits, ”I can”t do what I really want with you while you”re still engaged to another man. You”re already dealing with enough. I won”t cloud your mind with mixed feelings about me when there”s a good chance you might not stay.”
”And if I stay?” I ask, my selfish desire to have him bed me is my only true motivation right now. I can”t guarantee I”ll stay with him, but I would like to think there”s a greater purpose for us. Our Tethering will always connect us. It”s then I realize I haven”t talked to him about the Tethering or our Transcendent states since our excursion to Kazamere and I certainly haven”t confessed that my intentions of marrying Bastian have changed. I”m ready to blurt everything out but stop short when his voice rings out.
”When I claim you, there will be no doubt in your mind that you love me, that you”re mine and mine alone. I won”t share you with another,” he says darkly, ”even if he is hundreds of miles away. And I certainly won”t have you in this dark alley where I can”t fully see or enjoy you. That”s why I won”t let this happen tonight.”
”Atlas, I – ”
He slips his hands around my waist and hoists me up into his arms and carries me toward the street. Neither one of us says another word on the walk home and quite frankly, I don”t remember making it to the Harland House or being tucked into my bed. But I”ll never forget how my name sounded coming from his lips, and how I desperately want to hear him say it again.