25. Twenty-Five
As King Soren promised, after everyone has had their fill of dinner and dessert, we gather in the two-story sitting room and discuss the logistics of journeying to the Frost Kingdom. Ronan seems to come around to the idea of having me join, which is a relief. I have no intentions of being his nanny, watching over his every move and questioning his choices as the future King of Tronovia, so I expect we”ll have a great time together.
Nyx is immediately reminded that he will be accompanying me wherever I choose to go, which he has no quarrel with. Either he”s given up fighting the issue, or perhaps he”s grown fond of our friendship and doesn”t mind being my shadow.
Atlas is arguably opposed to the trip as a whole. He brings up valid points that he”s not just looking out for me, but Ronan as well. With Soul Eaters well aware of my whereabouts, they”ll be looking to get their hands on me or anyone that could give them leverage to arrange a swap. Ironically, it”s the same idea Atlas had when he kidnapped me after I foiled their attempt to assassinate Bastian. I know my safety is high on his list of priorities, but I refuse to live my life in fear just because people might try to harm me.
When I remind the room of exactly that, they all say nothing in rebuttal. Soren smiles at me like a proud father would and says, ”I believe the matter is settled. In three days, Ronan and Shaye will travel to the Frost Kingdom. Any of you are free to join them, if it would ease your mind on the safety of your friends.”
I know the last part is aimed toward Atlas specifically, but he glares at his uncle in response.
With the informal family meeting adjourned, people scatter throughout the house, and some take the party outside on the back porch where Rafe is toasting marshmallows over the fire and Soraya is passing out steaming hot cups of cocoa. The drink fills my belly and warms me, despite the slight chill in the autumn air. The sun has officially set, and the neat thing about being way out here is I can see every sparkle and flicker of the stars above us. What a truly magical sight. I remember when I was on the brothers” boat, after discovering my kidnapping, I looked up into the night and felt so small compared to the vast expanse of the sky. I still feel that way now.
”Looks like Atlas isn”t giving up easily tonight.” Eris bumps my hip with hers, jerking her chin toward the windows of the sitting room behind us.
I turn slightly, just enough to see Atlas pacing the room while his uncle sips his drink comfortably seated in one of the leather armchairs by the roaring fireplace. Atlas is without a doubt irritated, and Soren looks more than amused in shutting him down. Atlas” gaze suddenly flicks up toward me, and I immediately whip around so we don”t make eye contact.
”I don”t know why he”s always putting up such a fight.” I take another sip of my drink and moan lightly at the smooth chocolate flavor.
”You know damn well why he puts up a fight when it comes to you,” she clicks her tongue, drawing my gaze.
”Listen, he”s made it abundantly clear – ”
”That he wants you, but wants you to make the first move? Or how he wants you to know what you want in life without forcing your hand?” She fires back and I narrow my eyes at her. ”Shaye, at some point, you will have to open yourself up to love again. Don”t let the fear of who hurt you in the past dictate who you allow to heal you in the future.”
I clear my throat, refusing to shed one tear here in front of everyone due to the war of emotions raging inside my chest. ”What”s over there?” I point toward the edge of the deck that sprouts into a path.
Eris takes a moment to respond, as if she”s trying to decide if she wants to address my deflection, but graciously, she leaves matters alone and says, ”There”s a gazebo down there. Best views of the city from the northern crest.”
”Can I go down there?”
”Go ahead!” She bobs her head with a smile. ”There are lights that guide the way. It”s not far.
”You don”t want to come with me?” I pout.
”I look forward to these toasted marshmallows Rafe makes throughout the year. I”m eating my fill.”
”Fine,” I laugh. ”I”ll be back in a few minutes.”
Just as Eris said, the path is well-lit with lanterns and leads me to a stunning, octagon shaped gazebo. The black siding matches the house perfectly and when I walk inside the modest sized structure, I”m pleasantly surprised to find it has a glass ceiling that comes to a point, allowing me to admire the stars whilst overlooking the view of the city lights twinkling in the near distance. I can hear the laughter from the others but it”s the rippling of the water that soothes my soul. I bring my mug to my lips and take another swig of the warm cocoa, tugging one of the shawls I nabbed from the bonfire area tighter around my shoulders.
”For being the Midorian heir, you certainly don”t look the part.”
I spin around, expecting to see Vesper”s ghoulish face, but sigh in relief when I see Soraya standing in the threshold of the gazebo, arms crossed, a look of mischief in her eyes.
”Did I startle you?” the teasing in her voice eases my nerves and I chuckle.
”It”s quite possible you have the softest gait, Your Majesty.”
She waves me off as she approaches. ”Oh please, don”t use titles with me, my dear. I never did care for them. I”m Sorarya. Nothing more, nothing less.” She rests her forearms on the wooden railing next to me. ”I heard you went to Draaksten.”
”I did, and it was truly one of the most magnificent sights I”ve ever seen.” Even though I”m still intimidated being alone with her, I lean against the railing in attempts to relax. ”I just wish dragons were still around. I”ve only read about them in books, but I”ve always dreamed of them being real.”
”When I was younger, I wanted to be a dragon rider.” She chuckles. ”I once convinced my favorite cousin, Bram, to take me up for a flight. He was a few years older than me, but he loved me too much to deny me. Quite honestly, I wouldn”t have taken no for an answer anyway. So, even though it was against the rules to have a civilian ride a dragon, Bram took me up on his red dragon, Sagreed. She was a fearsome creature with molten gold eyes and fiery red scales, but when he scratched just below her chin, she would melt like a puppy.
”I learned very quickly that morning that I am terrified of heights and unfortunately, my dream of becoming a dragon rider died that day. Instead, I turned my focus on being the most powerful fire wielder of our age, a competitive trait I”m well aware I passed to at least two of my sons.”
”What happened to Bram and Sagreed?”
The small smile fades from her face and I know before she says anything what she”s about to tell me. ”Bram and Sagreed fell in battle. Soren said they fought valiantly throughout the Great War. So much so, they made themselves a high-value target of the enemy. Unfortunately, one day, the demons were able to hit their mark.”
”I”m so sorry, I should have realized – ”
Unexpectedly, Soraya snatches my hand in hers and squeezes. Her fierce green eyes meet mine and there”s not a trace of sadness when she says, ”There is no need to apologize, Shaye.”
For a few seconds, I feel a connection to her that I haven”t felt with anyone before. Perhaps those seven words are something I”ve always wished to hear from my own mother and never did, but all fear I felt before meeting the Harland matron vanishes.
”It”s funny though,” she pats my hand before releasing me. ”Even though Bram has been gone just over twenty years now, I still sometimes expect to see him sitting across from me at the dinner table during family gatherings like tonight”s. I remember how every year he”d see how many feathers he could pluck from one of my aunt”s gawdy hats. Bram would have made a fine Dragon General, teaching the younger generation. But without dragons, there was no way to pass that knowledge on.”
She plucks a white verbena from one of the hanging planter boxes, closing her eyes as she smells the sweet aroma. ”Atlas wanted to be a dragon rider,” she says abruptly. ”He was four when dragons left our shores for the Great War. I fully expected once the dragons returned that Atlas would be a rider when he was old enough.”
Remembering what Atlas had told me about dragons choosing their riders, I ask, ”Do Firebreathers only chose fire wielders as their riders?”
She smiles, pride beaming in her eyes that I seem to know dragon lore. ”Technically, that”s true, but I think Atlas would have been found worthy by one of them. His lack of fire wouldn”t have mattered.”
My eyebrows arch. ”So, a dragon doesn”t necessarily choose the magic but chooses…”
”The worthy,” she whispers like a giddy child. ”Yes, it”s true they sense your magic and if it”s powerful, they crave it in partnership with their own. If they deem the wielder unworthy, however, it”s not because of their lack of magic, or even type of magic, but because of their heart and their lack of character.”
I let that new information settle before asking, ”Can I ask you a question?”
”Ask away.”
”Were you upset you weren”t able to fight in the Great War?”
She inhales deeply, as if mulling over her words carefully; a trait she clearly passed on to Atlas. ”When the Great War began, I was heavily pregnant with Nyx and couldn”t go. It was strange. I had been training my entire life to defend my country and when I was needed, I was left behind. But I realized I hadn”t been left because I was unworthy. I was left behind because I had a more important job than going to war. I was to defend our homeland should our frontlines fall. I protected my sons. Comforted and grieved with my people who lost loved ones. Ensured our children continued going to the School of Magic to hone their affinities should they be needed in battle. I kept our city going when all I wanted to do was crawl into my bed and not wake up. I worried about Rafe and Soren every day and would wait at the docks for the ship to arrive with our bi-monthly correspondence carrying the list of names of the fallen. I scoured the names, flying past dozens, hundreds even, just to make sure I didn”t see Rafe and Soren”s names.
”While they fought our enemies, I kept our people from falling apart. I made sure that when our people returned to our shores that they returned to the home they remembered, and not to a ghost of what used to be.”
I have no words. This woman is far stronger than I originally realized. Sure, her fire wielding is powerful, and she has hands-down the most terrifying Transcendent state I”ve heard of so far, but she carried an entire nation upon her back. She woke up each and every day and put the needs of her people and her children before her own fears and insecurities. She led a kingdom in her brother”s absence and raised a family in her husband”s stead. She fought for normalcy in a time of discord. No wonder her people hold her in such high regard.
”Speak your mind, Shaye.” Her voice slices through my thoughts. ”I can see you have a million questions running through that head of yours.”
It”s such a Nyx thing to say and it soothes me enough to open up to her.
”You intimidate me.”
”Not really a question,” she laughs. ”You needn”t fear me, girl. I won”t harm you.”
”I mean you no offense. I”ve always been so sure of myself. No one, not even your king, frightens me, but for some reason I just don”t seem to understand, you do.” It”s the most honest and vulnerable thing I”ve probably ever admitted to someone, and it feels oddly good to speak the words aloud.
She tilts her head to the side, curiosity marring her features. ”Are you sure you don”t know why?”
By my clearly confused glance, she continues, ”I don”t know you, but I know Atlas, and he has never been one to get hung up on a girl.”
My stomach drops.
”Until now.”
My heart thunders inside my chest.
”Don”t look so surprised, my dear. I”ve been watching you two all night. There is no doubt in my mind that he has feelings for you. It”s you I”m not sure about.” She squares her frame to mine, looks me up and down, and says, ”I”ve heard so many things about you: you”re the Midorian heir, you have rare celestial magic, you are engaged to a man who might very well unleash a demon king hellbent on conquering our realm, and to top it all off, you don”t even know if your parents are actually your parents.”
”It doesn”t sound like you care for me all that much.”
”Quite the opposite,” she grins, and it reminds me so much of Atlas. ”I think you and I, if given more time to get to know one another, would be great friends. I want my sons to find partners who make them feel safe, loved and secure. Atlas is my firstborn son. He will always hold a special place in my heart. ”
”I would never intentionally hurt your son.”
”Of that, I have no doubt. What concerns me is you could shatter his heart without even knowing you”ve done it.”
I take a small step back from her. ”Why are you telling me this?”
”Consider this your wake-up call. If you have feelings for Atlas, show him, tell him. Don”t play with him. Don”t use him for your gain and abandon him when it suits you. He might act like nothing bothers him, that he”s not affected the way others might be by a broken heart, but it would crush him.” She slides to me and takes my hands in hers, forcing me to meet her soft gaze. ”I would rather you set up boundaries with him, if you know where your heart truly lies, then let him fall in love with you and break him later.”
”I should have known both of you would be here. It has the best view of the city.”
We turn and see Atlas leaning in the doorway, hands crossed over his chest. That playful smirk of his could light up the deepest, darkest depths of my soul.
Soraya lifts my glowing hands and examines them before locking eyes with me, a knowing smile smeared across her face. ”I will let you have a moment to yourselves. I”m sure there is a lot for you to discuss.” She wraps her arms around me for an unexpected hug and whispers kindly, ”Be brave,” before taking her leave, patting Atlas” shoulder on her way back up the trail.
He waits for his mother to make it around the bend before saying, ”You and my mother seem to be getting along.”
”I see where you and Nyx get your personalities from.”
He flashes a warm smile that makes my heart leap. ”And competitiveness. Don”t forget the competitiveness.”
I laugh, ”How could I?”
The corners of his mouth tilt downward and slowly but surely his smile falters as he holds my stare.
”Lose the battle of wills with your uncle?” I hope to ease the tension, but I do the opposite.
”Something like that,” he says. For a split second, my heart pounds in my chest thinking he might have overheard what his mother and I were talking about, but then he says, ”In Tronovia, you”re protected. Out there,” he motions to the bay behind me, ”I”m not sure what is waiting for you and I”m afraid of what would happen, if I fail you.”
”Fail me how?”
”Fail to protect you. That happened once in Bava, and you had to fight for your life in the Necropolis.” He shakes his head, as if freeing himself of that memory. ”I don”t want that to happen again.”
”So, what?” I flick my hand in the air. ”Do you expect me to stay here in Tronovia forever?” I watch him lean against the arched entrance and slip a hand in his pocket. ”I have Frost Elf features, Atlas. You and I both know I need to go to Elowen to find more answers.”
”I figured you would say that.”
”Then why try to talk me out of it?”
”I”m not trying to talk you out of anything.” Atlas runs his free hand through his hair and takes a step toward me. ”I just want to make sure you are willing to face whatever might be beyond our borders.”
”I told you inside, I”m ready.” I lift my chin to maintain eye contact. ”I might be afraid, but I won”t cower anymore.”
He nods. ”Then I”m going with you.”
”You don”t need to go. Ronan will – ”
Atlas” laugh catches me off guard.
”What”s so funny?” I cross my arms across my chest, furrowing my brow.
”Listen, I love my cousin as if he were one of my brothers, but I wouldn”t trust him to protect a pet hamster, nevertheless you, from whatever Bastian and Vesper throw your way.”
”We haven”t heard from Bastian or my parents. What makes you believe they”ll know – ”
”Vesper knows,” he cuts me off, a seriousness in his tone. ”She will always know.” He points to his forearm with an index finger, reminding me of where I charred her arm. ”Your scent is imprinted on her.”
A frightening realization for sure, but I can”t let her or anyone else stop me from discovering the truth. ”Regardless of that,” I put on a brave face, and press forward, ”you don”t have to come with us. I”ve learned how to use my magic and Nyx has been training me in hand-to-hand combat. I can handle myself.”
”Be that as it may,” he eats the little remaining distance between us, towering over me, ”as your Magical Warfare instructor, I”m going with you.”
”What about the rest of your students, Professor?” I say with a little more sass than necessary.
”I believe you take priority. Besides, Professors Fenwick and Darmas will be more than happy to cover the next few weeks in my absence.” He smirks down at me, whispering, ”Between you and me, I don”t think Philomena will miss me.”
I stifle a giggle and snip, ”You just don”t want me to be alone with Ronan for an entire month.”
He cocks his head to the side like a predator spotting his prey. ”Is that what you want?” he asks darkly. ”To be alone with my cousin?”
”Is there a reason I shouldn”t be alone with him?” I square my body to his, not backing down from his imposing stance.
He secures his hands on either side of the railing I”m backed up against, ensuring I won”t be escaping this conversation unless I want to jump in the bay and swim. ”You”re playing a dangerous game, Strenlys.”
”Then tell me why you really want to come.” I challenge. ”And no bullshit. If you pull the professor card on me one more time – ”
”Do you know how many fucking strings I had to pull to make sure I was the one assigned to be your professor?”
His outburst steals my breath. ”What?”
”I cashed in every academic favor, pulled title and rank, hell, I even persuaded Uncle Soren to back my claim, though he strictly refuses to involve himself in school business, to ensure I secured the position of your Magical Warfare instructor.”
”I didn”t ask you to do that.”
”You didn”t have to.” He pushes away from me and backs up until he hits the opposite side of the gazebo. ”I don”t want you to just survive a war, I want you to live. I don”t trust anyone else with your safety more than myself. Am I hard on you? Yes. I”ll always be hard on you when it comes to you mastering your magic.”
”Why?” I ask so softly I”m afraid he might not hear me.
”Why what?”
”All of it. Cashing in your favors, pulling rank to be my professor, willingly abandoning your first-year students to accompany me to Elowen… why?”
His smile is marred with pain. ”You already know the answer to that question, Shaye.” He approaches me slowly before tentatively raising his hand and brushing strands of hair behind my ear. ”The thought of you being captured, or tortured, or falling in battle…”
”Atlas…” I lean closer, taking a deep breath, ready to confess my feelings for him, to tell him I want him, need him, can”t live another day without knowing that he”s mine, when he suddenly drops his hand from my face, and I”m left cold and wanting from the ghost of his touch.
”I”ll make sure you make it to Elowen safely.” He promises like he”s a knight swearing fealty to his queen. ”I”ll keep up with your lessons, so you”re ready for whatever we might face in the future. I hope you find what you seek in the Frost Kingdom.”
I blink away the tears brewing and watch him shove his hands deep in his pockets before trotting back up the decked pathway to rejoin the party. I blew my chance to bear my soul to him. Hell, I”ve blown several opportunities to tell him how I feel. Why am I such a coward?
I slam my hand against the railing, and internally scream, ”Shit! Shit! Shit!”