Chapter 14
“Slow down,” the Devil said. “You don’t need to take so much.”
I mentally released the handful of power I’d grabbed. Impatience bubbled inside me, but I took a deep breath and ignored it. I’d learned giving in to it did no good.
We stood in his Great Hall, just like we had the past five nights, the half-eaten walls gleaming softly in the low light.
A large, dark shape hovered in front of me while the Devil stood at my back.
I was acutely aware of the heat of his skin, and the scent of him.
His presence had become as familiar to me as my own because of our Death Chord.
Part of me wanted to lean back against him, let him support me while we watched the same memory play through over and over, looking closely at different parts in the hopes of loosening its grip on me so I could gain control of my powers.
I felt his focus on me through our bond.
It was comforting and supportive, but more than that it was seductive.
The way he gauged my reactions and sensed what I needed without me having to say anything was like nothing I’d ever experienced.
I’d grown so used to it now, and the idea of leaning into his strength was so tantalizing I’d almost done exactly that dozens of times, just like now, until I realized how easily I’d let myself get distracted by him.
When we worked together like this, it was nearly impossible to remember I didn’t fully trust him.
Shivering, I refocused on the task at hand.
“Imagine you’re pulling a thread of power from me, through the Death Chord.” His breath ghosted along the back of my neck, and his calm encouragement buoyed me through our bond. “As thin as you can imagine.”
Gritting my teeth, I resisted the urge to squirm.
Pulling power from him was unnerving. Knowing he was powerful and being able to feel just how much power he had through our connection were two different things.
It was like seeing a rushing river from afar versus standing on the bank of it, sensing the depth of it and the strength of the current that could drag me under if I fell in.
I wished, for the hundredth time, that I could pull power from myself.
He’d explained on the first night after we’d bonded why I couldn’t.
“You don’t have any of your own.”
“If I don’t have any, how come I light up like a torch when I’m upset?” I crossed my arms over my chest.
“You were born with a little bit, because you’re a Successor, but it’s a drop compared to what Death and I can generate through helping souls.
And it’s finite. You won’t be able to produce your own unless you take her place.
” He raised one eyebrow, as if I needed a reminder that I hadn’t agreed to it yet.
“But if I have my own, even a little, why do I need to pull from you? Can’t I use my own until it’s gone? If I run out, then I can’t lose control.” It sounded like an excellent plan.
“If you used up the power you do possess, you would start to draw on your essence instead, which cannot be replaced. You would reduce yourself to a husk, something barely aware.” His expression turned grim.
I felt the blood drain from my face. “Have you seen it happen before?”
“No. My predecessor warned me of the consequences when I asked the same question. I’ll never forget the look on his face when he told me.”
“Is there a problem?” the Devil asked, shifting closer so I could feel his breath on my cheek. His scent, dark cherries and musk and warm skin, surrounded me.
“No.” I kept my focus on the shadowed mass in front of me, despite the warmth that bloomed low in my belly.
“Then stop stalling. Pull a thread of power from me.” The command in his voice sent a frisson through me.
“Yes, sir.” My retort was breathier than I intended, and I didn’t miss the way he stopped breathing for a moment, or the sudden bolt of lust in our bond. I’d forgotten that he liked when I called him that.
I silently scolded myself. Our bond was platonic. What we were doing was intimate, but it wasn’t sexual. I just needed to focus on the task at hand.
Closing my eyes, I tried to shut everything out. Especially him. Then, I mentally reached into the Death Chord, ignoring the force of the rushing river of his power, and imagined plucking a thin strand from it. It came easily.
“Good. Now let it flow through you, but don’t let it out yet.”
I loosened my grip on the thread. It zinged its way through my body and limbs, like a small bolt of lightning leaving sharp tingles in its wake. The urge to set it free was strong, but I resisted knowing what came next.
“Let it build while you focus on what you want it to do.” His breath tickled my left ear this time.
Anticipation built as I imagined the mass of shadows in front of me revealing my parents’ garden, and me arguing with Colt. I’d grown used to watching this memory with the Devil. It was comforting having him here while I mastered my fears.
“Now channel everything into your shadow.”
Raising my hands, I let the light that had gathered under my skin loose. It barreled into the dark mass in front of me, exploding outward in a blinding flash. When I could see again, the memory was already playing.
“Your father’s merchant ring was the only thing I wanted.” This time, Colt’s insults sounded weak to my ears, a young man trying to take up more space than he did.
“Good.” The Devil’s satisfaction in our bond filled me with warmth.
His voice was such a stark contrast to Colt’s, it was almost laughable.
Not just in sound, but the command it expressed.
I couldn’t believe I’d thought Colt was the perfect example of a man.
Maybe if I’d had more experience with people, I wouldn’t have made that mistake.
“There’s nothing wrong with your cunt, Maeve, but that’s all you were. A willing amusement to help pass the time.”
I braced myself, knowing what was coming.
Watching my argument with Colt was awful, but it was a small penance I gladly paid to hear my mother’s voice again.
To see my father’s face, my brother’s fierce expression.
And then the real cost: watching them die.
Again. I’d relived it in my head thousands of times, but this was different.
Getting to see them like this was a gift I never thought I’d have, one that I thought would help me come to terms with what I’d done.
It already had in some ways, and for that I was filled with gratitude.
“Now, freeze the memory,” the Devil said. Something cool I couldn’t identify filtered into our bond.
I jerked my head in his direction. “What?” This wasn’t part of our usual pattern.
“Freeze it. Here. All you have to do is will it.”
“Maeve. What have you done to me?” Colt gasped.
I met the Devil’s gaze. It was piercing, and almost challenging. Like he knew I didn’t want to. For that reason alone, I did as he asked.
With a thought, the memory stopped. Colt was on his knees with a man at his side, while young Maeve clutched her chest, and another man ran towards my parents’ house. I stared at the man’s back, my eye flicking between him and the house.
“How are you feeling?” The Devil’s voice made me start.
“Why have we stopped?” I sounded calmer than I felt. The break in routine felt wrong, like a discordant note.
“I want to know how you feel.” It wasn’t an uncommon question from him. He’d asked it plenty of times while we’d worked together, but always before or after we’d watched the whole thing play out.
“Confused.”
“Is that all?” He could have been talking about the weather, but I knew he was digging for something. I could feel it through our connection.
I took in the scene, searching for what he wanted. “You mean how do I feel about Colt? Stupid. I can’t believe I ever saw something serious in him. He’s such a manchild. His insults are ridiculous. They don’t sting like they used to.”
“That’s good, but I mean how do you feel about the fact that I had you stop here?”
“I already told you that.” I forced myself to look at the Devil instead of glancing at my parents’ house like I wanted as my heart began to sink.
“Anything aside from confusion?”
I opened my mouth to deny it, but then I remembered he could feel what I was feeling. “Why don’t you tell me?” I didn’t bother to keep the snap out of my voice.
He nodded, as if I’d confirmed something. Resignation filled our connection. “Release your power and dissolve the memory.”
“But we haven’t watched it all the way through.”
“I know. We don’t need to. Release it.”
I jerked back as if he’d struck me. Tears sprang to my eyes. I knew how to do what he wanted, but I couldn’t bring myself to. My gaze strayed to my parents’ house. They hadn’t appeared yet, and if I did as he asked they wouldn’t.
“Do you need me to do it?” he asked.
I pressed my lips together, shaking my head. It was just a memory. I could always replay it again, another time. Unless he didn’t let me. I’d come to trust our routine, but he’d disrupted it. I had no idea what was going to happen next. Panic and uncertainty clawed at me.
“Maeve?”
I couldn’t bring myself to let it go. I wanted to see my family so badly it blotted out everything else, but a tiny part of me remembered why we were here. What was at stake. I could imagine my parents’ disappointment if I failed to master my powers just because I wanted to see them one more time.
Tears pricked my eyes as I nodded.
The Devil didn’t ask what I meant. I felt him snip the connection with my memory. The image wavered for a moment and then dissolved.
“Why? Why is tonight different? I’ve been making progress.” I whirled on the Devil, my words sharp.
“Maeve.”
I squeezed my eyes shut at the pity I felt from him.