Chapter 42
Ilooked around in confusion. Everything looked the same, but something didn’t feel right. Instead of euphoria or relief, all I felt was uneasy.
“Maeve.” Fen ran towards me, leaving Daphne, Marcus and Bea at the tree line.
Our bond thrashed in my chest as I pushed to my feet and backed away from him. It wasn’t a conscious decision. My unease had turned into an anxious thrum that resonated through me.
He slowed to a stop, the relief on his face morphing to confusion. “Maeve?”
I held out a hand, telling him to stay back. My eyes darted around, looking for what I didn’t know. It made no sense. I’d won, I should be happy, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was deeply wrong.
“It’s okay. You did it. You won.” He took a tentative step towards me.
“Did I?” The last thing I remembered was sending a blast of power towards Death, but I hadn’t touched her.
I hadn’t shredded her, unless I wasn’t remembering something.
I shook my head, trying to make sense of what I was seeing.
The challenge only ended when one of us defeated the other.
So, if I hadn’t won, where was she? And why was Fen saying I had?
“Yes. You were magnificent.” He took another step towards me and panic built in my chest.
I rubbed at it, trying to relieve the pressure, and stepped back. “How?”
“What?” He paused, watching me warily.
“How did I win?” My heart beat in my throat.
“You don’t remember shredding her?” Concern flickered across his face. When I didn’t say anything, he took another step towards me.
The panic in my chest throbbed, and I realized it wasn’t mine. It was Fen’s. Which made no sense given that he was standing in front of me, love and concern on his face.
Unless it wasn’t him standing in front of me.
Unless this was an illusion; the challenge was still active, and he was actually still outside the dome, watching someone else approach me.
There was only one person it could be.
Before I could second-guess myself, I launched myself at him, running full tilt, knocking him to the ground. The illusion disintegrated. Reality came roaring back—gasps and a grunt assaulted my ears and Fen’s body melted away to reveal blinding white clothes and Death’s snarling face.
Straddling her, I rose to my knees and grabbed her throat with both hands. My light flared, ready to end things.
I didn’t expect Death to smile. Or the pain that tore through me. It felt like my heart was being ripped from my chest as Death grabbed the air between us, and squeezed.
The notes in my chest went dissonant as my bond with Fen pulled taut. I grabbed my chest and fell to the side, bracing myself on one hand.
Movement outside the dome caught my eye, and I looked up to see Fen do the same. His fear was so intense it threatened to smother me.
Death nudged me off of her and sat up. She held something in her hand that shimmered—our Death Chord, I realized with a jolt. “Finally.”
My eyes widened. Was this her plan all along, to get close enough to me to grab it, and use it against us? I didn’t even know that was possible. “You never wanted me to surrender, did you?”
“It would have been easier, but it wouldn’t have given me access to Fen’s power.” She shrugged, and my lips parted. “Don’t look so surprised. You’re smarter than that. Did you really think my offer of the judgment of Colt’s soul was serious?” She scoffed.
Daphne had said the same thing; she just hadn’t known what Death’s play was.
“You wanted me to challenge you. For this.” I shoved the words through gritted teeth. The feel of her hand on our Death Chord was wrong in a way that set every hair on my body standing on end.
Death stood and shoved me with one of her feet until I toppled onto my back. “You’ve seen a soul shredded, but have you ever seen one shatter?” She gave the Chord another squeeze, this one long and unrelenting.
The pain was all-consuming, blotting out everything else. Black spots dotted my vision as I heard Fen bellow. His pain radiated through our bond.
“You can’t kill him,” I gasped out. “The In Between needs him.”
“Who said anything about killing?” Death asked. “Shattering a soul doesn’t destroy it. He’ll be there physically. Mentally, not so much. Same as you.”
The idea of Fen as a shell of himself drove me to sit up, to stop her somehow, but she yanked on the Chord, and I collapsed back onto the ground with a cry.
“I’m the only one who knows what the In Between needs,” Death said with a grim smile. “I’m going to shatter you both. Then I’ll transform you into a salamander, put you in a vivarium to serve as the anchor, and everything will be fine.”
“All you had to do was go to the After.”
Death hissed. “I’m needed here.” Naked fear flitted across her face for a moment, and I suddenly saw her in an entirely different light.
Instead of an angry goddess, I saw a woman not that different than myself.
Breaking the bond with her Devil would have been agonizing.
To be willing to kill the person she loved to avoid the unknown of following him into the After…
Terrified isn’t a strong enough word for what she must have felt.
Had to still feel. For the first time, I felt sorry for her.
“Save your pity,” Death said, seeing my expression shift. Her hands glowed as she gripped the Chord and started to squeeze.
It felt like the very essence of me was being ripped apart, worse than when the bridge broke. This was the end, I was sure of it. There was no way out. How could I defend myself when I couldn’t function?
I felt Fen on the other end of our bond, our Death Chord, reaching for me. His agony was as great as mine.
Anger swept through me, turning the pain red hot.
Anger and fear. Fear that I’d never get to tell Fen I loved him again.
Fear for Titus, Marcus, Daphne and Bea. Fear for the realms and all the souls in them.
Even if Death’s maniacal plan worked and the realms didn’t implode, her continued reign would be a hopeless one.
There would be no mercy for souls, no grace.
And without Fen to help them, they would be stuck in eternal punishment instead of being given the chance to work through their shadows.
Even though I’d known this outcome was a possibility, it felt unfair.
Wrong. Balance was supposed to win out. I was supposed to take Death’s place so Fen and I could rule the In Between.
As a bonded pair, we should have been stronger than her, but it didn’t matter.
She had her knee on our throats. After everything we’d been through, to have it end this way felt like such a waste.
I was tired of being afraid. I’d held the possibility of becoming Death at arm’s length because part of me was convinced it could never happen.
Same with Fen. Even when I’d surrendered my body to him, fear had kept me from allowing our bond to encompass all of me.
As if by holding some part of me back I could save myself pain.
Keep myself safe. But it hadn’t worked. In the end, there was no way to escape it.
With nothing left to lose, I bowed my head and let my last barriers fall.
I let my desire for a future with Fen, the desire to be Death, and everything that meant, suffuse my entire being.
Fear snarled and scratched at me, trying to hold it all back, but I ignored it.
Deep down, I knew this was right. Even if this was the end it didn’t matter, I wanted to embrace this.
I wanted to let it all in, let Fen in at least once.
Reaching back to him across the bond, I surrendered completely, letting his soul wrap around mine.
The moment our souls touched, the pain faded.
Shadows surrounded us, sinking in. My soul gently unraveled, until shadows were the only thing holding me together.
I could feel the same thing happening to Fen.
Death, an ending, crept in. Soft and welcoming, so different from the pain that still held us in its grasp.
Time stretched, everything slowing until it stopped altogether.
Then life blossomed, a rebirth, bright and warm. It filled the cracks between us, solidifying our connection.
Light and dark melded.
Power surged. The well in my chest where I’d first felt it filled to overflowing. It wasn’t Fen’s, which tasted of his shadows. This was pure light, full of potential. The power of Death.
The three notes that hummed in my chest were joined by a fourth, the Chord now complete. I felt it, entwined with every fiber of my being.
A collective gasp sounded, and I opened my eyes to see the shimmering thing in Death’s hand had become solid. Bright, warm light twined with shadows stretched between Fen and me, our love emanating from it, filling the air.
Death hissed and dropped it as if she’d been burned. It hit the ground with an audible chime and light rippled out from the spot like a stone thrown into a lake.
Dry dirt turned to fertile soil, dark and crumbly.
The tree I’d summoned sprouted anew along with the rest of the grove, which filled with pomegranate trees heavy with ripe, red fruit.
The sparkling, swirling darkness above us turned to pale lavender filled with flecks of gold, silver, and black.
The castles appeared in the distance with a small structure between them, the three foundations like floating islands that disappeared into billowing shadows underneath.
Between them, bits of wood and glass and plaster flew through the void and coalesced into the shape of the bridge, which solidified with a ripple until the castles were connected once again.
I suddenly became aware of hundreds of faint energy signatures, like pinpricks of light in a sea of darkness.
The salamanders Death had created traveling through the fire network.
One of them was brighter than the others.
Sasha. Her consciousness brushed against mine, jolting at the familiar contact.
Confusion turned to joy as she realized what had happened.
Everyone in the castles must have felt it, the In Between finally coming into balance.
Her desire to be set free to the After was potent, suffusing her entire being.
It saddened me to lose her, but I understood her desire to choose her future after having it stolen from her for so long.
I sensed there wasn’t enough of her left for me to restore anyway.
The same was true for the others. In each of them was a dark hole where an irretrievable part of them had been carved away.
Setting them free was easy. The After waited just beyond my senses, separated from this realm by a veil.
All I needed to do was gather up what was left of them and gently usher them to the border.
It parted easily, admitting them with a gentle tug before closing once more.
My eyes filled with tears and my heart with gladness as I watched them go, finally at peace.
Power trickled into me with every soul that passed through the veil, the feeling like swallowing sunshine. It was different from what I’d felt through Fen’s memory, not as euphoric but still amazing. I could see how it would be easy to chase it.
A gasp, like a sob, brought me back to reality.
Death covered her mouth with one hand, tears streaming down her face.
Haloed in light, she held herself differently.
The weight of everything she’d done seemed to settle on her shoulders, and her eyes were bright as if a fog had lifted and she could see things clearly again.
“Oh Gods.” Her eyes met mine. “I’m so sorry.
I—” Her voice broke as she started to cry. “Victor. What did I do to you?”
I took a step towards her, but she flinched back.
“I was so afraid.” Her breath hitched, but she swallowed the sob trying to force its way out of her throat. “It’s not an excuse, but it’s true. This place was the only one where I’ve ever felt like I belonged. I needed it to need me.” The plea in her eyes made my heart ache.
If there was one thing I understood better than anything else, it was fear. “I know.”
She closed her eyes and made a visible effort to control herself. When she opened them again, her gaze was resigned. “Shred me and end this.”
“Is that what you want?” It was what I’d intended to do, but it no longer felt right.
“It’s what I deserve.”
“That’s not what I asked.”
Surprise lit her features.
“It’s not a trick question,” I said. “I promise. What do you want?”
Licking her lips, she looked at the ground. “I’d like to see Victor again. My Devil.” A single tear traced down her cheek.
“But you shredded him.”
“No. I broke our bond and drained him of power, but I couldn’t bear to destroy him utterly. I sent him to the After.” Her eyes flicked up to mine, as if she expected me to be angry.
All I felt was sorrow. Even if she’d preserved his soul, she’d still broken their bond. A sacrifice, I realized now. A century without him. “Then go. Join him. Be at peace.”
Disbelief was quickly replaced by gratitude. Then her eyes flicked to Talia on her knees, hands at her sides, tears streaming down her face on the other side of the dome. “She did what she thought was best, even if she was driven by hurt.” The plea in Death’s voice was tender.
“I know.” Having seen Talia through Fen’s eyes, I’d seen her pain.
Death reached out tentatively, touching my shoulder in thanks.
I covered her hand with mine, gathering her soul to me.
She faded away until nothing was left but a ball of light hovering in my palm.
The veil to the After parted easily, as if it had been waiting to welcome her for years.
As she floated through, the dome around me burst in a shower of sparks. The challenge was done.