A Beast Captured My Heart

1. Praise aka Beast

Chapter One

PRAISE AKA BEAST

“I ain’t in your way! You in your own fucking way.”

Sweat gathered on my top lip and forehead. A nigga wanted to ball up and cry but I wasn’t going out like no bitch.

“Can you just move P, so I can get all my shit! Stop being a cornball ass nigga and let me take my things!”

I looked at this woman with disgust. I never in a million years thought I was capable of feeling pain from a female.

Years of me doing what I pleased and having my cake, eating it too with the icing to go along.

I was in a tough-ass position. A small part of me wanted to plead with her, beg her with everything left in me to unbreak my fucking heart.

The tears I threatened not to fall had fallen and I quickly turned my back to her.

I would rather swallow glass before I gave her the satisfaction.

“P, I’m sorry, but I have to make something of myself.

I can’t just sit around and play housewife to you.

I’m thirty years old! I’ve lost three babies because of sitting in this same house waiting and stressing for you to come home, while you would have no worries laid the fuck up with the next bitch after the next bitch!

Then eventually that next bitch was able to give you what the fuck I couldn’t, Praise! A baby! I wanted kids with you!”

Her voice cracked and so did my heart, even more.

I was about to eat glass because I knew I was about to end up begging.

All of this was my fault but I expected her to ride for me.

Stay down until I got the whole hoe-phase out of me.

I loved Nia with all my heart or so I thought.

I just couldn’t keep my dick in my pants.

“If you were really in love with me Praise, I would truly be the only woman you needed. All the cheating and playing games with my heart would have never happened to begin with.”

This time I turned around to face her, I didn’t care if she had seen the tears.

“Nia if you really loved me, you wouldn’t leave me Ma.

Who else will I be able to trust the way I trust you?

You leaving to go be with a college nigga.

You think I’m gon’ let that happen? We been together since we were twenty, Ma!

That’s ten years. Why you just now deciding to leave?

Over a damn baby, we have gotten past worse shit than this! ”

I was in disbelief. I hid shit well from Nia but couldn’t hide this.

Laquanna was a straight hood rat. If I was raised to beat bitches, I would’ve beat Laquanna hoe ass to her grave.

She decided to throw our daughter the biggest birthday bash ever since she turned one year old.

I knew she only did it because she wanted the word to get back to my bitch.

Nia disappeared on me for three weeks. I was already having a street war so the shit made me sick to my stomach.

I looked everywhere for her. Couldn’t find her, she never went missing on me.

When she caught me cheating, she normally would lock herself in one of the guest rooms. This was different.

I knew I had lost her for good when I saw the look on her face when she popped up at my little shorty’s birthday party.

I made a fool of her for the last time. I just couldn’t let her leave me like this.

“I’m done for good Praise. I love you so much.

This shit is like torture. I put too much to the side for you.

School, and all my dreams. I’m tired of living life looking over my shoulder.

I sacrificed so much for you, yet you think I’m supposed to cause you’re rich?

Nah, I’m good! I can do way better. As a matter of fact, I will do better than this.

First I’m going to chase my dreams and become the woman I was supposed to become eight years ago. ”

This time her voice didn’t crack. She pushed her shoulders back, picked her chin up, and looked me dead in my eyes.

That right there told me she had her mind made up.

I was not a cornball ass nigga, I refused to take back everything I had purchased for her.

She deserved all that shit I bought her.

She held a nigga down when I was at my worst and for that, I'll forever be in debt to her. My mom always said to place myself in Nia's shoes. Would I have forgiven her if she did the same to me? I knew the answer and it was a hell fucking no. I would’ve killed Nia the first time she cheated. So I couldn’t even imagine her having a baby on a nigga.

I loved my daughter with my whole soul, but I offered her hoe ass momma so much dough to get rid of her just to spare my girl's feelings.

Having a baby by me was a gold mine to a bitch like Laquanna.

I offered her close to a hundred thousand and she turned her nose up at every single offer.

She knew that keeping a baby by me around would keep me in her life forever.

She also knew that I would upgrade her and my baby to a lifestyle she could never, on her best day, afford.

Watching Nia grab and snatch whatever she could, made my heart pound hard.

Fear overcame me as I thought hard and long about how I was going to have to live life without her.

I tried to picture it. I even tried to picture her with another man, and nothing but anger and hurt took over me.

“Nia baby please, just, please. A nigga is fucked up, ok! I love you so much, baby. You can’t leave me! You know I don’t beg but right now, as a man, I’m begging!”

I dropped to my knees. I couldn’t even believe it myself that I was on the carpet about to beg like a desperate woman.

I just didn’t want to lose my girl. Thugs cried but I never knew of a thug begging, especially one like myself.

I took life from people and watched them beg and I pulled the trigger with no remorse.

A huge part of me was ice cold. The only time I felt soft was when I was tending to my daughter or busting a nut.

Everything else was hard-core twenty-four seven.

I trained myself since a teen to never show emotions.

I didn’t express emotions or show them. Now here I was willing to change some shit around and make shit right for Nia.

I had known her since the third grade but didn’t make her mine until eighth grade.

She saw the changes in me, saw the downfalls and the come-ups and she remained the same through it all.

She remained my peace, and when I came home, she catered to me.

When my momma would ask why do I cheat, I couldn’t even give a solid answer.

I had none. Nia was perfect and I was selfish.

I didn’t want to see her hurt from my street life.

Never thought my personal shit would hurt her either.

She looked at me like she was thinking over what I was saying, then another look came over her again.

The same determined look to get the fuck away from me.

My shoulders dropped and my stomach started to hurt.

I prepared my ears to hear what my mind nor my heart wanted to receive.

“I’m sorry Praise. I’ve accepted so much that I didn’t want to from you.

The cheating, the lonely nights, I even accepted going weeks without your touch or sex because you were too busy or your dick was exhausted from fucking these hoes!

I’ve lived too many years in fear of my life each time you come home with bloody clothes or your security following me everywhere!

I did all of it because I swear to you, Praise Kentrell Brownston, I loved you and still love you with all of me, but a baby?

Nah, sweetie, I can’t accept a baby by another woman from you!

Especially when all the stress you caused me, made me lose all of my babies that I fucking wanted! ”

The tears streamed down her face at a rapid pace as she walked around me to stuff the rest of her items in the suitcase. I stood to my feet. I knew it was useless but I thought to give it another try with another approach.

“Nia baby, I offered Laquanna hell of dough to get rid of the baby and she didn’t! My daughter is here and I love my baby. You will love her too! We can try to get full custody of her! Whatever it takes baby!”

This time she chuckled and didn’t bother responding.

That probably made it worse, but as she zipped up her suitcase, memories of all the good love we made and all the fun times we had zipped through my mind.

I didn’t want to lose my Nia baby. It was so much going on in my life.

I was in the middle of a big street war so I stressed not only about Nia but my daughter as well.

I just moved Laquanna’s hoe ass out of state to be safe.

I was going to relocate Nia to Vegas as well.

I couldn’t be too far from Cali. I ran most of Cali and couldn’t afford to be too far.

I knew Nia would flip out once I told her she had to move for a couple of months until I got shit squashed with these niggas that came from down south trying to move in on territory that belonged to me.

I also knew that she would understand as well.

Now everything was fucked up. I was running out of time with Nia’s safety and couldn’t risk her life.

I texted her guards and told them to make sure they followed her wherever she went.

Nia belonged to me. I would give her space but leaving me was not an option.

She had two huge suitcases and she handled them with ease.

They rolled smoothly on each side of her as she walked out of our master suite.

She left her ring I bought her last year sitting there along with her jewelry box with thousands of dollars worth of shit I had bought for missing holidays and causing her heart to break.

None of that shit mattered to her. All she wanted was me and all of me. I just couldn’t give her that.

“I love you P. Take care.”

Deciding not to say shit, I followed her to the door.

I didn’t bother to walk her to her car or help her with her shit.

I slammed the door and watched her from my ceiling to floor windows.

Once she got the second suitcase in her trunk, she closed it and looked up at our house with sad eyes.

I wanted to run outside and beg one last time, however, my pride was already fucked over.

I stood still as I watched her get in the driver's seat. My heartbeat was off. She still kept her eyes on the house as she started her car. Something in the pit of my stomach clenched, an eerie feeling came over me. Nia didn’t even check her rear-view mirrors as she backed out the driveway.

We kept our eye contact. She mouthed the words I love you and before I could mouth them back, her Benz blew up into pieces and so did my heart.

The windows in my house shattered hitting me in my face and chest. I went deaf for a couple of seconds as I dropped down to my knees.

“NIAAAAAAAAA,” was all I could scream out.

That’s the day I turned into Beast. I vowed to never give my heart to another female.

They didn’t deserve me and nor did I deserve real love after the way I treated my first love.

I never got the chance to make shit right and that alone ate me up.

My biggest regret was not being able to go to her funeral because her parents blamed me like I blamed myself.

When I tried to show up to her funeral, the police were taking me in for questioning.

I knew that shit would haunt me like I would haunt the motherfuckers that did this to my baby.