9. Guilt
Guilt
Liam
Cerise’s eyes were wide with panic. “Oh gods.”
Our first day venturing into the field and someone was already injured. I squeezed her hand. “You’re going to be all right.” Turning my head, I shouted over my shoulder for the rest of our group.
Ivan sprinted toward us through the trees, the rest following. “What happened?”
“The lovely spider you were warning us about last night…she was bitten.”
Ivan cursed. “Let’s get back.”
Cerise’s hand started to tremble. “How long before I start feeling symptoms?”
“Maybe twenty minutes,” Ivan answered gruffly.
“Camp is farther away than that!” Cerise shrieked.
“Don’t worry, sunshine,” I tried to calm her.
Emberly pushed through the others, stepping in front of me to comfort her friend. And for some reason, that irritated me. Why did I want to be the one to comfort Cerise?
“It’s going to be all right, CeCe. We’ll fix it, okay?” Emberly soothed.
Ivan knelt, rummaged around in his bag, then pulled out a vial. “Drink this. It will slow the progression until we can administer the antivenin.”
Cerise snatched it from his hand, popped the top, and swallowed.
“Why can’t you administer it right here?” I asked.
“It’s inserted intravenously. I need a more controlled environment so we don’t introduce infection.” He stood. “Let’s go.”
“Come on, back over the log,” I urged Cerise.
We clamored over and took off through the jungle, following Ivan, the rest of the group behind us.
“Are you okay, Doctor Thornheart?” Sylvie called.
“Yes, Sylvie. Thank you for checking on me. I’ll be fine,” she answered, trying not to scare the students, but I detected the slight quiver in her voice.
“We’re almost there,” I said.
She didn’t respond, keeping her eyes forward as she marched after Ivan, determination on her face. Emberly stayed by her side, providing encouragement and reassurance.
But after a few minutes, she slowed, then stumbled. I lurched forward and caught her arm, turning her to face me. Her eyes were glazed, her skin pale and clammy.
“I don’t feel so well,” she whispered as she swayed, then turned away and vomited into the brush.
“It’s okay,” Emberly whispered, rubbing a hand on Cerise’s back in soothing circles as she expelled everything in her stomach. I didn’t speak as I stood on her other side and held her braid away from her face.
After she was done, she wiped her mouth with the back of her arm and turned back to the path, trying to walk. But she wobbled again.
“CeCe!” Emberly cried as Cerise almost fell over.
I bent and scooped her up in my arms before she hit the ground. “I’ve got her,” I said to Emberly.
Cerise moaned, her trembling arms curled against her chest. “My whole body hurts.”
“We’re almost there,” Emberly said, giving me a worried look.
I tried to swallow the guilt. Cerise had been trying to prevent me from getting bitten and now she was hurt. As much as this woman irritated me, I wouldn’t wish her pain or discomfort. And seeing the tenacious Cerise Thornheart so helpless made my gut twist.
I pushed myself into a jog, Cerise growing heavy in my arms. I glanced at her and my chest squeezed.
“Ivan! She’s unconscious. Are we almost back?”
“Oh gods,” Emberly gasped.
The burly guide turned to me. “Almost. Give her to me, I’m faster.”
I handed Cerise off and Ivan disappeared into the jungle. Pausing, I leaned against a tree to catch my breath before hurrying after him.
It wasn’t long before I burst through the trees into our camp. Ivan had laid Cerise on a mat and was preparing an infusion solution in a glass bottle. “Get me water and a rag,” he ordered.
Emberly threw her bag on the ground and pulled out her canteen. I retrieved a rag from the dining area and rushed over, handing it to her.
“Get the rag wet and place it on her forehead,” Ivan said as he rolled up Cerise’s sleeve and inserted the needle at the end of the tubing in her arm.
Emberly knelt beside Cerise and dabbed her forehead.
“What can I do to help?” I asked Ivan.
“Keep the students calm,” he said as Rosenshield joined, watching over Cerise with a pinched brow.
I turned to find Sylvie in tears and Aaric pacing, worried about the fate of his professor. I hadn’t even accounted for how traumatic this might be for them. “Come on, you two. Let’s sit over here and let Ivan work.”
Gesturing for them to follow me, I walked up the steps to the dining area.
“Sylvie, heat up the portable stove. Aaric, get a kettle and some tea leaves.”
Hopefully, giving them a task would calm their nerves. The tea wouldn’t hurt, either. Minutes later, they had a pot brewing. Sylvie retrieved the teacups while Aaric plopped down across from me on the dining bench.
“Is Doctor Thornheart going to die?” His voice came out in a rough whisper.
“No,” I said. “We got her back in time. She’ll be all right.”
He put his head in his hands.
I glanced at Ivan, Emberly, Rosenshield and Cerise. Cerise was still unconscious but her breathing had evened out and she wasn’t trembling any longer. Emberly held her hand, rubbing the top of it as she whispered to her friend.
Aaric was still tense, his chest heaving.
“Hey, Aaric,” I said, trying to distract him. He regarded me with watery eyes. “Why don’t you tell me about your favorite class at school? Perhaps we’ll be able to apply what you’ve been learning while we’re here.”
He sniffled. “Yeah. Okay. My favorite class is actually Research Methods. Doctor Thornheart teaches it.”
Sylvie set clay mugs in front of us and took a seat beside Aaric, pouring the three of us a cup. I lifted mine and took a sip. “Thank you Sylvie.” Turning back to Aaric, I said, “Go on. Why is it your favorite?”
“Honestly, it’s because of her. I’d always hated my research classes in undergrad.
They were confusing and I struggled to understand the differences between quantitative and qualitative analysis.
But the way Doctor Thornheart teaches just clicks for me.
And she’s always willing to answer my questions or explain things differently.
I never feel shamed for not understanding.
I can’t say the same for all the professors.
Plus, we have this amazing window where we can observe wildlife and practice right there in her classroom. ”
“She sounds like a fantastic teacher,” I said.
I wasn’t surprised. Cerise was intelligent and knew what she was doing.
What did surprise me, though, was how much her students seemed to like her.
I thought she would be harsh and have unrealistic expectations.
Ashamedly, I had expected she would be like her mother.
But though it had only been a few days since we met, I was already learning that wasn’t entirely accurate.
“Everyone who’s never taken her classes thinks she’s cold,” Aaric went on. “But she’s actually not. She just comes across that way sometimes because she’s so dedicated to her work. She’s kind and wants us to succeed.”
“I can see that.”
A gasp came from Cerise, then a moan. She was awake. I whipped my head in her direction just as Emberly leaned down to hug her with tears in her eyes.
I shoved down the sudden urge to rush over and comfort her. I didn’t know her and she didn’t seem to care for me. The last thing she probably wanted was the flirty professor hovering above her.