21. Constantine
CHAPTER 21
Constantine
M addening. Infuriating. Sufferable.
Ten nights and ten days of avoiding her has driven me to insanity.
Her scent, the sweet and pleasing scent of cherries I have only been gifted the barest hints of.
I’ve truly gone mad.
Crazed.
Obsessed.
I find myself lurking in corners of our home, yes, ours, despite her abhorrent thoughts, to catch a glimpse of her.
And when I do I feel the rush of endorphins and desire that only she can give me. I savor it, like a seasoned addict, and when she leaves, just like the addict who can’t help themself, I crave the next sight of her.
Yet craving the sight of her isn’t even the worst part. Out of my addictions there’s one that truly stands to test them all.
My problem is now I’ve tasted her.
I know what those seductive and stubborn lips taste like. How pliable and unyielding they became. For a sinner, those lips felt like atonement. And the taste, her taste had me wanting to go down on my knees and worship her like my very own altar.
One taste, one taste and that’s all it took for Carina to become my religion.
I’m her one man cult.
“You know,” Pietro drawls with amusement, “if you hit him any more we won’t be able to question him.”
I flex my hand, my busted and blood soaked knuckles sore from the action.
I take a glance at the man before me. Shackled by a meat hook that has already done permanent damage to his spine and yet his eyes hold onto hope to be released to live a life of paralysis.
Now those shit stained eyes are swollen to the point of closure. Hues of black and blue covering his face like an abstract painting. Curly blonde hair matted with blood. A jaw that is surely dislocated.
Even if he wanted to talk he wouldn’t be able to.
I flex my hand again, this time out of frustration.
I’ve always been a man of control. Compartmentalizing my emotions from work and doing what’s necessary. I’ve always been this way. My father made sure of it.
And yet with Carina I am a man without control.
It shouldn’t come to a surprise to anyone, least of all myself.
I’ve never been in control when it comes to Carina Fiore. Not since the moment I laid eyes on her.
She bewitched me. Consumed my thoughts. Ensnared my heart.
Carina Fiore has a hold on me that all my enemies wish they could have.
And I say this as a man not ashamed, she’s the only person on this Earth who can break me.
Power.
Carina has the ultimate power over me and I don’t think she can even grasp it.
Frustrated at our situation I strike another punch at the thug before me, except this time I unknowingly deliver the final blow.
His head hangs at an unnatural angle as blood spills from his orifices.
And I wait for the regret to come. As I do with every man I wait for the emotion that would make me an honorable man.
It never comes.
It never will.
“Perhaps if I purchase an Ouija Board we can talk to him from the dead,” Pietro quips and it falls on deaf ears. He glances between Rico and I and shakes his head in mock disappointment. “Tough crowd,” he mutters before leaving us with his phone to his ear sputtering orders to the cleaning crew.
I know my men well. Some would say I know them like the back of my hand. And I know the inevitable conversation Rico is about to begin.
I wait for it as I wipe the remaining blood from my knuckles on my ruined white dress shirt. I countdown the seconds as I wipe the sweat that has collected on my forehead with the back of my arm.
Just as I release a breath, a mere moment of relief from my tormented thoughts Rico says, “You’re not in control, Constantine.”
I respond dryly with a wry smile on my lips, “I’m well aware.”
His eyes assess me as they always do. Deciphering hidden codes and diving deep for the answer. Except this answer will be lost on him. Thanks to his condition he’ll never be able to understand it.
“How are we going to explain a dead man who belonged to The Fiore Famiglia?”
The thug, Warren DeSantis, was caught red handed trying to sabotage our trade business at the port.
And with feelings hurt from Luca I don’t put it past him to retaliate with unnecessary violence. If I wouldn’t give him control of the ports then he wouldn’t allow me to have control of them either.
Although the man didn’t confess, I’ll give the fucker that much credit, Gino confirmed him as one of Don Fiore’s soldiers with a photo sent to his burner.
This act of betrayal is enough to declare war.
But I can’t act without blowing Gino’s cover. And I still need him on the inside until Carina finally accepts the woman she is.
Only then can we put The Fiore Famiglia to rest.
“That’s what I pay you for, Rico. You have the strategic mind. Figure it out.” My tone is dismissive.
Unnatural to him he tilts his head to the side. “I wouldn’t have to if you kept your emotions in check.”
Most of the time I can tolerate Rico’s apathy. I even have come to find it amusing more than anything. And in this business I value it, more than anything.
Right now I’m running off of a short fuse. My blood thirst hasn’t been quenched. Not by a long shot. If anything, I feel as if I could kill a thousand more men and I still won’t be satisfied.
All because I long for the woman I love to admit her feelings for me in return.
Who would’ve known the Devil to be such a helpless hopeless romantic?
“Perhaps Constantine, you may have to accept that the woman you love has allowed her mind to win the fight rather than her heart.”
I scoff at him. “Do you even believe a word you just said?”
“You know I don’t.” He blinks. He regards the unrecognizable face of the man at my hands. His vacant eyes meet mine once again. “I never will. But I do understand the complexities of human beings. And Carina is a complex woman.”
I turn towards him, anger seeping in every pore. “You think I don’t know that?” My lips twist with fury and frustration. “You think that I don’t know the moral warfare she has thrust upon herself?” I advance towards him and he doesn’t budge an inch. I’m eye to eye with him. Emotions rolling off of me in a tangible wave. “I know everything about her as if her very soul is my own.”
“You’ve accepted her soul, Constantine. You’ve accepted her dead heart. You’ve accepted her before the darkness had a chance to claim her. You will always accept her. And for you it took hardly little time because you knew who you were from the second you were born. But Carina has not. She’s never found herself. She’s tied to two worlds and doesn’t know which one she belongs in.”
Logically I know he’s right. Logically I, myself, know this to be true. But my heart, that damned vessel that only beats for her begs for it not to be.
I take a step away from him, all the pent up frustration leaving my body. And as I look at him, feeling the weight of my muscles finally tire I confide in him with a vulnerability I never have before. “My world belongs to her.”
And there are times, like now, where I’ve ripped my heart for him to see, cracked the surface to show vulnerability, where I am thankful for his apathy.
Any comforting words would sound hollow.
I have come to conquer many wars but I may have to accept my deepest fear with Carina being my greatest defeat.
“You should go,” Rico advises me. “The cleaning crew will be here in less than fifteen minutes and I’d prefer them not to see you at the scene of the crime.”
“You think they’ll be horrified after everything they’ve seen?”
“I think they’ll grow suspicious of your unhinged behavior.”
“Then let them.”
Rico stares at me blankly. This is the one time where I wish I could read his expression. To know what’s going on in that logical mind of his.
He regards the body again. Studying each wound like a forensic scientist. No emotions flicker across his face nor in his eyes. His body language remains as statuesque as ever. “You’re a Don. And a Don doesn’t lose control. Least of all to men who belong to the Fiore’s.”
And I read between the lines.
If Luca was to somehow know that I have done this he would have something over me. He wouldn’t stop until he found the reason for my unhinged behavior and use it against me.
But my cards have never been close to the chest when it comes to Carina.
I've threatened him and countless others who raise their tongue against her.
But as long as Carina is against me, which is the result of my unhinged behavior, my enemies will use that to their advantage. Especially Luca. He’ll try to convince her to finish the job he and his papa have never succeeded in doing.
And I don’t want to believe it to be true but with Carina’s emotions in a wry she just might finish it.
The most bittersweet part? I wouldn’t even mind death if it was brought by her hands.
As if the man can read my thoughts Rico’s eyes bore into mine with a sharpened edge. “Go home, Constantine.”