36. Carina
CHAPTER 36
Carina
A s a young girl I had never dreamed of a wedding. The white dress. The chapel. The groom.
Mamma’s fear of papa, no, Savio, had subconsciously rooted in me an abhorrence to the idea of tying myself to another.
How many nights had I witnessed her crying in her hands before she saw me coming around the corner? Throwing on a smile that didn’t quite fit but wore one nonetheless to be brave for her daughter.
How many times had I seen her confide in Father Frank for her only to have hope that lasted until Savio belittled her once again?
And she would escape. Inside her mind she would escape. Those hauntingly distant stares were the only time she had found the life she had wanted. A husband who adored her. Sons who had loved her. And a daughter she could love without fear.
Marriage was something I had never wanted. And when I underwent my rebirth, marriage was seen as a prison. A life sentence. One cage being traded for another.
But as I stare at the collection of wedding dresses before me I can’t help the thrill that tingles up and down my spine. The buzz of anticipation thrums in my veins.
Marriage to Constantine Donati isn’t a life sentence; it’s freedom.
Arms encase me from behind, pulling me flush to a broad chest. I rest my hands atop of his forearms. He holds me tenderly, and I melt against him as I close my eyes and inhale the scent that is uniquely his. It should be criminal how even his scent is seductive. But everything about the devil is, isn’t it? Irresistible temptation. I never stood a chance at resisting.
“You shouldn’t be here.”
“In our bedroom?” He asks bemused. “And here I thought this is where you preferred me the most.” His lips move against the shell of my ear. An involuntary shiver races down my spine. I can feel his smirk at the reaction. “Particularly the bed but you were also quite enthusiastic in the shower. Even more so against the wall.”
Heat pools and stirs my blood. He truly has created a sex fiend. There’s no satisfying the hunger I have for him. I find with each passing day I crave him more.
“You’re being naughty,” I warn him but my tone is nothing but a tease.
He nips my earlobe before placing a gentle kiss. The mixture of pain and pleasure has my knees becoming weak. “Ah, amore mia , allow me to show you how naughty I am with my tongue.”
I feel my panties dampen as I recall just how well mastered he is with his tongue.
Before I fall so pathetically and easily at his whim I detach myself. He makes a sound of protest as I release myself from his hold. I then turn and hold my hand in the air for him to make no move forward. And he pouts.
Constantine Donati, the most feared Don in the underworld pouts.
“I will not be distracted. Our wedding is in two days and I have yet to pick a dress. And who is to say if any of these dresses will fit.”
“Carina, do you think so little of me?” He feigns being wounded and I raise a brow. “Each dress has already been tailored to your measurements.”
“How is that possible?”
He smirks devilishly. “I took the liberties of measuring you while you were asleep.”
I should be shocked. At the least I should feel violated. But I don’t. This is who Constantine is. A man who isn’t politically correct. One who sees the boundary lines and stares it in the eyes as he crosses them.
It has the opposite effect. The invasion of privacy while I’m asleep calls to the darkness inside me. And he knows it. Senses it.
“Does it turn you on?” He presses closer and I allow him. “Does it make you wet how I could fuck you while you’re asleep?” He gains another inch and my pussy pulses with need. “Are you wet now thinking about it?” He closes the distance and I’m lost to his seduction.
The pad of his finger traces the outline of my negligee. The softest touch and yet it awakens every molecule of my being with a violent scream.
He admires how my skin flushes as he sensually moves the pad of his finger across the line of fabric at my breasts. “I could even make it to where you wouldn’t even know until you woke the next morning with a mess of my come decorating your thighs and your cunt aching from taking my cock.”
My breath hitches as pleasure sluices through my veins. His smile is wolfish as the pad of his finger continues its trail down the middle of my negligee and stops at the end. He lifts the negligee to reveal the evidence of my arousal. His eyes flare at the sight.
“Such a depraved woman you are, Carina.”
I reply breathlessly, “I must be to want you so desperately.”
“You most certainly are the most depraved creature on this planet to want me. But I’ll let you in on a little secret, mia leonessa , I am just as depraved for you as you are for me.” He lifts the material of my negligee to expose my arousal. Then without preamble he cups my pussy with his thumb pressing down on my clit.
My hand comes to find purchase on his shirt before I fist the material in my hand. The fabric strains over his chest as the buttons beg to be ruined.
“Constantine.”
He smiles against my mouth. A moan of pure appreciation and bliss rumbling from his chest. “My name on your lips will forever be my undoing.”
Those butterflies I once loathed returned to my stomach. Fluttering wildly. “Your obsession is showing, mi cuore.” I palm his face and he nuzzles into my hand. The prickles of his trimmed beard have me wanting to feel them between my thighs.
Pressing an opened mouth kiss to my palm he responds, “And so is your desire.”
With his arm he hooks me in by the waist and presses me against him. I can feel his erection straining against his slacks. “I need to pick out a dress,” I say in an attempt to rein in the lustrous beast. But the protest is weak to my own ears.
“Then pick one out.”
I raise a brow. “With you here?” He nods his head while his hand palms my ass. He squeezes the meaty flesh in his hand before digging his fingers in. I hiss through the sweet pain. “Don’t you believe in the wise tale that seeing the bride in her wedding dress before the wedding is bad luck?”
“Well, I’ve already claimed your virginity before we wed, might as well continue committing sacrilegious acts. I am known as the devil, am I not?”
I roll my eyes at his antics and yet a smile plays on my lips. “You are truly incorrigible.”
He chuckles, a light and airy sound. “And yet you still fell madly in love with me.”
Placing my hand over his heart my eyes shine brightly as I say reverently, “Loving you was never a choice, Constantine. It was inevitable.”
His eyes alight with a softness only I will ever bear witness to. Tenderly, he places his hand over my own. “The sole purpose I was born for was to be yours.”
My heart gallops as warmth encompasses me. “Not to be heir?”
He gives a small shake of his head, his eyes never leaving mine. Taking my hand he brings it to his lips and reverently brushes his lips across my knuckles. “Only ever yours.”
His love creates a light within me, one I was so desperately searching for when I had thought I was nothing but darkness.
Tears brim at my eyes. As one manages to make its escape he captures it with his thumb. He brings the pad of his thumb to his mouth and tastes my tears before licking the stain on my cheek.
“These are the only tears I will accept, amore mia . Tears of happiness,” he licks the left side of my cheek as a few more make their descent. “Tears of pleasure,” he licks the right side of my face. “And tears from you gagging around my cock.” This lick is more sensual as it swipes along the bottom of my lip.
“Now,” he begins in a sultry tone that has my blood burning for him, “pick out a dress so I can see which one I will be ruining on our wedding night.” Before I can offer a reply he spins me by my hips and places me before the dresses.
In truth I’m not quite sure I can even pick one. Not when my focus belongs to him. And I’m starting to believe finding the right one doesn’t matter. Any of these dresses will do. The only thing that matters is the man behind me saying I do.
I allow myself to glance over the dresses once more. My fingers brush along the material of each one. The lace, chiffon and silk pass over my fingers. All stunning gowns. All beautifully different. And yet I come to a pause on the gown at the very end. The one that doesn’t quite fit in with the rest.
It’s exquisite. Absolutely breathtaking.
Perfection.
“I had hoped this one in particular would catch your eye.”
I stare misty eyed at the off the shoulder mermaid style gown with a classic silhouette. How the black bodice blends in softly with the white skirt of the dress. The black embroidered lace is placed delicately and precisely where the black and white satin meet. Creating an overlay to dispel the harshness of two colliding colors. The train of the dress mirrors the bodice. With black lace embroidery creeping up the dress. The movement of the black embroidery is almost sinister. And yet how the darkness envelops the dress, how it gathers around the white, makes it incredibly beautiful.
It’s poetic.
My eyes remain on the dress, my wedding dress, in complete awe as I respond, “It has done more than catch my eye. It has captured my heart.”
He spins me by the hips once more and pinches my chin between his fingers. “The most beautiful woman deserves the most beautiful dress.” His lips meet mine in a soft kiss. One to melt my own heart and leave me like putty in his hands.
As our lips part I feel his linger. I run the pad of my thumb over my lip, memorizing the feel of him. For it is never too soon to feel his lips on mine once more.
His eyes darken at the action and I see how ravenous they are.
We truly are wild animals for one another.
Not being able to resist me he places his hands on my hips and pulls me flush against him. “For ten years I have been waiting to marry you and in just three days you’ll be mine.”
“I’m already yours, Constantine.”
“I need you bound to me in every way humanly possible. I need the world to know you’re mine in every sense of the word.”
I frame his face tenderly in my hands. The follicles of hair from his trim beard prickle my palms. “You have me. I’m yours.” Forcing his head downwards I rise on the ball of my feet to meet him the rest of the way to kiss him softly.
As our lips part he gazes at me with a somber expression. And I immediately can’t stand it. I raise a cool brow and it prompts him to ask, “Have you decided if your papa is to attend?”
I avert my eyes but he has none of it. He pinches my chin and forces me to look in his eyes. As much as I want to hide the turmoil of emotions I simply can’t. It’s times like this where I wish I was still unfeeling. Because this agony mixed with betrayal and heartbreak I could certainly do without.
It should feel foreign in my mind to associate the man who tended to our family as my papa, but it doesn’t.
Giuseppe has always been tender towards me. Affectionate. Soft. Comforting. All things a daughter would find in a father.
In my mind he’s my papa, but in my heart, the frayed strings and aching vessel he’s still a traitor.
And I don’t know how long it will be until I comprehend that Giuseppe was only a victim. Just like me.
Emotions. They’re such a finicky thing that complicates everything.
For once I find myself envious of Rico.
My voice comes out wounded. “He betrayed me.”
Constantine agrees easily. “Si, he did. And yet he also cares for you, amore mia.”
My brows pitch together as I ask him dubiously, “Are you defending him?”
“I’m giving you truths, Carina. And while they may not be what you want to hear I believe they need to be heard nonetheless.”
The resistance of the fight leaves my body in a single breath. “I need time to forgive him,” I say softly.
“And time you will have. But he is not your enemy.”
“I know,” I respond sadly. “I know.”
Releasing my chin he tucks my head against him and places a chaste kiss on the top of my head. I find comfort in his arms knowing whatever my decision is he’ll accept it.
“There is a possibility, albeit small, of what we have planned to happen at the wedding could go horribly wrong.”
Savio and Luca had planned all along for our wedding to be a red one. Now, Constantine has the element of surprise when firing the gun first. We have Tao on our side but even I fear all the men on our side will not be enough.
They don’t know how greedy and starving Savio and Luca are for power. They’re consumed by it. They’re so desperate for the throne they would chew their own arms off. Entering gun fire will be nothing to them if they know they can take down the man who holds everything.
“They are not to be underestimated.”
He hums in agreement. “As much as I am confident in my men, I am not ignorant to entertain the possibility of failure. The very second it turns awry I want you to run to Rico and not look back.”
I stiffen in his hold. Suddenly the planes of his chest feel like granite beneath me. I pull away from him, as much as he allows me to, and stare up at him incredulously .
“You’re absolutely mad to think I will leave you behind.”
His eyes hold mine fiercely. And in the depths of them I see the vulnerability of a man who is afraid.
“And if you were to die from a bullet what would there be left of me?” His voice cracks and so does my heart. He swallows thickly. Those whisky eyes all but plead for me to listen to his reasons. “You own me, amore mia. Every single part of me. And if something were to happen to you there is nothing for me to fight for. I’d only want to join you because I never want to be parted from you.”
I can feel the tears pool in my eyes. Balancing on the rims and with one blink ready to fall. “And who am I without you? I’m nothing-“
His fingers bite into the flesh of my arms. So much so that I can feel the ache in the marrow of my bone. “You are everything. You will lead this Famiglia. You will remain a Queen. Feared. Respected. Adored by mindless strangers and inspiring to those who walk in the dark shadows of our lives. You will be a symbol to every girl who was denied leadership because of archaic beliefs and misogynistic practices. You don’t need me, Carina-“
“But I do need you!” The words fly out of my mouth with an urgency. “I need you by my side. I need your hand in mine. I need those lips upon my skin. And I need those eyes to gaze so lovingly in mine. I need the air you breathe. And I need you, Constantine. The man who awoke me. Who brought me back to life. I don’t want to perish in the dark abyss. This darkness I accept because I trusted your hand to guide me. You can’t be taken away from me. I’ll always need you.”
With a soft swipe of his thumb he brushes away the river of tears. Framing my face tenderly, eyes softly staring down at me he says, “You’re far more important than me, Carina. Far more valuable. And as much as you need me I need you more. Which means at whatever cost, however the price, you will come out of this alive. I will never ask of anything from you but this.”
“You’re condemning me to a life of Hell without you in it.”
“No, amore mia, I’m condemning those responsible a life of Hell. And you’ll make Satan himself fear the ruthlessness of your hand at leadership.”
“I’ll have them pleading for death before I’m done with them.”
Pride and adoration lights his eyes. He hums approvingly. “Ah, there’s my woman I love.” Cupping my jaw he kisses me. Plundering his tongue inside my mouth with slow and even strokes that’s reminiscent to sex. I succumb to his art of seduction. By the time he’s done kissing me all the tension in my body has vanished. If anything I’m pliable, his for the taking.
Swiftly, he swoops me in his arms, carrying me bridal style to the unfinished bed of rumpled sheets and lingering scandalous rendezvous.
As he lays me down he worships my body for hours to come and doesn’t stop until the sun kisses the sky.