42. Equal Parts Darkness and Light
42
EQUAL PARTS DARKNESS AND LIGHT
SAYAH
T he flight here was long and dreary between the two brothers, who hated each other but showed astounding and conciliatory love for one another in a few fateful seconds. They had been companionable while driving to the airport and finding last-minute tickets to Washington.
I slept as much as I could but would wake easily with turbulence.
I’m utterly exhausted, like I’m twisting up in a convalescence.
Arriving in Seattle around two in the afternoon, when my aunts see me and my two trailing companions, the look on their faces is a little bit of shock and whole lot of careful distance.
There’s not much talk of anything important on the drive to their house in Anacortes.
The city of Anacortes is a beautiful, insular community in the upper northwest corner of Washington state.
The house they live in is an impressive five-story house located on the side of a mountain that overlooks the oil refinery. In the distance, majestic Mount Baker stands domineering and ominous, a volcano in slumber but threatening all the same.
They live here with my cousin Francine, her husband George, and their three children. Hilda and Maggie have their own apartment in the basement, separate from the big house.
My cousin’s husband owns a local hotel, so luckily for us, the two of them are gone all day. I don’t have enough energy to make small talk and feign niceties right now, so I’m thankful for the respite. My cousin and I have never been close. She’s been a revolving door my entire life, tolerating me when I go out to visit and downright viscousness and hatred when I’m away. I was hopeful my mother’s death would help close that door for me once and for all, but alas, here we are.
Upon arriving at their house, the aunts invite us all in—which is weird considering they’re with us and they literally stopped at the front door and said ‘Bash and Dom, won’t you please come in—and then we head down to their apartment, where they pull us into a back room off the main floor, a room they use for storage.
Atop the cardboard boxes are the remnants of what I know to be a summoning spell, and my heart leaps at seeing my mother again, even if it is in the spiritual realm.
Black and white candles sit beside a mirror, salt, a picture of Mama and Janet, and sage. The room still smells of it.
Piles of what look like my grandmother’s grimoires are lying haphazardly in one corner, and one is open on that same makeshift table.
The room is dark save for a small lamp in the corner covered with a red cloth, lending the space a formidable ambiance.
“So,” Bash’s cynical voice slices through the preamble, “what kind of witchy voodoo are we gonna do here?”
Hilda’s gaze at him could have cut him. “We’re doing a blood knot séance.”
Even the words of it chill me.
“Oh,” Bash adds, sauntering around the room, peeking in boxes.
Maggie slaps his hand away. “Sit,” she commands him.
I know Bash won’t hurt them, but still, to have a murderous vampire in such close quarters sits on the edge of me with unease.
Bash gets as close to her as he can, but Maggie’s not swayed by his gaze. I wonder what the whole story is about Maggie’s brush with a vampire and who that vampire was.
They’re from around the same area, maybe it was one of the Sangravelli Vampires.
Entertaining the idea in my mind, Bash sits on one of the boxes in the corner.
Dom sits down beside me.
Hilda takes a knife and carves an intricate knot in her hand, wincing.
“Maggie,” she beckons.
Maggie approaches her and takes the knife as Hilda lights the candles.
“Sayah,” Maggie says when her knot is carved.
I hold out my hand and let Maggie carve the knot into it, watching as it fades as soon as she marks it.
“Well, isn’t that interesting?” Maggie breathes.
“You’re going to have to will it to stay open, Sayah. Long enough to make contact.”
“What happens when it heals?” I ask.
“The contact with your mom will be lost.”
Already, my heart breaks at the thought of losing my mom again. I take the knife and cut once more, willing it to stay open as long as possible.
With the knot formed, the three of us join hands in amalgamation.
Hilda starts scrying, chanting in a language I don’t know. I close my eyes, picturing my mom.
Everything goes black, and the room disappears. I’m the only one there. Holding my hand before me, I’m glowing in the dark, shimmering gold. Blindly, I search through the darkness, hoping Mama will show herself at some point.
“Mom?” I call, my voice echoing, shattering the silence.
Two bright lights emerge from the darkness. One golden and one red. Amidst the swirling mist that seeps into the space I’m in, Mama stands before me on a plinth, an angel of bright white wings and a gown that’s a pure sweep of elegant iridescent clouds. Her long blonde hair is wildly curly the way she always wore it, a diadem of pearls over her forehead, and her face is young again, her bright green eyes seeing me for the first time in what feels like ages.
The other one’s red mist of wavy tendrils hangs loosely around her face, and wears crimson dress that’s tight at the hip and gathered in folds beyond the waist. Her soft features are young again as well; my aunt Janet, her wavy red hair catching fiery blazes in whatever light source there is in this room. Her red wings rest gently on her back, and her soft blue eyes give peace and enduring love despite the fiery red colors.
“Mom? Aunt Janet?”
“Sayah,” Mama speaks, her voice precisely how I remembered. “Oh, my sweet, sweet punkin pie. How I miss you so.”
“Mommy,” I say, knowing she’s tangible and run up to her, collapsing in her arms.
Even the smell of her is as I remember. A mixture of summertime linen, rain, and wonderful earthy smells.
“I miss you so much,” I sob, and the tears that fall from my eyes are heavy. I pull the tears away with my hand and see they’re sinewy—thick, golden. “What’s happening to me, Mama?”
“Shh, darling. Don’t cry.” Mama pulls my head up and holds my chin in her soft hands. “Everything is as it should be. You don’t know that now, but you will.” She looks at me levelly, the scintillating glimmer in her eyes surreal.
“Please tell me what all this means, Mama.”
“Long ago, there began a time of darkness,” my mother says, like the wind on a waterfall. “Where evil seeped into this world and made it into the hearts of men. They punished witches for being what they were, lovers of nature and all things pure. Because the witches were so good, the evil that came from heartless men killing them became the root of all evil.
“One of the greatest witches, Artemis, created a curse to undo that evil and created the first vampires to weed out the wicked. At first, it was as it should be, but then the lines blurred a bit, and demons got mixed up with the vampires .
“To restore the balance, the Witches of Artemis’ coven made the different species, all put here to take out a portion of Earth’s evil humans but also to be the other’s undoing, to keep the balance. Vampires, sirens, witches, and formweavers. Vampires were meant to take out men and women with evil hearts, sirens were to lure crude sailors to their deaths, formweavers were to prey on vampires gone rogue, and witches protected them all. In turn, one was the undoing of the other to make sure they would not overrun the world, keeping the balance of good and evil. Formweavers are meant to undo vampires, vampires to undo witches, witches to undo sirens, and sirens the formweavers.
“The lines blurred further with having the crossbreeds of these beings, therefore taking away the ability to be the undoing of one, which was keeping the balance. Sort of like population control. Thus began the Gemini Covenant, the power of two beings, one being the darkness and one being the light, instead of one species being the downfall of the other—except the warlocks and the grimspawns.
“Artemis consulted an angel and a demon to create the incontrovertible Phoenix Blessing, setting forth the savior or the destruction of them all. A being that was equal parts good and evil to restore the balance, part angel and part demon.
“Our family line has been the line of the phoenixes, the bloodline of fire, for as long as time has been around. Yet, in the past four centuries, we’ve been thwarted and stopped from rising, so there is an influx of the grims. The warlocks have latched on to our familial line and stepped in to destroy the next phoenix in any way they can. That is why Janet, myself, and your grandma were killed. It’s why Sadie was convinced she needed to be a vampire. A fae tricked her into thinking that so she would die before she could be turned.”
“What do you mean you were killed? Who killed you?”
“Dominic,” she says grimly, and my heart faints.
“What?” I breathe.
This can’t be true.
“We are not mad at him. We forgive him. It put you on your path to rise from the ashes and become the first phoenix in four hundred years. But because of this, you must be extremely careful on your journey. There will be someone who wants you dead at every turn for what you stand for, what you are, and your power.”
“I don’t understand. If Dom was the reason you died, why was he the reason I rose?”
“He has pure blood, even through his darkness. Sebastian is evil; he has the blood of demons, but his blood is still mixed with that of the witch, so he is still allowed to live. Because he tried to bite you, his demon blood mixed with your fire, and that is why you burned. But Dominic’s blood was the perfect elixir to bring your body and soul back from the dark and into the light again. You see, you needed them both to become what you are. You needed the dark as much as the light. That is why you are equal parts light and dark, phoenix.”
“That makes no sense.” My heart is bleeding; I feel it splintering, severing my thoughts and blood and bones.
Dominic killed my mama?
“It is all how it’s supposed to be,” Janet says. “We had to go before you to be your guide. You lived through all that was designed to kill you and came out stronger every time.”
Still trying to wrap my mind around the fact that my boyfriend killed my mother, I say, “That still doesn’t tell me what I’m supposed to do.”
“The warlocks and the grimspawns,” Mama continues, “aren’t, nor have they ever been, meant to be a part of this world. Their magick is too dark; it is of hell and monsters, and that is who you need to kill. They will try to find ways to outsmart you at every turn. This will be a perilous path, Sayah. They will use the people you love to get you to bend to their will; but you, being of the dark and the light, will find ways to outsmart them every time. Warlocks can only be killed by the phoenix, which is your destiny. Kill the warlocks that spell the grimspawns, and they will fall with them. I know Mederio threatened to take Gauge’s soul, but you will go to the ends of the Earth to save him, and you know that.”
“And what should I do with the boys being marked?” Even though I don’t know if I want to help Dom now, I still don’t need him going dark and murdering a bunch of people.
“Your light has already seeped into Bash when you saved him,” says Janet, her voice like a fresh autumn wind blowing through crisp leaves. “That glowing light you saw when you revived him was your light swarming his dark, saving his soul a piece at a time. Until you get the warlock linked to them killed, you must save their soul by feeding them your light when it goes dark. Because they are spelled to darkness, you will never fully be able to bring them out of the dark. But so long as they don’t stray on their own path and only kill the dark people of this world, your light in them will remain. Should they decide to stray, their darkness will consume them.
“Now that your blood has been awakened,” Janet continues, “the shadows will worsen. When you arose and killed Matrasia, and with the shock wave you set forth to rise Ollie, awoke many more warlocks. The grimspawns and the warlocks throw the balance off completely and came to be because a warlock who wasn’t immortal wanted the immortality of the vampires. To restore that balance, you need to rid the world of all the grimspawns.”
“How do I save Gauge? And Scarlet?”
“Adaline’s demon that she sought out to create Sebastian split into two and became Matrasia and Mederio,” responds Mama, her eyes narrowing and her magic strong. “That’s why he wanted one of them marked forever because that was what was promised to him when he gave her Sebastian. To restore the balance and save your son, you need to kill Mederio. But since Gauge’s life hangs in the balance, that is where your light will come in.
“Since formweavers can become any predatory species, they can become what they need to get into the warlock’s circles. The Gemini Covenant is the power of two; one being the undoing of the other but also being the strength, which brings light out of the darkness but can put out the light as well. Laureya and you have been at odds your entire life, and her path has awakened, too. She, too, has fallen into darkness, and although her path is different from yours, she rises from her own ash, too.
“Mederio said you couldn’t kill any warlocks, but he did not say no one could. Laureya is your counterpart, the Bash to your Dom, the dark to your light. She has light within her, too; you have to help her find it. When you do, she will be what you need to help kill the warlocks. She is the other phoenix. Scarlet will be kept alive because she is immortal and a witch. Use your magick to find her and keep her alive, sending the grimspawn in her place—the one that’s in the cell in the dungeon. Using Jasantha’s siren power and some of your magick, you can devise a way to retrieve Scarlet and put the false Scarlet in her place.”
“I have to talk to Laureya?”
“To restore the balance,” Mama says, “you must find a way to forgive your sister and to save her soul.”
“Am I immortal now?”
“You will exist for as long as you need to until all the warlocks and grimspawns are forgotten.”
“And I’m part angel?”
“You are a tribrid now, too. You are part witch. Part angel. And part demon.”
The words are opaque and foreign.
“I don’t want to be part demon, Mom.”
“Demons are not what story books have led us to believe they are. They are not of the devil, as the devil doesn’t exist. They merely mean dark. The angel is the light. The demon is the dark. The witch in you is what holds them equally balanced.”
There’s a lot to process, but I feel the blood knot in my hand beginning to heal.
“I don’t know if I can do all this, Mama,” I say, choking back the tears threatening to engulf me.
“You can and you will, my darling,” Mama says, and the light within them both begins to fade.
“Mama, no, wait! Don’t leave me!”
“I will always be watching over you, my sweet girl. Always and forever. ”
I hold her hand as she fades and slips back into the darkness. “Mama, I love you!”
“I’ve loved you longer,” she whispers, and then, in an evanescent whisper, she’s gone.
Upon opening my eyes, I’m back in the dark room with my aunts and the Sangravelli brothers.
My face is soaked with tears as I pull my hand away, looking at my palm.
The blood knot has faded but will forever be indelible in my palm.
Maggie and Hilda exchange looks of gravity, not speaking with their voices, but their silence spills every word they think.
They had seen the whole thing.
“So,” Dom asks, arising from his box, “what happened?”
“You killed my mom?”