Chapter 24 #2
The idea is old-school, and I kind of like it.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea, though,” I say. “I already spent the night at your place and if you walk me, it might look like—you know—”
“You’re right.” He reaches for my hand and threads his finger through mine and just stares at our joined hands.
I study them too, with no commentary as to how good they look together, his big hand holding my much smaller one. All I need is a little time and I’m sure the man I want is Ryan. The timing is just off.
“Thanks for understanding my silly family.”
Then he abruptly drops my hand as if he’s snapped out of a trance. “I’ll see you later and we’ll talk more about the sequel.”
There have been so many times with a favorite book when I’ve wished I could write a sequel for the author, so I could see how those characters I’ve become attached to are faring. I even once experimented with fan fiction.
Now I have the chance to write the follow-up to a bestseller and I can write the ending I want, the one readers need. If I do this, I will fully become and own the brand of Elizabeth Brogan and Ryan becomes the ghostwriter for the first book.
He doesn’t immediately drive off as I stroll up the walkway to the side gate knowing there are probably eyes on me from inside the main house.
I turn to see him watching me, and only when I shut the gate do I hear his car drive off.
The house is quiet as is customary on a weekday morning.
Abuelita will be inside folding clothes, or cooking sopa for dinner.
Eddie will be at work in San Francisco. My mother’s car is still parked, so she will probably be knocking on my door momentarily.
True to form, I’ve been inside for ten whole minutes before she knocks. She’s so predictable.
“I don’t want to talk right now!” I yell through the door. “I have to get ready for work.”
“Mija, it’s me.”
Eddie.
This is almost worse. I don’t know what to say to Eddie.
He’s one of my favorite people in the world.
I adore him and want him to be happy. The thing is, I thought he was until now.
Sofia and I used to wonder why he was single, at one time wondering if there was perhaps something he wanted to tell us.
Now I know he never chose to be single and has been pining away for my mother for decades.
The idea that he’s been unhappy all these years, longing for someone he lost, is enough to shatter my heart.
I swing the door open to let him inside. “Why aren’t you at work?”
He waves his hand dismissively. “Dr. Marroquin will take my patients.”
“You never call in sick.”
“I’m never sick.” He shrugs.
I walk a few steps and plop down on the love seat. “I guess Mami told you everything.”
He nods. “She did, and she was very upset. And since when do you jump out of cars in the rain? That’s very dangerous! Cars and rain. I think you know what that does to me.”
“It wasn’t raining when I got out! I’m sorry but I couldn’t talk to her another minute. This is tough for me.”
“Your mother thinks you might understand better if I explain.”
“What is there to explain? You didn’t want her, so she went for your brother. As if there were no other men on campus. I mean, what is that?” I throw my hands up.
“That’s not exactly the way it happened.” He takes my only chair and straddles it, clasping his hands.
“What do you mean? There’s more?”
“It was your father who went after her.”
“When he knew you were dating her?”
He nodded. “Look, you’re not wrong about their love story.
It was like cupid himself struck your father the moment he met her.
I saw it, too, even if he wouldn’t admit it.
He didn’t want to take my girl. He was my little brother, though, and I would have done anything for him.
So, I stepped aside. Did I have second thoughts?
Yes, sure, a couple of times when I wondered…
but no, it worked out the way it should have.
He and your mother had many good years together.
And of course, they had you, the joy of their lives. ”
“But what about you?” My voice breaks and I’m embarrassed to feel a pinch in my throat.
Everyone deserves true love, that all-encompassing feeling that wraps around your soul.
“What about me?”
“You were alone.”
“I’ve almost never been alone. I have my family and there are a lot of us.”
“You didn’t have someone.”
He chuckles and holds up a finger. “I found a lot of someones.”
“That’s not what I mean and you know it. Someone special. The love of your life.”
He looks pensive and stares briefly at the ceiling before meeting my eyes.
“Sometimes I think your father was the love of my life.”
I’ve never heard love described in this way, as if it could be something more than what’s between lovers. There’s love between friends, between family members, but the love for a significant other should be above all.
“I always thought their love story was unique and special but I never had any idea they hurt someone else by being together. And it’s worse because it was you.”
“Don’t feel sorry for me. I’ve had a good life. Friends, a big family filled with nieces and nephews. And as for your mother, I firmly believe a person can have more than one true love in a lifetime.”
This is similar to what my mother said and it’s clear she considers Eddie one of the loves of her life.
Eddie clears his throat. “When Geneva came back this time, she confessed her feelings for me. But she wasn’t going to push.
She told me to see other people. And I went to that stupid singles event, but I’ve seen a lot of women over the years.
I had to take a hard look and realize I still loved her after all this time.
But you should know neither one of us are going to do anything about this until, and unless, you say it’s okay. ”
Relief should spill through me but instead it’s shock mixed with a pinch of anger.
“You’re going to make me responsible for your happiness?”
“Don’t think of it that way.”
“What other way is there? That’s what you’re asking me to do.”
“Would you rather we do what we want without any regard to your feelings?”
“Well, no, but…is this really what you want?”
I suppose it’s now up to me to be the parent and gently remind Eddie my mother is not the most reliable woman on the planet.
“What do you mean?”
“Think carefully. I don’t have to tell you her track record isn’t the best. There’s Seb—”
“Seb was not a good man.” Eddie shakes his head slowly.
“No kidding! But there’s also the fact that she…face it, she doesn’t stick around for long. She has to be the center of attention.”
“It took a while, but she’s changed. I believe her.”
“I don’t see it yet.” I cross my arms and give him the truth because he deserves it. “And you’re ready to settle down? With her?”
“Like it or not, your mother is still beautiful, and she’s funny, and irreverent. She gets me.” He shrugs. “I’m over fifty, and I have a few good years left in me. If not now, then when? Marry when I’m eighty? What’s the point?”
It hurts me to think of how much time they’ve lost.
“I…I don’t know what to say. What does Abuelita think? You have told her, haven’t you?”
Eddie nods. “You forget your abuelita had a front row seat to all of this years ago. After your father died, she thought I should marry Geneva and take care of both of you. That didn’t sit well with me.
It had been too long and Geneva was no longer mine.
Hadn’t been for years. I couldn’t get there, even though of course I adored you.
I promised to take care of you like you were my own and I have. ”
“You have.”
The thought of Eddie and my mother, all those years ago, when they could have raised me together…this spears into my mind with slicing pain. She wouldn’t have dropped me off with Eddie and Abuelita and left. She would have stayed.
The picture of me, Eddie, and my mother as a family brings about fresh pain of what might have been.