Chapter 38 Anastasius
The next time I woke up, I was in my bed and feeling better. Free from the torment of that cage. The smell of citrus engulfed me. Claeg. He was here.
“Stas?” His voice was uncertain and bunched with tense muscles. I suppressed a sob trying to shudder through me. Warm hands caressed my cheek. I had passed out in that cell. How was I here with my Selected?
“What happened?” I slurred, pushing myself up. A quick perusal of my body showed that I lay with a thin sheet covering my nakedness which had been scrubbed clean of blood, yet I couldn’t recall any of it.
Claeg knelt before the bed. His eyes searched mine, laden with worry. It was ironic seeing his body littered with barely healed wounds, but his eyes crinkled with hidden tears for me. He brushed some stray hairs from my eyes. Before he could answer, though, movement caught my attention. Rohit emerged from the shadows, and my heart leapt into my throat. Blood marked his body, and darkness surrounded his eyes.
“That’s something I’ve been asking myself,” Rohit said. I could sense his anger lingering under the surface, but he did well at holding it at bay. I swallowed, shame flushing through my body.
I sighed, looking at Claeg. He watched me with interest, eyes scrunched with confusion. I had to tell him the truth. He didn't deserve my lies. Without thinking about it, I reached for him, cupping his nape. The need to touch him, to assure myself that he was here, was crushing, impossible to resist.
“He was threatening to reveal who you are to Odon. I won't apologize for protecting you,” I grated. If Claeg wanted to be pissed, I could handle that, but I wouldn’t be sorry. I wasn’t surprised when Claeg pulled away, his brow furrowed. Eventually, he nodded, his purple eyes filled with emotions I couldn't quite read.
“He asked me to complete his Circle...” He snorted, a humorless laugh. My eyebrows flew up. The boy had wanted to die?
“Yet you didn’t complete his Circle,” I observed. Something like shame flashed behind his eyes before he quickly busied himself with finding me a fresh tunic. He shrugged.
“And you didn’t Save him,” he retorted, tossing me clean clothes which I quickly donned. “I'm going flying,” Claeg said, refusing to look at me.
“Wait!” I followed him out onto the balcony. We still hadn't talked about Ercan, along with many other things, including his time being tortured by Calian. Claeg paused at the edge. “Ercan—” I began. My Selected stiffened ever so slightly at his father’s name.
“What about him?” He kept his expression neutral, but I could tell he was hurt by the edge in his cadence.
“I should have told you he was here.” I reached for Claeg’s hand and was surprised when he let me entwine our fingers. “Are you okay?” I whispered. I squeezed his fingers gently. His hand twitched almost imperceptibly, but it was almost as if he were warring with himself over whether to return the gesture. In the end, he lightly clasped my fingers and looked at me with pain peeking through his mask.
“I will be.” He released my hand and dove off the edge, shifting as he fell. His draconis caught the light as he ascended, highlighting his beauty. I wanted to join him in the sky, but Rohit cleared his throat behind me, letting me know that our business wasn't done. I slowly turned to my friend. His brows were narrowed, lips pursed in thought.
“How bad is it?” I asked. There was no point in talking around the problem. I had killed a man. This was different from the draconis I helped free with Ercan.
“I’ve taken care of it for now,” he said. I raised an eyebrow at Rohit. “As far as anyone is concerned, he took your blade and killed himself.”
I gave my friend a grateful smile and nodded, having expected as much. “Thank you, Ro.”
He dipped his head and swiped his hand through his hair. He bit his lip, looking at me like he wanted to say something more.
“Stas, your father... he isn't naive.” His hands shook and he gulped, a thin layer of sweat coated his forehead. We were normally brutally open with one another. “Just… be careful, okay?” I gave him a look, prompting him to speak his mind. Rohit sighed, running another hand through his hair. “If you want to talk about what happened…” He winced.
“Thank you. I'll be okay,” I clipped and relief washed over his features despite the lie. Rohit may have supported my actions with Ercan, but he kept his distance in the matter, preferring to help in other ways. Death could be so… I couldn't even put a word to it. It usually brought relief. This death was different. Despite what Claeg had said about the boy asking for death before, he had clearly wanted to live when speaking to me. I had taken that from him. I had judged him and deemed his life unworthy. Me. I shuddered. It was necessary, I reminded myself. I closed my eyes and took a breath. I would be fine. Claeg completed Circles all the time. I could live with this one death on my conscience. For him. “I have to go see my father.”
With that, I spun and left. I wasn't done protecting Claeg; he wasn't safe yet. Father had to know he couldn't touch my Selected.
I found Odon in the council room—a place for him to meet with his inner circle to plot and scheme. Hariasa, Calian, Amartya, Mateo, and Thyia sat around the table, leaving only my chair empty. The sight made my breath freeze in my chest. I couldn't help running my teeth along my lower lip. He scowled at them all, slipping into my place at the opposite end of the table as him.
“I wasn't aware the council had been summoned,” I said. My father hummed.
“Thyia informed us that you were recovering from the shock,” Mother said, her hands folded neatly in front of her. I swallowed the lump building in my throat.
“Well, I’m fine now,” I snapped. Thyia shifted uncomfortably, and I winced, not intending to hurt my mentor. With everything going on, I still hadn’t filled her in on my plan to Challenge De Vita.
“Splendid. We were just discussing… Eleos.” Odon spat the name which I worshiped. My heart pounded erratically at the mention of my Selected.
“What of him?” The question came out tense. Too tense. Too caring. Too involved. I couldn't pretend any more.
“We were discussing what to do with his wings when he is Saved. Calian suggested sending them to the Circulus.” Father gestured toward the bloodthirsty man to his right. Sickness bubbled inside me. I clenched my jaw so tight my lip split open. Again. I dabbed at my mouth, blood staining my hand.
“He isn't to be harmed,” Thyia said with a growl that matched mine.
Odon made a noncommittal sound and folded his arms over his chest. “And what would you do to stop me?”
“Anything.” It was an easy vow to make. When his eyes lit up, my stomach fell with dread. Any idea of my father’s tended to be bad news, but I would do it.
“I will grant this request if you Choose Oriana regardless of the results of the Selection.”
My breathing stopped abruptly; my father’s sick grin made my stomach sour. My jaw dropped, blood dripping out. I blinked at him dumbly for a moment before gathering myself.
“I cannot! She… the gods—the trial is sacred!,” I stammered, anger flaring in the base of my spine at the request. Father’s grin grew, his eyes darkening to a frightful black.
“If you want to protect Eleos, you will do this,” he stated, shrugging. The heat left my cheeks as I contemplated my options. Was my honor worth sacrificing for Claeg’s protection? The answer was an instant yes. I would do anything for him, even if it felt like a betrayal to do so. My heart ached, the pain so acute I almost felt it. I ground my teeth, blinking back tears. I would not cry.
“I'll do it,” I muttered, shame ravaging me so thoroughly that I spent the rest of the meeting with my fists clenching and my spine stiff.
I appointed myself to patrols for the next few days. Rohit and I were deep within the Neutral Strip, where I claimed to be searching for the Circulus who’d escaped. In truth, I was avoiding Claeg because of my promise to my father, which had me rethinking my timeline for the Sacred Challenge. It was cowardly to hide, but I didn't know what to say to my Selected. So, I left Ercan and Thyia to watch over him and tend to his wounds while I rethought my plan. I would have to learn the spell for healing before the Selection ended so that I could challenge my father before I was forced to Choose Oriana.
Rohit tossed a loaf of bread into my lap, drawing me out of my thoughts. He had insisted on accompanying me. I raised my eyes to his, which were narrowed. I glanced at the hard grain, my stomach grumbling. “I'm not hungry,” I stated, turning on my side in the makeshift bed we had created. Rohit snorted and nudged me with his toe.
“You fool. You must eat, Stas.” He crouched on his heels so that we were at eye level. I rolled my eyes at him. Snatching the bread, I grumbled to myself, the remarks making my friend laugh. Once I had eaten a good portion, Rohit nodded as if satisfied. Moments later, I wasn’t surprised when he voiced the question I suspected had been on his mind since the two of us left on this journey: “Stas, tell me what’s going on. I know this isn’t just about what happened to the fledgling.” His voice was soft, but the words pressed firmly. I sighed and shook my head. Rohit had been patient with me, not pushing me these last few days. That time had come to an end.
“I made a deal with my father.” The admission was so quiet, but Rohit caught it, his upper body stiffening. He didn’t speak, letting me continue. I took another bite of bread, using it as an excuse to delay my confession. Unfortunately, the ugly truth remained after I swallowed, and Rohit continued to look at me expectantly. My cheeks flushed, and I sucked on my lip. The words wouldn’t come. I agreed to Choose your sister, betraying the man who should be my enemy yet I am steadily falling in love with. So, yeah, I am fucked. “I’m scared, Ro,” I stated instead, trembling and that roiling guilt rising within me again. The tears I had been fighting threatened to come. “I agreed to Choose her—to protect Eleos—Claeg. I have to,” I declared. Rohit murmured something the pounding of my heart stole from my ears. My vision blurred, and I cursed myself as a sob left me. Suddenly, warm arms were wrapped around me, strong hands pulling me flush to his chest. I laid my head on his shoulder, selfishly taking the comfort he offered. “If he doesn’t give me the magic, I don’t know what I’m gonna do, Ro. I don’t know if I can do it.” I was blubbering now, the words surely incomprehensible, but Rohit continued to utter sweet comforts until I was able to collect myself. “Claeg will never forgive me.”
I took in a shuddering breath. The numbness didn't take emotional pain. I wished it would. It would be better not to feel this, this agony. To his credit, Rohit didn’t offer me false reassurances. They wouldn’t help. We both knew that. So, we sat there in silence, our hearts holding each other until my tears dried up.