Chapter 7 #2
I glance over at him occasionally. He keeps his head forward but leaning against the window. His fingers grip at the edge of his shirt around his neck. He looks small like this. Harmless even. Like he wouldn’t be able to hurt a fly. Of course, I know better.
I thought the same thing about Charles. Knew he was a jerk but didn’t think he would ever hurt me like he did. Ben has already proven he is an asshole, with a razor of a tongue, one he likes using on me. It stands to reason he could hurt me if he wanted to.
Still, as angry as Ben makes me, he also has a way of making me feel oddly comfortable. I’d go so far to say that he made me feel good. Confident. Unafraid. Strong.
Something about the way he throws insults at me and calls me names is kind of fun. I have no way of knowing if he really thinks I’m a bitch or not, but getting to hurl insults back at him is different, enjoyable even.
When I pull into a parking space in front of his condo, he undoes his seatbelt and reaches for the door handle. Doesn’t bother saying thank you or bye, just slips from the car. I watch as he wobbles on his feet, back hunched over.
I can’t let him climb up the steps of the building alone. He will fall to his death trying to make it to his door without any help.
Groaning, I turn off my car and slide out of my seat, catching up to him as he grips the rail of the steps. His eyes drift over to me, questioning me with a raised eyebrow.
“I’m not leaving you to try to get to your place alone. You’ll die.”
“And you would just hate that, huh?” He laughs.
“Lead the way.” I roll my eyes.
I follow him to his fourth-floor condo. I stand and watch as he fumbles with his keys, cursing under his breath as he tries to slide it into the hole, then pushing the door open.
It thuds against the wall as he swings open. He flicks on his lights. Standing in the doorway, I glance around the place.
He has a black couch that is big and plushy. Black probably wasn’t the best color choice. I’m surprised the thing isn’t covered in sex stains. I’m sure a black light would turn the whole thing blue.
There is a black coffee table sitting in front of a black stand where a large TV sits. Black bookshelves line the other wall. He has far more books than I imagined he would have, but mixed in are little trinkets I can’t quite make out.
A few awards hang on his walls, with posters of his band and others.
Off to the side is a square dining table with some chairs around it. He has an open kitchen, twice the size of Cameron’s kitchen. A hallway is off to the side leading to more doors.
Glancing back to him, I see he has pulled his hoodie over his head. It lays discarded on the dark wooden floor. His shirt gets tossed onto the black shaggy rug under the coffee table.
“Am I bigger?” he asks, as he kicks off his shoes.
“What?”
“Than your ex.”
“Are you seriously asking me that right now?”
“Yes.” He smiles, unzipping his jeans. I glance behind me. The hallway is empty, and it’s late, but the fact he is unbothered getting undressed with the door wide open and me standing here is bold.
I just stare at him as he pushes down his jeans.
His black boxers hug at his hips. Despite being skinny, there is a slight outline of muscles on his body.
His stomach is toned. Tattoos cover his skin.
Nothing like a sleeve or anything, just random little designs here and there.
A ghost, a flower, a stick figure. Many other things I can’t quite make out.
“So, am I bigger?” he asks again. My eyes drift up, meeting his, as he stares at me.
“Yes.” I roll my eyes. “By a lot.”
“Do I have the biggest cock you’ve ever seen?” He tilts his head to the side, mouth curved up in a knowing smile.
It’s hard to hate him for being cocky about his dick when it’s as impressive as it is.
“Yes. Happy?”
“Oh yeah. I’m just fucking ecstatic.”
He strolls to the couch, plopping down on it and reaching for the remote.
That should be my sign to leave. I did my good deed. Picked him up, got his drunk ass home, and stroked his ego. There is no reason for me to stay any longer, but I don’t move.
“How many girls have you fucked?” I ask, taking a step inside.
“I’d tell you, but then you’d never let me fuck you.” He laughs, looking over at me.
“That comment alone makes me not want to fuck you.” I scoff back.
“Sure.” He smiles. “Sit. Make yourself at home.” He puts on a TV channel with music videos playing.
I eye the couch, then glance back at the door.
“I should probably go.”
“Okay.” His face drops into a small frown.
“You’re going to be okay, right?”
“I guess we will find out. Maybe I make the morning news. Rock star kills himself after throwing himself a pity party at a local bar and bothering a pretty girl to take him home.” He laughs. “Well, I’m sure it would be a few days before anyone bothered to check on me.” His voice dips.
Groaning, I shut the door and sink into the other side of the couch. I kick off my shoes, tucking my feet under my knees.
“You feel sorry for me now.” He grins.
“Always have.” I smirk back at him.
“I swear I wasn’t always this pathetic. I mean I think I’ve always been sad, but not like this.” His eyes drift toward the bookshelves for a moment. I can’t be sure what exactly he is looking at, but then he quickly looks back at the TV.
“Why are you like this now?”
“Everything I love is slipping from my hands. The people I thought would always be there for me are abandoning me. They have become someone to someone else. Someone who isn’t a piece of shit like me. I will have nothing and no one soon.”
“Have you ever thought about doing the same? Finding someone to settle down with?”
“Never. Love is a soul sucking disease.”
“Yeah,” I say softly.
“Tell me about it.”
“About what?”
“Your ex. What did he do? When? Did he do it before?”
“I rather not talk about it.”
“I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours.”
“Oh yeah. I’m sure you’ve been abused so many times.” I cross my hands over my chest, rolling my eyes. Part of me wants to march out of his stupid condo and go home, but I find myself unable to move. His misery is comforting.
“Maybe not the same way, but I have been abused too.” His eyes sweep over to me. Dark blue waves of agony stare back at me. “And I’m not talking some silly girl stomping on my heart. I’m talking about real, illegal kind of abuse.”
“By who?”
“Nah uh.” He wags his finger at me. “You don’t get that information without agreeing to the terms.”
“Fine.” I shrug. “I rather not know about your tragic past anyways.”
It’s only partly untrue. I’d be curious to hear about whatever abuse he went through, but it’s probably best I don’t know.
The less I know about Ben the better. I don’t want to be his friend.
I barely want to be around him at all. I’d take the great sex he is rumored to give, but I don’t need anything more from him.
“No? Afraid you might think differently of me if you knew?”
“No. Whatever happened to you could’ve turned you into a better person. You could’ve grown from it, instead you use it as an excuse to justify becoming this.” I wave, gesturing to his body. “My tragic event is going to make me stronger.”
Or at least I’m going to pretend it will.
“You are so na?ve.” He chuckles, shaking his hair.
Blond strands fly in every direction before he stills.
“The abuse lives inside your bones now. You will never be able to escape it. I bet it eats you alive at night, huh? Seeing his face must make you sick. You can pretend, act so well he never knows, but you’ll know and that’s all that matters. ”
I press my lips together, processing his words as tears fill my eyes. Part of me knows he is probably right. Even as my mind tries to tell me it’s just the words of a silly boy who has no idea how to deal with the real world. But I’m terrified he is right. What if I can never move past it?
“That’s what I thought,” he says lightly. “So, tell me, Prue, what do you plan to do with your demons? I tried every way possible to drown mine. Music has been the most helpful, but that is slipping through my fingertips now. What will you do?”
“Maybe I’ll become a serial killer,” I snap, wiping at my eyes. I refuse to let his words get to me.
He laughs loudly, hugging his chest as his laugh fills the room. I feel my lips curve up, the sound and sight of him laughing making me feel a little warm inside. I try to cover it by glaring at him, but I can tell he sees right through it because he laughs harder.
“Who would you kill first? Him or me?”
“Neither. Only rookies kill someone they know. You need to pick someone random, someone you have no ties to. It has to happen in a place you frequent often so if they happen to find evidence of you in the area it makes sense. Getting rid of the weapon is important. So often people get caught because they have the weapon on them. They think it’s safer to have it, but it’s not. ”
“Holy shit.” He laughs again, as I grin at him. “You’ve put a lot of thought into this.”
“No. I just listen to a lot of podcasts.”
“Not music?”
“I listen to music too.” I shrug.
“My band?”
“Yes. I’ve even been to a few of your concerts. I was backstage a few times when Cameron toured with you guys.”
“And somehow I didn’t notice you.”
“You had a girl on both arms. I don’t think you felt the need to look anywhere else.” I laugh. “Plus, I had a boyfriend.”
“Are you younger than Cameron?”
“Yes.”
“By how much?” His eyes widen, as if he is trying to do the math. “Please tell me I didn’t let a fucking teenager suck my cock. That would be a low I don’t think I could live with.”
“Five minutes. We are twins.”
“Jesus. Thank the lord.” He rubs his head. “Do you have any idea how many teenagers try to fuck me? It’s terrifying.”
“You need to start checking ID.”
“I should.” He laughs. “You must be 21 and up to ride this ride.”
I let myself laugh again.
Ben might be a giant asshole, but he could be a good distraction.
Maybe he could numb my pain.