Chapter 9
NINE
Tears fall down my face in a steady stream as I drive back to Cameron’s place. Ugly, snot filled, sobs fall from my lips, and I try not to wreck my car.
The idea that Charles has fucked me up so much that another man can’t touch me without causing me to think about him is too much. I’m not sure how I’m supposed to survive in this world alone, but apparently, I don’t have a choice.
After everything that happened to me, I shouldn’t be surprised that I couldn’t go through with it. I knew it was a possibility. It was the fear I had this whole time. I thought I could get past it. Thought I’d be able to block the memories out.
Ben is hot, gorgeous even. That kiss was the best I’ve ever had. The way his lips guided over mine, leading just slightly, but allowing me some semblance of control, made my whole-body melt. For just a moment, his lips were on mine, and it felt good. Everything else faded away.
He wanted me. I wanted him too. His cock in my mouth is not enough. I crave more. I knew he would deliver pleasure beyond what I’ve been used to. I could feel it just from the kiss, but then he touched my ribs.
The spark of pain was small, but reminded me of what Charles did. Suddenly, I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t let Ben keep touching me while my mind was being flooded with memories of pain.
I’m sure it didn’t matter. Even if the pain in my ribs didn’t surface, something else would’ve taken me back to that night. Ben is right. What Charles did to me will live with me for the rest of my life.
Charles broke more than my skin, cracked more than just my ribs. He destroyed my spirit too.
Once back at Cameron’s, I crawl into bed. Pulling the blankets over my head, I curl into a ball and fall apart even more.
I have to get up in a few hours for my first class, but maybe Ben is right about that too.
School is pointless when you don’t have any goal in mind.
I should just drop out. There is no point in trying to live up to my parents’ standards anymore.
Whatever guy they have me marry is going to want sex and when I can’t do it, there is going to be problems.
Problems I’m not sure I want to deal with. It’s better if I just disappear. Letting down my parents isn’t going to go over well. They will disown me, and then I won’t be able to afford school anyways. Or life. Or anything.
I’m better off getting a crappy job somewhere and trying to get by on my own.
But old habits die hard. As I stand in the bathroom, staring at the redness in my eyes and bags underneath them, and Cameron knocks, complaining once again about how long I’m taking in the bathroom, I’m reminded of the truth.
I’m not trying to make my parents happy for myself. I’m doing it for Cameron. I’m doing it to keep the pressure off him. Everything I endure is so he can achieve his dream.
I know he wouldn’t want me to continue. Not with how bad things have gotten. If I stay on their good side though, I get to reap the benefits that come with being the Ward’s only golden child. Getting back on their good side would allow me to share some of those benefits with Cameron.
Sighing, I accept the fact I don’t have a choice. I will go to class today, play the part once again. Then ultimately, I will go back to the life I had before.
Opening the door, Cameron greets me with a small smile. When he sees my face, it fades.
“Are you okay?” he asks. Being twins means he can read me almost better than anyone. It’s the fact we have the same eyes. It’s always been hard to keep things from him. One look into my eyes and he just knows when something is up.
“I’m fine.” I offer him a smile back. “Or I will be,” I lie.
“You know, Prue, we don’t need them. We never did.”
“It’s not about needing, Cam. They’re our parents.”
“No.” He shakes his head. “They just happen to be two people who are responsible for unleashing us onto the world. They stopped being our parents when they decided we were nothing but stock options.”
“I still have to go back.”
“No, you don’t. They don’t care that Charles…”
“Cam, if I don’t go back, we both suffer the consequences.”
“I’ve been managing just fine. And you’re smarter than me, so you will be even better.”
“I won’t go back unless they agree that I don’t have to marry him.”
“They will just pick someone worse.”
“Doubt they could find anyone worse than him.” I fake a grin. “I’ll be fine, Cam. I promise.”
“Yeah.” He nods, brows scrunched up as he stares at the bathroom door. “Just promise me you’ll tell me before you leave.”
“I will. Now I have to get ready for class.”
“Have a good day.” He nods, stepping into the bathroom.
I change quickly. Putting on a cute dark brown skirt and a beige turtleneck. I’m used to the skirts, but I normally wear low-cut shirts. Charles liked when I showed off my skin, which is ironic given how he made it impossible for me to show any for weeks.
I lace up brown boots and grab my textbooks off the desk. Stuffing them into my tote bag, I slide in headphones before heading out the door. Turning on Haunting Memories, I find myself trying to isolate Ben’s parts.
After last night, I know I shouldn’t be thinking about his lips on me, but I can’t help it. They felt so good. His hands on me may have brought back my own haunting memories, but for a second, it was nice.
Walking into class I ignore the whispers that follow. You’d think after a few weeks they would’ve found something else to talk about, but no. I think the scene Ben caused just added fuel to the fire.
The idea I had the guts to leave Charles is probably the highlight of the circle.
There has always been a layer of toxic behavior in our group, but no one brought attention to it.
There would be some talk about so and so having an eating disorder or drug problem, but for the most part we kept things lowkey.
You learn in these groups it’s best not to cast stones. All our houses are made of glass. The more attention you put on someone else, the brighter the light gets put on you.
We are supposed to have each other’s back, but of course there is always one person you don’t cross in the group. The leader. The glue keeping us all on top. I crossed him and now I have to face the fall out.
Since leaving Charles, school has been harder.
I can almost physically see my grades dropping.
I was allowed to take two weeks off, but those weeks put me behind.
Plus, it’s hard to focus on class when I share half of them with Charles.
There is at least one person from his friend group in every one of my classes.
The whispers are distracting. Knowing they all know what happened but pretend I’m the crazy one eats away at me. I find myself doodling or spacing out.
I make my way to my normal seat, pretending not to hear someone whisper slut at me. Another rumor Charles has added to the list after Ben’s scene is that I cheated on him first. Can’t be surprised he would use that to sway even more sympathy his way.
I freeze when I see Charles sitting in my spot. I glance around, trying to find somewhere else to sit, even as he spots me at the end of the row and smiles.
“Prue.” He beckons me. For some reason, my feet carry me to him. It’s like I have a death wish or something. His voice never made me feel good, but it never felt like razor blades cutting at my ear drums until after, until now. “No Ben today?”
“It’s not what you think.” I sigh, pulling out a single headphone. “He was just messing with me.”
“Yeah?” He raises an eyebrow as his eyes fill with a fury I’ve only had directed at me once before.
“Not like that.”
“You just keep digging yourself a deeper hole, you know that, right?” He shakes his head. “Anyways, I have a thing tonight and I just happened to put your name down as my plus one before everything happened between us.”
I stare at him blankly. There is no reason for him to be telling me this. Surely, he could go alone, bring one of his friends or find some other girl to take. No one would question it. You don’t question a change when it comes from the Davenports.
“So, I’ll pick you up at 7.”
“Excuse me?” I don’t mask the shock in my voice. He has to know better than to think I would go anywhere with him.
“Don’t be difficult, Prue. Maybe this could be our second chance. We can put all this behind us. You can admit you were just hurt. It would be in your best interest to finally apologize so we could move on.”
“What would I apologize for exactly?”
“Listen, my parents like your family. They think we’d make good babies and shit. They are willing to look past all this. It’s good for business. For both of our families.”
“Then why did you do it?”
“Prue,” he says sharply, “be ready at 7. You’re staying with Cameron, right?”
“I’m not going anywhere with you. Ever again.”
“Yes.” He stands up, towering over me. His head bends to the side of my face. I can’t move as my heart pounds in my chest. “You fucking are.” The threat is webbed into his words.
“Fine,” I say softly.
“See, that wasn’t so hard, was it?” He smiles, pressing a kiss to my cheek, before walking to his normal seat.
I’m not going with him, but I know if I push it now, I will pay the cost the moment he can get me alone. Best to let him think I’ll go along. When he shows up at Cameron’s tonight, I won’t be there for him to collect, though.
“Cameron?” I call out as I enter the apartment. Dropping my bag to the floor, I walk throughout the apartment trying to find any sign of him.
I need him to be home. He will take me out somewhere, keep me safe. Deal with Charles if he had to. I’ll be okay in his company.
Only he isn’t home. I’m all alone with only two hours until Charles is supposed to show up.
I pull out my phone, calling him.
“Hey sis,” he answers after a few rings.
“Where are you?”
“I’m in San Diego for a show this weekend, remember?”
“Oh. Right. I forgot.”
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” I sigh. “Have fun.”
“Prue?” He pushes.