Chapter 11
ELEVEN
Once again, I find myself staring into the bathroom mirror. My face is blotchy from crying. I apply a cold cloth to it, hoping to soothe some of it away. I also try to fix my makeup. If I’m going to go out with Ben, I don’t want to look like the sad girl I’ve seemed to become.
I can’t believe I let Charles put his hands on me again. When I opened the door and saw him standing there, I was too stunned to scream. Even when he pushed me inside and began berating me for trying to skip out on going with him, I couldn’t find it in myself to scream.
I only tried to escape when he pushed me against the wall. Slapping him resulted in him shoving me harder. From that moment all fight left my body.
Even when Ben came walking in, I didn’t have the strength to try to remove myself from the situation.
I couldn’t. My mind wandered back to being a little kid and getting put in time out because I spilled my juice on my mother’s rug.
From there it was like an endless trip through memory lane as I tried to figure out how my life got to this point.
Where did I go wrong? I simply don’t know.
Having Ben defend me made me feel worse.
It shouldn’t. I know that. He saved me from another beating.
I should be grateful, but I never wanted him to see me vulnerable again.
This morning was bad enough, but having him step in to save me from Charles’ fury was not what I wanted to happen.
Just having him come whisk me away was bad, this showed him just how broken I truly am.
Kissing him added a layer to this nightmare I wasn’t expecting. I already knew what his lips felt like, but in the moment, they felt like safety. This morning it was all lust, but just moments ago, it was different.
I don’t know why my mind snapped. A self-preservation attempt to cover up the fact I was almost a victim yet again, I guess.
But Ben pulled away. Something I’m both grateful for and a little hurt by.
I know why he did it. Now it’s apparent that under that asshole exterior Ben Parker has a heart.
He has a limit to his cruelty, and a moral compass that far out reaches the people I’m used to having in my life.
I can’t deny the fact that seeing that side of him did something to me.
I had planned on using Ben as a distraction.
I just wanted to have sex with him and never see him again.
That idea is slipping from my grasps now.
No longer do I think I’ll be able to get rid of him without feeling the loss in my gut.
The guy has been far nicer to me than anyone in my life, besides Cameron.
He may call me names and make fun of me, but he does it in a way that makes me feel good.
Like nothing he says is supposed to hurt me.
In a way, it doesn’t. Not one word he said has caused me any level of pain comparable to what my own parents have said.
I’m afraid I’m starting to like Ben and that’s not something I can afford. Especially knowing I don’t have much say in my future. Just convincing my parents to not make me marry Charles is going to be hard enough. Asking them to let me even talk to Ben would be a miracle.
Plus, it’s not like Ben is offering me anything permanent. I’m not entirely sure why he keeps coming around. I’m certain given enough time that ends. He is still an asshole, a morally sound one, but an asshole, nonetheless.
When I’m done touching up my makeup, I throw on a leather jacket, then I head back to the living room.
Ben is lounging on the couch. His lanky legs are outstretched on the coffee table as he mindlessly scrolls through his phone. Music plays softly from his phone. Some song I don’t know, but he seems to as he hums along to it.
“Ready?” I ask.
He glances up at me, locking his phone. His eyes roam over my body, as if he hasn’t already seen me tonight. Resting on my face, as he pushes himself to his feet.
“If you are.” The music stops on his phone as he slides it into his pockets. “You look really good in a plaid skirt. Giving me all kinds of high school flashbacks.” He smirks.
“Are you driving?”
“I had planned on it, yeah.”
“But you plan on drinking tonight.”
“Yes. But not a lot.”
“What do you consider a lot?”
“Last night comes close.”
“That was a little more than a lot in my book.”
“Yeah? Would you feel more comfortable if I ordered us a car?”
“Yes.”
“I’m insulted that you’d think I’d risk your life, but fine.”
“I don’t think you’d see it as a risk until it ended badly, but with our combine finances there is no reason to drink and drive.”
“Okay.” He rolls his eyes. “I’ll call us a car then.”
“I can pay.”
“I don’t need your money, Prue.” He grins. “But I do need a cigarette, so why don’t we wait outside.”
The air is chilly tonight, and I pull my leather jacket tightly around my body, ignoring the soreness in my back from when Charles shoved me into the wall. I try to push all thoughts of him out of my mind as Ben inhales his cigarette, staring off toward the street.
I can’t take my eyes off him. It’s halfway past seven. All the streetlights have turned on, even though the sun isn’t completely down. They illuminate Ben and me. For some reason they make him look way too hot for his own good.
It’s not like I didn’t already know what girls saw in him, but after everything that has happened tonight, watching him smoke a cigarette in the evening night just makes him look… attractive.
His black denim jacket is unbuttoned, showing off a black band tee of some band I never heard up. Tight black skinny jeans hug his body, tucked into black doc martens. His blond hair is a mess like always. Strands blowing every way in the light breeze.
I never got to picture myself with anyone other than stuck up rich guys. The tiny taste of freedom I have right now, has me wondering if I could be a rock star’s girlfriend. Not that that would be Ben. I don’t think he is the commitment type.
“You shouldn’t smoke.” I cut through the silence.
“Why not?” His eyes dart to me.
“It’s bad for you.”
“I think a lot of what I do is bad for me.”
“But smoking is a like really bad. It leads to lung cancer and taints the tips of your fingers.”
“It’s not that bad, compared to the other things I have put in my body.”
“Like?”
“Heroin,” he says, so nonchalantly, it takes me a second to process his words.
“Heroin?”
“Yeah.” He shrugs. “I’ve done heroin a few times. Meth too but not nearly as much.”
“When.”
“Years ago. I wasn’t addicted or anything, but you know, I think smoking isn’t nearly as bad as those things.”
“Yeah.” I nod, studying him. What in the world could’ve made him do heroin? He isn’t stupid. It’s not some big secret how those drugs could mess up your whole life. Why would he do it? What would make him risk his whole world for drugs?
“Have you ever done any drugs?”
“Pot. Once when I was like thirteen.”
“Jesus, Prue.” He laughs. “You are way too fucking good for me.”
“For…”
“Car is here.” He motions to a black car pulling up before I have a chance to ask what he means by his statement.
He holds open the door, ushering me in. He lets me slide to the other side before climbing in after me. I do my seat belt up, eyeing him until he does the same.
“Where are we going?” I ask, as the car pulls away from the curb.
“My favorite burger joint. You do eat meat, right?”
“Yes.”
“Wasn’t sure since you are so fucking pale.”
“I have low iron, asshole.” I push his shoulder with my hand.
“You don’t say?” He grins at me.
“I thought you said you wouldn’t be an asshole tonight?”
“And I thought you knew I was a liar.”
“God,” I groan. “What did I get myself into?”
“A good time. Relax.” His hand falls to my thigh.
My eyes stare down at where his hand touches me. I don’t seem to mind the physical contact, but it’s a strange gesture. I don’t know how to feel about it. He quickly pulls his hand back, pulling his phone from his pocket.
I watch as he scrolls through his phone a bit, curious what he is looking at. Maybe he is on some dating site looking for a girl to ditch me for. Or looking for the next party to go to where he can get lucky.
“Have you ever had a girlfriend?” I ask after a few minutes of silence.
“Yeah. One or two, but it’s been years. Commitment is hard in my line of work.”
“Or just for you.” I challenge back with a laugh.
“That’s probably part of it. I’m not very good at being tied down.”
“No?” I raise an eyebrow at him with a sly smile on my face.
“Not like that.” He laughs. “Though, I’ve never tried that before.”
“Would you let me tie you down?”
“Yes,” he says far quicker than I thought he would. It makes my stomach flutter, more so when his eyes stare into mine. Lust fills his eyes and for some reason that has my pussy throbbing. He still wants me after everything he witnessed. “I’m not sure there is much I wouldn’t let you do to me.”
“Oh. I’m sure I could find something.” I grin at him. “I could put a finger in your ass.”
“I’m not a huge fan of that, but if you want to try it, by all means.” He shrugs, a smirk tugging at his lips.
“You’ve done that before?”
“I’ve had a lot of sex, Prue. There isn’t much I haven’t done.”
“Hmm.” I tap my chin, trying to hide my shock. I know for a fact he has tried a lot of things. The gossip sites didn’t skip out on the details, but hearing he is willing to let me do things to him has me craving to break him. If only to say I did. I want to find the thing that makes Ben crack.
“Keep thinking. I’m sure you’ll find my line at some point. If not, I look forward to you trying.” He laughs, scrolling through his phone some more.
“What are you looking at?”
“Bands.”
“Bands?”
“There is this list of bands that have a need for a guitarist. I’m seeing if there are any good ones out there.”
“Why? Don’t you have a band?”
“For now.” He shrugs. “Aaron is having a baby. Wes is on probation, and I highly doubt he will ever do a tour without Abbey. That’s going to limit us.”