Chapter 24
TWENTY-FOUR
Prue eyes me as I drive. I can feel her staring but can’t bring myself to look her way.
It’s not lost on me that I literally fell to my knees for her. If it was only in front of strangers that would be one thing, but I did it in front of Aaron, my friend and bandmate. That changes everything. There is no way he doesn’t run and tell the others.
I have lost my fucking mind.
They are used to me pulling stupid shit, but never like this. I’ve never lost my cool over a girl before. My ability to be rational when it comes to Prue is non-existent apparently, and now she knows it.
“I’m sorry,” she finally says.
I didn’t expect an apology. She knew what she was doing. Her intention was to push my buttons. I can’t blame her for her behavior these last few days. She is going through a lot and I’m more than willing to take whatever she dishes. In fact, I’m growing to like it.
I should’ve handled myself better. Losing my cool wasn’t okay. I should’ve kept myself together, for her sake, and not taken the bait. It’s just the idea of her being with him triggers me in ways I can’t explain.
I’m trying to tell myself it’s all about her being safe, but deep down I know there is another layer to it. I don’t want her to be with him because he isn’t me. That part fucking scares me.
“For what exactly?”
“Making you mad.”
“Was it not your intention to upset me?”
“No,” she whispers.
“Don’t lie,” I reply playfully, so she sees I’m not upset with her. “You might be able to lie well to others, but I see right through it.”
“Okay, so I was trying to push your buttons, but you didn’t need to fly off the handle like that,” she snaps back.
“You’re right,” I say, glancing over at her.
Her mouth drops open, as she processes what I just said.
“I’m sorry, Prue. Losing my cool like that wasn’t very nice of me.
It wasn’t my place to say that stuff in the company of others.
I’m truly sorry, which I hope I made very clear when I was on my knees, begging for your forgiveness. ”
“You did a pretty good job.” She scoffs. “Though it didn’t need to be so vulgar.”
“Didn’t it?” I flash her a cocky smile.
“Not in public.” She sighs. “I think I’m losing my mind.”
“You don’t say?” I laugh.
She pushes at my arm, and I grip the wheel tighter, sucking in a labored breath that I hope she doesn’t notice. The sudden movement makes my side ache.
“Really, Ben. What the hell am I doing?”
“Processing. It’s going to take time to become someone new, Prue. Time and effort. It doesn’t happen overnight. The struggle between staying with what you know and changing is hard. Learning to live with the pain takes time. Trust me, I know. But you’ll get there.”
“What happens when I do?”
“Huh?”
“When I’m someone new, what happens? Will you stop bothering me? Finally leave me alone?”
“If that’s what you want, sure. Or we can stay friends.” I shrug.
I don’t like her asking that question. I don’t want to think that far ahead. The idea of not being around her feels wrong. It’s only been a week of having her in my life. Not even a full week at that, but she has managed to make a mark on my life. I don’t know what I’m going to do without her now.
It’s stupid really. Insane. I shouldn’t feel like this after only a few days. Shouldn’t be spilling all my secrets, making scenes or getting my ass kicked for her, but here we are.
I’m in way too deep and liking it too much.
“You’d still be my friend? Even after everything I’ve done and said? I’ve been a real bitch.”
“I’d like to stop using that word to describe you,” I say, pressing my lips together at the memory of the way Charles called her that.
“Bitch? I thought it was your favorite thing to call me.” She laughs.
“Not anymore.”
“Since when?”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Okay.” She laughs again. “So, what would you like to call me now?”
“Mine.”
The word comes out before I can stop it. Luckily for me, the car in front of me slams on their brakes. As I slam on mine to avoid hitting him, I hope she didn’t hear what I just said.
The car jerks, making the seatbelt tighten around my sore ribs. My hand swings to the side to keep her from hitting the dashboard. It has become my first instinct to keep her safe at all costs.
“Fuck,” she yells.
“Sorry. This idiot just slammed on his brakes for no reason. Are you okay?”
“Yes. Asshole. Learn to drive better.” She laughs.
“I’ll get right on it.” I sigh, grateful she didn’t hear me.
What the fuck did I just say? Mine? Am I having a fucking stroke? Jesus Christ. I need to get my shit together. Mine? I’m an idiot. Fucking stupid.
There is no world in which Prue can be mine. There isn’t a chance in hell that ends up well for either of us. I don’t do commitment and she deserves more than I can ever offer.
Prue Ward is never going to be mine.
And that hurts more than any bruise could.
More than the memories I pretend don’t exist.