Chapter 27
TWENTY-SEVEN
I can’t hear what’s being said on the other side of the phone, but when he mentions another girl’s name as I’m naked before him, I see red for a moment.
I have no right to be jealous. I know he has gotten around. Read the proof and can’t blame any girl for wanting a piece of him, but it still sucks to have another girl’s name leave his mouth when I’m touching myself for his eyes only.
Of course, I’m doing it to be mean. Trying to get him to break. I’m not really sure why. I know he is right, being at Cameron’s dangerous, but being with him is starting to take its toll too.
Not in a bad way, but in a very good way that makes me want to flee. I do not deserve the kind of attention he gives me. The power he lets me have is almost overwhelming, but extremely erotic.
I may be addicted to it even. I crave the thrill of watching Ben submit to me. The fact he is willing to suffer for me is not something I’m used to. It makes no sense, but I enjoy it.
My body rocks into my fingers, as I stroke my clit. It’s only when he says that he thinks he is in love with me that I refocus on him.
Before I can even process what he just said, he tosses his phone to the ground and slides on his knees in front of me, for the third time today.
“Jesus, baby, keep going.”
“Make me,” I whisper, trying to keep control of the situation before either of us has a chance to soak in the words he said moments ago.
“Make you?” His eyes look up from my pussy. “How?”
“Use your hand to move mine.”
“Fuck,” he says, reaching for my hand. Gripping it, he places his fingers over mine as he guides them over my clit. He applies more pressure than I’m used to, and I suck in a breath. “You go too soft.”
My toes curl as he moves my hand. Small circles, at a slow pace, with just enough pressure to hurt in the best way possible.
“Should I put a finger inside?” I ask, my voice shakes by how turned on I am right now.
“Yes,” he says, prying one of my fingers from my palm and lowering it to my pussy. He keeps my other finger moving against my clit as he pushes both our fingers inside of me. “Oh baby, you’re so tight.”
“Fuck,” I groan as he works both our fingers in and out of me. “Ben. Please don’t stop.”
“We’re just getting started, baby.”
“I want to cum. Make me cum.”
“You want me to do it?” he asks softly.
“Yes,” I yell out as he hooks our combined fingers up, stroking the best part of me. My head rolls back. “God. Fuck. I’m so close.”
“I know, baby. I can feel it. Your pussy is squeezing our fingers.” He goes faster, grinding my fingertips into my clit as he does. “If I can’t cum, I need you to cum for me.”
“Yes.” I nod. “I will. Fuck. God. I will. Just like that.”
I’m cumming before I finish my sentence. My eyes shut. Sparks dance behind them as my hand abandons my pussy. His stays, however.
He adds another finger of his, making me stretch to accept them, as his lips wrap around my clit. I yelp, still sensitive from the orgasm he just gave me, but not willing to move from him.
“Your lips feel so fucking good.”
He groans into my pussy, sucking even harder at my clit.
“Are you hard?”
He nods, refusing to release my clit.
“I bet it’s throbbing. I bet you cum without even touching it and I get to spend the night in my own bed after all.”
He pulls his body from mine, and I feel the loss in my toes. Sliding back onto the couch, he rests his head against the back of it. His cock is nearly bursting through his jeans, but he doesn’t touch it or free it.
“You’re mean,” I groan.
“I’m mean?” He scoffs. “I’m getting blue balls as we speak.”
“Who is Janet?”
“No one important.” He reaches for the remote to his side.
“She was apparently important enough to make you do heroin.”
“Convince me to do it. No one made me do it.”
“What was so special about her?”
“I was young and stupid.” He shrugs. “I thought love could heal my wounds, and she was around. Not that she cared to know anything about them. She said she didn’t want to hear about my pain, because hers was enough.
So instead, she said we should forget about our troubles and get as high as we could.
But eventually we always came back down.
Then I was offered a chance at something, and a really good friend was depending on me not to fuck it up. ”
“Wes?”
“Yes.” He nods.
“But you never told him you were abused?”
“No. I told you, only you know. And I keep waiting for you to use it against me.”
“I’m not that cruel.”
“My cock begs to differ.”
I climb off the table, crawling into his lap.
“I can make it up to him.”
His hands grip my hips, rocking me against his body. The rough fabric of his jeans rubbing against my clit makes me gasp.
“God. I want that so bad,” he groans as I roll over his hard cock. “But I’m not falling for it.” He pushes me off him, and I land softly on the couch beside him.
I get up, resting on my knees. “It was worth a try.” I smile.
“You really want to go that bad?” He glances over at me.
“I don’t like being kept prisoner. I didn’t leave one controlling guy for another.”
He puts his hand to his mouth and lets out a scream into his palm. The sight is unsettling. His hand drops from his mouth, and he pulls his hair as tears roll down his cheeks.
“Ben,” I whisper, crawling back into his lap. “Hey. Ben. I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t mean it.”
He pushes his hands into his eyes, groaning as his body shakes underneath me.
“Babe,” I say softly, testing the waters.
He has called me baby countless times and I’m hoping if I call him something sweet, he will snap out of whatever mental breakdown he is having.
I pushed him way past his breaking point.
I know this is my fault, and while I did want to push him away, seeing him like this makes my heart hurt in a way I didn’t expect. “Babe?” I repeat.
He takes a deep breath as his arms drop to his side, his eyes looking into mine.
“I’m sorry,” I say again.
“No. I’m sorry.”
“For? I’m the one being a bitch.”
“I don’t like that word anymore,” he says, pressing his face into my neck.
“If anyone, even you, calls you a bitch again, I’m kicking their ass.
” His lips plant kisses along my jaw. “I can never make it up to you, can I? I screwed it up from the first night.” His mouth travels up my chin, until his lips rest, barely touching mine.
“You can go. I won’t keep you but fuck, I don’t want you to leave me right now. ”
His lips press against mine as if he hopes they can convince me to stay. I melt into them. Letting him guide the pace, hoping surrendering some control will make him feel better.
Because he doesn’t know, but I stopped wanting to leave the moment he said he might love me.