Chapter 35
THIRTY-FIVE
There is something about watching Ben sleep right now that breaks my heart. The last time we slept next to each other, he had his arms wrapped around me. This time he has us cuffed together but keeps his distance.
His face moves as he sleeps. Little lines form across his forehead and his eyelids scrunch up. Words form on his lips, but no sound comes out. His body is perfectly still. He doesn’t toss or turn, just lays flat with his chest facing the ceiling.
My body craves his embrace, even as my actions try to push him away. My body and heart want his affection. And my pussy desperately wants his cock.
The fact he won’t give it to me is frustrating.
I thought my threat of leaving would be enough to break him after begging and teasing failed, but all it got me was handcuffed to his side.
I don’t necessarily hate it. There is something kind of hot about being literally stuck to him, but still, I want him to want me.
I slide closer to his body slowly, trying not to wake him with my movement. When he doesn’t show any signs of stirring, I rest my head gently on his chest.
“Prue.” He sighs.
“Sorry,” I whisper. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”
“It’s fine,” he says softly. “Try to get some sleep,” he murmurs.
Once his breathing evens out, I nuzzle into him, glancing up to make sure he’s still asleep.
“I love you too,” I whisper.
Ben wakes up first. I only know this because when I wake up, I can hear him talking quietly into the phone.
“No,” he says. “That is not happening.” Pausing to listen to whoever is on the other side of the phone, he bites his lips, but his fingers stroke my back.
It’s then I realize he has removed the handcuffs.
“Don’t even think about it,” he whispers, looking down at me, with the phone away from his mouth. “I’ll cuff you again, if I have to.” I smirk up at him. “Naughty little girl.”
“So punish me.”
“No,” he says back into the phone, though he yanks his hand from around me.
“That’s not happening either. I don’t trust him.
” His hand rolls me onto my back though.
His fingertips stroking my nipple through my shirt.
I bite my lip to keep from moaning. “I’m not risking her safety.
” He glances down at his phone as his finger rubs circles around my nipple.
“I got to go. If they are tracking my calls, I am way over the time limit. Don’t worry, Wes. I have it all under control.”
He hangs up the phone tossing it to the side, before rolling over on his side to look at me.
“So, you want a punishment?”
“No. I want a reward, but I figured you’d be more inclined to punish me.”
He laughs, pulling on my nipple. “No. I’m more inclined to worship you.”
“But not fuck me.”
“You still want my cock?”
“Yes. Have I not made that clear.” I mock his voice.
“You haven’t made a lot of things clear.” He shrugs. “Go shower. We have a long day ahead of us.”
“Careful, Ben,” I say, pushing myself up and swinging my legs over the edge of the bed.
“If you don’t fuck me soon, I might get desperate enough to go back to Charles.
Sex with him was nothing compared to sex with you, but it is better than no sex.
” I grin with my back to him, waiting for him to react.
His hand is on me in a flash. I knew that my words would upset him. I’m very good at doing that and just desperate enough to push him.
“You didn’t just say sex with the man who beat and raped you is better than no sex,” Ben says. His voice low and full of anger. I could take a hate fucking.
“I did.” I nod, not turning to look back at him.
He yanks me backward though. Gently. He has this way of manhandling me in the softest ways. Like he wants to strangle the life from my body, just to bring me back to life again.
Pushing me onto the bed, he straddles me, staring down at me his dark blue eyes light up. He wants me. I can tell that by his eyes and cock stiffening in his pants. For whatever reason he is trying to fight it, though.
“Are you that fucking horny?”
“Yes. Got a taste of your cock and haven’t been able to think of much else since.” I smirk up at him.
“Other than running back to your ex,” he grumbles, gripping the edge of my shirt. He tugs it over my head. “You want my cock that bad?”
“Yes.” I nod frantically as his hand presses softly into my lower stomach.
“You need it?”
“I need you,” I correct him.
And I do need him. I need him more than I care to admit, more than I want to. I didn’t think I ever needed anyone. I only needed to be something for them.
The good girl. Their dutiful girlfriend and daughter. The loyal, supportive sister. Those were roles I played to make everyone happy, but I didn’t need anything in return.
Now here I lay with Ben’s body over mine, promising me safety. Willing to kill for me and I realize I need him.
God. I need him so bad. And I don’t want to lose him. Not to a prison cell, not to save anyone else. I can’t be without him now.
If that is a weakness, it sure doesn’t feel that way as he stares down at me. His eyes light up at my statement as his hands react fast to unbutton my jeans. They are off my legs, and he is back to straddling me in record time.
His head dips to my collarbone as he plants kisses against my flesh. His hand parts my legs and grips my inner thigh.
“Ben,” I mumble. “Maybe we should…”
He pulls back. “Oh what, now you don’t want my cock?” he says, using this moment to unbutton his own pants. “You’re sending me mixed signals, Prue.”
The outline of his erection has my mouth watering, but I need to know he won’t do anything stupid. I want him to tell me he will stay and be mine.
“I want your cock, but…”
“But what, baby?” he cuts me off again. “You want to pause so we can talk about your little confession? You need me. You get me.”
“All of you?” I question.
“As much as you can fit.” He smirks.
“Ben. Wait.”
He freezes all movement, staring at me.
I don’t know what to say. How do I explain to him that I want more than just sex? How do you tell a known playboy, rock star that you want him to commit himself to you? To not murder your ex or go to jail. To not leave you.
“I’m waiting,” he says after a moment.
“Don’t you think we should talk about things?”
“Talk about what? I love you. You need me. I’m going to kill your ex-boyfriend. I think that pretty much covers everything.”
The fact he doesn’t want to alter his plans makes me irrationally angry. How is he not getting it? I don’t want to lose him.
“So, you just fuck me, kill my ex, and then abandon me?” I snap, pushing at his chest.
“It’s not like you’ll be alone.” He shrugs. “You’ll have Cameron, and a girl like you will find another guy to toy with in no time. I’ll be a distant memory in six months or less.”
He thinks that little of me? Can he not see how much he means to me? Did I hurt him so much that he thinks I could just move on from him so easily?
I squirm, trying to get free of him. My heart feels like it’s snapping. I find someone I can actually rely on and he wants to leave me.
“I don’t want some other guy,” I snap, shoving at his chest. “If you don’t want to be with me just fucking say it.”
His hands wrap around my wrist, prying them from where I push against his chest.
“I want to be with you, Prue. I want nothing more than to spend the rest of my life being tortured by you.”
“Then don’t leave me,” I say, letting my voice break and tears fill my eyes. “Please don’t leave me.” I cover my face as tears spill down my face. “I don’t want to be without you. I need you, Ben.”
“Hey, baby,” he says, pulling my hands off my face.
I blink out tears, looking up at him. “Jesus, baby. I’m not leaving you because I want to.
I’m leaving cause it’s the only way.” His head dips down, pressing kisses on my cheeks.
His lips brushing away the tears that still fall from my face.
“I’d stay with you forever and a day, if I could.
” He pulls back. “Fuck, I’d give up my band for you.
Touring. Other women. Everything. I’d give up everything to be yours, Prue. ”
“So don’t do it. Don’t kill him. Find another way.” My lips tremble, and he traces it with his thumb.
“Okay.” He sighs. “Okay. I’ll find another way.”